Episode 123: Resilient Kids, Resilient Families with Lynne Kendall

Children  0:00  
We think you should know that Imperfect Heroes podcast is a production of Little Hearts Academy USA.

DJ Stutz  0:09  
Welcome heroes and heroines to Episode 123 of Imperfect Heroes - Insights Into Parenting, the perfect podcast for imperfect parents looking to find joy in their experience of raising children in an imperfect world. And I'm your host, DJ Stutz.

Welcome, everyone, and thank you for choosing to spend the next little bit of time with Imperfect Heroes podcast. And before we get started, I want to remind everybody that you can find us on YouTube and Rumble, YouTube, we're at Little Hearts Academy, USA. And on Rumble, the channel is called just Imperfect Heroes. And I'm so excited, because we have the Cicerone Masters class that's going on right now. And it's nice because it's self paced. So you can watch whenever you want, however, it works for you. And you don't have to meet with the schedule that we're doing a bunch of live stuff. And so there's four different modules, each module has three to six lessons inside. And we are talking about looking at your own parenting and what is your style, what is your personality? What are your triggers, we're also going to be talking about your child in school. And I know that school is just been getting underway. And we're in the deep dive of it right now. And so we're going to talk about social emotional education. And we're going to talk about math and literacy and science. And there's more, but that's what I'm hitting on this one. And we're going to talk about what are the expectations, and then what you can do if your child needs a little extra help. Or if they're doing so well, they need a little extra challenge for their learning, we're going to help you find out all of these things. And it's just so much fun. So if you go to the website, and guess what the link is in that show notes, but if you just pop down, you can click on the Little Hearts Academy USA, there's also going to be a link that takes you directly to the class. So you can register, do whatever you want. But join us and become a master, you know, as Cicerone is a mentor and a tour guide and someone who has a lot of knowledge that they are sharing with other people. And isn't that what we are for our kids. And so we're going to be Master Cicerone's and so join us there. 

Now, today, I'm so excited because we have an amazing guest from down under Lynne Kendall. And we're talking about a topic that's really important. And I know we've hit on it before, in a way, we've talked about resilience in our kids, and how to build that resilience in our kids. And we're going to talk about that today. But we're also going to be talking about familial resilience, and how to make our whole entire family resilient to some of the things that are going on. You know, we've had wildfires and big things that happened a few years ago, my son and his family, they lived right by the paradise fires that were in Northern California, his in laws lost their home that was burned to the ground. And there's a lot of trauma there with the kids and that whole area, or it could be a car accident, it could be a illness in the family, there's so many things that can cause trauma, but we want our kids to be resilient, and to be able to look at this items for what they are, and move forward. And Lynne, you're an expert at all of this. Why don't you talk to us a little bit about what you've got.

Lynne Kendall  3:44  
Okay. So I am in Australia, and I'm well known as resilience tutor. So over my 30 year career in the education system, and in the psychology field, what I discovered was that children, there was a struggle in schools, and I was seeing these young people struggle, and I thought, what really is this struggle in life, you know, and when I came back down, and really boiled down to what that underlying struggle was for them, was them not understanding themselves, not understanding their emotions, not understanding their thinking, not understanding how their energy, sometimes not understanding how they fitted in the school, because I worked in the schools, sometimes not understanding how they fitted in the family. So you know what, I decided to do them because when I first started working in the psychology field, I actually have to wait for children to have negative life experiences before they come and see me. That to me just did not add up to putting on my teaching hat because as a teacher, first I went, I'm going to create a program that helps children learn about who they are, you know, and learn about how their emotions, their thoughts in their energy connect to every experience that they have. And you just hit on that perfect example when you were talking about the wildfires and the trauma and all of those things because what we need to do is actually understand that experience. And it's actually not us that understands that experience. It's actually our brain. So when I worked with families and young children, what I talked to them about is the brain. Ah, so your brain just reacted this way they go here it did, or I say, your body just reacted this way. And they go, Yeah, it did. Because it's understanding how our brain and our body connect and react, or act in different situations, because every new experience that we have, is exactly that, a new experience. So sometimes what we just don't understand is the experience that we've just had. So it all comes down to that experience, and really linking in and understanding what that meant to me, or what did that mean to my brain? What did that mean to my body? What do I need now do to fully understand that experience,

DJ Stutz  5:52  
and you bring up such a good idea in that we're kind of separating it from your brain is experiencing this way, or is reacting in this way, my body is reacting in this way. I mean, kids can get even shaky, they can get an upset tummy, they can eat too much or eat too little. There's all kinds of ways that we react, it's very individual. But as you start saying, well, it's your body that's doing that, or your brain that's doing that, it helps them kind of separate the reaction from who they are correct. Correct.

Lynne Kendall  6:27  
And what that helps with his identity. Because it's not about me, I didn't do that. So therefore, then, you know, and I very much work with the unconscious mind and the conscious mind. So if I said to you, I did that. Then the unconscious mind goes, hmm, I did that. And it goes into a whole different process, where if I say to the unconscious mind, while my brain just reacted this way, they could year it, it goes here, it doesn't, it takes ownership of that, and then it knows how to readjust that part of the process. So we don't have a defensive unconscious mind, we have an unconscious mind that's willing to work with us, and understand the process of what's actually happening for us. So it's just a different way of looking at it. But we really get down to the core of what's actually happening for our brain because our brain is fascinating. I love teaching about

DJ Stutz  7:16  
it, isn't it next lesson live? Well, and I see as parents with young kids, they oftentimes because we don't really teach it anymore, like we used to, but they don't understand the typical development of kids. And that it happens at different stages. And where one child might develop more quickly, maybe verbally, another child might develop more quickly, in the physical realms and in muscle motor memory and and that and be more athletic. Some kids are more rule based rule oriented in the way that they relate to their world around them. Other kids, what rules there's a rule, right? What was the thing was that my daughter, my middle daughter, I've got five kids and my middle I had girl boy, girl, boy, girl, isn't that hysterical? But my middle child, she has two kids, and one is very, very rule based. And the other one is same family, same parents. And yet he is there's a rule what, oh, that doesn't apply to me. That's for the other people, right? And all of that is normal. All of that comes in the realms of normal. And so I think part of that, in helping our kids coming to understand that is taking that little piece of them that personality that's there, what are their strengths? What are their weaknesses, what scares them. And then some kids, it's like, that should scare you.

Lynne Kendall  8:46  
Because all our brains are different, our brains are actually not the same. And like, even in identical twins, when I really looked and studied neuroscience and things like that, just know, even twins actually have different brains, what they have that is identical for them, which sits in their brains is the mirror neurons. So they've got that mirror projection between them. But actually, their brains are still different. And they still act and react in different ways. So which is why I love talking and teaching about some of the different components of the brain are don't go into all of them. But some of them really help children understand, ah, that was my mirror neurons firing or not firing, because some children who sit on the autistic spectrum disorder, what they actually have in their brain is actually less mirror neurons. So they cannot actually read our emotions in that way, because they can't actually have those same mirror neurons because we rely on that communication from our brain to understand what's happening for other people. Right. And sometimes we don't get that message as clearly from our brain as what we'd like to receive it. There's times where you didn't give me that message very clearly. Yeah, you know, so it's just really fascinating when we really understand and like I love teaching it to children, because they're just so far As noted about their brain and their body, and all of a sudden I've got them healthy eating because the guy, my body and brain needs healthy food, you know. So it just puts a whole different conversation into what's actually happening for that young person's body. And then they take ownership over their body and brain. And we just have different conversations in the family, which is really awesome.

DJ Stutz  10:21  
Yeah, yeah. And I love that and you bring up family. It's funny. You brought up twins, because I have brothers that are identical twins. Yeah. Yeah, I'm the only one. And they're number six. Yeah. And it's funny, because one is really super good with English. And writing. He's an attorney. And the other one is, was is really good with science and that kind of, he's an orthodontist, but they have a lot of things that they have really in common, as well. They had to wind up going shopping together for clothes when they were in high school. Because if they didn't, they came home very often that the same thing would go together. So they weren't going to get the same things. But yeah, so but it's yeah, you're right. It's interesting to see the differences, even in identical twins, that there's that individuality that goes on. And so I love also that you brought up that we're having different conversations with the family. Now, when we come to those kinds of understanding. And when we make resilience, part of our family structure, part of our routine, you know, and there's a difference between being callous, and letting kids work it out.

Lynne Kendall  11:36  
Get absolutely and I talk to young children about small, resilient stories, medium resilient stories, and large, resilient stories, because every one of us are resilient in different ways. So for some people, something smarts might seem small, which is what you mentioned before, is actually quite large for somebody else, because their brain has processed that information quite differently. So there's different resilience stories within our families. So which is really great to understand, what does this experience mean to you, it still comes back to that experience. But the more we talk around the experiences that we're having, because sometimes in our families, we just have that experience, we don't really discuss it, we don't really know. And then it sort of gets buried into our unconscious mind or in 20 nervous system, because our nervous system holds a lot of our experiences that we have, and even their unresolved experiences and nervous system also holds those experiences. So as part of one of the family routines I'd love doing is we actually tune in the nervous system, which is so cool. And we don't talk about that enough. So now I have children in family saying, hang on, Mom, I just need to choose a nervous system. Before I go and do this, you know, because that's exactly what we need. But we're not used to talking about our body and our brain in that way. But all's he was saying was Hang on, mom, put the brakes on a minute, I need to tune myself in and I talked to it. But like tuning in a car, we know that we need to go and tune in that car when it before it breaks down. So it's in good running order all of the time, especially because I'm not a good mechanic, I need to make sure that car is running well, when I get in there and do my driving. Yeah, and I talked to. So we talked to the kids in the same way, we're just going to tune in their body. But we're going to tune in our nervous system more to the point. So that way, we're ready as sensory, what the senses that sit in their body is ready to receive that experience. And that way, then we go into those experiences differently. We can have conversations about those experiences. So when I used to, instead of when my children used to come home from school, I didn't say to them, how was your day? Because I was I was getting

DJ Stutz  13:46  
to learn that.

Lynne Kendall  13:49  
Yeah, we can play that one back, we get to have a record, play. Now they're about to walk in the door. But so I used to say to them, what experience did you have today? Rather than what did you learn in mass? What did you learn in English because they forgotten that the brain has actually managed to file that information away from when it needs it next time. It's learned that bits of information. But if I say to you, what experience did you have today, then the children's interesting, just try it out? Because it's fascinating. They actually come up with a totally different response. But actually, I did this today, you know, or I did that today. So it's just interesting how we use that language slightly in a different way. We get a very different response coming, but

DJ Stutz  14:27  
oh, so true. That is so true. And I think having questions that require an answer is so much better. I know families that are at the dinner table and they actually like sat and ate at the dinner table. I highly recommend it parents anyway. They would ask things like what was the best thing that happened to you today? What was the worst thing that happened to you today? Who helped you today? Tell me about someone who helped you today? Tell me about someone that you helped today? You know, having thought Those kinds of questions that require a response, and that the kids get to expound on, especially when they're younger, if you're including them in that conversation, they will be more willing to stay at the table after they move down their food. Right? Absolutely. Yeah. And having them be a part of all of that. So yeah, what a great recommendation, I highly agree with you. Yeah.

Lynne Kendall  15:27  
And the other one I really love to language very differently is behavior. That word in our family is actually banned. We have the word behavior, and we have a crossed out, because to me, there is actually no such thing. Well, there is it's the outcome that we see from our emotions. So I have the word behavior crossed out. And underneath it, I have the word emotion. Because then I say, we, I just noticed that that was a rather large emotion of the present moment. And sometimes I don't use words, I actually like to communicate non verbally. So if my young persons having a emotional moment, at that point in time, what I actually like to do is, and I like to set myself up to be a calm, centered and focused person, because that way, once again, those mirror neurons are working for me. So how I set myself up in that way, going into that emotional moment, is how the child will receive my energy. So that way, he knows they know that I'm coming in to support them. So all of a sudden, their emotion, lessens at that point in time. I don't as the parent take on the emotion. And that's what we'd love to do. As parents, you know, when I was little, he might give me emotions, give them to me, because I don't want you to experience any of that. They're not nice things. I'm not going to get you to take on that, you know, to experience that.

DJ Stutz  16:45  
Yeah. Anger, sadness.

Lynne Kendall  16:51  
Yeah, take it out. Let me take it off. But after I had four children, actually a job when your emotions I actually want you to have football back? Yes, did they go?

Back there, but what I like to do is actually just be in that calm, centered, focused way with them, and then just sit with them. You know, it did nice, comfortable distance, depending on who the child is some like It's closer than others. Yeah. And then sometimes what I say to them, when I'm ready to be in that talking space, I'll just say, you know, whether your body just had this reaction, or your brain just had this reaction, or was like, that was a lot of energy. And that's another topic I teach when it comes to resilience, because what we really need to understand stand is we need to understand their thinking, and how that works for them, and have conversations around our thinking. But we also need to understand energy. Not a lot of people teach energy. And I teach it by three ways. I teach high energy centered energy and low energy, because they are energy within our body. Each has different purpose and a different reason for being Yes, yes. And of course, those emotions sometimes are very high like valcona is because they've all been in their body for a long period of time, when the inner body there is only one direction they're coming, if they've been unresolved. It's not this way. It's that nice volcano effect that we see that emotion that energy can no longer sustain in our body, and it has to come out. So what we're actually seeing in that space is not every emotion coming out, it looks like that from the outside, because that's what we're seeing. That's the outcome. And that's why some people go, Oh, that was a big behavior, or that was a big emotion. But actually what it is, that was a big lot of energy that just needed to come out of your body. So I'd say to say to them go, wow, that was a lot of energy stored in your body. You know, the little person sits and go, yeah, it was, yeah, you know, and I said, isn't that great now that that energy is out of your body. So I teach children how to release energy differently within their bodies. And by doing that, they're actually understanding their emotions more. Yeah. And then we can eventually get to that labeling of that emotion and linking that to the experience and all of those things. And that's how we become resilient. We can become resilient when we understand how our thinking links to our emotions, which links to our energy, which links to the experiences that we're having. And so we've resolved them all by that stage by having a different conversation and I use a conversation framework called PACE, which is playfulness, acceptance, curiosity and engaging. Yes, we want to come into the conversation in a playful fun way. Because that's how we get that connection. The unconscious mind gets relaxed. Oh, great. She's coming in to be with me in a fun and engaging way and the whole mechanisms, the defense's, just go it's a beautiful process to watch the accepting. Wow, that was a little bit tricky, wasn't it? Oh, wow. That was a lot of energy. You know, just accepting the moment for what it is and curiosity. I'm really curious what your body and brain was experiencing one or the other generally. Coming into that curious we're starting now to come into a conversation mode. So playfulness next sentence doesn't necessarily have to be conversational. So they can actually in playfulness, I love play, I spy with my little eye, because it just snaps. Really quickly I

DJ Stutz  20:08  
spy with my little guy that's out of control.

Lynne Kendall  20:14  
Something not quite like

DJ Stutz  20:17  
Sorry, I'm having fun with it,

Lynne Kendall  20:20  
you know, but see how it just takes you into a different place. Yeah, it all sudden shifts, your energy has shifted from that emotion into a very different space. So now we can start having a conversation. And then of course, I'd love the last part, because it's engaging, you know, we come back out through a hug, or we engage in some way. And sometimes when we have these big resilient moments, we don't often come back through that connection. At the end, we sort of get the curious or I'm curious about what's happening with your body or your brain. But we don't often come back into that nice nonverbal way of just engaging in genuinely, it's a hug, depending on your love language for your child, as I called them, you know, because we are the all alike, which is all comes back through our senses, we often like touch, auditory, seeing, whatever that is for that person, there's a different love language for all of us. And knowing that about that child is really, really important part of that process. And then what we have is a very resilient child in a very resilient family, because we're having different conversations in a different way that is able to connect us both. So which is really awesome.

DJ Stutz  21:20  
And let me know what you think about this, one of the things that I have encouraged my families that I do my coaching with and stuff is to have at least once a week meetings where we're talking about these types of topics, but where everybody is calm, it's okay to have a little rice krispie treat for everyone or whatever, you know, and make it a little fun and include games, but even do some role playing. And when the kids are little, when they're three, four, or five, six, they love that roleplay let them be the parent and up the angry child and you practice what's a good way you show me your ideas of what might be a good way, if your brother comes in and just takes away your iPad, I hate iPads, I hate the screens, or your toys that you're playing with, or they push you off the swing or whatever it is. And you can use scenarios from during the week that actually happened in your family. But it's not when you're in the middle of it. And so now we're talking about those very same things that pace where we're talking about, well, what's going on, what's the emotions? How do you feel when somebody and we aren't going to say when Joey comes, you know, but if somebody comes and pushes you off the swing? Well, how do you feel when you have to wait too long to get on the swing and someone's hogging it, you've been waiting and waiting, you know, and so you can have those conversations that are away from the moment the heat of the moment. And then as you practice them, that's when practice comes in, well, not perfection, but mastery may be

Lynne Kendall  22:57  
Lily. And that's why I teach everything from a skill perspective. I love the way you said that. Because you know, and there's so many philosophies out there, I understand that there is around emotions and thinking and whether it's a skill or not a skill, but I actually teach it from the skill base. Because when we actually learn the skill of thinking, we can actually master the skill of thinking, which then we can self master. And that's where self mastery comes from. Same with emotions, we can actually teach that skill, we can master the skill of emotions, once again, we've got Self Mastery, because everything comes back to ourselves. When we skip, when we do the skill of energy, we can learn that skill, we can learn it, we can practice it, we've mastered it, once again, self mastery. So what I love doing and from even from the young stage is teaching young children about self discovery. Because when I was younger, there was such thing. So I learned about self discovery in my 30s 40s 50s. And we all come on this beautiful self discovery journey journeys as teenagers red dots, but we actually don't stop and think actually, my child needs to self discover who they are, as they're growing up from a three year old to a four year old to a five year old. Because it's a journey we're learning all the time. Why not learn about ourselves, why not learn about our emotions and celebrate it? Across the world, we're in this really unique space of not really loving our mental health, not really loving our social emotional development. For me, I just want to celebrate our mental health. Let's have these most amazing positive conversations that we can all about our brain all about our body and really understand what's happening. And it was so funny because I've got four children, one girl, three boys, and I went through the era when I was studying, we went through the era boys didn't do emotions, right. So then I came we came full circle and we went boys, it's okay for boys to cry. You know, we went through that need to be connected to their emotions. So I was all over it. I was one of those cool moms. I was on top of it three boys. I was going to know about their emotions with every eye roll I got don't get me wrong. And I was using the wrong language because that was the language that was around at the time. That's what we're all doing. Right? We went through that era, and I got really connected. The boys got really connected with their emotions. I'm sure they loved me. But then they became, they became late teenagers, early 20s. And I'm still studying neuroscience, blah, blah, blah, you know, boys, I've got it wrong. And I went, Oh, what did you do? I said, I don't just want to know about your emotions. I actually want to know about your thinking, too. Oh, yeah, Geez, mom, you know, but that was a big shift for us. Because you know, some of those that thinking that wasn't quite healthy or that thinking, No, I wasn't quite unsure, actually started coming out. So the conversations we were still having around our thoughts. And because we often stop and feel unlike the way you said before, I feel I actually don't use the word. So I feel I depending on the child, I use, I think so. Instead of saying, How do you feel when Johnny comes over? How do you think it's gonna go when Johnny comes over? Because what I need you to be, it's not in your body feeling at that moment, I need you to be up in your mind thinking. Yeah. So tell me what you think about when John is going to come over? Because then I'm not stirring up any emotion that may be sitting there in the body around watch, it may or may not do when he comes so far, right? I'm not making that up. I'm putting you into it thinking space and going. How do you think this might work for us? So the emotion if it's there is going to stay there until we can release it at some other point in time. Because with children, we are the sometimes unknowingly guilty as as I can, oh, yeah, we put children into a feeling space, rather than a thinking space. So it's really important sometimes to go. This is a feeling situation or a thinking situation, where do I want the child when I work with teachers in schools, because I use teach in schools as well. But teachers and I'd say, children are learners, we want them to be thinking, sometimes teachers unbeknownst and I was a teacher in the same boat, I would put my children into a feeling space, and then all sudden we'd get behavior, what is behavior, it's emotions, because I've used my words, to put them into a feeling space. They're doing their emotions, outcome is behavior. So but the poor child is now being punished for that behavior. Essence, it's actually coming right back to the language sometimes we use that puts them into that space. So I say to teachers, then what are we here to learn in school for learning? So do you want your children in that feeling space or a thinking space, and they go, Well, I just died long ago, great, let's use words that put him into that thinking space, rather than using words to put you into a feeling space. And I did lots of exercises around that. And kids really get that concept really, really quite good. And sometimes they go, I want you to do got one little child who's just most beautiful little person, it goes up to his teacher, and he says, I just want to be thinking all day today no feeling. In other words, please don't use your thinking today, because I really tell other teachers

DJ Stutz  28:19  
the process that wow, that is so cool. So what if though, you have a child that is living entirely in their feeling space, and so everything is huge? Everything is Yeah, everything is the disaster. Everything is and you're trying to help them get into that. But the child themself is being kind of resistant to that, because they are that super emotional child. What suggestions?

Lynne Kendall  28:52  
Yeah, where that actually comes from, it's a nervous system. So when you've got a really highly emotional child, what that says to me is your nervous system is actually overloaded. So what I actually do first, and I do it through music, and actually, it's an American product I actually use and it was developed by, yeah, which is really cool. I do a lot of shopping in the US. postage is not so great, let me tell you. So I have to find the little bit of bulk occasionally. And then I still have to watch my dollar. But I'm good to go with that. Because it's based on music and that she tunes in the nervous system. So sometimes we actually have to look as what's actually sitting underneath that before he can actually go there. So I wouldn't say to them, I'm noticing your sensory system. And sometimes I use those words for children because I have taught them what that is. It's just a little bit overloaded the present moment. And basically they're going to go into a different room and go through those those emotional spaces. But I also only ever use thinking words so they're not going to go into that feeling space. So when we do a practice that with your words, practice round, I'm only going to use thinking words I'm not going to use feeling words and see the difference and get them used to that because then the boss Whole body and the whole brain because she actually doesn't want me to feel she wants me to think. So and even just changing your life, sometimes they

DJ Stutz  30:07  
just don't even know how to do that. No, they don't know how to. And they don't know. That's right that. So we're helping. And I think you brought up kind of a good point is that we're starting with that is nothing that's going to happen in an afternoon, or overnight or in a week, or maybe even a year. And in fact, these are the lessons that we're going to be teaching them really throughout their lives as their bodies change as their hormones change, as their brain chemistry changes, right.

Lynne Kendall  30:36  
That's it, that's exactly how it works. But the moment they can tweak into what's happening in their brain in the body, they make those adjustments better in time, which is really cool. And when they understand that nervous system is overloaded or not overloaded, they have the strategies then to be able to regulate that nervous system so much better. And that's what they know that they're doing. And then they bring themselves into that nice, calm, centered, focused way. And then all sudden, they're doing what they need to be doing. So it's just re educating and re teaching children about what's happening for them. And those emotions then will quite listen quite quickly in that space. But once again, he needs to know his emotion, little fish, and that's okay at times as well. And where your body's gonna go, first, it's gonna go to your emotions first, and then he gets the hang of that, I'm going to go to that emotional place first. And then I'm going to need some help to come back into this thinking space. And when I work with the children, because I'm really a bit clever at this, because I've had lots and lots of practice. It's I swap him in, and now I go, I'm getting pretty emotional space and good push into thinking and I played this little game with their nervous system. So the nervous system gets used to do swapping. So because the new nervous system is only used to being in that one state of feeling, it also goes with energy as well. So for children who experience attentional Deficit Disorder, ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity order, their body is stuck in high energy, what their body hasn't learned yet just go from high percentage to low, low decentered. High, heart centered low. It's predominantly stuck in high energy. So when I teach, we're both teaching children. Okay. Notice, notice you've got stuck in high gear, once again, I go to the car, you're stuck in your body is stuck in high gear. Yep. And sometimes I just want to bring those gears back down, come back down from fourth to third to second to the first, you know, but then body hasn't learned that process. So I teach them that process. And oh, wow, this is really cool. And then I got how clever you, you're an energy shifter, you've just shifted your energy, and then I go, go and deal with other people. Because when we learn something, the best way to really learn it is to teach it to others. Yeah. So we're good. Yeah. So and kids love doing that. Like you were saying before, doing the play scenarios, you know, do it and role plays, kids love nothing better than to be in a teaching role. And I put children's teaching roles all the time, even as young as three years of age. Like I've got little grandchildren that are that age of the present moment. They naturally want to play mom and dads, they naturally want to play school and shop. Yeah, so I just say to them, I'm gonna teach you this. You can't teach that to somebody else. Give them that next minute. They've got all their little friends and preschool friends.

DJ Stutz  33:19  
That's a good thing for them.

Lynne Kendall  33:21  
Yeah, because the more we teach, the more we let our brain is understanding the information on such a deeper level when we teach it, and we're all natural teachers. Yep, we have a profession called teaching. But to me, we are all teachers. I actually also under Okay, Tommy LK is my initials, because I never quite really saw myself as an author. So okay, my initials, Lynn Kendall. And then Tommy stands for teachers, me, myself and I, because in my book, yeah, so in my book, and I've got one here, which is called the ultimate experience, because I believe we're all here for the ultimate experience in life. And that's why we're on planet Earth is to have the most ultimate experience. And I also believe, and in the book, they all also discover that they can become a Tom, because Tom actually stands for teacher of me, because we can all teach ourselves about our body, we can all teach ourselves about our brain. This book starts from about seven or eight years of age, not writing a younger series, I've written my teenage theories as well, because you're totally right. As we move through the world of being a human, our experiences change, you know, so the teenage books looks very differently to what my seven year old books look like. And then I'm writing a series for the younger children. So is that way the parents can read the stories and there's each character in the younger series, each character will have their own book of fun? Yeah, yes. So which is really cool. So Dragon will go and explore emotions with you turtle does oxygen monkey does energy because much? It does. Yeah, of course, Elvis thinking because Al's just calm. didn't focus on sitting at his trade all day, why search against the wall jump does so

DJ Stutz  35:06  
well. And we're gonna have all of that information down in the show notes. So if any of our people are interested in that, they can just go on down and click, and you'll have that already. So I know our time is coming. But I wanted to just ask one last thing, very often in our families, the adults are brain, their emotional brain and their body and all of that. Is there any suggestions? Or sometimes it's very hard for the adults to recognize, wow, I'm the one that struggles we all throw it on the kids or the dog or whatever, stupid dogs? What's going on with you? And not with a judgmental or, but again, that curiosity piece saying, Wow, I really use a lot energy right there. Why do I think I did that? What was setting me up for that moment? So do you have any suggestions maybe for parents who are trying to come in tune with their own energy systems? Oh, absolutely.

Lynne Kendall  36:06  
I like to teach being a camp session or focus parent is once again, it's understanding, and I call it the Compson focus, parenting style, I think I created a new one. But anyway, because what we need to do sometimes is actually bring our body once again, doing that body awareness, you know, getting that diaphragm ik breathing, getting that oxygen circulating around our body. So I don't talk about deep breathing, because what our body actually needs is the oxygen circulating around our body. If I say to the unconscious mind, we're gonna go do some breathing patterns. Now, the unconscious mind goes, Oh, no, I'm already breathing. So you know, I'm alive. So obviously, I don't need to listen roundabout now. But if I say to the unconscious mind, what we're going to do is circulate the oxygen right around our body, and we're going to use their diaphragm, we're going to circulate that oxygen right around our body, the unconscious mind goes, yep, that diaphragm is sleeping. And I don't have enough oxygen. And that's the one skill that is often the very first skill I teach children to children. And as part of that tuning up of the body process is really making sure we've got enough oxygen, because we're emotions also come from number one, they're stored in our nervous system and in our body. But it's also from our breathing. If I'm breathing from the chest, I'm cutting off the oxygen supply to my brain. And the brain goes, I've got no clue what you want me to do, because I don't have enough oxygen to think. And we'd actually don't think about that our brain actually needs oxygen, but it actually does need oxygen. So that's it. So being able to get that oxygen flowing right the way through our body, right through our fingertips right through to our toes right up to our brain. And then we're always in thinking mode as well, we're actually not even feeling mode. So that way, we can tune ourselves in through getting that oxygen release in our body, knowing where our oxygen is in our body, and being aware whether it's in our chest, or whether it's in our diaphragm. And that way, the parent going into any of those situations, if they've got enough oxygen in their body, and they've got those breathing elements happening for them, they're always going to be in a situation where they can help the little ones. I love that analogy. Yeah, put on your life life mask first before you meet somebody else. Right? Yeah, we need to do that as parents. And that's why I love during the whole family tune up system, there's nothing better than working with the whole family. And just putting these practices in together. That just makes sense and languaging it so the brain understands and the body understands exactly what it is that you're doing. I love the term meditation, I love the term mindfulness. But actually, what we're doing is actually circulating the oxygen right around our body. In that point in time, we're bringing our body back to a sense of stillness, taking us to low energy, with then circulating the oxygen around our body. So our brain can come back into a thinking space. And then we can go about our daily process just being a calm, so your parenting style. But do you think

DJ Stutz  38:54  
I think that that's exactly right, and you're spot on with getting that going. And I love starting with the breathing. But the moving oxygen is moving that oxygen around in our bodies.

Lynne Kendall  39:07  
That's right. And we don't have to sit still moving that oxygen around our bodies go with their learning styles. If you've got a highly kinesthetic child who loves movement, get them to jog up and down on the spot that gets the oxygen flowing through the body. I've actually put together which just happened or by accident, but I love accidents. i It's not actually up on my website, because I literally created it last week, but it's actually a movement. Yeah, it's actually a movement. How am I going to describe it? You actually it's music and I talked you through the process. And then you move with the process. And what I find that actually released the oxygen right the way through the body but it gets the whole body and nervous system coming nicely into alignment as well and we've been playing around with it here. And we've been doing it every single morning and with grandkids as well as they can pass my door before they go to school. Let's do that. Let's get that groove on. So it's not about sitting inside illness and getting that oxygen flowing. It's whatever works for you as parents, if you're, if your thing is to move and get that oxygen flowing, also do it that way, if your thing is to be still awesome, do it that way. So you know what I love teaching children as well as what their learning style is. And then we match everything to that. And understanding is that auditory is the visual sound, because that behavior comes from an overloaded sense. So if I know, and, for me, it's visual. So what I have to actually do is, when I'm coming on noticing a change in my body, I actually have to close my eyes and use my hearing sense because my eyes senses overloaded. So I need to cut tune in to my ears at that point in time, if it might hearing senses overloaded, what I need to do is actually close off my hearing sense put noise cancelling headphones on and come to something that's going to feed me with my eyes. So everything still comes back to our body, it still comes back to how our senses interact with what's actually happening for us and within what's happening in our body, which is why I love teaching about the body, the brain. How cool are we?

DJ Stutz  41:07  
Perfect, perfect, perfect. Well, okay, so if our listeners and watchers want to learn more about you get to your website, where they're gonna go, you're gonna

Lynne Kendall  41:15  
go to www the resilience tutor.com.au and connect with me through there. You can also connect with me through LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram, as well. But I just love to chat. I'm really bad at it.

DJ Stutz  41:27  
I noticed.

Lynne Kendall  41:30  
So feel free just to walk up and have a chat as well, you know, because sometimes, I can just help you in small ways. I do have programs, I do have books as well. But let's just start having the conversations and see where those conversations flows is exactly how I work in that space as well. But yeah, I'm just excited to share what I've learned from what I know. Yeah, with with families now. And that's my love. I mean, I do love teaching back in schools, there's nothing better than standing in front of 25 children and teaching all of these skills, but also just love coming into your family home, and have hope Allah resources. So if you do come through my programs, you do get the resolution, it ends up on your fridge. Because it's just so much a resource than the way the kids go, I just send the kids to the fridge. Which part because I do a whole diagrams around the healthy brain and what keeps that brain because when one of those elements are actually out, that means will go into an emotional space or Oh, tricky life experience will happen for us. So I point the one on the fridge and go, which one of these do you think's missing? And it's interesting. I think it's this one, I think I'm missing this one, I haven't had enough oxygen, enough fresh air enough oxygen, you know, and it just handed over to the kids. And it's just exciting. Let them discover themselves. So they know, they just haven't been given a language or a framework sometimes to be able to work with. So that's what I'd love to providing. So anyway, as you can tell, I can keep talking.

DJ Stutz  42:54  
And that's fine. That's fine. Except I run out of time. So yeah, love it. I love it. So before we go, though, I do want to ask you, I ask all my guests this question. Anyone who's listening, they know what's coming next. There are no perfect parents, they don't exist. But with that in mind, how would you describe maybe a successful parent

Lynne Kendall  43:14  
other my calm, centered or focused parents as a successful parent, or appear to make some mistakes. And it's so funny, you said that because I've actually just written a blog about that, because mistakes are awesome. It's all about the teaching, you know, and even the tricky life experiences. And understanding those tricky life experiences is as successful parent as well, because, you know, I have children now saying, I've just had a tricky life experience. And I've learned this. So you know, to me, the successful parent is a learning parent. Because every experience that we have on this planet earth is a learning experience. It's here to teach us something, it's either going to teach us about ourselves, the situation that we're in, or it's going to teach us about somebody else. But it also teaches us that as as the growth as a person, that's what we're here to do. We're here to grow and evolve as the best person that we can be, and do whatever it is that we need to do in this wonderful world of ours, and find our passion find a person. So to me, the most successful parent is the learning parent parent is open to an embracing every single mistake. I actually want to put that word mistake and actually cross

DJ Stutz  44:20  
experience. It is a learning experience. And I've done this I've listened to a lot of people who've made a ton of money, right? Yeah. Yes, yeah. Isn't it funny, I learned way more from my failures than I did my successes. And so let's we need to give that grace to ourselves. We also need to give it to our kiddos or students or whomever we're working with, but you are so right on. Lynne Kendall, thank you so much for helping us out and teaching us just a little more. And again, all of the information that we're talking about is all down in the show notes. And while you're there, just you know click follows subscribe, you can leave a rating and review five stars is the appropriate number of stars and say DJ is crazy and a lunatic and I love her guests. Anything that you want to say about that, but it always helps us get the message out to more families and isn't that what we want? And so until next week, let's find joy in parenting. Bye guys.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai