Episode 175: Thanksgiving to New Year: Connecting Gratitude, Faith, and Renewal

You're listening to Imperfect Heroes: Insights into Parenting, the perfect podcast for imperfect parents looking to find joy in their experience of raising children in An imperfect world, and I'm your host, DJ Stutz.

Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of Imperfect Heroes: Insights into Parenting, where we talk about the joys and the challenges of raising little ones and explore ways to build character, instill values and strengthen relationships. I'm your host, DJ Stutz, and I hope everyone had a safe and fun Halloween, a holiday that is just right for our kiddos. And now, with Thanksgiving and Christmas right around the corner, today's topic is especially timely, building a grateful nature in our young children. But before we dive into today's episode, I just want to take a quick moment to talk about something that I'm really passionate about, helping parents just like you through my personalized parent coaching program, and whether you're struggling with tantrums, bedtime battles, building stronger connections with your kids, or even just gearing up for the chaos of the upcoming holiday season, I'm here to help you. So together, we will create a plan that fits your family's unique needs and help you feel more confident as you raise your little ones. So if you're ready to reduce your stress, bring more peace and joy into your parenting journey, visit my website and schedule your free family checkup today, and let's build a stronger family one step at a time. And the link, of course, is in the show notes. Now let's get started with today's episode. You know, a few years ago, I was listening to a podcast with Glenn Beck. Some of you may have heard of him. Some of you may love him, some of you may hate him. I happen to like him, but no matter how you feel about my friend Glenn, what he said in this episode really struck me. He shared his theory of the trilogy of holidays, which gives us this beautiful framework of understanding how Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year are deeply connected. It truly resonated with me, and I revisit it in my life every year now it goes something like this. Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on humility, because in order to be grateful, to truly open our eyes and recognize the beauty and the opportunities and the kindness that surrounds us, we need to be humble, and humility allows us to see that we didn't accomplish everything on our own. We are surrounded by blessings and by people who care for us. The humble heart is actually the key to gratitude, and when we start with Thanksgiving and this heart of humility, it naturally prepares us for Christmas. And with a humble heart, we can welcome Christ into our lives and acknowledge that there is something greater than ourselves, God who loves us and who created this incredible world in which we live, and Christmas becomes more than just a day of gift giving. It's about receiving the greatest gift of all, the love of Christ, and understanding that we are part of his plan. And then as we accept and treasure the love of Christ in our lives, we are transformed into something new. We become a new person, a new being. And this is the New Year's portion of the trilogy. The old is left behind us, and new opportunities, new hopes and strategies are open to us. It is a time of renewal and just a fresh start. So how does all of this tie into raising grateful children? Well, gratitude and humility go hand in hand, and it's never too early to start nurturing those traits in our kids. In fact, even babies can begin to sense gratitude when we as parents model it in those precious, quiet moments when we're rocking them to sleep or just holding them close, we can say things like, I'm so grateful for you, or look at how blessed we are with this beautiful day. Your baby may not understand the words, but they will feel the love and the peace that's in your voice. And while these little ones may not understand the words, yet, they are definitely soaking up the feeling and the tone, and it's like we're planting a tiny seed in their heart, a seed of gratitude that will grow as they do and they become toddlers, we can then expand these quiet moments to express things like I am so grateful we are just so warm and cozy while it's awfully cold outside. Or maybe I am so grateful we have a home, clothes and toothbrushes and food. Notice the basics, the little things. We really are truly blessed. And so at this first stop on our trilogy of holidays tour, take some time to teach your children about humility, and this could be through conversations or storytelling or even some simple activities, and remember the opportunity and the value of I know I keep harping on it weekly meetings. I believe that every family should set a specific time aside every week, put it in your calendar, and use that time to teach to listen to your children and then practice a variety of scenarios, so that when confronted with real life, they have some experience that they can relate to and fall back on. And so while we can use these meetings to our benefit, important conversations can and really they must take place every day in all types of settings, it's important that we teach our children and remind ourselves that in order to be truly grateful, we first need to notice the good things in our lives. We need to be humble enough to admit that we didn't get here all by ourselves. We are blessed by the love, support and kindness of others, and our children need to learn that lesson as well, and we can help them practice that by pointing out the little things that often go unnoticed. "Isn't it nice that daddy fixed your bike? We're so lucky to have him." There are so many people, families, friends, teachers, neighbors, coaches, who help us along the way, and don't stop there. We should also talk about how we are blessed by God's love, His kindness, which surrounds us every day. And as our children grow, we continue to nurture that seed through our actions and our words. And one of the most powerful ways to teach gratitude is simply by modeling it. Big surprise there, right? And so when your child sees you taking the time to say thank you, acknowledging others' efforts, or even pausing to give thanks in prayer, they are watching and they are learning, and they'll begin to understand that being grateful is more than just saying words. It's about recognizing those blessings that come from others and from God, and being humble includes being able to see the good even on the hard days. It's important to acknowledge the difficulty, and I really don't mean that we should be living in some fake, unrealistic world of denial, but at some point it might be helpful or fun and enlightening to remember something good. Well, at least I don't have a broken leg. And if you do, well, at least I don't have two broken legs, you get the idea. But here's the key, gratitude isn't just about noticing the blessings in our lives, it's also doing something with that feeling. As we teach our children to say thank you, we should also encourage them to act on their gratitude, and that might look like returning a favor, helping someone in need, or simply finding small ways to be a blessing to others, and it's about noticing what others do for us and then responding. You would be amazed at how much even very young children love to help. They naturally want to be involved in what we're doing, whether it's cooking or cleaning or wrapping presents. Yes, I know it's going to take longer to get these things done when the little hands are involved, but these are golden opportunities to teach them about gratitude and service, and when they offer to help, even if it's in a small way, acknowledge that effort. Thank you so much for helping me clean up the toys. You are such a great helper, and that positive reinforcement makes them feel valued and encourages them to look for more ways to be helpful. Now, as your children get older and start becoming more verbal, you can develop traditions around gratitude. So one idea. I love is making gratitude a regular part of family, meals, a daily commute, maybe, or bedtime routines. During these times, each family member can share one thing that they are grateful for and one way that they were a blessing to someone else that day. It's a simple practice, but it really does start to change how children view the world around them. And when kids know that they're going to be expected to share things that they are grateful for, they start looking for those moments during their day, and they will begin to notice the small things that others do for them. Maybe it's something like my friend shared their toy with me, or I had a teacher that helped me with a tough assignment, and they also start looking for ways to show kindness in return. It might be something as simple as saying thank you. It could be holding a door open or lending a hand without even being asked. It is a wonderful tradition that is especially meaningful during Thanksgiving because it ties in with that humble reflection that this holiday encourages. But the true benefit comes from making this a year round part of your family, and that's really the magic of gratitude. It grows, and the more we practice it, the more we see it. And when we model that for our children, they begin to see the world through that lens as well. And so let's face it, our kids are watching us all the time, and when we express our gratitude openly, whether it's to the grocery store or maybe a neighbor who just helped out. We're teaching our children how to live with a grateful heart, and we know that people who have a grateful heart have less anxiety. They actually, as adults, have fewer heart problems. Isn't that funny and and true, they have a better outlook on life, more confidence that I am capable of doing things. So one thing I really want to emphasize is the importance of recognizing when our children act on their own to either show gratitude or help others, and when your child does something kind without being asked. Take a moment to praise them for it. "I noticed that you helped your sister clean up her toys today without anyone asking you. That was so thoughtful, and I really am proud of you." This kind of acknowledgement really does reinforce their behavior and encourages them to continue looking for ways to contribute. And here's something to consider, the power of service in building a grateful heart. Children love to help out, and even though it may slow us down as parents, these are perfect opportunities to teach them the joy of giving and serving. So let them help with setting the table, cleaning up or even writing those thank you cards. One of my key Christmas and birthday memories was my dad and his yellow legal pad. At Christmas, we opened presents, one at a time, while the others watched on and with seven kids, this took forever, but we loved the way it extended that time of joy. And my dad would come out with his yellow legal pad, and he would write down each gift, who it was for and who it was from. And then, when all the presents were open, we had to write a thank you note to whomever gave our present before we were able to even play with it or wear it. And my parents then made sure they all got into the mail. And I would actually, if you're going to do this, do snail mail, do an actual card instead of just some quick text. That is so much more meaningful to someone who receives those things, they can hold on to them, keep them. I actually, if you saw my office, I actually have a wall with the cards and thank you notes and things given to me by people that I've worked with, by students that I've worked with, even children from church who wrote me a thing that they thought I was great and brought me cookies one day, and that, gosh, that made me feel so good. And I still have their notes up on my wall. What a great reminder this is of the importance of recognizing the efforts of others. It is just a blessing, not only to our kids in helping them see it, but the receiver. It's a huge blessing to them as well, and so don't forget to show gratitude for their efforts in doing these things. So even your simple thank you for helping out that really made a difference goes a long way in encouraging their own desire to serve others. And so as we head into the holiday season, there are plenty of opportunities to practice gratitude and service. Together as a family. Maybe it's writing those thank you notes or something as simple as baking cookies for a neighbor. Let your children be part of the process and then even encourage them to come up with ideas of their own. And let's find a way to make that work. Ask them for help in decorating cookies or delivering them to a neighbor's house. One of the fun things that I have done with my grandkids, actually, was we had different times of the year. It wasn't always at the holidays, but where we would do something for someone we noticed that was down or sad or needed some help, we would put something together, whether it was a vase of flowers or some cookies or whatever. And I don't know if you remember when I was a kiddo, back when pterodactyls were flying in the air, we had a thing called ding dong ditch, and we thought that was the most hysterical thing. On the way home from school to ring somebody's doorbell and hide in the bushes, and they would come to the door and no one would be there. For some reason, we thought that was just beyond hysterical, and we would do it probably more often than we should have.  But this is a fun way of ding dong ditch, isn't it? We leave something at the door. We hide. And so the whole process of, okay, where are we going to hide when we ding dong, who's going to actually do the ding dong, how are we going to run? We need to have it close enough that everybody can get hiding right, parking the car down the street so that they don't see it. And the whole process is invigorating, and it builds up their adrenaline, and it makes it just so much fun. And the kids had such a blast and ringing the bell and running and hiding, and they'd come to the door and look around. There was one time when they did not look down. They looked around and didn't see it was flowers. We'd gotten flowers for someone, and she didn't see them, and she closed the door, and we're like, whoa, what do we do? We did it again. We went and ding dong again, and this time she noticed them. But it was just so much fun, and what a great tradition to have with our kids in helping them, in being a joy to others and showing gratitude and also the gift of doing things anonymously without expecting someone to say, Oh, thank you. That was really nice, but keeping it a secret and knowing that you brought joy to them. And one of the things is the one lady that we sent took flowers to it was a lady from our church, and she'd just been through a lot and was really down, and I remembered hearing her at church talking about how she just felt alone and she didn't feel connected to anybody, and so we did that for her, and brought the flowers and just had a note on there that you are loved. That's all it said. And then next Sunday, when we were at church, her entire countenance had changed. She was happy. She was smiling. She was telling everyone about these flowers. And it was so fun for me and my grandkids that  we knew it was us, but we didn't want to say anything, because now she was thinking better of the world, and it wasn't focused on us. And what a joy that that was. So these things take a little longer to set up. They take some time, but they are powerful in teaching gratitude and kindness and just connection with others. So now the next stop on our holiday trilogy tour is Christmas, and here we shift our focus from gratitude to welcoming Christ in our lives, because once our hearts are humbled by gratitude. It is then that we are ready to acknowledge God's presence and His love for us. And as parents, we can share the story of Christ's birth and help our children understand the significance of Christmas, that it's a time to celebrate God's greatest gift to us, His Son, Jesus Christ, and to reflect on how we can share that love with others. So Christmas also offers wonderful opportunities to give back. We can involve our children in these acts of service and teach them that when we are grateful for what we have, the natural response is to give to others, and so perhaps they can pick out a toy to donate or help you prepare a meal for someone in need. I actually have a downloadable donation bingo card that can help inspire children to give to those in need. So there's a card that is kind of more boy centered, and another one that's more girl centered. And then there's one that's just blank, and you can fill that in and make it specific for your family. And so the link to it is in the show notes. It is free. I love doing this. So, gosh, this was a few years ago. I was coaching this mom. And she had this little three year old boy, and she used the bingo card with him, and they went upstairs. It was before Christmas, and at three years old, she explained to him that there were children who were not going to get Christmas presents because their families didn't have any money to get presents. And so let's take our card, she printed out my bingo card, and let's get a bingo and she showed them how you go across and up and down or diagonal whatever. But you have to get five in a row. And then we'll take that down to, I forget where they took it to a shelter or something, and then this will be something that some of these kids can have for Christmas who would not have anything otherwise. Well, this little guy was quite excited about it, and very quickly he got his bingo. But he didn't want to stop there. He wanted to do a blackout. He wanted to fill every one of those squares was something that he was donating. And there were a couple of times when he took something that he played with, often, that he seemed to care about, and he really enjoyed playing with these toys. And his mom said, Honey, you play with this every day. You might not want to give it away. And he was insistent, no, I want to give this they don't have anything. I want to give them this toy.Probably not in those exact words, but this is how mom explained it to me. And so they did. They filled out the black out. They had a big basket now of things, and they took it down to the shelter. She took her son with her as they went down, and this little three year old had big eyes as he saw the children in the shelter and how some of them clearly were needing things, and he could feel the sadness. He talked about how it was a sad place, and so he was able to do that, and he felt so good. I worked with this family for months after and she said that he never did ask again about those precious toys that he had given away. He knew he had done something wonderful. So those bingo cards are available to you. Feel free to use them, and I'd love to hear if you do use them, I would love to hear how it worked out for you and what that did with your kids. What was the experience? It would be so wonderful. And so these are just some tangible ways that they can see the impact of their actions and then feel the joy that comes from just being a blessing to others and how that really inspires it. It feels good, right? So now the final stop on our tour of the holiday trilogy is New Year's, and this is a time for renewal, and after reflecting on gratitude and then we welcome Christ into our lives, we enter the new year with a fresh perspective. We are made new, and we can talk with our children about setting these new intentions and setting goals and ways that they can continue to show gratitude, kindness and humility in the coming year for those that are around us and for our Lord and Savior and so New Years becomes a celebration of who we are becoming and With a heart full of gratitude and a renewed spirit. And so we're going to be spending some more time on these final two stops in some of the episodes coming up during these final months of the year. So we'll just go in a little deeper dive, but let's just take a quick little check on the five key points that we talked about today. So number one was to model gratitude. Remember to let your kids see you being thankful for both big and small things, and let them hear you express your thanks in daily life, whether it's for a meal that someone cooked or a kind word from a friend or a warm home. Number two was creating gratitude traditions. So be sure to establish moments in your day and in your week where the whole family reflects on what they're grateful for. You can share that at dinner time or before bed or like I said, or in a daily commute, maybe to school or someplace, and it can just be a simple way to weave this practice into your family routines. Number three is, encourage service. So teach your kids to act on their gratitude by helping others, whether it's a chore around the house, volunteering in the community or writing thank you notes. These acts of kindness help children understand the importance of giving back. And number four is to recognize their efforts. When your child does something thoughtful or helpful, make sure to acknowledge it. Saying I am so grateful you helped without being asked. Just reinforces that behavior, and it also encourages more acts of kindness. And then the last one that we. Mentioned is connecting gratitude to your faith. And as we approach Christmas, just remind your children that the greatest gift that we have is God's love for us. And when we are grateful, we are opening our hearts to that love, and then we are more willing to share it with others in a myriad of ways. There's so many different ways that we can share that love. And so now, as we bring this episode to a close, I want you to just remember that building a grateful nature in our children isn't something that happens overnight. It is a lifelong journey. I mean, imagine that we're still working on it as adults, and they are going to be working on it through their life as well. And so it takes daily practice and lots of modeling from us as parents to get them on that road. But I know it takes time. I know it's extra effort, but the rewards for these efforts are immense, raising children who notice the good in their lives and seek to share that good with others, it is going to bless their lives. They are going to have happier outcomes, better relationships, more confidence in themselves and in others and in the world at large, they will be able, even with all the craziness that's going on now, it's pretty crazy right now, but all of that craziness going on, they will still be able to see the good that surrounds us in other people, in the beauty of nature that is around us, in little Things like pets. We have a car that works, we are able to see those things and feel gratitude for them. So it is my hope that we all take time during this holiday season to reflect on how we can nurture gratitude in our families and remember gratitude really does begin with humility. It is about recognizing the beauty and the blessings that surround us, and from that place of gratitude, we are ready to welcome Christ into our lives and become something totally new. I'm really excited about the episodes that we have for this month, and I hope you will join me in listening to each of them, and until next week, let's find joy in parenting. See you guys, thank you so much for sticking around to the end of today's episode of imperfect heroes. Parenting is truly one of the most rewarding journeys we can take. But let's face it, it can be incredibly challenging, and sometimes we make it harder on ourselves than it needs to be. The good news is that with a little bit of work up front, there are practical steps you can take to bring more peace and joy into your family life. I am passionate to share these strategies and insights with you. If you're ready to step on the paths of joyful, effective parenting, I invite you to schedule a family checkup, just click on the calendar link in the show notes below. Schedule a time that works perfectly for you, and let's work together to create a more harmonious and happy environment. And remember, every small step that you take today makes a big difference. So thank you again for joining us, and until next time, let's find joy in parenting.