Episode 179: Holiday Parenting: Building Spiritual Foundations and Creating Teachable Moments

DJ Stutz  0:14  

You're listening to Imperfect Heroes: Insights into Parenting, the perfect podcast for imperfect parents looking to find joy in their experience of raising children in An imperfect world, and I'm your host, DJ Stutz, 

Welcome everyone to today's episode of Imperfect Heroes: Insights into Parenting, and I'm your host, DJ Stutz, and I am so excited to have you here as we dive into this really special topic, spirituality and how it affects our families and the way that we parent. But before we get started, I want to take a moment to remind you all that my book Roman is Bigger makes for a fantastic Christmas gift. It's a heartwarming story that kids and parents alike are going to love, and you can grab your copy on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and even Walmart's website, and there's still plenty of time to get it before Christmas. You know, I'm also thrilled to share that Roman is Bigger has been nominated as Book of the Year for 2025 by the Idaho Library Association, and it has received a five star review from readers favorites, which is such an honor. So if you're looking for a meaningful, family friendly gift this holiday season, be sure to check it out. All those links, of course, are in the show notes. All right. Now this December, we're bringing you four incredible episodes. Each one is offering a different perspective on spirituality and parenting. So whether you're religious, spiritual or questioning or somewhere in between, these conversations will provide a variety of insights for you to consider, and I can't wait for you to hear from our amazing guest this month. So in today's episode, though, we are kicking off the series by talking about spirituality in parenting, why it matters, and how we can thoughtfully pass our beliefs on to our kiddos, and it is us as parents that shape the values that we're going to pass on to our children, and that's going to deepen the connections in our family. So a spiritually centered home tends to be more deeply connected as a family. Not to demean the experience of families that are not spiritual or connected in that way, but the odds grow in your favor with faith, there will be times when your child may feel alone, isolated or overwhelmed, and the feeling that there is a loving God and that they have that connection to him can help them get through some of those really tough times. I'm sure you've experienced it in your life as well.  So let's start with the big question, why does spirituality matter in parenting? Studies have shown that a belief of some kind of a higher power, regardless of the specific religion, does have positive effects on mental health. It encourages kindness and fosters the sense of community and service. It also gives us a framework for understanding the world and our place in it. But before we can teach our kids about spirituality, we need to be clear about our own beliefs, and then, if you're parenting as a couple, that clarity must start with a conversation between the two of you. So some couples are fortunate enough to share the same faith and the same values, and that's always a bonus when you're raising kids, but what happens when you and your partner don't see eye to eye on faith or religion? It is important to have an honest discussion about how you're going to handle this with your children. In the best case scenario, a perfect world, this conversation should happen before marriage and long before the children arrive. But I get it. That's not always what couples are focused on before they're tying the knot, and life happens. And sometimes these conversations just have to come up once the kids are already on the scene. In but either way, the goal is to come to a place of unity, and the last thing that we want is for children to see cracks in the family unity, or to feel torn between their parents beliefs, whether you agree or not on faith, make sure your children see a loving, supported and united front show them that even when you have differences, you can work through those differences with kindness and respect. It is so important, it's essential that disagreements over faith don't damage family relationships or create tension, you can model healthy communication by showing love and grace toward one another, even when you don't agree, and this creates a stable and loving environment where your children can explore their own beliefs without feeling confused or conflicted by what they see at home. We don't want our children, once they become adults, to shy away or back away from religion and faith because they see it as something that drove a wedge in their family. That would be horrible, wouldn't it? So when is the right time to introduce spirituality to our children? Honestly, the earlier the better. Children are naturally curious, and they ask these profound questions like, Where did we come from, and who is this God person? These questions create the perfect opportunity to start discussing your own spiritual beliefs in ways that are going to resonate with them. I love to share the story of a friend that I have who used to read bedtime stories to his children when they were small. They're all grown up now, and one night after finishing a story in a Christian magazine for kids, his son asked him, can you read that to me again? And when my friend asked his son why, he said, I just like the way I feel when you read that story. And that's when this brilliant dad took the time to explain that what his son was feeling was the Holy Spirit, and he encouraged him to remember what that feeling is like, and then to look for it as he grew older. And of course, there were other opportunities while his son was growing up to reinforce that as time went on, moments like these are precious. They are golden opportunities to teach our children how to recognize experiences, whether we call it the Holy Spirit peace or simply that sense of connection. But it starts when they are young, and it can build a lifelong awareness of how that plays in their lives. So spirituality plays a big role in shaping our values and how we just see the world, whether it's kindness, service, forgiveness, so important forgiveness or love, these values don't just fall out of thin air. They are often just deeply rooted in our spiritual or religious beliefs, and when we have a clear sense of our own spirituality, it's much easier to pass on these values with us. Authenticity. Did I say that right? Authenticity? There it is, and conviction. And after this recent election, I spent time in a second grade classroom, and it was fascinating to hear the kids talk about who they thought should be president, and it was just so obvious that they were echoing what they had heard from their parents. And it just goes to show how much influence we really do have over our kids' world view in those early years. And so this is an ideal time to introduce spiritual ideas and values, because they're watching and learning and absorbing absolutely everything that we do and say and how we behave and act. So let's dive into something that can feel a little bit challenging for parents, the questions you know, as parents, we can expect that our children will have questions about our beliefs as they grow up, and then they're starting to figure out their own spiritual path. And you know what? That's a good thing. Questions are actually a sign that they're thinking and processing what it is that you are teaching them, and it means that they're trying to. Make sense of it all in their own way. So I've been a lifelong believer. I've gone to church my whole life. I've read Scripture my whole life. I've read the Bible so many times I couldn't even tell you how many times, but I still have questions, and I think questions are essential for growth, and they often come from studying, from observing others and observing leaders that you follow and pay attention to and then praying about it. So encourage your kids to do the same. Don't just give them all the answers, but be there as a source of support. Also teach them how to do their own research and how to recognize their own spiritual experiences, and then guide them in reflecting on what those experiences mean to them, have that conversation and listen to what they're saying and how they are processing. It's so important to create a space for their exploration, and sometimes we might worry if our kids express doubts or explore different ideas, but that's all part of the journey, isn't it? Didn't you explore and have doubts and do your own research and have your own experiences, we need to trust that these moments of questioning can actually lead to a deeper, more personal faith over time, be open to their thoughts and always welcome their questions. And then, along with answering their questions or not answering, helping them through it. It's really important to intentionally plan for experiences that allow our children to feel the spirit or that sense of connection. And this could be a family hike in nature where you take a moment to pause and appreciate the beauty around you, or it could be a service project where your children experience that joy of helping others. And we're coming up on this amazing season where there's all kinds of opportunities for families to do just those types of things, and it's these kinds of experiences that help children connect their feelings to something that's larger than themselves. And then afterward, let's create a space for them to talk about what they felt and what those feelings might mean to them. Help them build the vocabulary and the time to reflect on these moments that is going to build their spiritual awareness, make it stronger, make it more acute, help them be aware of how they were feeling when they were accomplishing these things. It's not just about teaching, it's about giving them the tools to discover some of these things for themselves. So Lisa Miller is a professor of psychology at Columbia University, and she has a book, the spiritual child. And in this book, she tells several different stories about the spiritual experiences of children. And one of the stories she tells is of this neuroscience named Stefan, who told about an experience from his own childhood, and it goes kind of like this. One day he was just in the woods as a kiddo, and he sat on a rock, and he tells I watched the pretty trees surrounding me, and after a few minutes, I started feeling connected to the rocks and the trees, and then it appeared to me that the rock, the trees and myself were all part of a whole, much greater than little Stefan. So following this experience, my purpose in life became clear. I would later become a scientist to demonstrate that the essence of human beings cannot be found in the brain. You know, children are capable of having life experience, life altering experiences like this one, even when they are very young, spiritual experiences also don't have to be some crazy big deal just singing songs of faith, reading scripture stories together, praying together, all of these things work and in fact, it's those quiet moments of peace and tenderness that really do go A very long way in building that spirituality and connection for your kids. So in reality, though, we can't really control how or when these spiritual experiences happen. It's kind of up to the big guy. So when we set the stage for being present and open to when these experiences do come, we increase the possibility of our children recognizing them for what they are and then embracing them. One of the most powerful ways that we can help connect our children with their own spirituality is by sharing our personal experiences. It's not just about teaching values or following religious traditions, although there is great value in that as well, but it's also about making faith and spirituality real and personal by letting them see how it's played a role in our own lives. So share your own conversion story, whether you were born in a faith filled home, or if you found your faith later on, let your children know about your experience. You know that's part of your family history. Tell them about how you felt as you came to understand your connection to our Heavenly Father, and then how that connection has influenced your life and the choices that you have made. So think back to the moments when you felt inspired. Maybe you were facing a tough decision and felt a sense of peace or guidance that helped you choose the right path, or perhaps you've been comforted during a difficult time by the presence of the Spirit. And when you share these stories with your kids, it helps them to see that spirituality isn't just some abstract idea. It's something tangible. It's something that they can hold on to. It's something that can truly influence and guide their lives. So for me, there have been times when I've seen my own children help build my faith. You know, watching them grow and learn and navigate life on their own, building their sense of wonder and belief, has reminded me of the beauty and the simplicity of faith, it seems to me, so often we just complicate the whole thing. When I think it is really quite simple, there's something incredibly powerful about seeing your child stay there first prayer or expressing concern for someone else that's in need, and it reminds us that spirituality can be innate and deeply personal, even from a very young age. Remember, these kiddos are fresh, newly arrived from the realms above, and it seems natural to me that they would have a more direct line, a fresher feel to feeling the presence of the Spirit. You know, just this last Sunday once a year, my church lets the little kids, the Sunday School take over services. And it's my favorite Sunday of the year. And it was just this last Sunday for us, and it was amazing to see we had, I think we had 50 kids up there, and they were singing songs of faith, you know, the little kids songs of faith. And they all got up, and even kids as young as three were saying just a little quick line at the microphone and the place was packed, I gotta tell you, it's the best attended services of the year. I think even over Christmas, we get more people for the kiddos the children's Sunday and so it was just so fun. But what was nice was we left some cards out for adults, that if they wanted to write something to the kids, they could. And so after, you know, the main services. We went into our Sunday school and we let the kids read some of the notes that the adults left for them, and it was really fun to see the looks on their face as I got to remind them that they have a power that adults don't have, that they have a power to bring a feeling of spirituality to help grown ups remember that they are loved and that they are part of this amazing thing, and that sometimes adults have hard times too, and adults are sad and lonely sometimes. And there's something that a hug from a child can do to their heart and to their spirit that a hug from someone else, it doesn't accomplish in the same way, it was so much fun to see the looks on their faces as they realized that they had the opportunity to reach someone else to help them feel our Heavenly Father's love, even when they were a child and the others were adults. And so there might be times when your family has faced challenges, like when a loved one has been ill, and those are often moments when faith really does play a central role. I remember times in my life when prayer and blessings brought healing or even just gave us the strength to. Or even when the outcome wasn't what we had hoped for. And sharing these experiences with your children can help them understand the role of faith in both the joyful and the difficult moments of life. And so the key is make these moments teachable. When you share your stories. Invite your children to think about how they have felt in similar situations, and then share that, helps them recognize their own spiritual experiences and consider what those moments mean to them. These conversations are so important because they give your kids a foundation to build on as they grow and develop in their own understanding and developing their own levels of spirituality. So before we wrap up, I just want to leave you with this thought. It's really, really important for you to know and identify within yourself why you believe what you believe. So kids are naturally going to ask you why your faith matters, and it's okay if you don't have all the answers. What's more important is that you are sincere and open about your own journey, and let your children see that spirituality isn't about having all the right answers. It's about seeking. It's about questioning and then growing in your relationship with something that is bigger than yourself. So thanks so much for joining me today, and I hope this conversation has given you just maybe some food for thought about how spirituality fits into your family life and how it shapes your parenting. And remember that whether you consider yourself religious, spiritual, questioning or maybe just somewhere in between, there is real value in exploring these ideas and sharing them with your children. So if you found this episode helpful, I would love for you to share it with other parents. Be sure to follow the podcast, and I would so appreciate it if you could leave us a rating and review. Go ahead and catch me on social media, and of course, all the links to all of that stuff is down in the show notes, along with the links to my book, of course, where you can get my book. And I also am including the links to the DR Miller's book that I mentioned earlier in the episode, just in case you're interested in checking it out, she doesn't even know I'm talking about it. She doesn't even know me from Adam or Eve or anyone else we've never met, never talked. But I I enjoyed her book and felt that that was something worth sharing. So until next time, keep parenting with love. Keep parenting with patience and with a whole lot of grace, and let's find joy in parenting. See you guys, thank you so much for sticking around to the end of today's episode of imperfect heroes. Parenting is truly one of the most rewarding journeys we can take. But let's face it, it can be incredibly challenging, and sometimes we make it harder on ourselves than it needs to be. The good news is that with a little bit of work up front, there are practical steps you can take to bring more peace and joy into your family life. I am passionate to share these strategies and insights with you. If you're ready to step on the paths of joyful, effective parenting, I invite you to schedule a family checkup. Just click on the calendar link in the show notes below. Schedule a time that works perfectly for you, and let's work together to create a more harmonious and happy environment. And remember every small step that you take today makes a big difference. So thank you again for joining us, and until next time, let's find joy in parenting.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai