Episode 129: Making The 5 Love Languages Work With Your Children with Paul Zolman

Children  0:00  
We think you should know that Imperfect Heroes podcast is a production of Little Hearts Academy USA.

DJ Stutz  0:09  
Welcome heroes and heroines to Episode 129 of Imperfect Heroes Insights into parenting, the perfect podcast for imperfect parents looking to find joy in their experience of raising children in an imperfect world. And I'm your host DJ Stutz.

Hello, and welcome to another episode of Imperfect Heroes, where we explore the amazing world of parenting. And like I said, I'm your host DJ Stutz. And on your go-to early childhood specialist, podcaster, author and parent coach. And I think most of us have heard about the five love languages. And that's a book that was written by Dr. Gary Chapman. And we instantly think of these five love languages in relationship to our spouse or loved one or significant other. But how often do we think about the love languages that our children have? And how that relates to our relationship with our kiddos? And us? What if we could make these love languages work in our family like a game? My guest today is Paul Zolman. And one of the things I noticed right off the bat about Paul, is that even with his own difficult background and family history, and his own struggle with anger, that he is now able to just find the positives when it would be so easy to just sit and sulk in the negatives. And he tells his story about coming from generations of anger and abandonment, he found that he needed to be the one to make the change, or no one else would, right. And so he decided to change the generational path of his family, we're going to listen into the conversation that Paul and I had about those Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, and how he connected them to the ministry of Jesus Christ, and how that made all the difference. 

But before we get started, I want to talk to you just for a second about how I would love to be a part of the changes in your life. Are there things that you know, maybe weren't so great with you growing up, and you just don't want to repeat the cycle? Do you want to really make those connections with your kids, and give them the start that maybe you didn't have maybe you had a great childhood, but there are little tweaks and changes that you would like to make with your kids. Maybe you're just struggling with, oh, there's so much to do. And so many kids, right? I was there. And it took a lot of work and education, I got my degree, I made some changes, and then having a chance to teach. I just really learned so much about the development and how kids learn. And just to really calm down, enjoy the experience, and then find the passion, and the love, and the peace in making those changes that I wanted to see in my life in the life of my children, and how I can help you make those changes as well. If you're interested in just having a conversation, you can always talk to me, I'm gonna have my booking link for my calendar down in the show notes. You can always get me through my website, www.LittleHeartsAcademyusa.com, and my email, which is just DJStutz@LittleHeartsAcademyusa.com. All of that's down in the show notes. And so if you just want to have a conversation, ask a couple questions. I'm here for you. And I'd love to talk to you. 

All right, and then next week, you probably going to want to watch the podcast so it's on YouTube, it's Little Hearts Academy USA. Or you can find me on Rumble with imperfect heroes because my guest is the real low one, the only Santa Claus. And so we're going to be there it drops on December 18. And that is going to be my last episode of the year. Because I am not dropping an episode on Christmas Day. Just letting you know. I will be back on New Year's Day though and you'll pick us up and we'll start with season four. You can believe it. So next week, so Santa Claus, the week after that Christmas Day, no episode. And then we'll be back for New Year's Day. All right, so let's jump into my conversation with Paul Zalman. There's so much to learn. So let's get started. Welcome, everybody. And thank you for choosing to spend the next few minutes with imperfect heroes. And I would want to remind everyone, you can find us on YouTube and Rumble now if you want to see the video. They have different channel names Rumble is Imperfect Heroes, and YouTube is Little Hearts Academy USA. And so I hope that you'll do that. And if you go there, remember to follow, subscribe, like review five stars is the right number of stars. And most importantly, tell a friend. So today we are talking about just such a great topic. And I think many of us have read Gary Chapman's book on love languages. And we tend to look at it as our spouse or ourselves with our language. But how often do we really look at our kids and seeing what's their love language? Well, Paul, you're here telling us all about that, why don't you introduce yourself and talk to us a little bit about what you have going on.

Paul Zolman  6:22  
Thank you, DJ, nice to be with you. I appreciate the opportunity to be here. I have a background actually a financial background. I've been a CFO of a public company and just do merchant services right now. help businesses be able to take credit card for payment. But as I'm through all these different financial times, I had several times in my life that I was under the accountants pressure of the deadline, or that sort of thing and pressures heightened at that time. I grew up actually in Montana, and you think I learned how to ride horses. I remember one time, I had a date in California, and she had a horse. And I'm not a horse rider. I grew up in one of the largest cities, and not very many large cities, but one of the largest Montana, and I grew up there. And so she wanted to have this little date with this horse. And so I thought I'd be John Wayne and I kicked my leg all the way up and flew all the way over onto the other side of it landed on my rear on the other side of the forest. And so just kind of fun experiences that I've had while dating and people thinks I'm from Montana. I'm a cowboy. I'm not, I'm just not. But anyway, I have a grandfather that actually migrated to Montana, from Indiana. And before he migrated. He had nine children with his first wife, his first wife passed away. And he was after that night child shortly after. And I think he was so distraught about that, that he decided to sell his farm in Indiana to sell sell the equipment. And when the auction was there, when people came to the auction and bought something he said, Would you like this child? Would you like this child? Would you like this child and systematically gave all the children away except for what he took Benjamin with him to Montana, found my grandmother married her had 10 More children, of which my father is number six. My father was born in 1922. And when he was 10 years old, this grandfather passed away, or his father passed away. So he's 10 years old. 1932. There's 19 children out there with abandonment issues. 19 children now that have economic issues. And so it's just really hard times, my father went to school and managed to make it to eighth grade, graduated from eighth grade and then just did not go any farther. And he became a truck driver. So DJ, he was gone through the week, all every week, he was gone. But he came home on Fridays. And he always there was never a fail about this, that he would date my mother on Friday night. That was their time. So the kids didn't get see him first. And he really had the priority for his wife, which was a wonderful thing I respect about him. And I respect that he had a date. The problem was the venue and the activity. It was always the maverick bar. And as always alcohol. And so when they're drinking and commiserating about how their week went, how do we go? How do we feel that sort of conversation always came up? Because my mother stayed home, it was always about the kids, and about what we did or what we didn't do. And my father in his imbibed state would become irate, or he just be relaxed. And so we really dreaded the weekend because he became irate quite a bit. I'm number 10 of 11 children. So there's a lot of a lot of problems that could have happened through the week, a lot of things that could have made him mad. And so that happened and so we didn't know whether we get the belt or a spanking on the Saturday morning or Friday. night when I got back from their date, and it was just a fearful time. So I grew up in that family of abuse. And it was just really, really difficult for me, I left at age 17, after my junior year of high school, and moved in with my brother, and my brother was where he was for six months. And then he got transferred to California, with him to California, and that's when I had that date that I'm talking talking about. So it was just kind of a funny experience. But I just had a lot of what I've found out DJs, I've had a lot of residual anger left over from that adulthood, just things that were frustrating and changes things that were so, so hard to understand. I remember one time when I was raised that that one spanking that I had, I remember being black and blue on my rear for more than three weeks. And it was just really, really severe. And it was just this really very difficult. And I vow to myself, I wouldn't do that to my children at all. I just wouldn't go there and I wanted a different life. You know, the other day I was out walking and I found I found a stick this stick this stick and it didn't have any bark on it. And you can see on one side of the stick, it's just super, really nice, nice and smooth, perfect place where he hand but the other side of the stick has had some low points on it and low places where there may have been a mid some some other sticks or something. I call this the naughty stylistic. So this is naughty and a nice stick. And I'm sure Sam Santa Claus has a stick just like that. We're talking we're talking about Christmas. Right. So So Santa has has a state of anarchy a nice day. Yeah, I've found out though that and came to a realization later in life that I actually was raised on the naughty side this day. Those were the things I learned first. And it was just very difficult circumstance. That way, at about age 35, I remember that I'm walking along and I'm thinking, Oh, I'm responsible for my own sense, my own my own things that I do my own choices, I'm responsible, all up until that time, up until age 35. everything that went wrong in my life, every relationship that went wrong in my life, just everything that didn't go quite right, all blame to my father. The interesting thing about blame DJ is that if you play it have anybody to blame or anything to blame, you absolutely don't have to change. It's not you. It's their fault. So you can stay the same. So from that stick analogy, I found out that you were I was on a stick, that I could either stay the same and blame people may come more angry, or I could move to the other side of state can become more loving. And it was really pronounced when I had a situation where I've married for 23 and a half years and got divorced. And, and it was a sad situation. I had eight children. So I'm

DJ Stutz  13:07  
prolific with the kids. They're

Paul Zolman  13:10  
big families. But you know, we, you had to think of my last name is almond. They're not very many around, we got to catch up with all the Smiths and I got to do something, you got to just put your name out there. And so that's a that's a way to do it, I guess. So I was dating after this time after I'd been divorced and where I was lonely. And my sister said that she had some a neighbor that she wanted me to attend. And so met the neighbor developed a relationship and it's time for the big brother approval. So go to big brothers 300 miles north of where I live. And when we get there, the first thing my sister in law does is pull her aside and say point blank, the only emotion that the Zalman family learned growing up his anger. At first I denied it. I said, Ha, then it made me mad. I thought she's absolutely right. And so from that point, I thought, if there's any better opportunity, then now there is really is no better opportunity than now to change that perception of his own family and have those all in the name. If they're gonna have eight or 10 kids, and prolific eight, do that word, if they're, if they're gonna have a lot of children, we better start learning how to love. And so I thought, I better start reading books about this. I read the color code. And I read The Five Love Languages and really settled. I read The Five Love Language maybe four or five times but I settled on the principles of five love languages. Because in that book, Dr. Chapman compares the love languages to the life of Jesus Christ that he had that he touched people that he spent time with people. He had the gifts of the Spirit he served rich people. And of course we love his words. So all five love languages fit into the life of Jesus Christ. I thought, you know, that really resonates with me. I wanted to do that too. I didn't get applications here. You mean DJ, I'm supposed to guess what your love languages, and I'm supposed to cater to that, then we're going to be but I don't do that well, so that wasn't going to work for me. Then the second application doc Chapman as well, if you take this survey, you can find out what your love language is. Then what? What do I do advertise below DJ? I'm gifts. What do you have for me today? It just gets so awkward. And both of those don't work for me. And, guys, that didn't sound like love. But who am I to talk about what love was, I was raised over here and that that abusive atmosphere? What did I know about love. But I felt like that wasn't it either. So I'd started digging a little deeper. I thought, you know, the happy times of my family. When I was growing up, there were a few happy times. But it was claims. And it was just the competitiveness and just the fun, fun playing a game and they had a chance to win. You had a chance to win. It was great. And so I thought maybe I can make this again. I contacted Dr. Chapman and asked him if he was licensing those little icons they had for the for the love languages. And he said no. And he said, Oh, thank you. They have they're very old and they're really kind of ugly, did not want them. So I decided I would make my own way to a copyright attorney here in town has intellectual property attorney. And he said that theory is not copyrightable application is. So Dr. Chapman didn't have his game. So I made it into a game and made it into a die. So on the die has each one of the love languages, there is the time service, the words touch than the gifts. So other die there are six sides, obviously. So five love languages, six sides on dice, the last side is surprised me. So on that day, you're just looking for opportunities to do random acts of kindness. So just two instructions, you roll the die every day. That's the love language you practice giving away all day that day to everyone. So do you do whatever the thing is, I created this when I was single. I didn't have to get another and Dr. Chapman suggestion of doing this for your significant others interesting. But to me, it looked like a part time job. Well, what if I go to work, and then I don't have a significant others there. I don't have to practice love. And then I come back and I forget that I'm not at work anymore. And then then what I mean, it's just inconsistency there didn't work for me. So I needed that consistency. And so over a 30 day period of rolling the die, found that I knew all five love languages, backwards and forwards. Best part about that gave me eyes to see it when it came my way. And I realized that there's only two directions that you have control over, giving the love away. And responding when it comes your way. We really can't bid love to come our way. I mean, we can ask people to love us, but they might do it out of duty. Or even if you ask him to say, Well, I told you about my love life, aren't you doing that, and and inadvertently created this little pity party, that any voice and we don't need, we don't need that at all. So the whole idea of this, this role of love is what I call it, r o le it changes you with them. So you know all the love languages, you become what I like to call a love language linguist. Sexy title, I know you want to put it on your resume, every everybody gets it on their resume goes in the employer and the employer says what the heck is a love language linguists, I've never heard of that. You're gonna say, Well, I just love people. And they're going to want their customers love. And they're going to want a loving environment within the workplace, your resume is going to rise to the top there. So the whole thing about this is just sending it out. Trusting that it's going to come back someday, you're not sending that out in hopes that they'll send it right back to you. That's a transaction to me so that you're not looking for the reciprocal reciprocity there. You're not looking for that at all. You're sending it out without any regard that will ever come back. But trust the process that the law of harvest works. And it's kind of an eternal law, as I like to call it. That by sending it out and planting those seeds. It's coming right back to you.

DJ Stutz  19:38  
What what's interesting to me that you bring up is it's so important that if you send something out if you spend time with someone or buy them a gift or whatever, and you're expecting that reciprocity, I don't think it's really love. That's not Yeah, and whether you do that with co workers or neighbors or your spouse or your children. And sometimes when I'm working with some of the parents in my coaching, I'll have some of them that are frustrated because their kids don't appreciate them. And we can go into a lot of reasons for why that's happening. But first off, that you have that expectation that I'm doing all of this for you, and you don't appreciate me, is that going to make them appreciate you? Suddenly, when you say something like that, it'll

Paul Zolman  20:29  
drive away. And I'm sure you know that. What I found about this is, as we've got to forget that it's about us. And I think Dr. Chapman inadvertently said, it's about you, that's about you receiving love. It's not about you at all. It's really not about you. It's about them. And it's about making their day, what I found these days that when I roll the die, and I'm practicing that, that John ray of love that day, I'm watching for people that light up, when they light up, I don't have to stop the relationship and say, Could you take this survey, so I know how to love you. I don't have to do that. I already know, they broadcast it with how they light up. And so just use your observation skills. You don't have to have a survey, don't make it complicated. This really is easy. You send it out, watch for when they light up, make a mental note, wash, rinse, repeat, do it over and over and over again.

DJ Stutz  21:23  
Yeah, well, and to the fun thing. And if you decide to do something like this with your little kids, I mean, you can do this with little teeny teeny things, right. And they're the ones that are really going to show you by lighting up. Absolutely they relate to I mean, a two year old, just, there's no inhibitions there, they just let you know. And so and it goes on up into those. But what you're teaching these little kids to, especially as they get old enough to you do it as a family in the morning, you roll the die. Today we're doing this a four year old, a three year old can do this, they might need some guidance at the beginning and say, Hey, let's do this for big brother, or let's get this ready for mommy or daddy or whatever. And you're helping them along. What a great lesson that you're teaching the kids. And not only are you bringing more love into their life, but think of the other thing, peace, self confidence, problem solving, all of those things come in with this kind of an activity, if you can do it as a family.

Paul Zolman  22:28  
Absolutely. And I think that you were trying to develop a focus as a family to actually have that loving family. And I like that you brought up the children. And there's a reason why there's no words on the die. They're all pictures. And when the kids learn how to read first, they learn by looking at the pictures, and the pictures will tell the story. So the pictures become their story for the day. I had one family that I tested this with DJ, I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I had a family that had five children, the youngest is four years old, a boy. And he had older brothers and older sisters. And one one day he rolled, he rolled physical touch. And he's jumping up and down and pumping on his fists and say yes, physical touch, physical touch, and then immediately starts to beat up on his brothers. The mother kind of suppressed the laughter like to hold back and say, Oh, Jonathan, there's a better way to express physical touch. And this is how we do it. So what's fabulous about this is that it became a teaching moment for that mother. And so these are teaching moments for children. This is what physical touch looks like. This is what spending time together looks like just put the brakes on. Stop, slow down a little bit. Spend time. This is what service looks like. This is word words of words sound like. And this is what gifts looks like. It doesn't have to rebuy, but we can make it or just just have fun little activities to teach the children how to love. I've tried working with some schools in my area right now that the teachers are on board to actually roll it as a class at the beginning of each day. And so they roll it, it takes less than maybe a minute or two, roll it and explain what they're looking for on that particular day. At the end of the day, they get a journal page. So on the journal page, it has what what they rolled opportunities, thought love in that way that day, and then what they did about those opportunities. So in essence, if you had a first grader that had a journal at the end of that first grade year, wouldn't that be precious thing? And furthermore, have it be a love journal? What did that child love in first grade? How do they express that love? It's just a teacher's responsibility. If that child knows at the beginning of the day, their role in love and they're going to have to report it at the end of the day. We're gonna be loving all day long. So we're going to try to tamp down that any misbehavior tamped down any violence or anything else that always is happening in the classrooms right now it seems like it's very prevalent, want to tamp that down and just the teacher have more control over the students more, more opportunities actually to teach rather than manage misbehavior. That's what we want in the classroom. Yeah,

DJ Stutz  25:24  
I love that you bring up that journaling. And that's what a precious thing to have even to keep. And then when they have a child, and they're seven or eight years old, whatever matches, and you share that with the grandchild. And this is what your mom or dad was doing. And this is the love that they saw in the world, when they were your age, and kids will really relate to that. Another thing that I think you bring up, that was really an important thing, I don't want people to miss it. Is that you talked about sharing, what is the positive physical touch? What is that kind words? What are the kind words that we say? What are acts of time and gifts and all of those things? And I know that as teaching in kindergarten, oftentimes, we had to sit down and we would say, be kind to one another. Well, I had kids who didn't know what that really meant, well, what does that mean? Well be good. Well, then what does be good mean? How does this all fit in? And so we would talk about really identifying so that when we're talking about being kind or using positive words, or doing all of those things, that they have a clear vision in their mind, of what that means. And I love your story about physical touch. That is so funny. But the positive there was that mom didn't get mad. I mean, she was thought it was funny. And she realized that, oh, this is a learning opportunity. You know, she could have gotten in and like, quit it and your brother, you know, that's not what this is about. And she could have gotten mad. But would that have been loving? And if that's what we're talking about doing that would have been counterproductive? But are taking? Yeah,

Paul Zolman  27:07  
I'll show you here. So just be the example about that.

DJ Stutz  27:11  
Yeah, I actually growing up at a time parenting was different. And as we've talked before, my mom was raised by Lumberjack, so both physical and how they respond to things. And so I remember my mom actually hitting me, telling me not to hit Quit hitting your brother was like, oh, okay, I guess that's just your job. And that it was just a different world. But I think that as we work to teach our kids and really be thoughtful, and have a goal in mind, and then having the kids repeat back to you and ask them those questions. And so maybe when you're rolling the dice, and I'm sure you're on that, what does this mean? So it landed on this? So what does this mean? What are we going to do, and you can talk about that breakfast table, or, as the kids get older, you can have the die there. And because sometimes you're gonna wind up with kids who are leaving the house at different times in the day as your family grows. And so maybe they come and they can just see it. And they know that that's what we're doing today. If you've built the foundation of those expectations in the fun of that, and then have a time when they report back, so maybe at dinner or before bedtime or whatever, where they're recording back.

Paul Zolman  28:28  
That's great. I do know that I found DJs that on each end of the stick. If you compare the stick to the spectrum, on each end of the stick, there's opposites. So it's almost like polar opposites. There are people that vacillate between anger and love all the time, you wouldn't really call them bipolar. But some people are bipolar that way. Well, what I found out is that on the angry side of the stick, there's humor, there's words, there's mannerisms, there's just a whole culture of anger on that side of the stick, I found that I was really close to that culture. So I found out I needed to go, I did learn to love languages, I had to learn the humor, I have to learn the kind words, I have to learn all that, because that's the direction I wanted to go. And so just deciding to go to the end, the steak is really going to help you. If you just think what am I doing right now? What are the actions I'm doing? Just for example, take the word sarcasm. Is it on the naughty status stick or the nice side is deck of cards. It's really funny. So what would the opposite be, be more genuine, be more authentic. And so just figure out if once you can figure out what the opposite might be, you may want to stop in your tracks and say oh, that's on the naughty side is dead. I don't want to be doing that. Right now. I more the the positive side, the happy side of the stack the nice side and

DJ Stutz  29:54  
I love that you have this story of coming from that negative side of things. And moving forward and getting over anger. Anger is a very hard emotion to overcome. Especially when you're used to living in that. That's your natural thing. Some people are naturally humor, some people are naturally just happy. Some people are naturally hard working and focus, and don't see a lot of frills on the side. And so overcoming that anger thing, though, is it's not to me, it's almost like alcoholism or drug addiction, and trying to get over that. And so when you're starting on that journey, it can seem so daunting. And and you can beat yourself up over it. And so instead of being angry at the world, now you're angry at yourself for why didn't I handle that? Right? Why did I fly off and you get upset with yourself? And so I'd like to hear maybe a little bit about your journey of coming out of that and finding a place where you can live in love and joy and peace?

Paul Zolman  30:57  
Okay, that's a really good question. And what I found out was, it was more of a self awareness of what I was doing. I would say, What's wrong with that person? And I'd be annoyed, and then I'd be annoyed. And then I'd be annoyed again, and then be annoyed again. And then it'd be annoyed again, then I flash, now have this flash of anger. Where'd that come from? And it was all those annoyances that were stacking up. When I started rolling the die. What happened was that the whole mindset changed the mindset. Now, instead of what's wrong with that person, now, the mindset says, What's right with that person? What can I What can I love about that person? And I became so busy thinking about, because I'm brought the diet begin a day, I've got to report at the end of the day, became so busy thinking what's right with that person? What can I love about that person that never never went down that critical path anymore. So I didn't become annoyed and it didn't flash and it didn't stack, the annoyances one on top of another anymore, it didn't even do any of those activities, that would take me to that supercharged flash of stacked annoyances, but instead found it more natural. After the 30 day period, you have this habit, it became more natural to say, Oh, I liked what that person's wearing. Or I liked that person. I like what they're doing. I like how they're living their life, or just whatever it is that you like about that person focus on that. And I like to compare it to a magnifying glass, the magnifying glass is going to make things bigger, and it's going to expand it. Who wants to have their faults or the mistakes in their life or their weaknesses magnified. Guess what, that's a boomerang, that's coming right back to you. You want them looking at you, you want them scrutinizing you for your weaknesses. So stop it, stop it, just stop it. Don't even do it. Focus and magnify those positive things. And then watch that girl watch them blossom. But I found in doing that is that some people don't even realize that they have the quality that I'm verbalizing, to them, the quality of seeing them. And they say, oh, oh, thank you, and it makes their day they light up. And that's what you're doing. That's what the whole responsibility becomes, you're going to be that loving person, you're going to be making people's day, all day long, you're going to be watching for opportunities to help them have the happiest day ever. And when they have the happy day, they're gonna pass it on to their children, or they're just anybody that they're associating with, they're passing it on. It's like that negative slug in the shoulder, when you're on the lunch line as a kid pass. And it's just, you can do that with love. You're passing it on in a very kind way. One thing about anger, though, is a few send anger out. You get immediate return on your investment. It's coming right back. People won't be putting up with that anger. And if you send love out, it just takes a little longer, but you're sending it out regardless of any expectation. So you don't care if it comes back or not. You're just trusting that law of harvest, that it's going to come back. It's just planting the seeds and expecting the grow. I guess you are expecting something then but even just sending it out. You're just trying to help people have better days. Yeah.

DJ Stutz  34:31  
I love what you're saying. And I love your message. And so if we have people who are listening that want to learn more about what's going on and your whole program, where are they going to go to find that?

Paul Zolman  34:43  
I've got a website it's called role of love. And I did a kind of a play of words. ARL ll L is outside of you. So R O L L is for the DI R O L E changes you within that's what we want. So R O L E of law Roll of love outcome. And on that you can find the book about the back story and that story about Jonathan's in there, the backstory of the how the dice came to be. And then the journal is also there. So you can have your own journal had a couple actually in the journal, it's just full of blank pages. So on one side, the wife would would write and other side the husband would write. And so they had kind of a dual journal, which was I thought was really interesting. And just a thought of it all on their own to do it that way. But it was just, they're both rolling the dice. And in that family that I was talking about, each individual in the family rolled the die. So it wasn't just wasn't just rolling it as a family. But each individual in my family, I roll the die, and I don't tell my wife what it is. So she tries to guess what I'm doing that day. And it's just been just kind of a fun little interaction that way. And it's just been fun that way. But roller blog.com, if the beer podcast people are more auditory, and they want to listen to the book, it's they actually can go to amazon.com. But if they type in role of love, they're gonna get a million hits on love, love this love that billion things and they're not going to find the book, it's like a needle in the haystack, they type in my name, they'll get right to it, they can actually purchase audible or if they have audible through Amazon. It's a it's a free book through Amazon that way. So if they want the book, they can get the book that way.

DJ Stutz  36:30  
Well, that's cool that you have that free offering that right there. So I hope that people will take advantage of that. And so I'm going to have all that information in the show notes. And so it's just one click away. And so you don't have to really remember everything that was just shared. But you can just go down, click, you know. And while you're there, you might want to subscribe, follow, leave a review all those fun things. But before we go, I always ask my guests the same question. And that is, how would you describe a successful parent? Because we know there are no perfect parents, but maybe someone who's successful, what do you see?

Paul Zolman  37:09  
I think that in this day and age, the most successful parents that we need, are a parents that are teaching their children to love. Just like we talked about. My parents taught spanking and taught hitting and taught abuse. And I was trained in abuse as a child. If I say it that way, it sounds Oh, I don't want to be training my children to hit. Therefore I need to do something different. And hopefully that message comes across bright and clear. But just training the children to love is one of the most important duties I think we have as parents, if you do that, send you that love without any expectation of coming back, it hopefully will come back and they'll take care of you when you're older. And they'll take care of you in a loving way. Or if you choose not to, they might take care of you in a different way. It's really your choice to build your own future. The children are our future and are treated that way.

DJ Stutz  38:04  
Amazing, too. And so smart. Paul Zolman, thank you so much for spending this time with us and teaching us a little bit more about how to teach love and encourage that in our families in our relationships, teach it to our kiddos and think of the better life that they are going to have when they can live a life in positivity and in love rather than anger. And so you're doing some great work Paul, I'm so I guess I would love to work with you some more in the future and delve on this a little more. But till next week, though, everyone, let's find joy in parenting. Bye.

Paul Zolman  38:44  
Thank you. Bye bye

Transcribed by https://otter.ai