Episode 101: From Awareness to Action, Supporting Mental Health in Children with Dr. Nghi Dang

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DJ Stutz  0:09  
You're listening to Episode 101 of Imperfect Heroes  - Insights Into Parenting, the perfect podcast for imperfect parents looking to find joy in their experience of raising children in an imperfect world, I'm your host DJ Stutz.

The increase in suicide rates over the last few years is a cause for serious concern. And according to the World Health Organization, suicide is now the fourth leading cause of death for individuals aged 15 to 29 years old. And now get this it's the second leading cause of death for children ages 10 to 14. And it's estimated that nearly 800,000 people are going to die by suicide each year worldwide. And in the United States alone, the suicide rate has been steadily rising since the year 2000. And the CDC is reporting that suicide rates have increased by 35% Since the year 2000. On top of that, suicide rates among our adolescents and young adults have also increased dramatically with a 56% increase among children, ages 10 to 24. My guest today is Dr. Nghi Dang
. And his personal experience highlights the importance of paying attention to the mental health of all family members. He lost a nephew to suicide during the COVID 19 pandemic. And this sad experience was the genesis of his work in creating the adventures of Max and Friends series. It's a book series for children with the hope of providing children with the tools to communicate their emotions effectively. There's so much to learn. So let's get started. 

Welcome, everybody, and thank you for choosing to spend the next little bit of time with us here at Imperfect Heroes podcast. And today I have yet another fantastic guest. And his name is Dr. Nghi Dang
 and we're gonna be talking about something very important. And that's the topic of mental health. So night, how about you introduce us, tell us what you've got going on?

Dr. Nghi Dang  2:40  
Yeah, thank you for having me here. My name is Dr. Nghi Dang. I'm a family medicine physician. I've been practicing for over a decade now. I treat anywhere from newborns to geriatric patients. So my practice is pretty broad. I'm here today to advocate for mental health because during the pandemic, we are seeing such a spike in mental health visits. So it was just one of the reasons why I'm here to start advocating for mental health and start helping people be more proactive with their mental health.

DJ Stutz  3:09  
Well, thank you. And I'm sorry, I mispronounced your name. Nine instead of Nghi and I knew better. Yes, you are right, we have seen a big uptick in mental health issues in adults as well as children. And I think oftentimes what adults are dealing with will have a great effect on the mental health of the kids that are in their care. It's nice that it's something that we are talking about a lot. I always told my kids growing up, words are nice actions are better. And so if we are talking about it, are we taking the actual steps that need to be taken to help us get to where we really need to be?

Dr. Nghi Dang  3:49  
Yeah, that's why during the pandemic, I also lost my nephew six months into the pandemic, to suicide. And that's one of the main reasons why I became such an advocate for mental health. Because in our household, and I'm sure in most households, we don't really talk about mental health until something like this happens, right? Otherwise, no one's going to talk about it. So you know, seeing all my patients and seeing what's going on in the world. We're also reactive, none of us are proactive and our mental health services are proactive in our physical health. You know, we exercise we try to work on our way we try to eat healthy, but no one really works on their mental health, like no one's really proactive about their mental health. So I think that's one area that as a community we can really work on. And one way we can be proactive would be just start that conversation earlier. You know, don't wait till something tragic happens to start that conversation at home. You know, one way we can do that. What I did to help was I wrote a children's book series on mental health, where it will address a lot of mental health Shoes that can occur in teenagers, and as well as adults. And I think that way, it will kind of open the door at home where you can start talking to your kids about these conditions, where it's so out of the blue, I think, just pull up a topic, mental health topic of talk to your kids, I think it will be very difficult to bring up and kind of have a real solid conversation. But with stories, you can actually, you know, discuss what the character is going through what they're feeling, and if they can relate to the characters. So I think that's a better way to kind of discuss mental health where it doesn't feel like a topic that's kind of taboo to talk about. So, you know, my hope was that with the book series, you know, people can start reading or with their kids, or the kids can read it and talking with their parents about it, and with their friends about it, too, to kind of talk about it more casually, instead of something that, like super serious. I mean, it is a serious topic. But it's something that you can bring up, you don't have to feel embarrassed or ashamed to talk about, or you feel like, no one can understand you,

