Episode 118: Strength in Parenting and Friending a Chronically Ill Child

Children  0:00  
We think you should know that Imperfect Heroes podcast is a production of Little Hearts Academy USA. 

DJ Stutz  0:09  
Welcome heroes and heroines to Episode 118 of Imperfect Heroes, Insights Into Parenting, the perfect podcast for imperfect parents looking to find joy and their experience of raising children in an imperfect world. And I'm your host DJ Stutz.

Before we get started, I'd like to tell you about a great opportunity. Are you ready to become the ultimate guide in your child's development journey, Little Hearts Academy USA has a new self paced Cicerone Master's class. This is a transformative course designed to empower parents with the knowledge and the tools that they need to foster their children's social, emotional and academic readiness for school. This is a super inexpensive way to get you started in the education of your child. And I honestly don't know what I was thinking when I priced this. There are four comprehensive modules to help you dive deep into understanding your parenting style and how it impacts your child's growth. Learn to navigate the critical strategies of your child's development with confidence and ease and understand how to best support your child as they get ready for school and throughout their early grades. So register for the master class now by visiting the website, www.LittleHeartsAcademyUSA.com or simply by clicking the link in the show notes. 

So today, I have the pleasure of conversing with Dr. Maureen Michelle. She's an MD. And Dr. Michelle is a remarkable person with a really diverse background. She is not only an accomplished general pediatrician, but she's also an allergist and immunologist. And she's also a military veteran, her extensive experience in health care and her dedication to teaching other young physicians just make her a valuable resource in the medical field. There's so much to learn. So let's get started.

Welcome, everyone. And thank you for spending a few minutes with imperfect heroes podcast. And now you can find us on YouTube, you can find us on rumble. And I also want to mention that I have a workshop now that's available. And it is called Cicerone Master's class. And it is just about how you can support your kids as they are getting ready for school, and how to support them during school. What are the expectations socially. And then we even talk a little bit about math, science literacy. And we'll also talk about your own parenting styles, and how that fits in with what you are trying to learn. So there's four modules, there's like three to six modules and lessons in each module. And we just kind of get into that and have some fun, it's self paced, so you don't have to keep up with my schedule, you can do it on your schedule. And if you want more information on that, just head on DMD, the show notes. And you're going to find the links there. So we're talking about a topic that is really important to me. And for those of you who have listened for a long time, you already know this, but if you're kind of newer to the program, you'll know that I have a niece and her oldest daughter had cerebral palsy, and was Raizy invested or it was a big deal. Like she couldn't speak, she couldn't walk. She didn't even recognize her grandparents. Sometimes she would act like she connected with her parents, but it was just a really big deal. And when I interviewed her for the podcast, you can find it. It's one of my earlier podcasts. And when we're done, I'll go ahead and put that podcast number in the show notes. But she was actually expecting her sixth child. And she actually had that little boy like two weeks after we recorded and so unfortunately, actually it was just a year ago about this time of year that we lost our Brinley and she went on to other work to do in other realms so firsthand. I saw what that did for the parents who were strong. They really worked well together. Sometimes you see families fall apart when there's a chronically ill child. But this family really stayed strong together through all of the hard times not saying that that made it easy. It didn't. It was still hard, just seeing like the kids and how all that added responsibility that was placed on the siblings that were just next down that affected them to it.

And so we have Dr. Maureen Michelle, and she is amazing and knows all of this stuff. Dr. Michelle, why don't you talk to us a little bit about your background and how you connect with this important subject. 

