Episode 115: Transition Whisperer: Guiding Parenthood's Evolution with Adele Bernard

Children  0:00  
We think you should know that Imperfect Heroes podcast is a production of Little Hearts Academy USA.

DJ Stutz  0:10  
Welcome heroes and heroines to Episode 115 of Imperfect Heroes, Insights Into Parenting, the perfect podcast for imperfect parents looking to find joy in their experience of raising children in an imperfect world. And I'm your host DJ Stutz.

it before we get started, I'd love to tell you about a great opportunity. Are you ready to become the ultimate guide in your child's developmental journey? Little Hearts Academy USA has a new self-paced Cicerone Masterclass. This is a transformative course designed to empower parents with the knowledge and tools that they need to foster their children's social, emotional, and academic readiness for school. So there are four comprehensive modules to help you dive deep into understanding your parenting style, and how it impacts your child's growth. So learn to navigate the critical stages of your child's development with confidence and ease and understand how to best support your child as they get ready for school and throughout their early grades. Register for the master class now by visiting the website, www.LittleHearts Academyusa.com or simply by clicking the link that you're going to find where? Yeah, you know it in the show notes. 

So get ready for an enlightening episode, and I am thrilled to introduce our captivating guest today. None other than Adele Barnard. She has a resume longer than any BEDTIME STORY marathon. Adele brings over two decades of experience as a transition coach to our conversation and hold on to your parenting hats as we dive deep into a topic that's like trying to teach a butterfly to drink from a cup. It's managing life's transitions, going from being a solo person on your own, to marriage to parenthood, keeping up with the ever changing tides, we are about to explore the deep end of these transformative waters. But wait, there's more. We'll also take a dip into the cosmic pool of handling kids transitions and dealing with the energy vampires that lurk in the shadows. Adele Barnard isn't just a guide. She's a transition whisperer Do you need help going from wow, I slept through the night to up I barely slept? Well, she's your guru. And whether it's wrangling with the chaos of moving houses, or surviving the Bermuda Triangle that we call marriage, Adele's got your back her secret sauce, shifting from mind tornadoes, to heart serenity, all while finding wisdom in the whirlwind. So get ready for a roller coaster of insights, laughter and a couple of aha moments that hit you like a toy truck in the dark. Her expertise is the back to sprinkle a whole lot of clarity into our parenting escapades. And it's going to be a ride that even the wildest toddler would just love. There's so much to learn. So let's get started. 

Welcome, everyone, and thank you for choosing to spend the next few minutes with us here at Imperfect Heroes podcast. And today we are talking about just your inner being how to make transitions how to move from one thing to another without getting all stressed and chaotic about it. And I've got this amazing guest with me and we've connected so well, we were just kind of set up times to just talk. Because we've enjoyed each other now for a little bit. And this is Adele Bernard. And Adele is a transition coach, which is very different from a life coach, and Adele why don't you explain the difference for us.

Adele Bernard  4:08  
So just in a nutshell, the difference from a life coach. So life coach is going to take you through certain steps, certain programs, it's like you said, say a 12 week program or an eight week program. And there's certain steps and stuff to fall where people that come to me like clients that come to me would be more of oh my gosh, I'm all stressed out. I don't know if I should take this job but I stay at this job, or should I buy this house? Is this the right move for me? And it's helping you get clarity and see the light in your discernment to make the decisions to move forward. Out of those chaotic time. Yeah. Can I do life coaching? Absolutely. But this is a faster, more succinct program.

DJ Stutz  4:59  
Thanks And I think too when we talk about, because we look at families with those young kids birth to 18. And we're second guessing ourselves all the time. We're super stressed out all the time, we're in the middle of the grocery store, and my daughter just hit the floor with a temper tantrum over Cocoa Puffs or whatever. And so we get really caught up in the stress in trying to manage the chaos, we seem to add more to the chaos very often, then, you know, parents who are first time brand new parents, I don't care if it's your first or your eighth. Every baby brings a new transition into your family and into your life. And then there are the different events that are going on with how do I manage I've got Suzy at piano lessons and Joey at football. And then Jamie wants to be in soccer. And you just feel like you're in this for much of the time,

Adele Bernard  5:56  
then that brings up the question of every parenting style is different. And we're actually talking about that about with four generations all talking about how to raise kids, whatever. Yeah. And I was brought up with hands off, like, do you want to cry? Okay, well sit there and cry, I'm moving on. And then others are like totally caught call call call. And it's like, okay, that's working for you. Right. And then, like his work in the schools and stuff, it's like, the helicopter parents, or you can go to their first job with them. Yeah, you're not teaching them skills that they can move forward with. Right? And so, I mean, I'm not saying one way is better than the other. But when you're looking at zero to eight, those are the most crucial times for the kid apps. Because if you look at a six year old before they go to school, that's what kind of adults are going to be. So if they're whiny, won't be can't speak, you're gonna have an adult isn't whining mopey, can't speak, if you have a well rounded child that can go into a group of kids and figure out play and get him along. And that's how they're going to be in as an adult. And it's catching them before they get into these bad habits. And yes, I know, the preteens that they go into the phase, and you go, just breathe through it. But even then, they're going, Well, who am I, my body's changing, my life is changing, my friends are because they're getting all into their emotions. They don't know how to handle their emotions, right? And then they have their own tapes of what's been taught in their family. And it's just being that support for anyone being there. For me, it's really coming back to we have to rely not only ourselves, but the community is raising the next generation. We somewhere we got lost sight. And I don't know if it's the last generation of you have to work you have to do it all you have to. I don't I'm not sure. And I don't want to point fingers. But we got to get back to the community raises the next generation, the neighbors, teachers, that family that everyone's involved. The parent does have the last say, but if the friends aren't being nice, we'll sit them down and mediate what's going on. Right. Right. Right. And maybe they shouldn't be friends. Not everyone's supposed to be friends. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And and then you look at like the parents who grew up with no self esteem. They think they're over it until they're teenagers start going through the same thing. And they go back to that 13 year old. You got, yes. So now they're trying to do it together. Yes.

DJ Stutz  8:38  
And as someone on the outside looking in, right, I can see what's going on there. I can see. And yet sometimes it's really hard to get them to see what they're doing to themselves and to their kids. And to help them what I love about you. In fact, the the first time I think we talked, I was like, all over the place because I'd had a family death and we were trying to get things worked out and I was trying to get a bunch of things done so I could help out with the funeral and, and get things aligned there. And I just had so much going on in my head. I was kind of all over the place, you remember. And you were like DJ, just breathe.

Adele Bernard  9:27  
That's a thing, right? Yes. Can't happen when we are centered in ourselves. We're feeling fear. We're in the future. Yeah, if we're feeling depression or sad, we're in the past. We're not present in ourself. Okay, so think about that tantrum. The tantrum happens because the child is going I'm trying to connect mommy and daddy. I'm trying to connect mommy and daddy and trying to cry. And I don't feel you. Oh, you might I might get attention if I gland the foreign screen. Right? They're not getting attention. If the parent just would breathe, and stay connected, yes, you're shopping. Yes, you're driving, yes, your whatever, they have left their presence. They're not centered in their key. And that tantrum is telling you, the child is picking up that you're not present. Yeah, not present, the tantrum goes away.

DJ Stutz  10:29  
Do you think that sometimes parents are asking too much, or maybe asking the wrong thing of a child, and so the child responds with their tantrums or their whatever? Because they're having difficulty managing with what the parent is asking them to do.

Adele Bernard  10:47  
It can be a little bit, but if you're asking your child, as you're walking away, they'll clean up your room, the child's gone. No. Because you're not even here explaining it to me. If you school in front of your child, eye to eye, and part of being in this family is these are these are what is that expectations is part of being in the family. Yeah, your room needs to be clean. You give them boundaries, right? You can do it in an hour after you have Johnny goes home. You can do it. But it will be done by this time. Right? Then the kid has flexibility to make his own choices. Take autonomy for the choices he makes. But he also has consequences if it's not done. Right. Right. And so when you think about if a kid comes up and you're busy, and this is teaching them to i You can teach a toddler that two year old, a three year old, if you're busy in the kitchen, and they're going mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, and they're not answering that means mommy's busy. Mommy can't stop and give you attention at this minute. If you call mommy and mommy can't come, teach him to breathe until Mommy can address you. And then when you stop what say you start washing the dishes? A new dress that two year old eye? And you say yes, we what do you need? Yeah, you think the kid's gonna hear it? The kids gonna learn? Gotta be women thinking of my own childhood. No, my, my sister and I laugh about it gone. They were so not present. So you sit you explain the whole situation of why you want to go say play in the park with Sally. But they're busy cooking dinner. There's nothing whatever. We didn't have their attention. And I'm saying this is for us as adults also. Because of I'm not present, traffic's crazy. Did I cause it? No, I'm just not really present to what's going on. Right? If I'm present, I green lights away. Perfect. Thank you. Yeah. And so in your says a classroom, you gotta keep scanning who's falling out of being present? They're gonna start having more problems, you're gonna get frustrated with the homework, right? Yeah, as they stop breathing, because there's studying so hard on the problem that you've given them, they go into the shallow breath. And in the shallow breath, we are not centered in who we are.

DJ Stutz  13:12  
And now with my kiddos with the kindergarten and then some preschool in there, it's so it wasn't necessarily like math. I mean, we're doing counting simple addition, simple subtraction, that kind of stuff. But where we found where I found that the most frustration was helping kids learn to deal with other kids. Right? So while I'm building this block tower, oh, Joey has three pieces I need and so I just go over and grab them. Or I destroy his thing in order to get what I need without thinking of oh, how is this gonna affect Joey? And so first helping Joey to breathe through his anger about having that blocks taken from them? Because sometimes, whatever to get it there was also

Adele Bernard  13:59  
in teaching them to Yep, you have the tools you have in front of me. Joey might have something to Tommy want. But that doesn't mean Tommy can go and get it. No. Tommy can ask Joey. Do you mind if I take this block? It's called communication. It starts from we little Yeah.

DJ Stutz  14:21  
Well and then giving Tommy the understanding that Joey's perfectly within his rights to say no, that's what's holding up my building. You can. Joey doesn't have to share it. Just because Tommy asked. So what are you going to do if Tommy says no? Always says no.

Adele Bernard  14:42  
Yeah, and Tommy can come over and say, I have this piece. Can we trade? Huh? Or can I help you like, you know? Yeah, like I can't figure out how this what this piece that you have can't fit in my thing. And then you can say, well, let's work together. It comes down to the basic necessities of teamwork being heard, right? Yes. I'm not saying this is easy, and it's like gonna happen smoothly, and there's never gonna be tantrums. But I'm telling you, from years and years and years, being around kids being around, distracted parents, there's no accident that everyone's saying, Oh, we're gonna meditate, we gotta admit it. There's no point meditating, if you're gonna spend the rest of 23 hours disconnected yourself, right? You're so right, when you're just starting in any practice. Like I did this with some of my work colleagues, years ago, because they're just just like a duck coming into my office like this. I can't do it. And they're like, Well, how do you stay calm, I go every hour on the hour, take three deep breaths. If that's not enough, every half an hour and the hour, take three deep breaths, and fast enough dude every 15 minutes, and they're like, what's that gonna do? Nigga come back and tell me what it does. They're grown adults gone. Oh, I go

DJ Stutz  16:07  
back. Yeah. And imagine giving your little guys those same tools, they do the time they're little. Imagine the difference that it's going to make in so many areas of their life. One of the things that I did in my classroom was we would have different places like centers and different areas of focus, and all of these things, we would have little pictures, you know, I'd laminate them, because as the teacher, we do that, but have them posted of choices that they could make. And so it would be like, maybe trade, or build together or different things that they could do, I can ask, I have the right to say no, all of those things. And they were posted around, not just to help the kids because we had the words plus a visual, because kids are just learning to read at that age. And not all of them were there. But it wasn't there just for the kids to remember, it was to help sometimes me to remember or my aide or a specialist that was in the room or whatever, that we would see those reminders. And I wonder about sometimes having those kind of reminders around the home in different places?

Adele Bernard  17:19  
Well, you know, it's true. So a good friend of mine was becoming a CPA. And she's super smart. And I'm like, Why are you so dumb at this burden? And he said, You're missing the connection, like you read this stuff, but you get put on the paper? Where's the connection? You know, went up around the house. I'm winning. I pat. It's only an exam that I can do in my sleep. Yeah, it's not my whole life. It's just one step. All of our health. Yeah, she's a top pin. Good for her. Yeah. Right. In Canada. So it's like, really, if you miss a fundamental step, and here's the other things too, right? There's no, can you do something? Will you do it? There's no must. There's no shoulds? There's no try. There's only do do or not do? Right Choices? You'll? Yes. Right. Will you do something? They make the choice? Yes or no? Can you? Of course they can stop and get the milk? Do they know? You never asked them? You said can you do it? Well, yeah, they can? Are they going to know? Would you stop and get the milk? Yes, I'll stop. Yeah. Totally different. Same words, slightly different. Different brain mapping?

DJ Stutz  18:49  
Yeah, I had teachers like in fourth, fifth grade. And they were teaching me that. Can I play the piano? I don't know. Can you? Can I do this? I don't know. Can you see I didn't learn that from home. But I did learn that at least at school. And it does make a difference in the brain function. I think how your brain processes that decision making. When you're coming to it with just a tiny little tweaks. It's amazing. The difference it makes

Adele Bernard  19:17  
well, and even here's an example right? Like I was never a strong student. Because the written I just read a different problem than what was being asked like, right. And even even when I'm doing crosswords, I'm like, what is that? And I'm like, Oh, that's not what I thought it was. Right? I'm just reading it differently. And yes, I've been tested and yes, I am on the spectrum and yes, whatever. Right. But it's like, I had to do this little test. And we go through the videos, do that whatever. And do the little test after I went into panic mode, like I was back in school, and I went, Wow, look how interesting. This is. What an opportunity to use my own tools. Yes. So I start Tapping it out, tapping out. And I'm like, okay, cool, right. But that's the thing. You think because you left grade six, grade six issues aren't going to come up. Sorry, they come up. And so when you have kids, because the kids are mirroring everything, right, as you are mirroring to them. If you want to be the kind and nurturing and community's adult, show them be their role model. Yeah. Right. And it's like your teenager comes home, and you're just like, oh, I can't talk to them. I don't know what's going on. Well, if the room is normally clean, and all of a sudden, it's like a tornado went through, and they won't clean it up, and they're fighting about cleaning it up. They need that walk in the park, or that sit down on the couch with no tech, no, nothing and just say, I'm here. Yeah, they nothing until they're ready to talk. Because their room is a reflection of what's going on in their body. There's chaos in their body, whether it's friends, teachers, homework, we don't know. They're not talking. And then all of a sudden, they able to share, move it through the room is clean. Again, they're back doing their homework.

DJ Stutz  21:17  
And isn't that interesting how they go through those cycles, right? Our response to that whatever cycle they're in, whatever they're going through, is going to have a great reflection in them on how they are handling that as well. You mentioned earlier about tapping. And I think that's just such a interesting thing. And I don't think a lot of people are really aware of what tapping is and how that works. Can you expound a little bit on that?

Adele Bernard  21:46  
So there's two thought forms of tapping. So one was Roger Callahan, and he was working with clients who they just weren't getting better. They just weren't getting better. And then somehow, he was just like, he was starting to study the meridian point. And he started finding out different combinations that would help people like fear of water, for instance, is a prime example of one of his examples. And by the talk therapy, and the tapping, he would, he would tap into the quantum field that we all have access to. And all of a sudden, he was working with this one client at his home, and he has a pool in the back. And she wasn't able to look, they always had to move the chair. So she couldn't see the pool in his possessions because she go into automatic fear. And through two sessions with the tapping, she says, Can I walk by your pool? I think I'm ready. Can you read a problem with it. So it's an added bonus to getting down to the emotion of what's going on what's stuck in your body of the emotion, like you might have dealt with the sadness of losing somebody, right? But that doesn't mean it isn't still in your body. So your right shoulder might still have that sadness. And then it stops moving. And you're like, why is my shoulder stop moving? You tap in your shoulders. That's interesting. And then there's also Gary Craig, who studied under Roger Callahan, spread it out to emotional freedom. So Roger Callahan was the thought field therapy, more people are aware of the EFT rather than DHT. I was trained under Rogers. So I go with Rogers. But they both work. It's the same principle. And it just it speeds things up. It's like you get in the quantum field of the emotion of sadness, or even happy, like, sometimes happy has connotations, and you speed it up. And so it's just another tool, just like brain gym, maybe some of the viewers are more aware of brain gym, because a lot of schools use brain gym, or yoga, or meditation. It's just adding more tools to the tool belt, right. And I also think when you do the tapping, if you're aware of the neuro linguistic programming, it adds to recreating pathways in the brain. That's, I've known pregnant, that's just mine. And I just know, like, if you have a certain thing that keeps on coming up, keeps on coming up, keeps on getting triggered. It's like something has to get shifted in the brain to get a new path, and tapping can help them.

DJ Stutz  24:24  
So tapping can help us with our mental processing. It can help us Yes, with all of those emotional, emotional, so I talked to you before about this, that I had a specialist that would come into my room. I had her two days a week just because of the population of my classroom, and how she was using tapping here, tapping or was it somewhere on their arm to help them work through when they start with start getting really stressed out. It was even helping my kids who were on the autistic spectrum, you could start seeing them and And the tapping she would get them going. And it really did help them. Calm down. If I was a parent, where would I go to find out more about how to use that tapping to help my kid? Or do you have some beginning thing?

Adele Bernard  25:15  
It's really interesting because you don't have to really know about tapping to use it. Okay? Because if someone's getting frustrated, or someone's energy shifting, it's like an interruption. Even if your brain is just like, we all have the tapes. And if anyone says, I don't have the tapes, and I'm like, I don't believe you. Right, because even Eckhart Tolle, who's the known person or calm, he gets the tapes. And so the brain is firing off all this stuff. Right. And he just got, thanks for sharing. It's the interruption. So when you go to the tapping, for instance, it doesn't matter if you hit the right spot. It's the interruption. So if you say, God, I can't breathe. I can't breathe. Just start tapping. Straight. Yeah. And it's like, what's going on? I don't know. something's changing. I don't know. What's going on. Oh, anyway, no one's gonna watch that. You tapping? Oh, go to do the same thing on one side dudes I do on the whole physiology team. Yeah. Because it's making you present to the present. Chaos can't happen if you're present. Right? Alright. So do you think it's a bad mark? Did they do the best job? They could? Yeah. And great. That's okay. Let's look at a different way. Yeah. Was that student ready and centered when they wrote the test? Probably not. Because of the teacher, you know, from the stuff that they're handing in up to that exam. They're doing really good. So what happened on the exam day, they weren't present. So they're in the fear of failing. So either the thinking of football or the thing, like what happened on the way to school, right? They were in prison. And I would love this. And I've said this to some teachers I know, before you start your class, just get hold class to breathe together. Then they're all centered in that class. Then they're calm, they're in their bodies, and you go, so let's start our lessons. They're going to pick up way more, right? And I've worked with teachers in school, that they could do the untraditional thing. And when they come in to school, and they're running, and because they see the math teacher at the front of the class, I'm on it because they wouldn't sit. So we're running timetables, I'm like, Cool. Great. Or if they just, I can't sit at my desk anymore. Can I do my homework? I think lay on the floor. Yeah. Yes. Most classes can't do that. Yeah,

DJ Stutz  27:54  
well, and I think that probably just because I was teaching kindergarten, I had a lot more freedom than, say, ninth grade math. But we did a lot of that same stuff, though, to where they could lay down on the floor if they were reading and needed that I remember one little girl especially just was constantly move constantly moving. And like just couldn't stop. And so she had a really hard time when we do like our circle time, or we do our morning things or whatever. And so I just got her a big hula hoop and put it on the floor. And it was kind of towards the back of the circle. And as long as she stayed in there, because she would start pulling things off and doing things. But I said you can jump, you can dance, whatever, just stay in the hula hoop. And the funny thing was, she was picking up so much more when she had the freedom to do what her body needed her to do. And so her learning accelerated. When we went with whatever her body was telling her, she needed to do.

Adele Bernard  28:59  
Well, and that's another thing. I mean, the whole school system. I was the kid that always got the notes from the doctor, they can't do the running. Right? And it's funny because I just, I'm now friends again with some high school friends and they're like, you do what every day and I go a walk every day. And they're gonna be you never joined us and present and I go because I don't run. I'm gonna go when I go. I'm a walker. I can walk till the cows come home. My body wasn't built to run. My body is built for steady, slow moments. Working yoga. Perfectly fine. Running team sport. Absolutely not. Same with the school and learning. Right? Yeah. So you think about that child who needed to move to learn needs to move but you have to say it's not chaotic. You have to kind of put some boundaries that she knows you crossed that boundary then you can and have

DJ Stutz  30:00  
that freedom. Right. And that went, and that's what I knew I would

Adele Bernard  30:04  
take it, I would take it a step further, she probably can't sit because of the food intake is wrong for her system. That's a whole.

DJ Stutz  30:14  
That's another story. Yeah, hearing what she was seeing in other places as well. So she had some parents that had some mental health issues. And this was how she was responding to those issues that her parents were trying to cope with. But here's the deal is, as a teacher, as a parent, you really got to look at the whole situation, instead of saying, Oh, she just keeps moving in. And she's just not even trying or whatever that kid was trying with all her heart didn't know

Adele Bernard  30:41  
any better. Just didn't know. And so here's another example. Right? So here's the son, St. Joe's Mom, I don't like you talking to my friend like that. I want you to be mom. The responses? Well, I understand your feelings like you want to be separate. But aren't you happy that mom and dad talk to you? Well, yeah. Well, don't you see your friends don't have that? I guess. So isn't it better that they talk to us rather than not talk? Right? And he's like, I get it. I'll work on it. Right? He's 12. This one is mom and dad all in his business with his friends. His friends don't have parents that are in the business at all. Right? This is where the community comes. Right? Right. Well in the community could be had for good or evil? No. Yes.

DJ Stutz  31:39  
And so you really want to make sure that I can't control anybody else out there. Not my spouse, not my kids, effectively enjoy yourself. There, there. And so I need to breathe. And a lot of the coaching that I do really, is helping parents look inward. And we're going to talk about, well, what is your parenting style? What are your triggers? And then let's look at why there's that. And so why do you get mad when your child is showing independence? Because they're two and three years old? And that's what's normal for their? Why does that trigger you, right? And as we get talking about some of that, then they're able to better manage what's going on here. And once they have control of that, then they are more appropriate and are able to help their kids. We're not demanding our kids to do things. We're helping them through understanding and their own capabilities and independence.

Adele Bernard  32:41  
Well, and it was really interesting, because I was just with my nephew. And I was saying, Well, once again, we can see but I didn't see. Right? Because you're like busy, whatever. And he goes, Andy, what I want is my kids to help you. Oh, though, he says, my kids got you got makes me happy. And they go job done. How? Because when he was little I raised him, then it's better. When they moved away, I only went up until they moved out the house. Right? I was there for the kids. So the little time I have with him I truly cherish. But we are connected on a different level. Right. Right. Right. So because I had so much time with him from zero to six every day, 40 hours a week. And on Saturdays, right? I probably had more week time with the boys than their parents did. But that's okay. Because we all come in to do the job we've been asked to do. And if the person you'd come in to see the guide, right, and they're not understanding that they've asked you to come in to be that guide. Okay, I'm hearing when you're ready. Exactly. until you're ready. I say nothing. Exactly. Oh, watch. You go crazy with your teenagers and like pull your hair out and then I just smile. I haven't been asked. Well, because I've had to learn to be observant because when I wasn't observant source whacked me. I got in trouble. You weren't asked stop stepping in the arena, didn't ya?

DJ Stutz  34:32  
I know that so hard. I always want I

Adele Bernard  34:35  
know but being sensitive. I could feel the energy. Let's say a new client ceases. They come on a discovery call with me. Their energy will show up before them all feel their energy before they say oh, they're coming for x y. Perfect. Right. Then when we start talking we can confirm It's just like with us, right? We met on a call, and I'm like, I gotta get to know her.

DJ Stutz  35:04  
Well, and went both ways, too. I mean, we've been really

Adele Bernard  35:07  
connected, because other people try to connect with me. And I'll be happy. We'll have the call. And I'm like, Oh, really? But that's okay. Because I'm not saying no to anybody, because maybe John or Sally connect with me. But they're not connecting for them. They're connecting for people they know. Oh, good. Yeah, yeah, I'm blessed for everybody who shows up, okay, and more importantly, wants to do the work.

DJ Stutz  35:39  
And that's the key, I get calls. And I know you do too, sometimes from parents, and they just want this magic pill or this magic wand, and I can do this one little thing. And overnight, or within a week, everything's going to be better. And then when they hear oh, well, it's going to be some work. And it's going to take some time, and I'm here to support you through that. But they just want the one they don't want the work. So some places, you're more successful than others. But here's the thing for me, and maybe it's for you, too. And then we're gonna have to slow things down, because we're running out of time. But even if we go through the conversations, and even if we only have one, two or three sessions, and we're done, we've planted a seed, perhaps that maybe later on, or they might see something, they're dealing with their kiddo. And oh, yeah, let me try this or my Wait, I just caught myself doing this one thing. And so even if it's a shorter time, or whatever, it's worth it. All of it's worth it is what I'm saying.

Adele Bernard  36:47  
And it's also just planting the seeds. Yeah, not ready at this moment. Yeah, my door is open. Exactly. Touch base. And that's even with families that's even with co workers just keep the door open. Yeah. Because as you're struggling in the classroom with Tommy and Joey, but it's Sally and Jane T.

DJ Stutz  37:07  
Yes. Well, and two is I'm dealing with Tommy and Joey, I might have Sally and Jane, who are their students within the classroom and not the adults but and they're watching. They're always watching. Always watching, right? I've heard parents say, Oh, they're little, no, no, not

Adele Bernard  37:27  
breathe into it.

DJ Stutz  37:28  
Yeah. Well, and to even in the womb, we know that babies respond to the language. So they come. And they're disposed, because while they're in the womb, they're used to hearing French or English or Egyptian, or whatever it is. And so they're picking the stress that's around them, if people are happy and supportive around them, or if there's a lot of anger or abuse that's going on, while they're in the womb that affects that child. And so they can come out with things. And so maybe baby screaming all the time, or maybe

Adele Bernard  38:05  
in that aspect, we got to be very careful, because babies, they've been having nine months of trying to navigate what they're hearing from the outside world. So they come in as the Peacekeeper, the pleaser, the vessel, good job.

DJ Stutz  38:22  
No, no. And it wasn't meant to be their job.

Adele Bernard  38:25  
And like sometimes, some people shouldn't have kids. But it happens. Yeah, yield the trauma that you went through. So you don't pass it on. Yeah, because the kids being born now they don't come in with the baggage we did. They're pure light. They don't have the baggage, but they will put it on, like his backpacks to help you get through your love stuff through yours. And it's like, no, that's not fair on them. Because they've they've done the work. They're coming in to be the light to the new world to be more loving and committed to the world. And it's not fair to them to put on all that stuff.

DJ Stutz  39:02  
Well, and to you know that I'm an adoptive mom. And I do think that there are people or maybe later on, they'll be ready. Just because you have baby doesn't mean you need to raise it. And if you're strong enough, and love that child enough to recognize and let that child go to the home that's been waiting for them. You've chosen life. But you've also allowed you to go if you're 17. And we're 15. I mean, there's just all kinds of reasons that people will call

Adele Bernard  39:34  
like that. Teen Mom or whatever that show that was on. Oh, god, you're celebrating pregnancies, like my niece had a son and his bio dad is trying to get back in his life. And he goes, Why? Because I have a dad. I don't need another one. Right. And so then I said, I said, Well, yeah, there's that. And then I have my other nephew who lost his dad as a young boy. And he said at 14, he goes, No, I'm the luckiest kid ever. And I go, Well, why is that? And he says, Some kids don't have one dad. I was blessed with two awesome ones. I'm like, Oh, awesome. Yeah. Great. And then his stepdad, they're fishing one day. And he's like, often he goes daddy help with this lawyer. And he goes, I did everything in my mind not to run and hug them. And, and then those laughing and go first time you heard it, he goes, yes. Oh, right. Because he was just like, he called them dad. Right? He was just like, Oh, see?

DJ Stutz  40:38  
Those things are precious. All right. Yeah. So Dell.

Adele Bernard  40:43  
I know we can talk for?

DJ Stutz  40:45  
No, I know, I know. And I'm sure we'll be talking again, just. So how do people get a hold of you and connect with you,

Adele Bernard  40:54  
they can reach me at transition clarity.com. Or they can go straight to the booking link that you see on this podcast at transition clarity.az.me. And yeah, looking forward to anyone who connects and any way I can help it be honored to be part of the healing.

DJ Stutz  41:17  
So as Adele mention that is all going to be down in the show notes. And so and if you're listening on rumble, or YouTube, be sure to follow. And I'd love for you to leave comments. And I will share any of the comments you have with Adele, and maybe we'll get back with you even personally, or share a story share, but just shared and read the love. And so leave those comments, what you like even what you didn't like, I'm always open to different perspectives. And so just be sure and listen in and leave those comments. And if you're listening on the podcast, be sure to rate and review. And actually, I have a fun little gift for anyone who decides to leave a rating and a review on the podcast. So I would love that not Adele, I always and with the same question of everybody. And that is we know there's no perfect parents. But how would you describe a successful parent?

Adele Bernard  42:17  
Wow. Um, a successful parent to me is someone who understands they're not alone, that they're not a failure to ask for help, that the community is there. Because that's where we are. We're in community of raising this next generation and to breathe. It's the hardest job you'll ever do in life. Because the most rewarding job, absolutely love those kids through the best times and the worst times, because they're loving you through your best. Absolutely.

DJ Stutz  42:55  
Thank you so much. Great job, so much interesting information. And so I just again, encourage everyone to reach out to a dowel, if you're just struggling with some transitions or finding peace instead of chaos. And so Dale, thank you very much. I know you and I'll be talking again,

Adele Bernard  43:17  
thank you, for me on the show is a pleasure. Absolutely.

DJ Stutz  43:24  
Now, if you want to learn more about Adele and how to contact her, just click on the links in the show notes. And while you're there, hit that follow button to make sure that you're getting in on the amazing episodes that we have each week. And if you like what you hear on today's podcast, be sure to rate and review. And you can do this, whether you're listening on Apple, Spotify, or some other platform. Or if you're just listening from the Imperfect Heroes podcast website. Up at the top, you're going to click on reviews, and then just click on leave a review. And it's that easy. You know, and don't forget to tell a friend, that's actually the best thing that you can do to help us grow. 

So we've all heard it that kids don't come with a manual. But a new book came out on August 1 called The Parenting Owner's Manual. And it's a compilation of 33 family experts from all over the world. And guess who wrote chapter three, yours truly. And it's a chapter called From Unwitting Saboteur to Strategic Hero Parent. So order your copy today on Amazon and guess what the link is in the show notes. And you can also find the link on my website, which is www.littleheartsacademyusa.com. And you're going to be so surprised to hear that links in the show notes. All right, coming up next week is Dr. Elizabeth Arlo, who is the author of the book. First Eat Your frog. You're not going to want to miss that one. Check it out and see. And so until next time, let's find joy in parenting.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai