Episode 125: Peaceful Perspectives: The Power of Gratitude in Stressful Times with Joe and Mell Hashey

Children  0:00  
We think you should know that Imperfect Heroes podcast is a production of Little Hearts Academy USA.

DJ Stutz  0:09  
Welcome heroes and heroines to Episode 125 of Imperfect Heroes, Insights Into Parenting, the perfect podcast for imperfect parents looking to find joy in their experience of raising children in an imperfect world. And I'm your host DJ Stutz.

Hello, and welcome to another episode of Imperfect Heroes - Insights Into Parenting. As I already said, I'm DJ Sutz. Your go to early childhood specialist podcaster, and parent coach. Well, gratitude is an important element of a successful happy life. And this is one of the elements of life that leads to stronger relationships, more happiness and better health. And today I've got an inspiring conversation to share with you. This is a story of resilience, family values, and building gratitude in our children. In this episode, we dive deep into the journey of the Hashi family. Joe is a high school teacher. And Mel is a former social worker turned stay at home mom. And faced with the challenges of 2020. We all remember that year, they made a life changing decision, they gave up what they thought was their dream home. And they just set out on a 2000 mile journey to a town where they didn't know us all. But here's the twist. This turned out to be the best thing that could have happened for their family. Joe and Mel use their education, their faith and their experiences to create the strong family framework, which is a powerful tool that any family can use to establish values and stress free family leadership. We forget that as parents, we need to be leaders in our families. This is a testament to the strength of family and the power of gratitude. So stay tuned as we jump into their remarkable journey and explore how they instilled gratitude in their children through family traditions, and parental mentoring. 

This episode is packed with valuable insights that can help you in your own parenting journey. But before we get started, let me just share that today is the day. And I am so excited. It's November 13. And we are starting our 5 Days of Service Challenge. And it's not too late to register and join us as much fun and especially the holidays can be let's admit it, it can be pretty crazy and stressful as well. So let me help you. Study after study shows that people who are involved in acts of service deal with less anxiety, less stress, have stronger relationships, and are just more happy. Sounds good, doesn't it. So just go to my website, and join in on the fun and make a difference. It's www.littleheartsacademyusa.com. Now, onto my conversation with Joe and Mell Hashey. 

Welcome, everyone, and thanks for choosing to spend the next few minutes here with Imperfect Heroes. And I am so excited. So my new my first book, that's all by myself, I've done some compilation books before. But this one is all on my own. It's my first children's book, and it's called Roman is Bigger. And it's available now on Amazon. Or you can get it through my website, which is www.littleheartsacademyusa.com. And this is a great book about a little boy who learned that finding the right words to really express how he is feeling. Expanding his vocabulary really does help him to feel better and help him to help others understand what he is honestly feeling. And so it's a fun little book. It's just the right read. I wrote it as a teacher so that I know it's great for the length and turning pages fast enough so that it keeps kids engaged for circle time. It also keeps kids engaged when you're reading at home bedtime stories or whatever. It's got a great message. There's even a lesson plan in the back for teachers to use as they're planning on how to implement that in the class. And there's the parents page, talking about different ways that you can help expand your child's vocabulary. So really vocabulary is the one thing that really makes the difference between kids to our starting school, those who have a great expansive vocabulary when they're starting have a huge head start over those who have limited vocabularies. And so we're just trying to help parents and help kids get that great start, that'll keep them going as they move along, in education and in life. So it's Roman is Bigger by DJ Stutz. One little fun thing is my illustrator. She's awesome. The pictures are great. But she is actually a Ukrainian refugee living in Poland. And it's a fun story, how we got together, I'll save that for another day. But she's just amazing. And I was so glad that we were able to connect with through my amazing publisher. So anyway, Roman is Bigger, go get it. What a great Christmas present for anyone that might be in your life and enjoy it. 

Okay, so today is the beginning of imperfect Heroes series for the holiday. And we are jumping in with both feet with the Hasheys. And it's Joe and Mellie. And boy, are they in it, they've got three active boys and just moving forward in life. And so we're going to take two of their seven pillars of raising kids. But Joe and Mellie. Before we do that, why don't you introduce yourselves and talk about what you are bringing to the table today?

Mell Hashey  6:31  
Thanks, DJ. We're so happy to be here today. Joe and I we've been married for 17 years, almost in a couple of weeks. And we have three boys, like you mentioned ages 5, 11 and 13. And a little background about us. So Joe was a teacher right out of college, and I was a social worker. And life took many different turns after that we didn't stay in those positions. But Joe ended up starting a company. We have a couple of gyms. And then I ended up doing a lot I ended up staying home after my second son was born, and did a lot of the book work and the back behind the scenes stuff for the company. And things were all moving forward. We bought our dream home while what we thought was our dream home at the time. And then when all the lockdowns happened, and our company was shut down, we thought to ourselves, what are we going to do if we can't reopen? What's our plan here and Joe and I take, we try to take walks every day to stay connected and make sure we're communicating with each other because you can easily not do that if you don't spend enough time together. And he mentioned, what if we picked up and took our family and moved across the country to a place more aligned with our family values. And after my initial panic attack about that, because I just, I'm not somebody who moves, you know, this is where my family is. That's crazy. We got on a plane, we bought a house. And it took us about a year to get everything together. I was homeschooling at the time. And we moved across the country. And ever since then we've been slowly implementing these different pieces of what we believe make a family strong. And we ended up kind of codifying it into these seven elements called the strong family path. And that's we decided to turn it into a podcast. And that's where we are today.

DJ Stutz  8:11  
That is so fun and so exciting that you so daring, right? To pick everybody up and move. Good for you, though. And how are your boys enjoying the change?

Mell Hashey  8:22  
They're doing great. Honestly, it was it was a struggle for one in particular, when we had mentioned moving on that the third, the youngest was just two years older so and then our oldest was excited about it. But the schools that we found here are really well aligned with the kids a lot of outdoor learning. They've made good friends. They play sports now. They've just really dove in. And I think the area that we chose is just so aligned with our values and just outdoor adventuring, that they're all doing super well.

DJ Stutz  8:51  
That's such great news. That's fantastic. So you brought up a couple of things that I think are super important are number one, your walks that you to take together every day to make sure that you're connecting and talking, you're not taking your relationship as husband and wife. That takes precedence to me over mom and dad. I think the greatest gift that you can give your kids is a strong marital relationship for them to grow up with. So I love that you're doing that and making that a priority and an example for your kids to see in their lives. What are some of the things that you guys talk about when you're on that block?

Joe Hashey  9:34  
Well, first, I think it's really well said DJ, we have conversations with the kids, and not done in a sarcastically sarcastic way or anything like that. I'd say we don't exist to serve as kids, you're going to have to learn the skills to lead your own life. We're here to support and guide you. You're here because of our love as a couple and so we want to always honor that. And so we would connect on the walks. A lot of people initially were like, hey, when you first get married, make sure you do date nights and stuff like Get that we found out that kind of wasn't really our thing. It wasn't very relaxing to like, try to get coverage for the kids and then find a restaurant to rush to that we could find seating and then wait in line and then pay a lot for dinner and then get back. And it was like, alright, this isn't great. So we switched it up. Like we get up early, we have a little bit of coffee on the deck, that's like a morning day time. And the other connection is we walk for 45 minutes a day, even it's just up and down our road at the beginning, when our kids were very young, we push them in strollers, and when they could stay by himself, we would just go up and down the road. So it relieves a lot of stress of the classic date night for us. And we just like many days talk about the day when everything was going on. Because we're out of school, we opted to homeschool my head, a handful of employees at my company. But now the company was Shall we talk about what can we control in this situation? What direction do we need to go and make some decisions on how to improve our lives versus just kind of wallow in everything that's going on. Because there's nothing that many of us could change, it's just alright. Well, you know, it just is what it is right now. So let's go ahead and focus on what we can control and help our family forward.

Mell Hashey  11:04  
And honestly, one of the steps of our strong family path is recognizing the different relationships within the home, of which we as a couple are one of them. So that's really why we made it part of that, because we think it's that important to always be considering the different relationships in the home. And one of the other things that we often talk about when we're walking is obviously the kids and which parents don't talk about their kids when they're together. But really, because sometimes one of the kids will need extra support for some reason. So I'll notice, hey, this kid is struggling in this way. Let's strategize together on our walk, how we can support and help them because sometimes if you just impulsively respond to a child, it doesn't go well. Sometimes you need to recognize like I am seeing this pattern of need in this kid, you know, maybe we have some ideas we can share when we're at when we're walking together. And then we can better address it. So that's oftentimes something we talk about, or we just laugh sometimes. And it's not always like a serious walk, we also just enjoy each other's company.

DJ Stutz  12:04  
Oh, I'm so glad to hear that you do, I think sometimes, you know, we get married because we enjoy each other's company, right? And we want to spend time together. And it's so important to keep that as a priority as we're growing along with each other. And that we keep that sense of gratitude for one another. And we notice the things that the other spouse does that is endearing and sweet and kind. And we mentioned it to them too. I know it's nice when Russell, that's my sweetheart when he notices something or mentioned something or whatever, I really take notice of that. And the chances are really good that it's gonna repeat if he said he liked something I did, or a shirt that I have or whatever, then so it's very meaningful to me with that. So that is just so cool that you're able to get that done and and to move forward with that. I also think that it's great that you just spend time laughing sometimes. Sometimes you just gotta laugh or you're gonna cry, right? Yeah, you walk in, and there's Cheerios all over the floor.

Mell Hashey  13:14  
We really like we really bring humor into everything we possibly can. Sometimes if things get too serious, I'll oftentimes grab Joe and have him come and like break the ice because he always has a way to bring humor and it just diffuses everything. So the humor is a big piece of our family living. Yep.

DJ Stutz  13:31  
So good. So good. And then your kids start picking it up to that humor,

Mell Hashey  13:37  
they do that we try to do it as well.

DJ Stutz  13:40  
That's so cool. That's so cool. So how do you expand that then to your kids, so that maybe your kids are starting to learn to appreciate each other that they have really great siblings, you know, they're not gonna appreciate each other all the time. That's weird. If they were perfectly, I always asked when I was teaching parenting classes were the Division of Family and Youth Services. I did that for 16 years in Las Vegas children that never challenged you, they get along with their siblings all the time. There's never any discord in the family, get them to a mental health professional immediately because something is horribly wrong. So So part of that is just the normal growing up and learning how to stick up for yourself and how to negotiate and, and you know, that's just part of how they learn how to live life, but to how do you promote them, recognizing the things that they're grateful for in their siblings, as they grow and become closer? Well, two

Joe Hashey  14:46  
things and I'm sure Matt will share our gratitude practice at dinner here shortly. In these moments, we often well one of our family core values is accountability, like so they control these little moments with strife with their brother. Yes, we'll be the media adherence. All right? Well, what's your part in this situation, haven't talked it out and understand that they're going to have to solve, it's not us going to come in and solve it for them. So they might as well do it before we get there. And the second thing is something you mentioned earlier positive reinforcement of the behaviors that we want to see repeated. And so when they are great with their younger brother, they help them involve in something or great with the two older ones sitting down and like reading with him or going on bike rides together, while we say something small. Hey, so cool, you can ride your bike with your brother. And just those little constant nudges, I think goes a long way. And

Mell Hashey  15:33  
Joe mentioned that we have core values. So there are literally we have six core values, they are written down, the kids have them memorized. And we are making choices on a daily basis based on those core values. There are filter, essentially. And I think that does two things. So one, it creates a family culture. So you said how do you promote siblings getting along them knowing that they're part of a really well organized, well oiled machine of a family who know what they're about, and what we stand for, is like paramount. So they all we all have this common family goal. You know, we know who we are, we know where our what our goals are. And then secondly, putting that into practice. So one of our core values is gratitude. And one of the ways that we promote that every day is that dinner time, which is another piece of our path is having as many dinners together as a family as possible, our five year old gets to choose in what order we each share gratitude from the day. So he'll go around, either tap you on the shoulder, he will chase our 13 year old around the house till he tags him. So it's a really fun and exciting and the kids love it. And we all get to share some kind of gratitude from the day, sometimes they'll choose somebody twice, he's like, Yeah, you get to go again. So we're always looking forward to the family meals together. And we always look forward to sharing what we're thankful for. And then when other kids visit, let's say we have a kid over hanging out with one of our sons, we just include them in it, we're always we still are who we are, even if it's other people in the home,

DJ Stutz  17:01  
I think that is so key to for them to see that you're staying with the plan. Even though someone else might be there, you still stick to the plan. It's good for other kids who are outside of your family to see how your family works. Because there are so many kids that come from, I won't say dysfunctional, but families that work differently, and maybe don't show gratitude, or they don't show that kindness, they don't show that support in helping with, maybe they have assignments at dinner to set the table or to clean up the table or whatever. And it doesn't matter who's there, you're still responsible for whatever you're responsible for, we still show gratitude, we still show kindness. And some of the kids who maybe don't have that in their home for them to see, oh, wait, there's another way, it can have a huge impact. I've heard so many stories from some of the parents that I've coached where they have said, you know, my family was kind of dysfunctional, there's a lot of yelling, or whatever. But I had a friend and whenever I went to their house, it was just such a warm place to be and there was love. And there was this and I wanted my family to be like that I didn't quite understand how to get there. But I knew it was possible because I saw it and you can be that influence on other kids.

Mell Hashey  18:29  
That's really exciting to hear you say it that way. I completely agree. And I was a therapist for five years before I stayed home. Like I mentioned earlier, and one of the things that was the core piece of therapy was you might only see this child once or twice, give them something that they might not otherwise have been exposed to. Right, like you're saying, so that I do love that I do love that we know who we are as a family when someone comes over, I certainly hope that they walk away and knew they were part of something interesting that can be duplicated. Right?

DJ Stutz  18:59  
Right. That's so important. So tell me some of the things then that you do. Specifically, let's kind of get down to brass tacks about some of the things that you do to engage your kids in grateful practices. Well, we

Mell Hashey  19:14  
mentioned earlier, the one about saying what we're thankful for a dinner, we also do this in our weekly family meeting. So we actually after we do the meeting part of it, we go around and we give everybody at the table compliments. So I'll give a compliment to Joe and each of my kids. And it's really interesting to watch the kids give each other compliments, because it's always easier to like say Mom, thanks for dinner, it was tasty or something. But for them to notice in each other things that they want to positively reinforce, essentially, is really, really powerful. So that's another way that we show gratitude. And in the morning, the kids get up and each do a contribution which is basically a chore but we choose to call it a contribution because it's more positive. And they feel like they're part of this family system. So even if It's putting some dishes away, they're contributing to the family unit. And then they write their journal after that, and they have to write down three things. Well, I should say they get to write down three things that they are thankful for. So they're already starting each day, at least considering gratitude. And you know, even if they do their journal really quickly, the goal is that it's a habit for them. And even if it's always like, I'm thankful for my mom, dad and my brothers, it's still they're thinking about it, it's being primed in their mind to start their day with gratitude. And I'm of the mentality where I always try to find silver linings. So even if they're grumpy about something, if I find a way, like, well, let's, let's still see if we can find a way to be thankful, even though this situation kind of stunk, or can we find some kind of silver lining, so they know that that's my personality, and we kind of joke about it, like, well, How's mom going to find a silver lining with this one. But again, it just promotes that idea of always finding something to be thankful for, even in difficult situations.

DJ Stutz  20:58  
That is so good. And so important. When you talk about the role modeling. Again, kids learn more from what we do, then from what we say, way more from what we do and what they see others do around them. So do you ever have a time where you're sitting at the dinner table, and they're supposed to give a compliment? And they're like, Wow, I don't have anything nice to say about joey today. You know, they've had a spat or some disagreement or whatever, and they're still feeling it. So how do you handle that at the table, or whatever setting it's in.

Joe Hashey  21:33  
So sometimes with the compliments, they get a little little weird about, like, one subtle stand up, put his hand down his hips, like, Alright, give me my compliments, like, in a joking way. And another one will take it to, like, Well, I'm not gonna give you one. And we just role model serious I hate what you're doing is funny. This is serious discussion. So I'd like to hear a real answer. And so we don't play into the faking compliments or faking gratitude, like, I'm thankful for nothing, okay? Well, there's got to be something good in your life, we're sitting here in a house with food on the table lights coming down on us to close on our body. So I'm gonna give you a few minutes to reflect on this. And that very rarely happens. But it's usually like they're in a silly mindset. And we're gonna say, let's shift gears, let's have a serious conversation that can go back to being silly.

Mell Hashey  22:16  
And sometimes my perspective is you can love someone and be angry with them at the same time. I think a lot of times with kids, we need to teach them emotional intelligence, that you can carry different feelings towards the same person at the same time. So like, right now you're upset with your brother because X, Y or Z happened, but you still do care about them. So I think a lot of times, little kids, especially kids who are in struggling families, they think it has to be one or the other. You can't be feeling both of those things. So we acknowledge that and then like Joe said, we still expect an answer. They're they're intelligent enough to be able to come up with something, even if it's like, Hey, I like your shirt today. Like something to be able to bring it back. Yeah. Yeah,

DJ Stutz  22:58  
I keep a gratitude journal is what I call it. And when I started, and there's a long story, I won't go into it. But when I started, I would write something every day, whether I was grateful for this or that I noticed something that one of my kids did, or my husband did, or it could be a neighbor or someone at work, whatever that were, I would also write things that maybe I saw the hand of God in my life, something a little miracle that happened in my life and where it made me notice that God knows who I am. And he's in my life, right. And there was one day that was just particularly horrible. Nothing went right, everything was falling to pieces. And I'm sitting there in the evening, and I have my journal out. And I remember thinking, I have nothing to write today. There's nothing good, nothing good that I can write about today. And I remember hearing those internal voices that come into your mind and my faith tradition is that's the Holy Spirit. And I remember in such a chastising voice hearing, how dare you. And I'm thinking like, it's like, you have a roof over your head. You have more than enough food, you have so much food in your kitchen, that it's actually a problem, but you got a nice car, they get you to work, you've got a job that you generally enjoy. You had a bad day today. Your kids are healthy. You got a dog that you love. This was when we lived in Las Vegas, there's a swimming pool in your backyard, you have air conditioning, and all of these things came to my mind. And it just really taught me how there's so many things in my life anyway. And I think people in general fall into that category that are such amazing blessings that come to us. One that we just tend to take for granted, especially, you know, if we're in a mode, and things just didn't go the way we wanted them to, we tend to think, oh, everything's horrible. And we throw everything away. And so what a great lesson that you're teaching your kids and yourself, because even as adults, we have those days, right? We all have those days. And so teaching your kids and reinforcing it within yourself that, honestly, there are many people all over the world that would give up pretty much anything to have the lives that we have.

Mell Hashey  25:41  
It's very true. And I do like that you bring that up. Because another thing that we sometimes I think, Joe, read this in a book somewhere, where you'll oftentimes remember the end of an experience. So if my kid had a fabulous thing at school, and then their soccer game, and the evening went terribly, they will likely think the whole day was awful. So I think sometimes when they're stuck in that awful place, we can like, reflect, well, what was it like during the day that something go Well, during the school day? I mean, there are days when everything seems to go poorly. But oftentimes, if you can rely on looking back and help them understand that oftentimes, we feel worse when the day ended poorly, even if there were great things that happen throughout the day. And then remind yourself, like you said, of those things that often get taken for granted. It's actually a joke for us. Now I will say, Oh, you're welcome boys for the lights that are on in this room, like we do it jokingly. But really, it makes an impression. And they remember that. Yeah. So

DJ Stutz  26:37  
true. It's so true. And I remember to this was about four years ago. So I had the last few years that I taught, I wound up taking on a lot of kids who had IEP S, which is an individual education plan, usually for kids who had some special needs, because their behaviors didn't bother me. And so other teachers would struggle on, like, I put them in my room, and I had an aide, I only had her the one year, but she was very like bird, you know, this child needs, it has someone with them all the time. And they're always in trouble. And they're always well, they're always in trouble because you put them in trouble well, and they get upset they get I look at the person who I see upset is you, you know, kind of a thing. And I noticed that I had to ask her to quit talking to the parents, because she would go out and say, Oh, he had a terrible day. And he was this and that. No, he had like a terrible 10 minutes, they tended to be at the end of the day, which still they were fresh on her mind, because he would be tired. And that's when he would tend to have his little meltdowns, but 1015 minutes, at the end of the day, the whole rest of the day, he was fine. He did great. And, you know, he was on the autism spectrum and had some issues there. But, you know, he tended to do fine for the rest of the day. And, and so then I'd have to go out and tell him I really, he had this little meltdown at this part of the day, but let me tell you about the rest of his day. And I'm still in touch with this little mommy, she'll Facebook me, you know, every once in a while on Messenger and let me know how he's doing. And she's told me a number of times, I don't know how we would have gotten through that first year without you there. Because we don't want to defend our lives on the worst thing we did. If our whole life at the end of our life was defined by the worst thing that we did in our lives, goo right? Wouldn't that be just so depressing, and horrible? I would rather have my life defined by the best thing I did. And so why not do that for our kids. We have things we've got to work through doesn't mean we ignore the things that we need to help them through. But it's just like, oh, this is what we're working on now. Right? And so let's work on it together. And we're going to help you through it. But you've got so many great things. Let's just build on the great things that you're doing, and use those things to help you through. Is that kind of how you look at things, or do you have maybe a better take on that?

Mell Hashey  29:19  
Well, I think I agree with everything that you said I think on top of it too is recognizing that the more you practice gratitude, the easier and more common like I don't say commonplace, but it becomes a habit essentially. So if we can role model it as adults, especially because this woman that you worked with, unfortunately, it sounds like she might need a gratitude journal to start focusing on finding those good things because I recognize some people struggle more with that than others. And I do go over the top sometimes with finding Silver Linings because I want them to see and I want to role model that it's possible. And the more you practice it, the easier it gets. And we do end our days as well with some gratitude Prayer in the evening. So I'll go downstairs and I put my younger one to bed and then I go speak to the others. And we do like a little Bible verse, and then we share gratitude again. And this oftentimes will become a discussion, you know, at bedtime is when kids oftentimes will bring up the more sensitive topics from the day. And we actually call it the evening debrief as part of our strong family path, just being available to them at that time, even though it's like nine o'clock, and I want to go to sleep, but they will often bring up things then that require our attention. And sometimes that's an opportunity as well to find some gratitude within that difficult situation that they're facing.

Joe Hashey  30:36  
Yeah, to add one more thing to it, it is finding appreciation for even your struggles. And there's a saying like bad things don't happen to us, they happen for us. And you're in a tough situation, if you go, what is this trying to teach me. And so it might be about hiking with older one at a hailstorm rolls in. So while it's really stinks, I wonder when this lesson is going to come back and serve me down the road, and you just kind of have that mindset, don't carry the added worry and stress with it and see what you can learn out of it. Yeah,

Mell Hashey  31:04  
we're really big on helping the kids figure out what they have control over, and not just fall victim to whatever happens in life. And we really want them to see these are the things that are just are the way they are. And here are the things that you actually can take control up and having to be kind of corny and Attitude of Gratitude is a choice. It really is, it

DJ Stutz  31:23  
totally is. And it'll make all the difference in how they perform it at work, how they'll perform when they go to college, if that's a bath that they choose to do, I'm not one who thinks they all have to do that. But in their relationships with their spouse, in their relationships with coworkers, and neighbors and people that they go to church with. And every person they touch, if they have that attitude of gratitude, like you say, it's going to affect all of that, it will make the world a better place. One person at a time. Agreed. Yeah. And another thing that you brought up that I really feel strongly about, and I'm so glad to hear that you do this with your kids is that you spend time as a family in the scriptures, studying the Word of God, which I think is huge, and discussing it and learning from that. And then it sounded like you spend time as a family and prayer. And I think it's so great for kids to hear their parents praying for them brain over them, and then their siblings to that, maybe Big Brother's saying please help Joey because I know he had a rough day today. And he's maybe a little sad. And please let him know how much he's loved. And what does that do for the relationship between the brothers or you know, you don't have any girls, but even for siblings, whatever, when you hear them and how you noticed I was having a bad day, and you're asking God to watch over me, that is such a huge strengthening for those relationships. It only draws them closer. Yeah,

Mell Hashey  33:10  
I completely agree. I mean, we really try to focus on the importance of everybody having a relationship with God. So we pray together, but also as individuals. And you know, in the morning, I will wake up early, we have our little coffee together. And then I'll read a little bit from the Bible and try to find a verse that stands out. And then I bought this whiteboard recently that I hung up next to the kitchen table, and I'll write it down. So in the morning, it's just another attempt to make that part of the day. Just start the day with a verse and the boys notice that I wasn't changing it very often it will be we're like, it's still the same verse as like the last couple of days, I've really gotten on top of it, and I put a new one up there every day and today my son notice without me saying anything. So it's again just like having prompts and this was really the pastor at church had spoken about this like reviving the family altar in your home having Bible verses available and around and I just kind of found this way that didn't mess up with like my way of decorating or whatever. And just a place that I could put that and they can even write their prayer intentions on it, which can be things they're thankful for people that that need prayer, and then we come around to it and pray for those things, but just having it out and available. I love visuals, just like our core values are visual. Same thing with the with the verses, you're

DJ Stutz  34:27  
gonna think I'm kind of weird, but you probably already think that any way but when we were finishing our house and we were at the point where we were getting ready to have the flooring put in so I went around and in every room in our house, I wrote on the bay you know on the base, the whatever planking floor, you can tell my husband's the builder I just whatever he does, and so I went and used a Sharpie and wrote down scripture verse in every room on the floor, no one's ever going to see it. But it that's so cool. It just comforted me and every verse had something to do with what happens in that room, like even the bathroom, cleansing our soul and stuff in the guest room, you know, that talks about guests come to visit, and my office, my husband has an office and in the kitchen, it was something about food and, but knowing those verses are there and hoping that God will recognize that honored us through those things. So it's kind of a goofy thing. But, um, one of our neighbors came in, and cuz, you know, oh, new neighbors, and they're there. I'm gonna go say hi, you know, and so he came in, and I saw him lucky. On the floor, I don't know what he thought. But he didn't say anything. But I saw I'm looking at him. So well.

Joe Hashey  36:03  
Yeah. I don't think that's it's actually weird. I know. It's around the holiday season. And we're looking non traditional with a lot of things, including some of our holiday celebrations or things like that, that are just different. It's, there's no, there's no judgement. It's pretty cool. Oh, well, thank

Mell Hashey  36:18  
you. Makes me floors and write some verses.

DJ Stutz  36:24  
To funny, well, melon. And, Joe, I, I'm so glad that you've spent a little time with us. Can you tell us how our listeners and watchers are on YouTube in rumble as well? How can they get in touch with you and learn more? Or find that? Where can they find your podcast?

Joe Hashey  36:44  
Yeah, we keep it real simple. We host everything at strong family project.com, we give away the seven steps of the path and our notes on them and how we deal with the family. But our goal isn't that you adopt everything we're doing. It's here's a framework, make it your own and use it in your own way for your own unique family. That's all for you, including the podcast episodes, our Instagram or YouTube links are all at strong family project.com. Oh,

DJ Stutz  37:08  
that's nice and simple. You're so right. Thank you. And so I always end every episode with the same question for my guests. Because we know, even Mary and Joseph were imperfect parents, they were mortal. And if you look at the list of kids that they hadn't, they only listed the boys. I'm sure they had their days. It was like goo goo. So knowing that there were no perfect parents, maybe you can tell us how you would describe a successful parent,

Joe Hashey  37:39  
my mother Do you want to go first? First, I think a successful parent is someone that takes intentional action towards a worthy family goal. And I like to say it like that. So it's that they put thought into it. Because if they're not leading and teaching their family, external forces are going to guide your family. And some of them could be good teachers or coach influences. Some of them could be negative, but you're just kind of rolling the dice and hoping for the best unless you're taking intentional action. And the worthy goal is what you define in your family, we do it through our core value system. And we take the time to define what we think a good man is because our kids are boys, we would do the same thing for for good women. We're working through that process. And so we take our intentional steps towards those worthy goals, steps won't be perfect. I'll give you a business example of starting a company is like we want to get to this. And it's a train wreck 90% of time in between. But we're continually taking action towards that goal, we have to be able to provide jobs and opportunity and serve our clients. Same thing is true with a family. And I do want to emphasize the word action, not just intentional thoughts without any action behind them. It doesn't have to be perfect, it's not going to be perfect, just like you said, DJ, but just keep working forward each day, apply a little bit of gentle pressure towards you and your family towards whatever worthy goal you want to accomplish.

Mell Hashey  38:55  
So for me, I'm gonna give a little, a little tiny story from the mornings that we do. So whenever the kids come into the kitchen, so they're downstairs, they come up. And as soon as they enter the room, I always turn to them smile at them. And I give him a hug every day, every single day, every single morning, except the one day that I forgot and my son will ever let me forget that I forgot that day. But the the reason that I bring that up is because I think you are a successful parent when you truly appreciate and enjoy the members of your family. So when they come in in the morning, I'm not faking it. I'm not like okay, I give you a hug. So I'll just do it. I truly love and care about them. I call them my loves. I'm always smiling at them and telling them how handsome they are or whatever. But I want to make sure that I think I feel that we're successful as a family when we all are truly caring for each other. And not just the physical needs but like the emotional needs. So that's what I would say. I

DJ Stutz  39:50  
love that so much. Thank you for sharing that with us. I appreciate and I'm very grateful that you chose to become Part of imperfect heroes are podcast and what we are trying to accomplish for families in America as well. And all over we actually have listeners in places like Australia and Spain and Israel and Great Britain. And so it's kind of fun to have that kind of reach and talk to people about this really, really important thing that we're trying to accomplish in the world today. So thank you so much for spending that time with us.

Joe Hashey  40:28  
Yeah, our pleasure. And congratulations on your growth and all the people you've been able to serve and help. So thank you so much for putting us in your network a little bit today, DJ.

Mell Hashey  40:36  
Yeah, we're so thankful to have had this conversation. Thank you.

DJ Stutz  40:39  
Thank you. Joe, and Mell are just an amazing couple, aren't they? And if you want to learn more about the Hasheys in their podcast, and their framework, just click on the link in the show notes, and you'll be there. And while you're down in the shownotes, hit the Follow button to make sure you are getting in on the amazing episodes that we have each week. And if you like what you hear in today's podcast, be sure to rate review and tell a friend and you can do this whether you listen on Apple, Spotify, or some other platform. And don't forget to check us out on YouTube and Rumble. So if you want to watch us on YouTube, the channel is Little Hearts Academy USA. And if you want to jump over to Rumble and find us, it's just Imperfect Heroes. And next week, my guest is Tanya Lopez from the UK. And she's also an amazing parenting coach. And we are talking about service. So check it out and see and until next time, let's find joy in parenting.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai