Episode 171: Raising Everyday Heroes: How to Foster Bravery in Children

DJ Stutz  0:14  

You're listening to Imperfect Heroes: Insights into Parenting, the perfect podcast for imperfect parents looking to find joy in their experience of raising children in An imperfect world, and I'm your host, DJ Stutz.

Welcome back My heroes and heroines to imperfect heroes, insights into parenting, and I'm your host, DJ Stutz, and today I'm just so excited to talk about a skill that really helps our kids grow stronger inside and outside, and that's the skill of bravery. You know, Bravery is so much more than big, heroic acts. It's the little, everyday choices our kids make to face their fears, to try something new, or stand up for what's right. And while there's no time like the present, the preschool years are the perfect time to help get your kids started in developing courage and bravery. And so in this episode, I'm going to be sharing with you 10 practical takeaways that you can use to start reinforcing courage at home right away. We're going to be talking about some real life examples and stories that inspire. We're going to have some fun activities that make learning about bravery both engaging and fun. So before we dive in, though, I just want to remind you about my no cost monthly workshop. It's called Parent perspectives. It's held on the fourth Thursday of every month at 3pm Mountain Time. And what's great about this is, if that time doesn't work for you and you've registered, you're still going to get access to the replay so you can watch it whenever it works for you, or even if you were there and participated and you just want to look at it again. Oh, someone said something about that, and I want to check that out. You can always go back and check that replay as the time is available to you. So in these workshops, we're going to just dive deep into the specific parenting topics that we've been talking about each month. We're going to share experiences, and then you have the opportunity to learn from each other, from other parents who are knee deep in kiddos as you're working on it. So if you are an amazing, imperfect parent looking for insights and community, don't miss out on this register today. Just click on the link in the show notes. Go to the website, you'll see parenting perspectives. Click there. Sign Up Free. No big deal. Lots of fun. All right, so today, we are exploring why bravery matters in a child's life, and then how it influences their emotional and social development. So let's begin by talking about what bravery actually is. Because when we hear the word bravery or courage, we often think about heroes in movies or big, dramatic moments in history, but the bravery that I'm talking about is much more down to earth. Bravery, or courage, is just the ability to do something even though it might be hard or scary, and it's about facing fear, facing uncertainty or challenges, and then moving forward, even despite those feelings. And so for children, bravery can look like trying a new activity, or walking into a classroom full of new and unfamiliar faces, or standing up for a friend on the playground. These moments are huge for a child, and they shape who they become. And so the small, courageous acts our children make each day are going to build up over time and help them develop resilience and confidence. And let's be clear, bravery doesn't mean the absence of fear. It's not about being never afraid. It is about feeling that fear and then choosing to move forward anyway. The truth is that you can't be brave unless you're scared, and it's the fear that cre. Creates the opportunity of showing courage and being brave. And this is important for our children to understand, because they often think of being brave as not being scared, but being brave is all about what you do with your fear. And so when children learn that bravery is something they can actually choose, they feel more in control of their actions, and this is the mindset that's going to help them step out of their comfort zone, try new things, and handle challenges with greater confidence. So why does bravery really matter for our kids? Well, you know, as we dive deeper, we're going to think about how bravery impacts our children emotionally and socially, and bravery helps our children push through their fears and failures. It teaches them about perseverance. And you know, we talked about perseverance back. It's been a couple of months, maybe May, June around there, hang on, it was May. We spent the whole month on perseverance. And so if you want to dive a little deeper into that, go back and look at some of those episodes from just May of this year. And we all know that no one gets everything right on the first try. And so it's important for our kids to learn that this is okay. It's expected. Brave acts also help children build empathy and social courage. For instance, how about standing up for a friend who is being bullied or trying to include a new classmate? That takes guts, but it also builds kindness and understanding, and children are able to learn that their actions have the power to actually change someone else's world for the better, and beyond that, bravery empowers children to try again. Let's go back to that, imagine, or even remember when you were a child, how when someone stood up for you, or someone backed you up, someone had the courage to be your friend, maybe even when you were a little awkward, you weren't the, you know, popular kid around. What did that do to you? How did that change you and your attitude? Well, when your kids are showing behaviors like that, reaching out, even if it's one of their friends that is excluding a child or teasing another child inappropriately, that's a scary thing, but imagine what that does to fix someone else's world. And so we want to teach them that this is an opportunity to really change somebody's world, if not our whole world, just by beginning and living in that place where you're looking out for other people. And so even beyond all of this bravery is going to empower children to try again after failure. And so if they don't master something the first time, it's not a reason to stop trying. Even if they don't master it in 10 times, 12 times, right, still not a reason to stop trying. If it's something that you're interested in you want to do, you can keep trying as long as it takes, and so as parents, we can really take the time to celebrate the courage that it takes to try something regardless of the outcome. And so you tried, it didn't work out. What did we learn from it? I'm so proud of you for trying that I know next time, when you start talking about, yeah, it was hard. Oh, it didn't go right. Next time, what can we do to make it better next time? What do you think is going to happen? And so having that attitude and expressing that to our children really can make a difference. And it actually reinforces that perseverance, that growth mindset and that these are essential skills, continuing to try, continuing to work on it which is so important for success in life. And so why is bravery essential for children? Because it helps kids in three key areas, problem solving, emotional resilience and then social development. So let's talk for just a minute about problem solving so bravery enables children to approach problems with a mindset of, I can do this. So just think about it. When a child is trying to figure out a puzzle, trying to tie their shoes or learn some kind of a new skill, you're often just confronted with a bit of frustration or doubt, can I even do this at all but bravery. Courage gives them that inner strength to keep trying and don't just give up. So let's talk about emotional resilience. You know, life is full of setbacks, and there are going to be times when things don't go as planned, or when they experience failure, and bravery helps children face these challenges without losing hope. It teaches them that mistakes and failures aren't the end of the road. They're just opportunities to learn and to grow and to become stronger and smarter, and when kids know that they can face adversity and come out on the other side of it just fine, or even better, it builds emotional resilience within them. Let's look real quickly at social courage. You know, there are social situations that can be scary for everyone, even grown ups. Think about the social situations that make us nervous or we back off, or take a little time before we'll jump in or try something. So whether it's in introducing themselves to a new friend, again, standing up for someone, or even just speaking up in class, asking a question, offering an answer, these moments actually do require a lot of bravery. And so our children who are confident enough to show bravery are actually more likely to step into new social situations. They may engage more positively with their peers and even with the adults and authority figures that are around them, and then they're also more likely to just stand up for what is right. And so when kids practice bravery, they build that stronger sense of self worth, and they start to see themselves as I'm capable of handling this. I got this, I'm smart, I can do it, and they see themselves, then they can visualize it succeeding in those moments, and it builds that self confidence. And then that confidence spills over into all kinds of areas of life, academics, friendships, even emotional well being is this giant circle of things that are all engaged in through bravery. So how do we even talk about bravery to our kids? Well, one thing is to find out, what does your child consider to be brave? Have you asked them, and when they give you examples of someone whom they consider to be brave, who do they talk about? Are they superheroes? Are they athletes? Are they actors? Or is it a family member or someone who lives down the street, maybe someone from a book or a story. So when they're talking about these people that they think are brave, look at the characteristics of the people that they admire and then find common elements that are within those people and talk to them about how they define bravery. What does that look like? What do you think that means? And then talk to them about times that they have been brave, and about how you see bravery in them. And so, how can you as a parent build up courage in your child? Well, here is where I'm going to give you those 10 practical, real life tips that you can start using right now. And I know there's many more ways that you can engage your kids and build bravery and talk about it, but these are just going to get you off to a good start. So the first one is, as with so many other things in life, model that courageous behavior so kids learn from watching us, and it's so important that they see us being brave. And so this might mean trying something new, or admitting when we're wrong. Oh, that's so hard, sometimes it does take some bravery to do that or standing up for our beliefs. So talk to them openly about times that you have had to be brave, whether it was trying something new and a little bit scary, or speaking up in a meeting or. Or even just making a really hard decision, do we move? Do we stay? Do we change jobs? Those are the kind of decisions that take bravery for us as adults, and let them know that again, being brave doesn't mean that you're not scared. It means that you face that fear and you're moving forward anyway, but make sure that they see you doing brave things now. Number two, let's create some opportunities for risk taking. And we've talked about encouraging your child to try new things earlier this year. You know, with risk taking, we talked about that in July, yep, so we talked about that in July.  Go back and check out those episodes. They're a lot of fun episodes, but this could be things so so simple, something like trying a new hobby, joining the club, maybe just climbing that big tree in the yard, or talking to a new friend, guide them through these experiences and let them know it's okay if things don't go perfectly, they're building courage just by trying. And when you cognitively set up opportunities for them. It's not just that life happens, although you can take advantage of those opportunities as well, but really think about what are some things that I can set up, what are some experience what says, what are some things that we can try together or send them off on their own to do something that is really going to give them an opportunity to use courage and bravery, and now number three is we're going to celebrate the effort, not just the success. So when your child does something brave, whether it is speaking up in class or admitting to a mistake, celebrate the effort. Focus on the bravery it took to try, rather than whether it worked out perfectly. And this is going to reinforce that the process of being courageous is just as important as the result number four. So we're going to have conversations about courage. You know, it's really essential to have regular, age appropriate conversations about what courage means. And you know me, if you listen for a while, you know, I love these weekly family meetings where we talk about these things. Well, we do role play and work with some scenarios that might show an opportunity to be brave or courageous, and when they practice this several times, you know, and goes on, it could be in a family meeting, it could just be in the car having a conversation, or even at bedtime at night, and you're talking about how their day went. You can talk about these courageous acts, and you can use simple language when you're talking to them. Something like Courage is when we do something even though we feel scared, and then give examples that your child can actually relate to. So think about their age, think about their developmental abilities. And so you can talk about things like trying the slide at the playground for the first time, or introducing themselves to that new friend, give them opportunities to have that conversation with you. And number five, notice examples in the community and in the news, and there are so many opportunities to notice courage in the world around us, someone stopping to help someone in need, or someone helping a stranger with groceries, maybe a peer at school ran for help when someone on the playground got hurt. There are plenty of examples in their shows, in the movies they watch, in the news, even on YouTube and Tiktok and so on. But be again, very careful with screens, what they're watching, how it's influencing them. But you can use those things in a positive way, and you can also notice those missed opportunities to have been brave and courageous and talk about how things could have gone better. Just this week, I was listening to a podcast, and they were talking, this happened in Texas, and this lady was driving, and she actually saw this horrible accident happen right in front of her. She pulled over right away, ran and to the first car. There was a girl. Both cars were upside down, and so she was able to help that person get out. She was conscious, but she put her in her car, gave her her cell phone and said, call 911, and call your mom, let her know you're okay, let her know where you are. Then she ran to the second car, and that young man, his eyes were rolled back into his head. He was breathing, but he was not conscious, and the airbags had deployed, but they hadn't deflated. So she's trying to work around that, get them to deflate so she can reach this kid. And through it all, she could hear someone else screaming, and she kept trying to say, is someone else in the car with you? Who do you think that is? Who's yelling? Who's with you? And he is out well, as she's moving things around, trying to get him unbuckled. She found a cell phone, and the screaming was coming from the cell phone. His mom was on the phone with him, and she picked up the phone and said, He's okay. He's breathing. I'm helping him get out. And the mom said, You don't understand, he is in a diabetic shock, and he's unconscious, and so this poor lady, she doesn't know what to do. She's looking around. Nobody else is stopping. This is not an isolated Street. It's a fairly busy street, and she's trying to wave people down, and no one would stop. She said she even went to a motorcyclist that stopped at the stop sign that was there, and he turned his head away from her so that he wouldn't have to look at her, and then shot off as soon as he could, missed opportunities to make a difference, to help someone. Holy smokes, what kind of a world are we coming to when that is the norm of behavior, and it is the one who helps, who stops and who tries to make things better is the unusual one, the exception? So sad. So number six, share stories about your life and tell them about a time when you were a kid and you had to be brave, or maybe one of your siblings or a friend, did you try something new? Was there a time that you stood up for somebody or faced a fear of your own? And these stories actually do stick with kids, and they help them understand that Courage isn't about being fearless. I know I keep saying it, but I'm bringing it home. It's not about being fearless. It's about moving forward, even and especially when you are unsure. And then number seven is to have some fun with it. Just don't stop there. Engage in some fun role playing, create scenarios where your child has to be brave, like standing up for that classmate, asking for help when they don't know something, and even being the knight in shining armor, or, you know, the good guy that swoops in and rescues the person in need. Role playing actually does help them practice in a safe space. And then when the real situations arise, they're going to feel more equipped to handle them. And the more often you do this, the more natural courage is going to feel for your child. So whether it's standing up for your faith or for a sibling, one of the things that I remember growing up again, I'm the oldest of seven. I have five brothers, then the two just younger than me are both brothers, and then my sister came. But the three oldest, we were pretty close in age, and I knew that if I ever got in trouble, my brothers had my back, and they did and we had theirs. And I can remember times when people were being mean and bullying me because I was small, because I had deformed ears, and that kind of looked like an elf, and then I had bad ankles, and back then, what they did is put me in these special shoes to help straighten up my ankles that kind of did look like baby shoes. So being the smallest and having all of those things going on, I did get picked on a lot, and there were times when people would come and push me and shove me on the way home from school, and if my brothers would come by and see me, they would stick up for me. And that made me feel good, that I knew I had someone who loved me. You know that old saying? Well, I don't know if you know it, but there's that old saying that nobody hits my brother but me. That was kind of us, we could fight and battle, but when it came to any of us needing help, we were always there for each other. All right. So number eight, encourage some problem solving. So when your child faces a challenge, Please resist the urge to just jump in and. Fix it instead, maybe stand back, see how they handle it, or guide them through the process of solving it. Ask them questions like, well, what could you do next? Or, what do you think is another way of trying this? Even, I'm excited to see how you are going to work this out. This teaches them to approach problems with this courageous, brave mindset and facing it head on, rather than giving up when things get tough and looking for someone else to solve their problems. Number nine is teaching that, positive self talk, and so help your child build the courage from inside out by teaching them to use positive self talk. So we're gonna use family phrases often, like I can do hard things, or it's okay to be scared, but I'm brave enough to try. I have even loved when my kids, or even one of my students, might say, This is so hard, like, that's perfect. That's great, because, you know what, we do hard things. Isn't that great? You found something hard to do, so you're encouraging, you're excited about it, and over time, this starts becoming their inner voice when they are facing challenges. And then number 10 is, reframe fear as an opportunity. So rather than letting fear become something negative, help your child to see it as your chance to be brave and you can say things like, yeah, it's okay to feel scared. Courage is doing something even though you're scared, and this helps them to begin and then incorporate recognition that fear is just part of life, but it doesn't have to control them. You can't be brave unless you are scared. It's another thing I always would say to kids, grandkids now and students, you can't be brave unless you are scared. And so we would kind of even celebrate. Oh, are you scared? Are you gonna be brave? Have fun with that. So let's talk about the power that we have in our own lives. So back in the day, I spent my summers teaching swim lessons, right? It wasn't teaching school. So I would teach swim lessons, and I would start with these little ones who were sometimes absolutely terrified of water, and at the start of the summer, they wouldn't even put their toes in the pool. They were just so scared. But with that gentle encouragement, and by taking small steps, playing near the water, and eventually sitting on the pool steps, they would find their courage, and by the end of the summer, almost always they were swimming like a fish. And then, as a parent coach, I've worked with families who have little guys who feel just so shy about meeting new people, very offstanding, timid and sometimes just scared out of their brains too. And so we'd have parents start practicing role playing at home, pretending to meet new friends, using their dolls and their toys to vocalize the emotions that were going on, and being brave, even with that, and this practice helps them to build confidence, to say hello to new kids, whether it's at preschool or school, on a on a new team, a new family moves in, or maybe you've moved It gives them that confidence. And now, with that practice and encouragement, they do become more outgoing and more confident. And then how many of us have watched or helped the little boy who was just terrified? It could have been a girl too. Sorry, but they're just terrified of riding their bike without the training wheels. And yet, when they see the other kids in the neighborhood or in the family just zooming by, they want to join in so badly, but the thought of falling and getting hurt just really holds them back. And so sometimes it's after weeks of encouragement and practicing in small steps that they are finally able to let go of their fears, and then not only do they master riding their bike, but they also learn that facing your fears opens the door to so many new adventures. So think about the moments your children displayed courage, whether it was admitting they broke that toy, or even trying a new activity, or standing up for a friend, these are all moments where celebrating and repeating because they reinforce that courageous acts, big or small, lead to personal growth. So as you're celebrating, it's great to call grandma and grandpa or a favorite uncle, or spread the word. Let them share. Oh, you wait till you hear what Joey did, and they get to go on and tell about how brave they were and how they tried. So the truth is, bravery doesn't come all at once, and in fact, even as adults, we still have moments where we are working on our own acts of bravery, but it just builds through small, everyday acts. And so as we wrap up today, I want you to kind of leave the episode with a renewed sense of how vital bravery is in your child's development, and remember that Courage isn't about big, fearless acts, it's about those small, everyday choices that build resilience and confidence and character. And so I want to just thank you for tuning in. And if you found this episode helpful, be sure to share it with your friends and leave a review, and it helps more parents find us and don't forget to follow me on social media, first live events and extra tips. And as always, please don't forget to register for parent perspectives, that's the free monthly workshop that I was talking about at the beginning of the episode. And so the link to the website is in the show notes. You just click on parent perspectives and sign up. I also wanted to let you know I'm really excited about this one. Roman is bigger. My book just got nominated by the Idaho Library Association for Book of the Year, and so that's just an exciting thing that's going on. We've got two more books coming out. They're currently being worked on with my illustrators.  I'm hoping the second Roman book will be ready by Christmas. We'll kind of see how that goes. That's going to be touch and go, and I'll keep you up to date on all the fun news that's coming your way. And if you'd like to know a little bit more about parenting, about child development, how can I help my child develop these values and skills that are so important in their lives? I would love to be there for you. I, we can do one on one sessions. We can do some group coaching, if that's what you're interested in, and you can always do I have workshops that are available on the website, even one about parent teacher conferences, which are coming up very quickly, and how you can make those more productive than they usually are, and so that was going to be a lot of fun all on the website. And so until next time, let's find joy in parenting. See you later. Everybody. Thank you so much for sticking around to the end of today's episode of imperfect heroes. Parenting is truly one of the most rewarding journeys we can take. But let's face it, it can be incredibly challenging, and sometimes we make it harder on ourselves than it needs to be. The good news is that with a little bit of work up front, there are practical steps you can take to bring more peace and joy into your family life. I am passionate to share these strategies and insights with you. If you're ready to step on the path to joyful, effective parenting, I invite you to schedule a family checkup. Just click on the calendar link in the show notes below. Schedule a time that works perfectly for you, and let's work together to create a more harmonious and happy environment, and remember every small step that you take today makes a big difference. So thank you again for joining us, and until next time, let's find joy in parenting.

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