Maureen Michele, MD  5:15  
Yeah, thank you so much for having me on your podcast, we tried to coordinate this, and it's a long time coming. So I am happy to be here and appreciate those who are listening today. So just a little bit about my story, which then allows your listeners to kind of understand how my work with parents of chronically ill kids kind of came about, I grew up and wanted to be a doctor, because I love science and absolutely love helping people. I didn't want to just be a doctor though I wanted to be a pediatrician, because I from a very young age, adored children. I graduated from medical school, I had two kids when I was a pediatric resident. And during my residency, my daughter, who was my second born was six months old. And we got told that she had neuroblastoma, which is a type of pediatric cancer. It's a tumor of the adrenal gland that sits on top of somebody's kidneys. So with that news, my world like came crashing down. I became very consumed with taking care of my daughter, I became absolutely consumed with worry and overwhelm and struggled to balance life with a toddler, I struggled to balance my career as a physician. And I was kind of on to myself at the time and understood that some of all of this was kind of a deep part of life that would eventually turn around. And I kind of without really knowing it, did a lot of self reflection and kind of self coaching and with time, was able to kind of adjust and got over the hump of taking care of my daughter. She went through surgery and chemotherapy, the whole works and got a good clean bill of health. And several years went by and the worry became less it never fully went away. But it became less Yeah, she then was 12 when she texted me from school one day and said, Mom, I have peed 12 times today, you need to bring whatever you need home to fix me. So I was like, oh, Surely she has a urinary tract infection. I'll bring home a urine cup and a dipstick and I'll diagnose her we'll be good to go. So I bring that to her school and had her go into the little school bathroom pee in the cup, I dipped her urine in the little school bathroom. And immediately the dipstick turned dark with sugar in our urine glucose. And I knew immediately because of my history and medicine that she had type one diabetes. And so we stood in this bathroom, and I got to be the physician to diagnose her with diabetes. And the roller coaster started again, that here I was thought that I had checked the box of having a kid who had a medical issue and here we are facing this obstacle again, and all of the same things like the worry, the fear, the overwhelm, all kind of came right back and I kind of focused just on her. And it created a great deal of problems, the biggest of which was I lost all the joy in life. And I wasn't enjoying my time at work. I wasn't enjoying things for myself. I wasn't really parenting then my other two kids and again, like God was onto myself and realize this needs to change but I need to be the one to change it because nobody's going to come and save me. And so I read books, I listened to podcast, I went to personal growth conferences. But I really started to learn about coaching and coaching tools and realized how valuable those tools were not only to me and to get out of this kind of funk, but it was also incredibly powerful in the clinic setting when I was able to share things with my patients. And now I have turned that into a coaching career where I help parents who do have chronically ill kids really kind of learn how to adjust to this life and a life that they didn't really ask for that you talked about your niece, and she didn't ask for that to happen in her life. But sometimes those circumstances we get in our life that we don't ask for the best learning comes from it. It's really looking for those opportunities for growth and not being consumed by the darkness that it can also bring with it. That's kind of the quicker version of how I got here. And this helping families who have chronically ill kids has really become my passion, because it is really brought together what I've learned and gone through as a mom, and the stuff that I've been through with my patients in clinic, a lot of folks have asked me, well, don't you think it was easier to have your daughter go through neuroblastoma and go through type one diabetes, because you're a physician, it was easier, right? And I have to tell you, it was probably harder, quite honestly, yeah. And the reason I say that, when she got neuroblastoma, I knew what that meant, I knew all of the things that were going to come because of that diagnosis, because of the patients I had taken care of. And so all of my thoughts went to the future on how we were going to handle all of these bad things that were obviously going to come along with it right. And so all of my worry was about all of these future things that hadn't even happened yet.

DJ Stutz  12:33  
And you bring up such so many great and important points. But I think one of the keys that I'm getting from you, among the many that you just threw out there is that you had to take care of you, you had to get your head in the right place, so that you could then be there for your daughter, because you were just giving up on things and life was very hard. And this was all there. And I've talked to so many parents now who they find out that their child has A, B or C, right. And they didn't know anything about it, they're having trouble communicating with doctors, about whatever. And so they start investing into learning more about it so that they can ask the questions. And that's helped them to feel empowered, which then help them to feel more positive, I guess, when they feel like they could have a say instead of just people coming in and saying well, this is what we're gonna do and and assuming that they don't know much. I'll tell you that, gosh, clear back before I was teaching Eve, I was pregnant with my youngest son. And I was living in Salt Lake and I was working at the University of Utah hospital, as a coordinator for in the NICU. For a support the it's called the support organization for trisomy unit, what Trisomy is and how involved that is. And so this was Trisomy 18, and 13. For our listeners and viewers who don't know, you have 23 sets of chromosomes. And they each have a number. And so Trisomy means there's three instead of two, tell me if I'm misrepresenting anything, and so there's three instead of two. And so Down syndrome is actually Trisomy 21, there's 321 episomes, instead of the two. So Trisomy 13. And 18 is the same kind of thing. There's three instead of two, but it's even more involved than Down syndrome. And in fact, they say that only 10% of pregnancies will make it to birth. And then only 10% of those who are actually born will make it to their first birthday. And so it was super involved. Here. I am pregnant. working there, and I was working with Dr. John Kerry, who's just amazing in that field. And we were talking one time and he's a pediatric geneticist, and he said you know with all of the things that can go wrong Oh, it's a miracle anyone is born. Okay. Right. And so true. That was definitely my most stressful pregnancy, I think was because see, and I'm in the NICU, and I'm working with all of these parents who have these. And then I have a heart murmur that only shows up when I'm pregnant. But it can have some negative consequences in such things. And so when you're dealing with all of those things, and you're in an atmosphere of medical type atmosphere, and you see these things, yeah, I can see how it would be more difficult. And so I want our listeners and our friends, if you have a friend, that's a doctor, and whether it's the mom or dad, and you feel like oh, well, their doctor, they have access to this, and this is their kids are going through the same things that everybody else has kids, their heart is breaking the same way as everybody else's is. And so it's really important to make sure that you don't lose your lust for life, that glint in your eye. And you brought up another point that I thought was so important, was just looking for the pluses that are there and the progress that your child is making. Yes. And instead of being negative, Nelly all the time, right, trying to find the bright, this status there. That's something that my niece was really, really good at. Right? Anyway, that's a really important key for really moving forward with a chronically ill child. And like you said, it doesn't have to be cancer. And it doesn't even have to be diabetes. I've got a nephew with diabetes as well, too. And that's not something that, oh, they didn't take care of their body. Right? It just happened and it's no fault. We're not going to blame a parent. Well, you'd have done this during the pregnancy or that there's just no valid research really to

Maureen Michele, MD  16:57  
write that. Yeah, type one diabetes is an autoimmune disease. And so it is, the person's own body has attacked their pancreas. And you're right, it has absolutely nothing to do with what they ate, what they drank, how much they exercise that all quite different. When compared to type two diabetes. type one diabetes is nobody's fault. But this goes back to my daughter has been diabetic now for almost 10 years. And as we've gone through it, there certainly has been people that have said, well, you really shouldn't eat that cake, because that's what caused this in the first place. And for her or for me, we know that's not true. And it becomes a mindset that parents of chronically ill kids really need to have control over their thoughts. Because in that moment, when faced with that person's negativity out of their own ignorance, I as the mom could have felt incredibly guilty, like, oh, my gosh, I did this to my kid, and I can't believe, but it's realizing, no, look, this person is just saying that out of ignorance and love, they're not saying it from this place of negativity, and we know better. So there's no reason for us to get upset, like let it out. But a lot of people can put energy towards that, and it gets them kind of spun up. And there's no solution to it because they're spinning.

DJ Stutz  18:47  
Right? And I think too, it's an opportunity to maybe educate, especially if it's someone that you're really close to, if it's someone you're not going to see again, someone that maybe was at a party or a barbecue. Yes. Okay, that 100% 100% If someone that you is a good friend or family member, would it? It's a time to lovingly and kindly educate and say actually, that's not entirely correct. And here's what we know. And here's a better way to support my child and myself, right? And so you're advocating for yourself, but you're doing it also from a place of love. But I think in order to do that, though, you need to get over somehow, whatever, whether you're gonna go to therapy, whether you're going to go through coaching, whether we're going to call Dr. Shell, yeah, and work our way through that so that you're at a place now where we can say, you know, I know you love my daughter, and I'm so glad that you're wanting to help. Here's a better way to help.

Maureen Michele, MD  19:57  
Yeah. And you know, the other thing I would say, for those listeners, who aren't parents of a chronically ill kid, they certainly encounter chronically ill kids in their everyday life, you know, you may see somebody at the grocery store or at church or, or wherever, you know, out and about estimate of your kid, a classmate. And so, I would say, and about 99%, of parents of chronically ill kids would agree with me is that those individuals, if there's questions about my child, just asked me that I would rather somebody come and say, Hey, Maureen, I know your daughter has diabetes, is it okay, if we have cupcakes in the classroom? Or can you tell me more about this diabetes? Or if you see a kid who's having a fit in the grocery store, and has some obvious developmental delay, go up to the parent and say, I'm sorry, this is happening to you? Is there something that I can do to help? Or can you tell me about what is going on with your child? You know, they may not want to take time in that moment to answer, but they would rather people ask questions than make assumptions. And I think that's how we can help as kind of a society on supporting parents who have kids with health issues.

DJ Stutz  21:39  
You know, you bring up such a great point, I know again, with my niece, and her name is Clarissa Nelson, if you want to look up the interview, but she said there was so many times when people really wanted to help so people from the neighborhood, people from church, whatever, would say, let me come over and make your dinner or clean your house or whatever. And she said for her, she was so glad that they wanted to help. And she didn't want to say no, when they're making an effort to be a good person, and she wanted to help encourage them in that effort. But at the same time, sometimes having someone there, they didn't put things away in the right place, or they didn't understand that my one kid has to have this in his mac and cheese, and the other kid hates it, or whatever it is. And so she said sometimes not all the time, but sometimes it was actually more stressful. Or if they were there, right now, she was worried well, what if one of my other kids I mean, she had a bunch of other kids. And right, so what if they have a meltdown? Or they start arguing while this other person is in the house? And then what are they going to think of me? And so she was more stressed about things like that. And so I think you brought up such a great point in asking, instead of saying, let me help you do your laundry, let me help you with dinner or whatever, saying, I want to be there and help you. I have this amount of time available. What can I do during that time? That would actually be a benefit to you and your family? And right? Sometimes it would be instead of making dinner? Could you do a store around for me? Yeah, pick up the dry cleaning? has a job where you know, he has to be all fancy. Yeah. So those kinds of things. Maybe you could take the kids out of the house to the park. Right? There's so many other things. So instead of in our efforts, and they're well intentioned efforts to Well,

Maureen Michele, MD  23:41  
yeah, you know, I will say, parents who have kids with health issues, really, really bad sometimes about asking for help, because and this is just the human part of us is specially and I'll say moms, dads have this somewhat too. But your moms have this thing that asking for help means that we are failing in our parental role. And so it takes a little bit of courage sometimes for a parent of a chronically ill kid to actually ask for help. So the listeners who have a child who have health issues, I will say, get the courage and ask for it because you cannot do this alone. It does not have failed. It means that you are strong and have realized that you cannot do this alone for and then I would also tell them, it is a gift that you are giving to others when you ask for help, because it allows them and you've kind of alluded to this that people want to help If others and you're giving them this gift that they're going to be able to offer their services to you. And so when you frame it in your mind that you are giving a gift to others by asking for help, it's very helpful. Now for the parents who don't have chronically ill kids, but want to help somebody, you are absolutely correct, saying, How can I help you do not just assume that you can bring them over a thing of lasagna and call it a day, that ask them how I can help you. And I would also even say, have kind of a list of things they can pick from, like, I can take your other kids to the park, I can make dinner, I can do a store run. Or if you want, I can just write you a note that you can keep for when you're having a bad day that you can rip it open and get a little pick me up. So it doesn't have to be something elaborate. But you don't want to make it more burdensome to the individual. You're trying to get help, too. So I think if we keep all of that in mind, we can do a better job of giving support and receiving support.

DJ Stutz  26:19  
Oh, man, you're just so right on. Course, that's why you do what you do. Because we're starting to kind of move along. But let's talk for a minute about meeting the needs of the other kids that are in the family. It's funny how my niece they had three girls and then three boys. So it was kind of sad in that a lot of things that are traditionally held on to girls were more so just by virtue of them being older. And so while they were trying to take care of Brittany's needs in the evening, they would need Casey or Taylor, the other two girls to help with the boys getting them to bed and getting baths done and getting all of this done. From the time that Casey was probably by age, she was taking on a lot of responsibilities. As Bradley's needs became greater as she was getting older, it was really hard to try and make sure that Casey and Taylor were getting their time needed. So they made sure that they had daddy dates where just one of the girls or both girls would just go out and do something they wanted with daddy. And it's funny that Clarissa was saying that she would get up early in the morning and just do like a little video workout to try and give herself that pump for the morning. And they were talking to Casey about what do you want to do? What are the some of the things that you do? And she said she wanted to exercise with her mom, and Shaw, you know that I get up at six in the morning to get this done? And she's like, Yeah, I know. And she did, she would get up and do the little workout with her mom. And she really enjoyed that time. But even with all of that support and positivity, they still had times when the girls were just kind of like, my friends don't have to do this. I'm just 10 years old. Why am I having to do this. And so even with the best intentions and the best efforts, nothing is going to be smooth all the time. It's just not going to happen. Even if everyone's healthy.

Maureen Michele, MD  28:25  
I was just gonna say that, that it doesn't matter if you have a kid with health issues or a family that everyone is perfectly healthy, that the grass always looks greener on the other side. And it is so not it is so not greener, like I

DJ Stutz  28:42  
said in my coaching is if you have a child that never challenges you they follow the rules, they make their bed, they help with the dishes, and they are just perfect all the time. Get them to a mental health professional immediately, because horribly wrong. It's their job to challenge you. Yeah, so yeah, but I think sometimes you're right, it is easy to say this wouldn't be happening. If yes, it would be one way or another.

Maureen Michele, MD  29:11  
It Yeah, you know, one of the things that I teach my patients and clients is Life is 5050. So it's 50% good, 50% bad. And that goes for everybody. And it's not always bad. It's not always good. And that measure of 50% on either side will come in these peaks and valleys. And the challenges we're faced in our lives are different for different people, but it's still 50% Good, still 50% bad. And you had said like well, what do we do about the other kids in the family and how do we give them this great childhood? Well, just being part Have this family that has a kid with health issues, that's the right place that they should be in their lives. And life is not meant for them to live in a family without the challenges of a kid with a health issue. So I look at the advice that I give to families, your niece did it right on kind of involving them in chores and duties and stuff that needs to happen to make the household function. Yeah, they grew up probably a little bit quicker, but what a gift to give them this opportunity to learn responsibility when they're young. Now, the parent side of things, though, is right, don't shut them out of what's going on and have them involved in the care. But your expectations should not be that that eight year old child is going to do the same level of work as an adult, or that same, you know, quality of work as an adult, like your expectations need to be shifted, but they shouldn't be sheltered and involving them makes that child feel good about themselves. Because they're able, I mean, just like what we were talking about with the gift of service to others, that giving a child that opportunity to help out the family is a gift. But I will say that they also need time to decompress and be a kid, what you were saying about like Daddy dates and exercise time with mom, so important, because you as a parent have to make each of the kids feel loved. And that love can be shown when you're focusing on that one child and having that really deep quality time. Plus, it allows the child to ask questions about their sibling, or discuss their fears over their sibling, it creates an environment where they can safely have communication without that sibling with health needs being around so that they can be kind of more open.

DJ Stutz  32:33  
I agree so much. I agree so much. And I think too, we're in a place in society where we shelter our kids way more. When I was growing up, it wouldn't have been a big deal for an eight a 10 year old to put together a simple meal for our family. Right? That was just standard procedure. And now it's like, whoa, they're so young. Well, yeah, but they're gonna have to learn it. And it's okay. If their time to maybe cover for help me out with this meal. If it's just mac and cheese, or cereal? Yeah. Yeah, it's okay. It's okay. So it's age appropriate of what they're actually able to do. Because they're able to do so much more. I can't tell you how many times even in my teaching, because I'm a big believer that kids can understand things more than we give them credit for. And there would be some kind of an activity at the school I taught kindergarten, sometimes pre K. And I would hear so many, oh, they're too young, they won't understand this. My kids understood, like, Oh, yes, just you present it, you make it age appropriate in the way you present it, but they can understand that there's cause and effect and that if I get this many we used to do, we were the Grizzlies. And so we had bear paws for you know, good behavior or kindness or whatever. And so you can turn them in every week for something if you want, or you can hold on to them for a while and maybe not do a homework or we even had one if you got I think it was like 100 of them. The little kids never got 100. I just done theirs by then. But some of the only kids you could be the principal for half a day. So you're out of class, and you're shadowing the principal. And so I had so many other teachers that would say, Oh, they don't get this. You save it here and then you get something bigger there. They're not going to understand that concept. They understood perfectly.

Maureen Michele, MD  34:25  
Oh, yes. Not only Yeah, not only do they understand, but they're also watching, and I talk a lot about this when I talk about advocacy with parents, all parents, regardless of if your kid has health issues or not have to be an advocate for their kid. We're never going to be able to teach our kids how to advocate for themselves. If we don't do it, and they watch us do it because they model What they see us doing, and especially if they see it successful, so they want to help with the house, they see us as parents doing stuff around the house. And really channeling that desire is something that can be very valuable for everyone in the household.

DJ Stutz  35:27  
Well, and I think, too, if we're talking about the attitude that we move forward with something, we're if we're doing housework, and we're, like, so tired, and you guys are making this big mess, and everything's on me and blah, blah, blah. And you're saying stuff like that the kids pick up on that very same? Oh, yes. Right. And so then they don't want to help because they see you complaining about it. Yeah, that's fine. And one of my things with parenting, and with the coaching that I do, is when I'm looking at behaviors that I want to change in my children, I need to step back and see where they got that, how they got that behavior from me. Right? So what am I doing to support this behavior? And so when we're looking at changing some things, but this works with all kinds of things, and I don't think it needs to be a big thing like cancer, or, Oh, no, not many things like ADHD, and there's autism, and there's all different levels. So I've got a grandson that's on the spectrum. But he's very, very functional. But he's funny to hear. But he's doing well in school, and he's got some friends and but the friends understand that when we come over, we'll play here and Sylvan will play over there. It's all good. And that's how we play together is still in place there. And we play here. So when you understand that, and you're able to take your child for who they are, number one, realize if you've got a kid, that's really ADHD, and I know people are like, Oh, it's the food. Oh, it's this Oh, it's that. And that may be a contributing factor. But it's not all there. And when you have a kid, that's really significant. That's just hard work. And it's exhausting. And those kids can be really fun to be around though, too. You know, they're just, they want to do stuff. Look at the pluses of what's going on with your kid. Know, their strengths know what makes them amazing.

Maureen Michele, MD  37:23  
Yeah, great. Yeah. Well, it goes back to what we were saying before about focusing on the positive, right. And I mean, we hear this kind of toted around, and there can be toxic positivity, I get it. But what you're alluding to, is really focusing on somebody's strengths, and making sure that that child is well aware of what their strengths are. And there is a lot of science behind gratitude and self love, because it builds confidence. And so everybody is different everybody is we're all human, though, we all have human brains. And all of us are living a life that is some good and some bad. And it doesn't matter if you have had the challenge of having a kid who had cancer, or had a kid who had no health trouble, that you're still facing good and bad in your life. And those are just opportunities to learn and grow, rather than opportunities to be resentful. Because that's really when resentment comes in is when we start comparing our struggles with somebody else down the street,

DJ Stutz  38:56  
right, because we never get the full picture. Right, right down the street. In fact, growing up the Binion's. I'm, my maiden name is Benyon. We grew up in LA, and my dad was a professor, and we were crazy involved at church and all of this, and we were the family that everyone else was like, kids don't get in trouble and our life was hell. And nobody now and when my parents grew up, in a state of shock, everyone was thinking, Oh, I wish my kids were more like opinions and they didn't get in trouble. And they didn't participate in this bad thing that happened or whatever. And so they had this view. That was not correct. You were just better at hiding it. Yes. Now, I'll tell you all seven of us turned out amazing. And we're all still good friends. And we're all Yeah, and we love each other. But it doesn't mean that we didn't all have our very challenges and we still have challenges. So it's just quick comparing that don't do it. Yes,

Maureen Michele, MD  40:05  
it is just useless. really useless. But

DJ Stutz  40:10  
you know, good. Oh, sorry, I was gonna say you brought up such a good point. And I don't know where you are faithfully, but I am very faithfully strong. And when you said that they were put in that family for purpose. They're where they were meant to be. I believe that yes. All my heart and oh, so 100% Yeah, that you brought up. I'm so glad that you mentioned it.

Maureen Michele, MD  40:31  
Yeah. So something that you had said earlier, was about and this ties into the whole comparison thing, you were talking about taking care of yourself and learning about your child's health issues, and kind of the whole knowledge is power. One of the things that I tell parents is that whole time to take care of yourself and do the exercise routine that your niece got up early doing that time is so important. And parents and I can tell you, I did this throughout my time of taking care of my daughter, that I felt like it was selfish. If I did these things, to stay healthy, like, take time to read a book, take time to exercise, take time to go have a bubble bath. Those things are so important when you have a challenging kid, because it keeps you strong as a parent. And it's not selfish, it's necessary that it is just like taking blood pressure medicine, if you have high blood pressure, that if you have high blood pressure, and you don't take your medicine, there's consequences that will Same deal. If you don't take care of yourself as a parent, especially a parent of a chronically ill kid. If you don't make that time for yourself, there's consequences to it. And it's not selfish, it stop wasting your time comparing yourself to others and being resentful that this is the life you are given and focus your energy on things that are going to make a difference. Like taking care of yourself and giving yourself a break for just even a little bit of time.

DJ Stutz  42:35  
Yeah, yeah. And looking at your healthy child that's having the conniption fit in the middle of the cereal aisle or the candy aisle at the grocery store. And instead of worrying about what the other people are thinking you're doing that. Okay, you still might get the candy. We're still getting the Froot Loops or whatever. Yeah. Let me go right. Hey, how you doing? Yeah, we're good.

Maureen Michele, MD  43:02  
Well, yeah, you know, it's so funny. You say that, because when I'm with friends who have little kids, so their kid is screaming, and they'll turn to me and like Maureen, doesn't that bug you? I'm like, I don't think you understand. I'm a pediatrician. So when they cry, it means they have healthy lungs, I'm good with that, like charge on screen while you want go for

DJ Stutz  43:24  
it. That's good exercise. All good.

And they take a nice nap after they've had I know really good. I'm looking forward to the nap you're going to have about an hour. There's always a different way to look at things and to be positive. But always again, though, you do talk about that toxic positivity, that Pollyanna type, I don't know if they use that term even anymore. Watch the movie, if you don't know there's the movie. You'll find out what I mean. Anyway, but to have that Pollyanna outlook and be in denial, those are I think often the parents though, that are not taking care of themselves. Right properly because I got this we're good. I got this where, you know, I'm not gonna let this affect anything else. Right. And no, it's gonna affect everything. And that's okay. That it's gonna affect everything, you know? Yeah.

Maureen Michele, MD  44:18  
Right. What a gift you're giving your kids when you're being real. And yeah, this stinks right now. And it's okay that it stinks. Because it won't stink forever. It's okay. And teaching them that is such a great life skill that you've given them. Because when they go through life and they think that everything is rainbows and unicorns, that then if we allow them to grow up like that, that oh my goodness, they're gonna have a rude awakening when They are an adult because life's not like that.

DJ Stutz  45:03  
Yeah, exactly right. When they're young, then those formative years, which are the years that we really talked about on this show, from birth to eight, it's when they're young that those attitudes are developed. So whether they're going to be a victim or a victor, right is basically decided, in most years, whether they're going to be the cup half full or half empty type person, whether they see problems everywhere they go, or whether they see there's blessings and all of it somewhere, I can get the blessing. And they're positive to be around. And so these are the times that we are building these attitudes and these structures, and so whether, like with diabetes, that's not going to really affect her mental or you know, her cognitive capabilities, or whatever. Or let's say, God forbid, they lost a limb, or there's a lot of things that can happen to a kid that doesn't affect their cognitive abilities. And so we can teach them well, you can let this beat you. Or you can make it work to your benefit because it can work to your benefit. So it's all just amazing stuff. I love what you're doing. So if our parents want to find out more about how you can support them and their family and help them support their family, where do they go to find out more about you?

Maureen Michele, MD  46:22  
Yeah, so the best way is my website, which is worrying Michelle spelled with one L M. d.com. So Maureen Michelle md.com. I'm also on Instagram as Maureen Michelle with one L. MD, on Instagram. So the end on Facebook as Maureen Michelle, MD, so would love to connect with your listeners, I also have a book on Amazon called reclaiming life. And that book has some of the things that we spoke about today and goes into a lot more depth in different areas that are important to not only parents who have chronically ill kids, but has valuable lessons for just about anyone.

DJ Stutz  47:15  
Oh, I love it. Now we're gonna have all of that information down in the show notes. So everybody, whether you're on rumble YouTube, or one of the podcast sites, go down to the show notes. There's so much information there. While you're there, since you're there anyway, right? You can always leave a rating and review, make sure you're following. And then most important of all, tell a friend about us and what's going on. If you have a comment or a question or a story to share, please share it there. And let us hear what's going on with your life and your experiences. And if you have a question, certainly we'll I can reconnect with Dr. Michelle and find some answers and we can get back to you. So don't hesitate. And then there's always on Facebook, Little Hearts Academy, and on Instagram, Little Hearts Academy as well. We love to hear from you. So Dr. Michelle, I always ask my guests the same question at the end. And we know that there are no perfect parents never have been Mary and Joseph. We're human and mortal. And so even they had bad days, I'm sure. So how would you describe though? successful parent?

Maureen Michele, MD  48:30  
Yeah. So a successful parent, I would say is somebody who makes tremendous memories with their kid. I just this past week, have spent the week getting my youngest child ready to head off to college. And every single morning we went on a walk through the woods and talked about things to keep him safe during college, talked about what success looks like in college and spoke about goals and dreams and but we also did a lot during the week about getting ready for school and doing fun stuff. And at the end of the week, I asked Well, what did you like best about the week? And the answer was the morning walks. And that kind of story and time. I felt like you know what? That is success as a parent, that making those precious memories that allow kids to just be themselves is exactly what every successful parent does.

DJ Stutz  49:44  
You're amazing. You've got it right on. That's what such great information and oh gosh, encouragement for families. Thanks so much. And if you liked what you heard in today's podcast, just be sure to rate and review. And please tell a friend. And you can do this, whether you're listening on Apple, Spotify, or some other platform like YouTube, or Rumble. 

And before we wrap up, I want to share just an exciting opportunity with you. Starting on November 13, I'm hosting the 5 Days of Service Challenge. Now, the holidays aren't just about decorations and parties. It's really about reaching out to others, and teaching our children the joy of giving and creating meaningful experiences as a family. This challenge is going to be a little bit different than the others. Each day, we'll work together to plan a service event that truly matters to your family. And then on Thursday, we're going to put our plans into action, followed by a reflective session on Friday. So join us in spreading kindness and joy this holiday season. It's a chance to be someone superhero or special angel. Keep your eye on your email. And we can't wait to embark on this heartwarming journey with you and your loved ones. Now you can register now for this challenge. And guess what? That link is in the show notes. And of course you can also find the link on my website, www.LittleHeartsAcademyUSA.com And don't forget to check us out on YouTube and Rumble and next week my guest is Robin McKee free and we're talking about so much fun those new babies I love it. So check it out and see and until next time, let's find joy in parenting.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai