Episode 153: Awakening Joy in Our Children

Children  0:00  
Imperfect Heroes podcast is a production of Little Hearts Academy USA.

DJ Stutz  0:06  
You're listening to Imperfect Heroes, Insights Into Parenting, the perfect podcast for imperfect parents looking to find joy in their experience of raising children in an imperfect world. And I'm your host DJ Stutz.

Hey there heroes and heroines, I'm so glad you've decided to spend the next few minutes here with us at Imperfect Heroes. And before we get started, I just wanted to take a moment and share something that's kind of important with all of you. So I recently encountered a little health issue that requires my attention, and some recovery over the next couple of months, I'm going to have some eye surgeries, multiple done. And so this just means there's going to be some changes to our weekly episodes. So unfortunately, I won't be able to maintain our regular weekly delivery during this time. But I will still post new episodes as often as I can. I've got some veteran storage and some that I've already recorded. And so I'll work on getting those out, as best I can. But to make sure that you don't miss any of the new content that I get out, please follow the podcast on your favorite platform, whatever it is. And that way you're going to get notifications when you follow when there's new episodes. Same thing, if you register for my newsletter, you will get notifications whenever I put up a new episode, I'll shoot it out in the newsletter just real quick. And this way, you're going to be notified as soon as there any new episodes available either way, or both. There's plenty to do on the website, www.littleheartsacademyusa.com. And we will be there. I so appreciate your understanding and support during this time, as I am taking a little bit of time to focus on my health. And so your patients really does mean a lot to me. And I look forward to returning to our regular schedules as soon as I can. So I just want to thank you all for being such a wonderful and supportive community. And I just so appreciate all of you. So that done. Let's get started with today's topic. 

So we are talking this month about awakening joy in our youngest children. And joy is so important in early childhood development and the way that they can have that early on it actually, and I'll talk to this in little more detail later on. But it actually does rewire the brain for a happier life. The earlier we can get that done. So let's start by understanding what joy is and what it means. And what we're talking about with joy is true joy, not just this momentary happiness that sometimes we can confuse it with. And once we have our own understanding of the differences between things like joy and contentment, and happiness, we're going to be better equipped to introduce those concepts to our children and help infuse that into them. So what are the differences between happiness, contentment, and joy? Well, let's start with happiness. Happiness is actually a pleasurable emotional state that comes from positive experiences, and achievements. But it's often fleeting, and it can be heavily influenced by external circumstances. So happiness is usually more surface level when compared to joy and contentment. And it is often from something like winning a game, receiving a compliment, enjoying just a fun day out with friends. All of those are happiness, that let's think about contentment real quickly. It's more like a state of peaceful satisfaction. It's about feeling at ease and being more fulfilled with what you have. And where you are in life. It's more stable, and it's longer lasting than happiness. It provides a sense of tranquility and just acceptance for the way things are and finding joy in that. So these might be things like enjoying a quiet evening at home or feeling satisfied after a really productive day. Or maybe just appreciating those simple things in life that are yours. Now let's talk about joy. Joy is deeper. It's an intense feeling of pleasure and elation, and it's often linked to moments of connection Love, or spiritual experiences even, it tends to be more profound and enduring and often arises from more meaningful experiences or relationships. So, for me, it's things like a child's laughter, hearing that there could be a spiritual awakening something connected to faith, or even being reunited with a loved one after you haven't seen them for a while, we had that experience this last weekend with Memorial Day, my son and his family came with his kids, and we got to reconnect and just have so much fun, and joy. In those days. Yeah, they were here three days. So let's talk then, about the science of joy, and how it affects brain development. Yep, and overall well being. So by helping our children focus on the good things, instead of the bad things, we can actually wire their brains for happiness, which means that we are actually affecting the structure the physical structure of their brain, so that is more susceptible, and will be more apt to find happiness around them. So it's going to be no surprise that studies show that when we focus on the good, we decrease stress, we decrease anxiety, and everyone around us, not just us, but even everyone around us will have a greater sense of well being positive emotions actually have an effect on someone's ability to learn and to grow. When we are feeling joyful and happy, we are more open to accepting and grabbing on to information that helps us because we'll connect it to the joy we're currently feeling. So that's kind of interesting. And so having joy, it actually releases the dopamine. And I think a lot of us know what that is. But that's a neurotransmitter that's linked to pleasure and even learning. And this helps improve memory helps you retain information, and joyful experiences, actually encourage creative thinking. And it helps our ability to approach problems from different angles instead of this is just the one thing and I can only see it from this one angle. But it actually helps us appreciate different points of view, without feeling threatened or troubled by them. So now we're able to do better at problem solving. And so we are actually more motivated, when we feel joy, we're more likely to be internally motivated, which means that we engage in activities just for the sheer pleasure and satisfaction that these activities bring. It's not because oh, I'll be more popular, this will make so and so happy or whatever. Those are good reasons. Well, I don't know about popular, but making other people happy is a good reason to do something. But we are also able to do things because it just makes us happy. And we're feeling good about it. Joyful learners are curious, they're more attentive, and they actually are more actively engaged in their learning process. And so then this again, leads to deeper understanding, and knowledge acquisition, and retention, they're able to hold on to the things that they learned this works for adults to guys, think about it this and how that all relates to you in your life and the things that you're doing. Joy also acts as a buffer against stress, and negative emotions and helping children to cope better with challenges and setbacks. They they don't take, you know, we lost the game, it's not the end of the world, we were able to find joy in the experience of playing the game. A joyful mindset encourages children to take healthy risks.

The Crazy Ones, right. But a lot of these risks that the kids like to take are good for them. It helps them to explore new opportunities. And they don't necessarily have that fear of failure that so many of us have. Because failure is just another opportunity to learn. We're just learning in a different way. And so we don't take it quite so hard. It also helps us with our social connections. So when you have joyful interactions with other people, you've got stronger relationships, they're more positive relationships. And this can be between our kids. It can be between their peers, between their teachers, other family members, siblings, cousins, all those things. They're able to have those deeper, more meaningful relationships. When they are more joyful in their attitudes and the way they look at things. The truth is that joyful experiences often do involve other things. people. And so because of that, we're looking at collaboration and communication. And all of these things help our kids develop essential social skills to help us to as adults. So regular experiences of having joy is going to contribute to a positive emotional baseline. So that's your general personality baseline is more often you are in joy, then you are in some of the other emotions. And so this makes children and adults more likely to experience that overall feeling of emotional wellbeing on a more constant basis. Joy also helps our children to express the emotions that they're having, in healthier ways, balancing positive and negative emotions effectively. They're not threatened by the negative, it's just a different way of experiencing things for right now. And so you can look at that with a better outlook and finding balance within that. When we live in joyful life. We're also develop this love of learning, when they can associate learning new things with joy. We're going to talk about how to do that in a little bit. But they are more likely to develop this lifelong love of learning, they're going to remain curious and open to new experiences all throughout their lives. So what we want is to provide joyful learning environments. And these are going to encourage that growth mindset where children are able to see challenges as opportunities to grow rather than threats, or difficulties or problems or whatever. Oh, we can figure this out. We got this. We're smart. Right? So how do we create that physical, joyful environment? Well, one of the things is, it's important to make sure that it's a safe environment, that it's engaging and stimulating, and that there are connections. And it's interesting, because as I was doing some of the research for this episode, it talked a lot about having bright colors, and interactive toys, and bringing in elements of nature into their environment. And all those are good things they are. But the truth is, it's their connection with you, and the family that are going to make those things truly joyful. If you just sit them in a room with those things, and never interact with them never play along with them to build those connections. They're just things and they're not going to be that deep, joyful experience that we want them to have. We want them to have a strong emotional environment. So having that secure attachment, and nurturing relationships. You know, I keep talking about that first year of life, it is so crazy important to develop that nurturing relationship so that your children learn from the very beginning you are there, you are peaceful, you are loving, you are crying, and you will make sure that they're safe. So we want to encourage those positive interactions among family members, and yes, among siblings. So if you have older siblings, and you're bringing home a baby, it's really important to help them understand their connection, and how they are going to help the new child have a joyful experience in life. And so we're going to talk about, they're going to look up to you, and they're going to want to copy a lot of the things that you say, and a lot of the things that you do. And it's going to be really a lot up to the older sibling, I say this, as an oldest child, oldest of seven, it was really up to me to ensure that my younger siblings felt loved by me, and that they knew they could count on me. And as a result of coming to that realization. And I don't know, I'm sure my mom had a lot to do with that. But I don't remember her actively teaching me that. But because of that, we still have great relationships. And I thoroughly enjoyed being a big sister to these younger siblings, especially the ones that were a lot younger. Closer and age can be a little hard, but we still I mean we get along great, we love each other. It's an it's an amazing thing. So there are some practical strategies that you can use to help cultivate joy in the lives of your children. One of them is to really encourage that imaginative play and to allow them to have creative activities. So I'm not talking about sitting and creating a city on Roblox or or was Minecraft or whatever. Let's go out and actually build something in the backyard and be creative there have art supplies and have things that they can do and then have fun with them. So yeah, it's nice for them. And it's important for them to have time alone without you being there and letting them take care of themselves. But it's also important to balance that with time that you are there, engaging them and working with them and creating activities, doing crafts, whatever it is, there are so many benefits to that unstructured play time. And there's also benefits to having a balance of you being there. And maybe because you're there doesn't mean it has to be structured. Sometimes it's you're there, and you're just following their lead, and letting them engage with you in the things that they love to do. Another thing that you can do is just notice what I call the small moments, finding joy in everyday activities and routines. Whoo. Feels good to have those dishes done. Well. Feels good to have that room clean. Oh, wow. I am so glad that you got your teeth brushed. And you did such a great job. I was watching you. finding joy in those everyday things when they're young. It's going to really help them as they get older to find joy in their mundane life. Just because it's mundane doesn't mean it has to be boring. It's up to you to find the joy in the things that we do every day. And to include laughter and lightheartedness. You know, instead of getting upset because someone spilled something or dropped something, find the funniness of it, laugh at it. Whoa, wow, that was a drop, right? And so make sure that you're able to see, not everything is a big disaster. Not everything is, oh, no, I

gotta clean up this mess. That's, oh, well, we're gonna clean up this mess together, you still have to do the same job. But you have a difference in attitude and, and the way that you approach things, your body language, the sound of your voice, same word, different tone. That's how it goes. Another thing that you can do is just practice some mindfulness and gratitude. So there are some simple things that you can do with kids like sitting outside and listening for the songs of birds and watching the clouds and Listening to the rain or the wind as it goes. Just spent some time and just soaking in the beauty of a flower, or the softness of its touch. It's so amazing watching little guys, when they want to stop and look at some of the things, bugs in a garden and watching them fly around a ladybug landing or following a grasshopper as it hops, and allow them that joy, and then engaging with them. It's such a great thing, the smells of a garden as you're walking by or working in your own garden. What an amazing thing that you can take these small little teeny things, and really enjoy those moments, introduce gratitude as a daily practice. Because there are strong connections between being grateful and being joyful in your life. It's pretty exciting. All right, so here's the deal, though, parents, modeling joyful behavior is your job. There's such an importance of you guys being able to exhibit joyful behaviors, laughing, smiling, working through a problem in a positive manner. All of these things are important. And the reality is how you are feeling the mood that you are exhibiting is going to have a huge impact on your kids. If you're always upset over the little things that go wrong, if you're moody and angry and tire all the time. I mean, yeah, sure, we're gonna have days where maybe we're not feeling well, or some things have happened. But the majority of what our children see if it's in positive, joyful words, and tones and body language that's going to impact our children's lives immensely. So what are some of the things well, we can reinforce those joyful moments and behavior. So I have a friend down in Vegas, and he was telling me about how he was reading a story to his son, who was about five years old. And it was out of like a Christian children's magazine thing. And they were reading a story. And he finished. And the little boy looked at him and said, Daddy, I want you to read that story again. And he said, Sure, Buddy, why? And he said, I like the way it makes me feel. And he got a chance to explain well, what you're feeling is the gift of the Spirit. And that's the Holy Ghost expressing and teaching you that the things that happen in this story are things for you to learn and to help you feel better. And so when we recognize these kinds of moments, and then take time to acknowledge them, our kids are going to pick up on them a lot more. And so we want to use praise and encouragement effect Definitely not just shower them with braids. Oh, that's wonderful. Oh, you're the best artist ever. Now or not that but that's a great picture. And I can see this, this and this and talk to me about it and talk to them about process and progress. But it's okay to say, Oh, I feel bad. I missed that catch at the baseball game. Yeah, yeah, you did, Howard. So how are you going to do it differently next time. I mean, it wasn't the end of the world. Sometimes it may win or lose a game. But the reality is a game is not one play. It's a whole game. And everybody working together, and I'm sure there were other people on the team who had moments that they didn't get done what they needed to get done. And you did too. So let's think about that. How can we make it better, don't just shower them with unneeded or unwarranted praise, let's be realistic about what we're teaching them. So and while we're doing that, let's talk for a minute about overcoming the obstacles that come to joy, or the obstacles of living in joy. There we are. So one is, you know, like dealing with stress, and there's anxiety, and everybody has difficulty motions from time to time. And so be sure to have some strategies, plan them ahead of time. And so that you've got it kind of in your back pocket, your emotional back pocket of things that you can pull out when things do get hard, and difficult and stressful, and there's anxiety, and all of this kind of stuff. But let's take ideas for turning negative situations into learning opportunities. Like your child didn't catch the ball and the team got a score or whatever. Okay, so what did we learn from that? And then move on. And maybe we can practice a little more, maybe there's some things that we can do to help but you got this, it's okay. It's just a game. And I'll bet Next time, we're going to be more prepared, we're going to have it and then that's when they're going to be able to really feel more joy than you tell him that everything's okay. And they did a wonderful job, wouldn't they? No, they didn't. The reality is to that there's just a lot of negativity in the world around us. So there's a lot of anger right now. There's some confusing messages that are out in social media in on movies and shows that they watch, the news can be very concerning, and even depressing. And so when things are getting hard, it's important to take time, just to find something to be amazed by, whether it's ladybugs, or sunsets or rolling down a grassy hill, that brings a lot of joy to those kids, I can't do that anymore. I miss it. But giving them opportunities to have some joyful and fun moments and not making it the big deal around the kids. We don't need to completely shelter them from it. But we don't need to overly react to things that they can't control. One of the favorite things I love, there was a play. It started out as a Broadway musical. And then I 73 I don't know 74. I was a kid. And Lucille Ball, made it into a movie and it's called Mame, M A and E. And in this movie, she kind of inherits a nephew, her brother dies, and she inherits this nephew. And she's got to raise him. And some things are hard. It's a little tough. And they're both having a hard time. And that's where that song, we need a little Christmas now. We'll hear it around the holidays. We need a little Christmas now. Sorry about the voice. But they're just talking about it's not Christmas yet. It's not Christmas time. But things are hard. And we need some joy in our lives. So they're going to pull out all the Christmas decorations, and have some fun because they associate Christmas with the joyful time. And so maybe some strategies that are like that can work for you. Think about making Table Talk, a tradition so that when you're sitting at the table, hopefully you're doing that many times a week. But when you're sitting at the table and talking and asking, what was the goofiest thing that happened to you? What made you laugh today? What was kindness that you saw today? And having them engage in that conversation of positive things that are going on? Tell me the kindest thing you did today? Did you help anyone today? Who did you help today and tell that story. And you can do things at the table. But you can also do things like that when you're driving in the car, waiting in a line. You can talk with your kids and even maybe just pick something you notice that's funny or unusual or different that you can talk about and enjoy and maybe laugh at even. And then you can do things like turning the mundane into something fun. I've mentioned the mundane before just because it's something you have to do all the time. It's part of your life. It's part of your routine. Does it mean, it can't be fun, you can turn cleanup time into a game, you can set a timer, or play a cleanup song and see who's going to win the song or the timer, or the kids who's going to be done first one of the songs that I used in my kindergarten class when it was time to pick up toys, or put things away and get the room ready for us to move on to the next thing. Oh, my goodness, look at this mess. If you Google it by that name, and I'll get the link and put it on the show notes. But

if you get that link, it's about four minutes long. So it's enough time and you can rush around, they can rush to go fast. And then it's really fun. If you beat the song. Oh, we won. We're great, right? So you can pick up the most toys, and then incorporating humor and play into making tasks that, again, those mundane tasks that we have to do, and making them fun. So the youngest brother didn't come until my senior year in high school. But before that, even six kids is a plenty of kids. And we had a down with dinner dishes, my mom was a great cook. She loved cooking, didn't make I wish she had made me cook with her more because I'm not the great cook she is. But after dinner, we had to do dishes. And we had it down to where we would race and see how fast we could get all the dishes done and rinsed off and into the dishwasher and the table wiped off and the floor swept. And we had a whole list of things that had to be done. Well with all of us, we could divide it up and you're doing this and you're doing that and you're doing that. And so we're not we're all doing a different task, but with the same goal, cleaning the kitchen, getting done, and we would time ourselves and try to be our own time. And it was really exciting when we could get it done and new new pastime. And that made it fun and exciting. And it's a mundane job to do. But it was fun. All right. And so we were cooperating with each other to and helping each other and working it out. And it wasn't that big a deal. And then it was done quickly. And we could get back outside and go play. So there we are. And then we want to help them as they're solving problems. You know, whether they're arguing over a toy, you can help them to find a solution together, I like to use something called a toolbox that has solutions to common disagreements between the family members. So if they're coming to you and is like he won't share, she won't help me or he won't play with me, whatever, then you can have answers to that in the toolbox. And then they can go on and say wow, that sounds like something for the toolbox. So they can go and pull it out. And that's how they're going to solve the problem. It does help. I've used it in my classroom, a lot. And it really did. In fact, it's funny, what was really satisfying was when I would get to the point and every year it happened. But I would get to the point where the kids wouldn't even come and tell me in math it'd be we're going to the toolbox. Okay,

I got this reading group I'm doing over here, go have. And they took real pride in being able to solve problems on their own. And using the toolbox. And so some of them were silly and fun, give each other a hug, give each other high five, take turns, set a timer, share, maybe find something else to do all these things that were in there. And so those are fun to have and to use. Another thing that you can do is just redirect their attention from each other, you know, they're at each other by you doing something totally silly or out of character. So one of the things that I use a lot, or suggest a lot is if you've got siblings that are arguing and screaming and yelling at each other, put a pot on your head, and then go in and start vacuuming or dusting or whatever in the room that they are being active in. And don't say a word to them, just keep going. They'll notice you have a pot on your head, and they'll say something that's got their attention away from it. And then you can start talking to them then did I hear some arguing or something? I was busy cleaning but I thought I heard something, everything okay, you're? And then they'll say yes or no. And you can help them through. I know my mom, she always had a beautiful singing voice. And so she would come in and start singing in her opera voice. Love at home. This was a song that she would sing love at home. There's beauty all around when there's love at home and she'd be doing this opera voice and we'd have to stop yelling at each other and make fun of her. It ended things and let me be sure that you find time to be silly. So you're getting ready for school and you're heading out the door and put your coat on upside down or do something unexpected. Oh do you want your shoes on your hands or your feet? Right And so you can take things and be silly and unexpected with it, even when they're not arguing. And just be silly and enjoy the laughter, and joy, just the moment of doing something unexpected. And then be sure and recognize and celebrate their smaller achievements. Just things like learning a new skill, could be riding a bike, tying their shoes, clearing the table appropriately, writing their name, or maybe writing a story or a sentence, solving a disagreement on their own, or even going down a slide for the first time. All of these things are great opportunities to celebrate and to find joy, in what they're accomplishing. And then I love this idea. So we know joy is contagious. We can talk to our children about what it means to be contagious if something is contagious, because there are things that we don't want to have that's contagious. But there are other things that are great. And talk about how we feel when we are around someone who is joyful, and how do we feel when we're around someone who's always in a bad mood. And notice, when someone else is being joyful, find ways to bring joy to others, because it's just going to spread. So one of the fun things, I like to call it joy germs. And you can have little stickers, you can just buy the cheap ones right joy on it. When someone makes you smile and helps you to feel joy, then you're gonna give them a sticker. And at the end of the day, we can see how many stickers did you get? And it's not necessarily Well, I got 10, I only got two, well tell me about how you got your stickers. And what happened Who gave those stickers to you. That's another great table time conversation. But I call it joy germs. And because we're spreading the germs of joy in that game. And it's a fun thing to do. So the truth is, I probably didn't tell you anything you didn't already know, I maybe gave you some new suggestions. But the core of what I'm talking about, I think most parents understand this already. But I want you to really stop and think because we can get so caught up in the mundane in the stress in the anxiety in all the stuff that's going on around us that we have a role in nurturing joy in our kids. And just like Joy germs. As we nurture that joy in our children, we will find it in ourselves as well. 

So while I'm slowing down on the podcast episodes for a little bit, I will still be doing the Parent Connect workshops on the fourth Thursday of every month, you're going to be able to still find me on Facebook and Instagram, at Imperfect Heroes podcast, that's my handle there. And I would love to hear from you. If you want to be in on the workshops, they don't cost you anything. And you just go and register at my website, www.littleheartsacademyusa.com. The link is in the show notes. And you will be able to engage in all of that there's a ton of stuff on the website that you can get into. But I want you to just share your experience and some of your tips on how you're awakening joy in your children. You can always again join the parent perspectives. You can also just register for the newsletter. There's lots of other resources that are available. If you just go to the website, you'll find all of those things but I would love to hear from you about how you are awakening that state of mind in your kids. So I look forward to connecting with you even during my recovery. But connecting with you is just so encouraging to me. And I love just hearing from you. So until next time, let's find joy in parenting. See you guys!

Transcribed by https://otter.ai