Episode 177: Gratitude Made Simple: Creative Parenting Hacks to Grow Thankfulness in Kids with Nicole Oke

DJ Stutz  0:14  

You're listening to Imperfect Heroes: Insights into Parenting, the perfect podcast for imperfect parents looking to find joy in their experience of raising children in an imperfect world, and I'm your host, DJ Stutz.

Welcome heroes, heroines to another episode of Imperfect Heroes, Insights into Parenting. And so it's November, and so it's normal for us to start thinking about gratitude. Go Thanksgiving! We're going to be talking about some of the ways, some of the things that you can do to bring gratitude into the lives of your children, but also in our lives too, as we are showing them how life works. So before we get started on that with my amazing guest, Nicole Oke, I just want to remind everybody that Christmas is coming up. I happen to know a very good book, Roman is Bigger. You've heard me talk about this before. Roman is Bigger, and he's got really big emotions, and he's bigger than mad and he's bigger than happy and bigger than silly and all these fun things, but he's finding the right words. So this is a great book. It's a great opportunity.  Buy one for your child's school teacher to have for their classroom library if you want. I've got a few teachers that have my books as well. Enjoy that you can get it on Amazon, Barnes and Noble. It's even on the Walmart website, and so you can get it wherever you want. Great Christmas present for your kids and for any teachers in your life too. All right, let's get going. So Nicole, I'm so excited to have you on.  Now, Nicole is a children's author as well. And so we kind of connected, because we have that in common. But Nicole, why don't you talk to us for just a second about your family and also about what you do? 

Nicole Oke  2:22  

Yes, of course.  Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here.  Like you said, my name is Nicole Oke. I live in Boise, Idaho, and I have two little girls, one is eight years old and one is three years old. And they keep me extremely busy. They challenge me often, and they are the inspiration behind a lot of my writing. When I'm not writing, I work at the National Interagency Fire Center here in Boise, Idaho. I'm a training specialist, so I help out in developing training for wildland firefighters and doing different types of assessments and stuff of the programs. And in the summertime, when we're busy, like this year was extremely busy. I help out in dispatch as well.

DJ Stutz  3:04  

So Wow, good for you. So amazing. That could be a high stress job too. Yes, such a big responsibility, all right. Well, let's talk a little further. So one of the things that we know and we like to push but we everyone says, I want my kids to be happy, right? Well, I have some feelings on that, because having them be good to me, it's more important than being happy and sometimes doing the right thing, the good thing, is not the in the moment happy thing.  But one of the things that we can do to really ensure and promote happiness in our kids is to help them to look around in their lives and see all the things that they are grateful for and all of the things that can work in their favor. And so really helping them with gratitude helps them with being generally happy. Study after study after study shows this. So you're in the throes of raising these beautiful little girls. What are some of the things that you do to help promote gratitude in your family? 

Nicole Oke  4:03  

I would say the biggest change that we made in our family to promote gratitude is we say thank you all the time. And this actually started not because of my kids, but because my husband and I were kind of struggling. We were both feeling a little unappreciated for all of the things that we did, and I don't remember what the incident was that resulted in us changing our behavior, but we started just saying thank you. It was kind of my husband's job to take out the trash, and I made it a point to say thank you when he did it. You know, it was kind of whatever was my job. He made it a point to say thank you when I did it. And that is something that we've also instilled in our girls. So if we ask them to do something, even if it's an expectation, like to pick up their toys, things like that, we say, thank you. Afterwards, please bring your dish to the sink. When you're done eating, when they bring it to the sink, I say, thank you. And it's kind of become something just now. Natural in our lives, but it's amazing what a difference it can make and how we interact together, because we don't feel unappreciated anymore. It's like, okay, I'm doing these little things and it's making a difference, and they're noticing and they care. And I wasn't sure, as I think often parents, we aren't sure if what we're doing is making a difference, if it's actually having an impact on our kids. And I went to the end of the year parent teacher night a few months ago, when school was getting out and my daughter's math teacher made it a point to tell me that she is one of the kindest, nicest girls in class, and I'll tell you what, I hand out a worksheet for her to do, and she says, Thank you. And I was just like, Okay, it's resonating. What we're doing is making a difference. She's taking it into the world. She's saying thank you. She's appreciating what other people are doing. 

DJ Stutz  5:51  

Yeah, you brought two really amazing points that I really connected with was that you made it a cognitive decision. You had a goal, and you made a decision to bring that thank you into your family's lives. And so you changed your family structure and traditions a little bit, but you did it purposefully. You knew what you were doing and you were setting it up, and that is so key with really any value that we're teaching our children is that we know what we're doing and we're setting up a plan to make this happen. And so that is so key. I'm so glad that you brought up that you did that. And then the other thing was that even the little things like bringing your dish over, or taking the trash out, or all these little things. And I know I've talked to some of the parents, a few of the ones that I've coached, I've had this attitude, well, well, that's their job. Why should I thank them? So that's what they're supposed to do. And so I remind them that, well, what if you spend all day making your child's very favorite dinner? Maybe it's their birthday, or whatever they got straight A's, or they went from D to C, whatever. How would you feel if you worked so hard, complicated recipes, you made it happen and they don't even acknowledge that? They just eat it and leave. They don't even acknowledge it. Well, it's your job to cook dinner. It's your job, your responsibility, to make sure that they are well fed. Why should they have to say thank you? Well, they should. And so I think seeing and noticing those little things your daughter notices and saying thank you, when the teacher is just handing out a worksheet, thank you. And it really changes the way other people feel. So when we talk about doing service, just that act of saying thank you to someone for something small or big, but let's get them noticing those small things. Think of the service that does to your child as they are, acknowledging someone's been kind to them, to the person that they're saying, Thank you too. And then it's like that pebble in the pond, right? It ripples out, and you have no idea how that is going to spread out. Now that maybe you've changed someone's mood. Are they feeling better about themselves? What does that change in their reactions with other people? And it just spreads out. I love that you said those things,

Nicole Oke  8:19  

Thank you, yes. And it's like you said, it can make such a big difference.

DJ Stutz  8:23  

Yeah, it can. I know one of the things, and I've mentioned this in some of my other podcasts before. You know, I'm the oldest of seven, and my dad every Christmas or birthday, but I really remember Christmas. It'd be Christmas morning. There's all these presents, and our family, you opened one at a time, and everybody saw what you got, right? It wasn't this rush off. And I'm not saying one way is better than another. Every family has their own traditions, but that was our family and my dad. Every Christmas morning, he would come out with his yellow legal pad and his pen, and he was writing down every gift that everyone got, so you'd have who got it, what was it that they got, and who it came from, and then before we could play with it or wear it or whatever, we had to write a thank you note before we even got to use it. And so that really pushed it into me, too, the importance of making an effort, and for that wasn't calling them or texting them, no such things back then, but, well, phones, there were phones, I will say that, but it was the writing the letter or writing the card and saying thank you for and mentioning what it is that you're grateful for, and then sending it off. But I think that another piece too, is especially when we're working with our little kids. So we say thank you, but we also include for bringing your dish over, or picking that up, or cleaning your room or helping me out with the dusting, whatever it is, but we're saying what we're thankful for as we're sharing that with our kids.

Nicole Oke  9:58  

Yes, for sure. Sure, and it promotes mindfulness of what you're talking about too, like taking that time to stop and write that thank you note. It's like creating a moment, a space and time for you really to reflect on what you got and who gave it to you and what that meant, and really take a moment to be grateful, right? And I think that's really important too, because too often we rush through life, and we don't stop and actually be present in that moment. And so I think that's another great tool that comes with writing those thank you notes.

DJ Stutz  10:29  

And I think too, if your kids are really young, they're not writing yet. It's okay for them to just color a picture or even do a little scribble if they're two, but then they can dictate to you. Well, what do you want to say to grandma? Well, what do you like about it? And so then you can write it, and they'll know that you wrote it for the two year old. But these are the two year olds exact words, Oh, aren't those things precious when you receive them,

Nicole Oke  10:56  

And it has such an impact on the person who receives it too. I mean, my favorite Christmas memory is my nephew, when he was about he was probably two and a half or three years old, and he would open his present. And our family does like yours, where we open one at a time, but every single present that he opened, it was, like, the most magical experience for him. And he would get so excited, and he'd be like, it's exactly what I wanted. And then it didn't matter if it was socks or a toy or whatever, like, it was exactly what he wanted. And he would go and he would, like, hug the person that gave it to them and say a big thank you. And I mean, just the fact that he, I mean, he just graduated from high school this year, so that's what, 15 plus years later, and that's still my fondest memory of Christmas experience. And it's like the impact of his excitement and his gratitude and all of that still affects me to this day. 

DJ Stutz  11:55  

So amazing. And then there's the opposite that can happen, though, too. Have you ever been at a birthday party or a Christmas thing, and a kid opens a present like, I hate this and throws it down, I didn't want this or whatever. And you think, ooh, not, not. Okay, right? Yeah, then the parents will make an excuse for them, instead of saying, that's not how we behave, right? Taking the time to really correct that and make sure that they understand it's okay if you don't like it, but you don't act that way. When someone went out of their way to purchase it and to wrap it and to do whatever, we still say, thank you. Yeah, now you still appreciate the thought exactly at the time. So one of my love languages is time. And so spending time with me, or on me, or whatever. And so for me, it means so much more to have a gift that I can see that they thought about it, you know what I mean, that they considered who I am and what my interests are. Because to me, greater than the gift is the time they put into what, thinking about getting it, doing all of that. But yeah, I would say if you have a child that's doing that, it's time to take action.

Nicole Oke  13:13  

Yes, for sure. 

DJ Stutz  13:15  

So we've got that saying thank you and noticing those little things. Is there anything else that you guys do with your kiddos that helps them understand what a blessed life they have.

Nicole Oke  13:24  

We try to encourage taking a few moments and talking about the good things that happen in the day. So at the end of the day, we do, you know, what went well, sometimes we also include like, what didn't go well, just so that gives a different opportunity to talk about emotions as well, and what we're thankful for, like, what we were appreciative of from that day. And so again, it's kind of that moment to stop and reflect and really think through. And even as an adult, sometimes it surprised me when it's my turn and I'm like, Okay, let's stop and think about the day, and I'll remember something that in the moment, I didn't realize how grateful I was that that had happened. But when I took the time to stop and reflect and think about it, I was like, You know what? That was really cool, and I am really grateful for that. And so there's so much to be grateful for, and we just sometimes kind of rush through it and don't notice it. So that's another practice I really like to do.

DJ Stutz  14:20  

I love that you are verbalizing it. Your kids can hear you. So, wow, that was wonderful. Or, man, I thought this wasn't going to work out well, or I was really upset when this happened. But wow, down the road, I can see that that negative thing actually was a positive thing, you know, God's hand, kind of a thing that we've been blessed with what I thought was a bad thing, but that was a huge blessing. When you're having those kinds of conversations, even if you're just having them with yourself out loud, the kids will hear that. They'll pick up on that. No, start learning from that.

Nicole Oke  14:56  

Yes, and that's one thing we try to do, too, is verbalize our. And kind of almost not narrate our whole entire lives, but when I'm having big emotions, I do try to narrate it for my kids, and I try to explain to them what's happening. And I try to you, kind of mentioned your second book you have coming out, the importance of that vocabulary, and I try to teach them that, because there's a difference between being mad and being frustrated and being overwhelmed and being disappointed, and too often we like to like group it all under mad, happy and sad. And it's like there's so many more emotions out there. And the more we can kind of narrate what we're feeling, the easier it'll be for our kids to know what they're feeling. And it just has such a wonderful ripple effect.

DJ Stutz  15:39  

You are so, so, right, in all my years of teaching kindergarten, I had kids come in that the only emotions they could identify were happy, mad and scared. Someone would throw in hungry. That's not really an emotion, but it affects our emotions. Yeah, yes. And so as we would work to build that vocabulary and they can better express more pinpoint how they are feeling, what they are thinking, that kind of stuff, they do calm down faster. They are then able to manage, okay, I am terrified. Okay. So what am I going to do about it, do I need to run or do I need to turn off the TV show that scares the crap out of me, or do I need to get a grown up to come and help me? Because I'm really scared about the way this other person is behaving, whether it's another child or an adult, that is behaving that is really scaring them, terrifying them, frightening them. There's all of these terms that we can use, and you can go and talk to an adult, it's they're going to react differently than when you say, Oh, I'm scared or I am terrified. There's a different reaction that comes into place with that when you're able to use those words. And so there's all of that, I think, too. Another thing that we can do with gratitude and in our family, and let me know what your thoughts are on this. But you know, sibling rivalry is such a thing, and guess what? Oh, it's normal, right? Yes, yes. It's important in some episodes to have that sibling rivalry, because that's a safe place generally for them to get some practice with their problem solving skills and with how to use kindness and how to do all of these things. But one of the things that I've had some of my families do is, and much like what you were talking about at the dinner table, there were two things. Number one was, who did you help today? I like that. And number two was, who helped you, and then they're starting to think, because that's an exercise in gratitude, as well as recognizing every day, in fact, every moment, really, there's someone helping you somewhere, somehow, someone's working on your behalf somewhere, and so helping kids see that and realize that, and when you make that a part of your family tradition, whether it's at the dinner table, I love dinner table conversations and dinner not in the car from a bag, but right some days you just got to, some days you just got to but you want to make sure that There are days when you're sitting around and talking, but what a great way to have and instill that dinner conversation time, or maybe it's while they're in the bath, or while you're getting ready to go to sleep. And that's part of our calming down and feeling good. And we're ending on these good thoughts, positive thoughts, that are going on. How do you help that then maybe in your family? Yeah,

Nicole Oke  18:44  

I think that's a great idea. I love adding those two questions about, you know, who have you helped and who has helped you? I think that's something that I'm going to start asking and adding into our routine, because I think that's really cool. I love the idea of doing it even at bedtime as kind of leaving it in this positive, safe space before you go to bed, and what a great way to be thinking about all those good things right before night time.

DJ Stutz  19:11  

I love that. Yeah, it's fun. So last summer, I had one of my grandsons, six years old. We had him for seven weeks, kind of helping out with childcare and family and stuff, but kids give the best prayers, don't they, and so it was so cute listening to his prayers like so I'm thankful I got to play with the cats, and I'm thankful that I made a friend, and I'm thinking, and it's all these little, teeny things. I had good food to eat, and Nana didn't make lima beans. You know, he had things he didn't like, but it's just how he noticed all these little things in his prayer. And really that can be another form of noticing all the goodness that's around us. Is when we're thanking the Lord about all the good that he's put into our lives, we're starting to notice it. And. Then we had a thing where we kind of do a round robin prayer. So like, sometimes he wanted to start, and sometimes he wanted one of us to start. So one would go, and then either my husband and I would go, and then the third one would go. And so we just kind of did this round robin thing. That was his idea to start, yeah. And I thought, why not? Let's try it. And it was so adorable and just so eye opening as you're helping them to see the good. So you can do it just in a conversation with you. And that's a great way you could do both. You could find your own way that works for your family, on how to make that work. I love that at the end of the day, and taking just kind of a list of all the things that we can be grateful for.

Nicole Oke  20:45  

For sure, it's kind of along those same lines. Another thing that wasn't intentional, but has happened that was wonderful is and I think it's because my mother always does it, so I started doing it, and now I've noticed it in my kids. But anytime she has kind of an appreciative thought, she says it and just, not even just like a thank you, but if she notices someone's shirt and she thinks it's really pretty, she says, I love your shirt. It's so pretty. And sometimes we think of gratitude in these bigger things, of things that are being done for us. But we can also be grateful for the beauty in the world. We can be appreciative of those small things, you know. And so I always saw my mom do that. So I always do it if I see something I like, or if, Hey, I like your shoes, or hey, your hair looks really good today, all those little things. And I think that also sends ripples through the world and positive vibes. And I've noticed it, it's the funniest thing. So my three year old starts doing it, and she'll say things like, this, dinner is really yummy, mom, and I love that. And then she'll say to me, like, driving to school, she really likes your car, mom. And it just, it makes me giggle, right? But I'm like, what a wonderful thing that she has noticed and is appreciating the fact that she's in this vehicle, and she likes it. And we talk about something we take for granted. I should be very grateful to have a vehicle, and it's definitely something that I don't often include in my gratitude. But it was just kind of such a cool thing to see that happen, and I love that it's being passed down generation to generation, even though it's not intentional.

DJ Stutz  22:18  

Right.  But those generational things. So sometimes, you know, we make it seem like, oh, I sound like my mother. How awful that is. But there's a lot of times like, oh, I sound like my mom, and right? It's a great thing, right? Or my dad or my grandma or whatever, that generational attributes of kindness and perseverance and gratitude, all those kinds of things, bringing them into your family, and hopefully seeing that develop on as yeah as they go down, but yeah, so much. And then there were times so for 20 years, we lived in Las Vegas. It was like 1988 to 2008 we lived in Vegas, and Vegas is just different, but they have the most beautiful clouds. I'm always drawn to clouds and the formations and all of this kind of clouds are kind of my thing. And there were times when I would have to pull over to the side of the road just so I could sit and watch the clouds for a minute. Yeah, because it was so beautiful. It's so beautiful, so beautiful. One of our family jokes was, so the youngest brother is Dan, Danny, and we were joking around. My dad had gone from UCLA, and then he was teaching at BYU in Provo, Utah, and we were driving along. And I'm an adult. I'm married. And I don't know why I was in the car with the family. I can't remember, but I was in the car, my mom's driving, and all of a sudden, you're Dan, look at those mountains. But it sounded like she said, Damn, look at the mountains. You know, we all sort of busted laughing, because it was just like, so arbitrary and out of the blue, right? She just had a beauty of these mountains against the skyline in the clouds, and it was autumn, and so the leaves were changing, and the coloring on the mountain was changing, and and she it, it just hit her hard enough that she just blurted it out there, and we all started laughing. But yet it was all it's and that's be kind of become a family thing is like, Dan, look at the mountains, you know, but helping our children see that I live now where I have a view of the Tetons and nice, yeah, I'm just under an hour from the west entrance to Yellowstone National Park, and there's just so much beauty. And there are times when I think I live in one of the most beautiful places on earth. I mean, there are a lot of beautiful places on Earth, but I happen to get to live in one of them, and so when you really think about that, whether it's internally, when you're alone, verbally, even better when you're alone, nothing wrong with talking out loud, right, or thinking out loud, but helping your kids. See that beauty and understand what is unique about where we live and what makes it special and how we enjoy that.

Nicole Oke  25:09  

For sure, and it brings such joy, too, when you can kind of teach them to start noticing those things, it just gives them a sense of awe and wonder, and those are important things to experience as a child.

DJ Stutz  25:22  

Yeah, I think so well, I think too, when we can find gratitude for things that aren't that beautiful. I remember one year when I was teaching, oh my gosh. It was like, back in 2015 I had a little guy in my class and he had, he had some issues, but he was so appreciative of insects and the work that they do.  That was his thing. And so I can remember he lost it out on the playground one day, and they called me in because it was my lunch time, so he got to come and help so and so, all right. So I come out and he is just sobbing and angry and screaming at these kids, okay, talk to me about what happened. He goes, they're just stepping on the ants. Why would you do that? Why would you just step on the ants for fun, they help us. And he was going into how they help take care of all the debris on the kindergarten, the debris on the earth. And, I mean, he had all these terms, but he had this great appreciation for insects, no matter what the kids would be like, all scared bees, you know, and it's like they're not gonna hurt you, and they help us. And do you love honey? They give us honey. You'd start going into his dissertation. So sometimes things that you don't think of an ant as being particularly beautiful, maybe, unless you're another aunt, but it's finding beauty in some of the things that we don't normally find that beauty in,

Nicole Oke  26:46  

Right? Yeah, for sure, and appreciating the things that they do do for us. And everything serves a purpose. I believe everything's here for a reason, and so to be able to see that is really important. And you've kind of mentioned it before too, you know, there's been multiple times in my life where I haven't gotten what I wanted, whether it be a job or a promotion, things like that, and then months, even a year down the road, I look back and I think that happened for a reason, and I am so grateful, even though it was not fun in that moment, I'm so grateful that happened, because it could have been so much worse. Yeah, and absolutely, and talking about those things with our kids too. I mean, you know what, making sure it's all age appropriate and everything, but sharing those experiences with them, I think, is important too, because then they can understand and maybe start to look for those things in their lives too. Yeah.

DJ Stutz  27:37  

You know, back in September, one of my episodes was with a guy, Jeff Nelligan. He was talking about a time when they lived in DC, and he worked with political campaigns and different things. And so people he worked for did not win gotcha, and so his job was done. He lost his job. And right. So he comes home and kind of bummed out. And then he said that Sunday, as was their normal, he has three boys, they went to play football on the high school football field and just do their thing. And then normally they would go after that to go get some donuts. And that was just kind of one of their Sunday traditions. And so he said, Okay, guys, one more and we're gonna go up and get donuts. And it was at his middle or his youngest son, one of his sons said, Dad, we can't afford that. You just lost your job. And he said, Yeah, it's the end of the world. Come on, let's go. You know? Like, right? Like, it'll all work out. It's all gonna work out. Your dad has this, and we can afford donuts.

Nicole Oke  28:43  

Donuts, yeah.

DJ Stutz  28:44  

And so it's like, oh, we think all of these things are so big and horrible that are happening to us or for us, or whatever, or because of us, yeah, but, but then you look back and say, Yeah, I mean, that was a hard time, but look where I am now because of that. And so taking that into stride, and that became one of their family little mantras, is when something went wrong and be like, yeah, it's the end of the world. Okay, let's move on, right? And so recognizing even those hard times in life often wind up for our benefit.

Nicole Oke  29:16  

yeah, for sure, and that can be a very hard lesson to learn. I know it took me a while. 

DJ Stutz  29:20  

Yeah.  You're not going to teach two year olds, no, but you can set the example for that, much like Jeff did for his boys, and then they learned the lesson. As they grow older, it sinks in what that meaning is. So some of these lessons, you'll be able to teach them, and they'll get it. Others are going to take years, decades, maybe to truly see them.

Nicole Oke  29:43  

Yeah, but even so, I mean, they're learning things as they go, right? They may not understand that bigger lesson, but by watching their dad and how he handles it, they're also learning how to handle and manage that kind of stress, and they're learning how to. View things and how to think about things. And I mean, we're always teaching our kids, even when we're teaching them things we may not want to, and just knowing that they're always learning from us. And if we can set that example of be that role model, like he was, that's so important.

DJ Stutz

You're so right, you're so right. Okay, I know I hate it when our time gets up, but it's just a fun conversation anyway. Yeah, Nicole, why don't you tell our followers how they can get a hold of you and learn more about your penny panda books.

Nicole Oke

Sure. So my Penny Panda books, I've got Penny Panda and the gift of possibility and Penny Panda and the Emotion Ninjas. Those are both available on Amazon and pretty much everywhere books are sold, so you can find those there. I have an author website. It's Nicole Oke, and oak is O K E, author.com and the wonderful thing about having a unique last name like oak, specially spelled O K E, is it makes me really easy to find. So if you search for Nicole Oak author on Instagram or Facebook, you'll find me, yeah, and I have all sorts of free stuff I give out all the time. I've got workbooks and just little worksheets you can do with your kids. So I encourage people to check that out. Check out the website for sure, awesome,

DJ Stutz  31:15  

Awesome. And so for everyone listening, all of that information is going to be down in the show notes, so you're just a click away from Nicole and all the amazing stuff that she's got going on in her sweet book. So thank you, Nicole, so much for being a part of this and sharing and just part of our month of gratitude.

Nicole Oke  31:36  

Yes Thank you.

DJ Stutz  31:37  

Oh, you're very welcome. So before we go, and I always ask the same question, because we know there's no perfect parents, but how would you describe maybe just a successful parent? 

Nicole Oke  31:49  

To me, a successful parent is the parent that keeps trying, and I know as a parent how easy it can feel to want to give up. And so anytime I see parents struggling, my thought is, you know what? You may have struggled, but you're still going, you're still trying, you're still thinking about your kids, you're still trying, even when we do something like, I'm not I'm far from a perfect parent, and I still yell on occasion, right? We all are, we're human. We're gonna make mistakes. And so I tell my friends when they come to me.  I yelled at my kids. I feel so bad, and I'm like, Okay, you did, but you're human, and the fact that you're even worried about it, the fact that it's even bothering you that you yelled at them, tells me that you're a good parent, because you're still trying, and you're trying to mend those relationships, and you're trying to set a better example, and you're trying to learn about yourself and improve yourself to be better for them. So to me, that's a successful parent. It's one that is human, but keeps trying and just keeps going.

DJ Stutz  32:51  

I love it. I love it. Such a good perspective to have is that never give up and acknowledging your mistakes and yeah, it's okay if you yelled at your kids to come back and say, Yeah, I don't like the way I used my voice and that I was, I'm really worried about X, Y and Z, or I really did need some help and whatever, but I really want to do better at communicating that to you. And yes, that's all good stuff.

Nicole Oke  33:19  

That's all good for sure, yeah, and that'll come back too. I've had moments where I've yelled at my children and I've gone back and I've said, I'm sorry, this was what was happening. I was feeling this way. I yelled at you. That wasn't an appropriate response, and I'm sorry. I will try to be better. And then I've had my three-year old come to me. She yelled at me for something crazy, I don't remember, and I just kind of let it go, because she's three, right? Their emotions are. There's no emotional regulation in a three year old, but she has come back to me, like, five to 10 minutes later and said, Mommy, I'm sorry I yelled at you. I was really mad, and I'm just like, Okay, so we're mending. She's learning how to mend relationships. She's learning how to own her emotions, and again, teaching her from even age three, none of us are perfect, and it's okay to make those mistakes, and we can fix it.

DJ Stutz  34:07  

So true, so true. And those are the moments that teach a parent that you're on the right track.

Nicole Oke  34:12  

Right. Yeah.  You're doing something right, even though it doesn't always feel like it,

DJ Stutz  34:18  

Yeah, exactly, exactly. Well. Nicole, thank you again. So very much. And for everyone, if you like what you heard, please leave us a rating and review. Five stars is the appropriate number of stars, and then let us know what you think you can always get a hold of us on Facebook and Instagram with Imperfect Heroes Podcast, and let us know what you think we love engaging on there. So for everyone else, until next week, let's find joy in parenting. See you later. Guys. 

Thank you so much for sticking around to the end of today's episode of imperfect heroes. Parenting is truly one of the most rewarding journeys we can take. But let's face it, it can be incredible. Incredibly challenging, and sometimes we make it harder on ourselves than it needs to be. The good news is that with a little bit of work up front, there are practical steps you can take to bring more peace and joy into your family life. I am passionate to share these strategies and insights with you. If you're ready to step on the path to joyful, effective parenting. I invite you to schedule a family checkup. Just click on the calendar link in the show notes below. Schedule a time that works perfectly for you, and let's work together to create a more harmonious and happy environment. And remember every small step that you take today makes a big difference. So thank you again for joining us, and until next time, let's find joy in parenting.

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