DJ Stutz  6:07  
right. And I think that you're right, in that we get to thinking nobody understands us. Nobody knows what I'm going through. And I think there's also even still an element of shame, or thinking you're weak or stupid, or I don't know, whatever things that go on in your mind. The problem is, it's gotten to such an epidemic level, I think all of us, I don't know, anybody that doesn't have someone in their lives, whether it's family or a friend, that has been affected by suicide, and what is going on. And it seems like the cases of suicide and kiddos is getting younger and younger and younger, which is just so devastating. And so giving kids the tools to be able to say, I'm feeling this, or I think this is so important. But it's also really important to listen to them. You don't want that to be the case with your child. And I don't know how you react when they come to you? And are you thinking, Oh, they're just trying to manipulate me? They're mad because they didn't get to go to the overnight or the party or whatever. Yeah. And so they're just saying that, what do you say to that?

Dr. Nghi Dang  7:25  
As a parent, I think if your child is coming to you with something, obviously, kind of take it in context, you know, of what's going on in the situation as well. But also, the most important thing is to ask more questions, or knowledge, what they're feeling. And then you know, ask more questions and kind of dig deeper, instead of just kind of blowing them off thinking is just one of those things they're doing. I think the most important thing is to acknowledge what they're feeling and ask more questions. I think that's the most important step to dig deeper, see what's actually behind all these feelings and seeing if it's something really serious that they really need to address immediately or in the very near future.

DJ Stutz  8:09  
This is just me, and you can tell me if I'm right or wrong, but I would take every comment about wanting to hurt themselves, or things would be better if I wasn't here, those kind of comments, I would take every one of them seriously. Even if it seems like they are trying to manipulate a situation with that. I would say really? Is that really how you feel because that scares me. And that tells me for sure, you don't need to go to the party, we need to sit into a crate and maybe decide if you need to do a trip to an ER or call the doctor, make an appointment or whatever. But I think if they see that you are actively working on getting them help if they say that ever, because I'd rather be wrong in thinking that they're more suicidal than they are than the other way around.

Dr. Nghi Dang  9:07  
Yeah. Well, I mean, definitely are they you can't ever be too cautious when it comes to things like that if they're actually saying they want to hurt themselves or harm themselves in any way. Definitely, I would really dig deep into that conversation, as opposed to them just saying, you know, I hate my life. I hate this place and anger. That's definitely a different situation. But something you still should ask more questions, and why are they feeling this way or saying certain things, but I think if any, any doubt of self harm, that definitely that's a red flag. Yeah.

DJ Stutz  9:39  
And I think too, if they were saying like, I hate it here, I hate my life. Asking them well, what are you looking for that in life? Like? What would it be if you had the life you wanted is really important, and I think keeping that conversation going. If people have been listening to me very long, they know that the youngest of my five children, we adopted at age 12. And she'd had a rotten, horrible, terrible, no good life. And she was just acting out with all of the bad things that had happened with her. Because she would often say, Oh, I wish I was dead. And you had to really gauge was that just something that she said out of being repetitive? Or was she really feeling that way? And so we had a lot of really long POCs? Because that's a very scary thing.

Dr. Nghi Dang  10:30  
Yeah. Oh, definitely. I mean, I love that I think it's so important to kind of just kind of set it out there, you know, instead of kind of beating around the bushes. Say what you need to say, and kind of just move on from that moment, instead of sweeping under the rug and trying to avoid that conversation, obviously, for you sure, that was a difficult conversation. But in the long run, I'm sure that was so pivotal in your relationship.

DJ Stutz  10:54  
Yeah. I think it's really important. Now, I'm a retired kindergarten teacher. And I've had kindergarteners even say things like, I wish I was Dad, or even say, I could kill you. And I always took those super seriously and would call, you know, the counselor right away. And I would call parents and really try to get down to it. But I was surprised at how often a parent would say, oh, yeah, they say that all the time. Well, let's figure out why they're saying that all the time. If you say something, enough times a lie can become the truth to you. And you can believe that. And I worry that with kids that young, they can start saying that and how long before they will actually start believing it?

Dr. Nghi Dang  11:44  
Yeah, I think that's definitely scary. hearing kids say that, if the parents are not taking it very seriously, I think that's really worrisome. If a child like a kindergartner is saying things like that. Definitely something's going on in the household that they're emulating. I don't think kindergarten kid kinda has the mental capacity to kind of come up with all that by themselves. I think it's definitely something that emulating or seeing in the household or in the family. So maybe I think a lot of times that that's why those families kind of don't take it seriously. But again, that that's really scary. Because you know, that if something's really triggering that child to say that, you know, moving forward, I think when they get more mature, it will become something much more serious.

DJ Stutz  12:28  
Yeah, it's just a matter of time, honestly, I think and so, I think with most negative behaviors, the earlier you can address it, the better.

Dr. Nghi Dang  12:40  
Yeah, definitely. I think with anything, I think the earlier the better. I think if you can correct a behavior earlier or address the problem early or address a feeling earlier is much easier to deal with, as opposed to let it brew for years and years.

DJ Stutz  12:56  
Yeah. So let's say you have a child. And with our podcasts, we talk generally about kids from birth to eight. And like I've said, I've seen kids as young as kindergarten, start saying things like this. Let's open the conversation to even kids who may be even a little older do what if you heard your child say something like that, and you're having a conversation. And I really believe in a parent's intuition. Mommies seem to have it more than dads, but dads have it, you know, that gut feeling that this is something? Where is the place that they can go? To get more answers? Where would you suggest they go?

Dr. Nghi Dang  13:39  
Yeah, if you as a parent, if you feel like something is not right, and definitely concerning to you and doesn't feel right and sit right. And you don't know where to go or who to contact I think the best place to start would be get in touch with their pediatricians office right away. Talk to the pediatrician. Explain to them what's going on. Tell her the circumstances. I think the pediatrician should be a good guy to kind of lead them know, okay, we're going to send to this therapy or that therapy or see psychiatrists that as a characteristic. Whether or not they want to start medication or not. It's a different conversation. But I think the starting point would be definitely get them in to see the pediatrician, you know, that have the Patriots and talk to them, do an assessment. And sometimes the pediatrician would have you step by side so they can talk to the child separately. See if they get any more information from the child when they're not there then feel more comfortable just talking about the parents there. Yeah, because I think you definitely should start there. Even if it might not turn out to be anything and then worst case is patrician was a oh, there, okay. There's nothing major than this. They've been evaluated and that you know that it's nothing serious,

DJ Stutz  14:52  
right. And I think too, if a pediatrician or any kind of doctor asked me to step out of the room And I'm worried that my child is suicidal. My first gut instinct would be like, Oh, no, I'm staying right I want to hear. But it doesn't mean that the doctor or therapist or whatever thinks the parent has done something wrong. I know personally of cases where there was bullying going on at school or online in social media, and it's amazing how many times you will see that someone, especially kids, man, you should go kill yourself, your waist, you're staying on my pants, or whatever. And they say horrible things. And they're embarrassed to say that in front of a parent. And so really, it does give you a chance to let the kid talk and share. But I think really, the problem is, kids, if they don't get online, and they think they want to be online, right, or have their thing, they can use a friend's phone to set up a Facebook or an Instagram or Snapchat or tick tock, whatever it is. And so just because you didn't give them a phone at that age, or whatever, you have a time where you think they're mature enough, doesn't mean that they're not online, anyway. Yeah. And they can get online at school. And there's workarounds for everything. And so I think it's really important to start very young, on media presence. And if someone says something like that, how should you react? And how do you think that would make you feel? And who would you talk to? If someone said something like that? When they're younger? They'll be more natural to go to mom and dad. But as they get older, they may not? They may not? And to, they are so susceptible to predators online, when they're younger, as well, because that's a whole nother ballgame, isn't it? What are some of the things that you think we can do to help our kids? Is it like just keeping them more physically active? Is it have date nights or set times to talk? What are some of the things that you recommend?

Dr. Nghi Dang  17:06  
I think one of the things I kind of talk about in one of the books in my book series is the recipe for success in children. I think I don't want to give away the story. But basically, one of the core things that determines whether a child is successful or not, will be something called grit. Grit is basically the ability to bounce back from failures and keep pushing forward, no matter how many noes or how many losses you take in how many failures you have gone through today actually determines how well you do in life in general, it's not so much your natural born ability and your IQ, your talent, your skills. Even with all those if you don't have grit, you will not be as successful as someone that has a lot of grit.

DJ Stutz  17:57  
So how do we develop that with our kiddos?

Dr. Nghi Dang  17:59  
Yeah, so grit is something that you can learn something in May. So no, why I digress is for for you to have grit is something that you need to develop? So going back to your question about what parents should do, I think parents obviously have a very good relationship with their children by keeping an open relationship. But also, one way would be actually to have them develop Grit by being more self confident. So one way to do that is allowing them to fail. I think a lot of parents are afraid to let them fail. Let's say you know, they're in a contest the loss and their parents, like, Oh, you did a great job, you're good, blah, blah, blah, and you don't really allow them to process that failure. And the challenge is pick them back up. I understand they're trying to do that make them feel better, but sometimes you kind of let them have them accept that loss. You know, I lost, kind of talk to them. Okay, what happened? Why don't you lose? Whatever it may be, like, whether it was like a competition, spelling, bee, race, anything, right? Like, just kind of sit down, talk to them, you know, what happened? What went wrong? What can you do different next time? How can you prove? I think that's the one way that you can build that grid, and then to have them understand what happened, and then move, learn from that situation and move forward. I think a lot of people have a saying where you don't lose you learn. I kind of don't agree with that saying I mean, I obviously you do learn from your failure, but I think you do need to allow them to process they did lose, and it's okay. Because we're gonna try to get better from this. I think that same kind of like blows over that, Oh, you didn't really lose you learn something. But I think for you to really build grit, you have to understand that You did Yes, you did lose, you didn't win first place, or you got last place or anything like that, right? That they need to accept that failure, I know that they did lose. And now you're gonna move forward and try to get better from that point. Instead of saying, Oh, it's okay. You didn't really lose you learn something. I think that's kind of like downs play losing part there where they don't really process that. Yeah, man, I got my butt whipped, right? Yeah, what do I need to do to get better. So I think that's so critical that the child needs to learn that this happened. And then I'm going to move forward. So that's how you build greatness. Just have them accept those failures, and kind of move on from those failures, as opposed to just kind of sweep them under the rug and just give them this false encouragement that Oh, you are great. They barely beat you, you know, where they lost 500 points like that. They didn't very beat you. They creamed you.

DJ Stutz  21:00  
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that can also happen, I think, to in school performances as well, they just can't get this concept in math, or they're behind in reading. And so they're being pulled out of class, with the poor readers for a special thing. And some kids do fine with that. But some kids are very sensitive of leaving the class and everyone in the class knows, I can't read. And so there's that. And so I think you're really right on when you talk about teaching kids how to manage failure, and then you have a choice, you can learn from it and move forward. Or you can just give up and quit trying to beat yourself up over it. And which is the way you want to go? Again, I think starting early with, some of those things are really important. And I would say even as early as, you know, three, that they're building something and it gets knocked down. Oh, no, and they can cry and be upset. You know, at three year old, that's devastating. You know, I worked so hard on my block castle, and now it's down. And so you can say yeah, oh, no, it fell down. What can we do? Then you're just jumping right in? What can we do to make it stronger, better, whatever. And giving them the option to think it through, or teaching them a few skills, you want to have a wider base and teaching kindergarten, I know all about building blocks, but but giving them those skills, and then letting them figure it out. So if it falls and they're crying, don't run over right away. But see, okay, they can cry for a little bit. That's all right. And then watch what they do with that? Do they give up? Or do they go back and try to build it again and figure things out. And then when they do that, you can say, you know, I was watching you. And I saw you build that castle again after it fell down. And I was really proud that you were thinking about how to fix that. That's so smart. That's so whatever. And then you're encouraging that problem solving skill as they're very young.

Dr. Nghi Dang  23:14  
Yeah, no, definitely, that's like spot on. I think, even for my four year old, she really likes drawing. So she would draw a lot and she would try to copy pictures. And sometimes the pictures are very, very intricate pictures, and she has a hard time drawing them. So she will get really upset. She was like I can't do it. That is too hard. You do it. And she gets really frustrated. So sometimes I have to acknowledge that Yes, I'm that picture is very hard picture. You know, there's a lot of wall lines, a lot of details is very hard to picture I understand, I see why you're having a hard time when she when she's frustrated, I'd say why don't we take a break from drawing and go do something else. And then when you feel like it, you can come back and try it again at a later time. That's one way to kind of acknowledge that she is having a hard time it is so hard picture and that's perfectly okay. Just kind of take a break, take a break and then try again later. It will again later she said I have a hard time too. Okay, let's take another break. So that's one way to kind of teach them that it's okay to struggle. It's okay to go through that process of learning new things and not everything comes easily. You know, some things may come easy to you some things may not you know, like for example, you start some kids who are not good readers, I mean, doesn't mean that there will never be a read. It's just that some skills are harder for them to pick up which will take time and repetition over and over again. And eventually they'll develop those skills. Same with everything in life like some people are naturally good at certain things. They they do it pick it up in like 10 minutes or other people take like a month.

DJ Stutz  24:53  
Right? Well and I think to kids who grow up where everything comes easily to them. That when they do We finally have a challenge that is hard for them, they will often be the ones that will give up or whatever. It's like everything else is so easy. Why is this hard? This must be stupid. This must be ridiculous. I don't need this. And so you'll see that happen with those kids that have things come very easily. One of the things that I would think about doing is if I had one of those kids, where they're picking up on everything very easily, they're making friends easily. They're doing well in school easily they have athletics, there are kids that are like that. So I would work to actually kind of put challenges in their way. So that they have an opportunity to have to stop and figure things out. You know, whether it's puzzles or games, or I don't know, whatever it is, that's harder for them. But teach them that this is how we get better at things. A lot of things come really easily to you. But so many times, and I've had my kids have had friends in high school that their friends were getting straight A's and all of this, and then there's a suicide involved, because that kid was putting so much on being perfect and things coming that when they couldn't do something, all of a sudden, it's worthless, I'm worthless. I couldn't do this. And they can be really hard on themselves.

Dr. Nghi Dang  26:13  
Yeah, no, you're, you're 100% on the spot. I think one of the most important things every child needs to learn through life, hopefully earlier, rather than later is to be thoroughly humble. Like, if you're one of those kids are very good at everything. Think you should definitely be humble and early age for you to know that even though you're very gifted, there are other people more gifted than you. So you need to keep working harder. And then so that if you lose, or you go to a failure, they're not that surprised because they've been humbled already. Like, for example, like me, like I was always really good artists growing up, I was always the best artists in school. So as a kid, I used to think I ran out of the greatest artists ever, right? And I remember when the art teachers started sending my art to art competitions for me. And then a couple of my drawings got selected into a gallery. So then my parents would take me to go take picture with it, and then look at the other kids pictures. I think that's when I was truly humbled. When I went to go see a state competitions, I remember seeing all the other art from kids like my age, or even a little bit younger. All that in the gallery, I realized that like, Wow, there's so much other kids who are super talented that they are at least as good as me or even better. So that's when I realized, okay, that's when I was kind of humble, like, okay, like, I gotta keep working harder and keep practicing. Because there are other people that are better than me. As of right now. There are my age. So that's just one example. Like, you need to be humbled. So then you have that fire to keep pushing and keep moving forward, as opposed to just thinking like, oh, everything's so easy. I'm the grass, and then something happens, bad happens, and then you kind of fall apart. Right? You know, I think you're totally the situation with a lot of kids that never develop those grid. Right? As they always, they didn't need to, because they're always the best. They're always doing well, in all areas. So they didn't, they never really failed. So they didn't need to develop grid. So then when they have something they stumble, they don't bounce back the way someone that had been hobbled and dealing with failures and dealing with things that whole life. So they have a lot of ingredients. So they don't, when something does go wrong, they're able to move on and keep pushing forward. And it's not a big obstacle for them.

DJ Stutz  28:38  
Yeah, yeah, that's true. You don't we've talked a bit now about kids and giving them that grit and stuff. But there are adults who go through real depression and anxiety. And in fact, just recently, I live in a little town in Idaho, and there was the kid, well, kid to make kid, but married, had two little kids and he committed suicide. And it's just amazing because it seemed like he had all these things going for him, a beautiful wife who just adored him and the kids and I don't know all of the details as to why that happened. But I do also have a friend that depression runs in her family. And she has fought with it for most of her life, and is on medication. And one time it was just the summer she ran out of her medication and had to go like three days, three or four days without it. And she was like DJ, I was thinking things like why am I even here I'm useless to everybody and she was fine after she got her medication back on and and was able to get back on her regimen but the adults are going through that and the kids are watching them, listening to them. Even if you're just talking to yourself while you're doing things or not doing things just laying on the couch all day because you're so depressed are dealing with an anxiety or something, and the kids are watching you with all of that, that's going to teach them something. But then we want you to be mentally healthy so that you're able to enjoy life and engage with your kids and find joy in that. And in your relationships and all of that. What are some of the things because I know that your practice takes care of the gambit of Ages there? What are some of the things that you look for in parents and adults?

Dr. Nghi Dang  30:27  
Yeah, you know, one thing I tell all parents and adults is that they definitely need to take care of themselves first, I mean, make themselves a priority. Sometimes I'm guilty of that, too. Sometimes I put my kids at needs ahead of mine. And sometimes that can backfire on you, you know, sometimes you can feel frustrated, because you don't have time for yourself and your kids do something that you don't like, upsetting something to kind of may set you off, right and then right are not there for them. Because you feel like you've never had time to yourself, and they're sucking up all your time. And you have to always put them first. And so I think a lot of that kind of it's a recipe for disaster, because something bad may happen. And then you may take lash out your kids because you feel like you never really took care of yourself. So sometimes the best advice is you put yourself first.

DJ Stutz  31:19  
Yeah. And I've found that in my life, it's kind of had to become a balance, you know, where sometimes they needed this or that. And that's okay, we got to get this done. And other times, they are just being demanding of things. And you can say, guys, I am at my limit, I need some time to just relax. And I think that and this is something that we've been talking about in some of our other self care episodes, is it doesn't need to be an all day thing necessarily. It doesn't need to be big spa day or a weekend away. It can be those things. But you're going to be really more effective if you can learn how to sprinkle those moments of self care and rejuvenation throughout the day. I know, as a kindergarten teacher, I had the last two years I worked with a lot of special ed kids in my class. And man, that can be a lot, sometimes when you're dealing with all of that just as a teacher. And so you may need to say I need to step away for a minute. And so maybe it's a bathroom. Very often for me, it was just a bathroom, run five minutes, take a breath, take care of myself, wash my hands, you know. And then I was ready to go back in. And so if you've confined those little things that you can sprinkle throughout the day, I think that will help you more than sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice sacrifice, and then you have a blow up and now you need more time. And it becomes a bigger deal.

Dr. Nghi Dang  32:56  
Yeah, definitely. I mean, I see that all the time. I mean, it's a parent. I mean, it's, you kind of feel like you should always put your kids first. I mean, I think that's a natural instinct. But at times, I think you really need to put yourself first and you gotta take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else. It's kind of like the saying you need to love yourself first before you can live with someone else. Right.

DJ Stutz  33:17  
Exactly. Exactly. Because then it's just codependency. Right? Yeah, yeah. And then another thing that that I have found, that's worked for me and my family, is we have had times when things have been harder, just seems like everything's going wrong, right? Because you have times like that every family has times like that some more than others, but they all deal with it. And for us, we found that when we were feeling that way, if we could go and do service somewhere that would generally pick our spirits up and we would have fun doing it. And we would know we were making a difference whether it was putting in a couple hours at a food bank or working on an equal project for one of the kids friends, the older brother of one of their friends or whatever, someone in the neighborhood or making cookies to take around to some of the neighbors. I mean, there's so many different things that you can do easily writing notes. I talked about how when we lived in Littleton Colorado and I had this next door neighbor family with three little girls and it started when the oldest little girl was who was in third grade had an assignment to write thank you notes for different people. And I came home from teaching one day and there's this note in my front door screen, you know, the screen door and I thought Oh no, what if my dog's done? What's gone and it just can't be good. And I opened it up and it was very sweet note from this little girl next door just said, Thank you for being such a great neighbor, blah, blah, blah. And I was just so touched and it was just the right timing. I wanted making cookies and taking them over and saying how much it meant to me. But you know, for the next two years off and on every, every, you know, three, four months, I'd come home and there'd be a note on my screen, and I saved all of them, then not only are you feeling better, but the person that you're doing a kindness for is feeling better as well. And that adds to that satisfaction that you feel,

Dr. Nghi Dang  35:22  
I mean, acts of service, as always will boost how you're feeling because seeing what you're doing to help others is more meaningful than things that you're doing just for yourself, like, self benefit.

DJ Stutz  35:33  
Yeah. So as a parent, sometimes you're having these very negative dangerous feelings, quite honestly, they're dangerous, right? And so you find yourself having those feelings, but then you think, Well, I can't, I can't go get help or whatever. Because who's going to watch the kids? Who's going to make dinner? Who's going to do this? Who's gonna do that? At what point? As a physician? Would you suggest that a parent really does need to say, hey, I need to call my best friend or my sister or my mom or whatever? And see if they can take the kids for an hour or two? Or where do I go to find help? And when do I need to do that? Yeah, I

Dr. Nghi Dang  36:17  
think the one good thing that came out of the pandemic is that there's a lot of virtual care now. Yeah. So ritual care, I think, is going to be a big game changer. So for people who are busy don't have time, it allows the flexibility that you just, they'll call you a certain time you your point, Mr. Time, you'd have to go there and leave your house, leave your kids. So I think that will be really helpful for those families that really are tight and they can't find babysitters can't find someone to wash their kids and just can't find any time to themselves. So I think those virtual care would be really helpful that because they have a lot of odd hours, too, so then allows them more flexibility in terms of when to put the kids asleep, and they can kind of have some peace and quiet and kind of talk to somebody.

DJ Stutz  37:05  
Yeah, yeah. And I think too, so I just switched, because I just retired. And so it's all changes, you know, and so my insurance changed. And so I was in digging around and looking for, okay, what benefits are with this new insurance program. And I've been having trouble with my neck, and I have arthritis in my neck and blah, blah, blah. But anyway, I found that they would pay for online physical therapy. And the program's amazing. I'm amazed at it. So go into your insurance, whatever it is that you have, and see my sister in law, her insurance, actually, we'll pay for a therapeutic massage once a month. Who knew? Like I never knew. And she says, Yeah, I was just digging around, looking at benefits. And there it was. And so she's like, dang, I'm using that. And I wonder how many people have that same insurance and don't know that that benefit is available to them. And so my suggestion is for sure, whatever insurance you have, dig in and see what's there. And you may be very surprised, because my sister in law, she's like, it surprised me because this insurance doesn't cover a lot. She's not real happy with it. But that's what her work offers. And so she was shocked when she found that and so it doesn't necessarily have to be a high end insurance policy. Yeah. And I think most of them have mental health care, some type of mental health care. thing? I don't know of any that don't do you?

Dr. Nghi Dang  38:36  
I don't think so I think they all should provide mental health care.

DJ Stutz  38:39  
Yeah. Yeah, very much so. So please take advantage of all of that there are resources that are available. And sometimes you just have to look for them.

Dr. Nghi Dang  38:50  
Yeah, she's sometimes just asked me this in her class.

DJ Stutz  38:54  
Right? Right. And on your insurance card, there's a number on the back to call, you know, and so you can call and say, Hey, what do you got going for mental health? And they'll fill you in? So I'm Dr. Dang, let's let our people know, I want to let them know about your books and where they can find them. And what else do you have going on?

Dr. Nghi Dang  39:13  
Sure. You can find my books on my website, WW dot, The Adventures of Max and friends dot orgy or you can Google the ventures, the maximum friends, and my website should come up. So the website is basically has a list of all my books that are currently out. They will address different mental health topics. Hopefully, you can, your children's going through something, you can have them, read the book and talk to them about it to kind of help that open up that doorway and have that conversation going. Awesome. If you have any questions you can reach out to me on the website as well. You can send me an email, send me your questions, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

DJ Stutz  39:55  
That's wonderful. And so we're going to have all of that information in the show notes of the podcasts. So just scroll down. And we'll have links there, you can just click on it. And there you go. Dr. Dang, I wanted to ask you one last question. And it's the same question I asked all of my guests. How would you describe a successful parent?

Dr. Nghi Dang  40:15  
Yeah, I think a successful parent is a parent that's able to raise a child to an adult that can think independently of you, whether you agree with them, or not, but at least they can think independently make rational decisions, be productive members of society, I think that you've done your job as a parent.

DJ Stutz  40:36  
Awesome. Yeah, I can tell you is as a mother of adults now, you know, sometimes I think that independent thinking, it's like, Whoa, that is not what I would have you do, but it's their life. My kids are very, very independent. But we all love each other, we all get along and get together often. So that's great. And I think you're right to be independent and to be productive. And contributing is such a big deal. So doc, J, thank you so much for choosing to spend a little bit of time and enlightening us on the podcast.

Dr. Nghi Dang  41:06  
You're very welcome. Thank you for having me today,

DJ Stutz  41:08  
You bet. Now, be sure to check the show notes, where I have a link to check out knees website, and you have links to his book. I think there's eight in the series at this point. And they're also on Amazon. So be sure to give them a look. And then hit the Follow button to make sure you're getting in on all the amazing episodes that we have each week. And if you do like what you hear in today's episode, be sure to rate and review. And please tell a friend. And if you do this, I actually do have a special gift for you. And I'm going to send you a digital copy of my new book, Living in kindness, a journey, a journal, and a workbook for free. And this workbook is going to help guide you through five different areas of kindness. And so you're able to make that a part of your life and a part of your family traditions. So here's what you're going to do on the website for the podcast, which you probably on right now. Imperfect heroes podcast.com, you're just going to look at the top and see review, click on that. And then you'll see leave a review, click on that. And it's just that easy, right where you need to be. Are you making plans for the summer? Well, I'm here to help you out. I am making my guide to a strategic summer available for free. And this is really a fun thing. I help you think about and create goals for yourself and for your kids, along with creating some mileposts along the way, so you can gauge your progress. I am also including a calendar for June, July and August. And there's a theme for every day to help you out just in case you're struggling to come up with some ideas. And I know that you are jumping up and down with excitement to find out how do I get this amazing resource? Well, you just go to the website, www.ittleheartsacademyUSA, or you just click on the link in the show notes. So get going. 

And next week on our podcast, I have Katherine Lam coming to us from the UK. And she is talking about something called impostor syndrome. And this is something that a lot of parents go through when they're coming back to work after having a baby or even after having their first or second baby and they're thinking, what am I doing? I don't know what I'm doing here. So it helps you work through taking on new roles in your life and understanding that you have every right to be there. So be sure to listen in next week. And until then, let's find joy in parenting.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai