Episode 185: Parenting Spicy Kids? Diane Dempster Shares a Recipe for Success

 DJ Stutz  00:14
You're listening to Imperfect Heroes: Insights into Parenting, the perfect podcast for imperfect parents looking to find joy in their experience of raising children in an imperfect world, and I'm your host, DJ Stutz. Hey everybody, thank you for choosing to spend the next few minutes here with us at Imperfect Heroes: Insights into Parenting. And we are having just so much fun this year, and we're off to such a great start. And with that, I just want to remind everyone that if you want to get in on all the cool things that are going on. I have two new books that are coming out. We've got all these great podcasts that are coming, workshops that are available. You want to get on on our newsletter. So if you just go to the link that's down at the bottom, it's www.ImperfectHeroes.net, and you'll have a thing you can register for the newsletter, and you're going to get in on all of that great information and some wonderful insights and tips. So let's get started with our topic. Today, I have a great guest. I'm so excited. We talked, I think, originally, back in September, and so here we are getting all of this done, and it's coming to fruition finally. So Diane Dempster, she is with Impact Parents, and we're going to be talking about some of those kids that are just a little more of a struggle than we maybe thought we were going to have. So Diane, why don't you introduce yourself? Tell us about Impact Parents.
Diane Dempster  01:59
No, and it's funny, the terminology we use at Impact Parents DJ is complex kids. And I always say that if you have a complex kid, you know you have a complex kid, but these are kids who struggle with life, with learning, with social, emotional issues. I mean, they're the kids who are having a hard time. Some of them have diagnoses. Some of them might have ADHD, anxiety, autism, those sorts of things, and some of them might not. And so what we do at Impact Parents is we teach neuro diversity informed  coaching tools to parents because we know that coaching is an empowerment based modality, and we're not going to teach you to bec ome your kids coach, I mean, but the back story is my business partner and I both became coaches as second careers in our life, and it was about the time we were raising kids, and when we became coaches, we became much stronger parents. And really the kind of parents that our kids are, complex kids we're, you know, between our two families, there's at the time six. Now we've got spouses and everything else. We now have older kids, but they were struggling. And for me, I'm one of those type A get it done people, and I was blessed with some quirky kids whose brains don't work the same way as mine, and I was frustrated and angry more than I wanted to be, and I knew it wasn't working, but I didn't know what to do to help them. And so by taking a coach approach by kind of focusing on what's going on for them and what is it that they want to accomplish, and really kind of helping them identify and step into their goals. It really does help in the long run, because I know that a lot of the parents that are listening have younger kids. I work with parents of young adults now even you know four to 44 is kind of the range of who we support. But you know, if you've got a four year old, part of what you want to foster in them now is collaboration and partnership and self awareness and self empathy and all of those sorts of things, which will help them when they're teens and young adults to understand that maybe my brain doesn't work the same way as my friends does, or maybe I have a harder time with reading, or maybe I have a harder time following through when I say I'm going to do something. I mean, there's all kinds of things that these kids struggle with, but it's really about, for me, the long game, and not just about the struggles we're having as parents right now. And you are struggling right now, probably,
DJ Stutz  04:19
Well, my kids are grown up and gone. My neuro diverse kiddo who was off the charts. ADHD, so you get the calls like, what did he do today? Yeah,
Diane Dempster  04:29
Yeah.
DJ Stutz  04:29
You dread that and I remember that and then, and that's part of why I went into education so much. But I wound up when I decided to go back to school, the first class I took, was a child psychology class, and I was taking evening classes because I was home raising kids during the day, and my husband came home from work, and he made sure he was home on time on Monday nights, that's when my class was and I can remember coming home and waking him up.
Diane Dempster  04:55
Hey, I learned this!
DJ Stutz  04:56
Yeah, yes.  And being so excited. That the some of the behaviors that I was seeing that I was so worried about were normal. They were normal behaviors of just kids learning about who they are, and it's normal for kids to argue, and it's normal for kids to be insecure on certain things, and it's normal for them to focus in on other things. And then we adopted our fifth child from foster care. She was 12, and boy was that a learning experience as well, on trying to help kids feel comfortable with who they are, with their history, whatever they have. And then in teaching, I generally taught in the lowest income school in the district. So my children were the children of gang members, and so we had experiential trauma that was going on that affected their learning and all of that. But also parents who didn't know, what do I do with this kid? Like I have a son that's literally stabbing other children with pencils and when they don't get what they want?
Diane Dempster  06:04
Yeah, so, and the language that word normal kind of makes me, you know, and the word I'm going to use is typical, and I think that even if you have a kid with a diagnosis, or a kid that you suspect is struggling with trauma or ADHD or whatever it is that they're struggling with. A lot of times, what parents want to know is and the language we use, is it naughty, or is it neurological? And I think that the importance of that question, and we teach this in Sanity School, which is our Parent Training Program, is not that you'll know for certain, because you're right. There are some I was talking to a mom of a 12 year old this morning and her kids doing a little bit of pushing back, and he was really dysregulated. And so some of the things that he said when he was like under the influence of a trigger are probably not the kinds of things that he would say if his if his nervous system was regulated, right? And so you've got both of those things going on at the same time, but the question of naughty versus neurological is about us. It's not about them. Because if I look at my kid's behavior and I say, How dare you speak to me rudely, I can't believe it. You're being a bad kid, or I'm a terrible mom. How did I end up with kids like this that are speaking so down a lot, actually, right? It's like, Oh, it must be my father. I've done something wrong or there there's something really wrong with them. I'm going to get defensive, I'm going to get dysregulated, I'm going to get wobbly. I'm going to get depending on whether you're a fight or a flight person. I'm like, I'm a fight person. So if I get wobbly, I'm like, you know, I get irritated and frustrated. And if you're a flight mom or dad, you might shut down and go, I don't know if I can deal with this and kind of bury your head in the sand or ignore the behavior or do whatever you need to do. And our kids ultimately need us to partner with them to solve the problems that they have and the challenges that they're facing. But if we, if we're stuck in naughty land, we're going to handle it very differently. We're going to go to punishments and consequences and everything else. If I can say, okay, there's some part of this. It's neurological and so going back to what a complex kid is, I don't know you DJ, you know the word executive function. Parents who are listening might not but you know, 95% of the parents that we work with have kids who have delays in some areas of executive function. So executive function is the part that manages our thoughts, our feelings and our actions. It's the part of us that helps us to organize our backpack. It helps us to remember not to pull the dog's tail. It helps us to remember how to fit in when we're in a social situation, and these kids are often three to five years behind their peers, and so every behavior is going to be impacted by that delay. And so if I can say, wow, my kids having a hard time being respectful right now, instead of how dare my kid be like this? I'm gonna soften, I'm gonna stay regulated, and I might go, Okay, I wanna help this kid learn how to change their behavior, rather than expecting them to do it differently. Because these kids, they need help to change their behaviors, and they need us to be grounded and calm enough to help them to change their behaviors.
DJ Stutz  09:23
Yeah.  You are exactly right, and that's one of the reasons that I work with the really young kids, birth to eight, is because that's a great time where, if we can get the information on how kids develop, what is typical development. But I've seen so many people and teachers, honestly as well, who get so caught up with what should be my child should be doing. My child should be speaking respectfully to me. My child should be able to do X, Y or Z.
Diane Dempster  09:52
We should all over ourselves and all over our kids.
DJ Stutz  09:55
Yes, we do, and until we deal with what is. Well, but here's where we are, okay, yeah, and that's actually, if they're not up with their brother or their sister or their friends
Diane Dempster  10:08
Or thier friends or their classes. Yeah, exactly. Well, the language we use around that DJ is meet them where they are apps and so it's this sort of when you're talking about helping your child become more independent, getting dressed in the morning, or helping them become more independent and getting their homework done. If they're old enough to have homework. It's that pathway is a process, right? It's just sort of we think about, well, either I'm in charge or they're in charge. That's not really the reality. There's a space in the middle where they're not quite able to be completely in charge, and sometimes they might be resisting our help because they want to be more independent than they can be. But the magic as in as a parent is, how do I create a relationship where I can step in and be as helpful as they need, and not have it be a threat to their autonomy, and not have it be mom's taken over or dad's taken over, and you're not the boss of me and all the you know, the arguing and the fighting sorts of stuff that happens, right? But it goes back to the sort of we want to meet them where they are and say, Okay, what can they do independently? Well, they can do, a mom the other day, she's like, he can do his homework, fine, if I'm sitting there at the dining room table, but if I'm not there, he gets distracted by x, y and z, okay, great. We know that that's where he's at. So he needs another human or another somebody there present with him to help him to stay on track. Let's work on baby steps. I remember when I was a kid, I don't know with your mom was like this, but my mom would be in the next room, and she would be like, keeping an eye out and just checking in periodically. But it was this sort of gentle, sort of nudgy sort of thing, but she was helping me become independent, instead of expecting me to suddenly be independent. And so there's, there's just this meeting them where they are and then raising the bar from there. We aren't talking about just saying, Okay, well, this is all they can do. We're saying, How do I find the baby steps from where they are to help them to become more and more independent.
DJ Stutz  12:06
Right.  Well, and I think too, it brings up that, I do, we do? You do?
Diane Dempster  12:09
I do, we do, you do.
DJ Stutz  12:10
Yeah.  I got it right.  But let's take something very, very simple, like making their bed, right? And so, and not everyone cares if a bed is made. It's just a nice example, yeah, example. So they're in the room while you're making your bed, and there are little kids, and you talk about, oh, I'm pulling the sheet up, and you're talking verbally about all the steps that you're taking in that process. And this could be any chore, any job, any homework or skill or whatever, but you're doing it yourself. But the kids in the room, and even though it may seem like they're not paying attention, they're not looking at you, whatever, they're absorbing that they're starting to get to hearing, these are the processes.
Diane Dempster  12:53
Quick, quick interjection. If you've got a kid with negative function challenges, you might need to catch their attention, and you might need to say, Hey, sweetie, why don't you sit here and do this while I watch, while I make the bed. And so it ends you end up needing to do, we do, which is going to be the next thing you're going to talk about a little bit more, because you have to keep them engaged in your process, to keep their attention, because a lot of times these kids do get distracted easily,
DJ Stutz  13:20
Right. Well, and for me, that's kind of like that sec. It's a mini second step. So first they're used to seeing you do it, then you're going to start talking to them about, Hey, before you do the we do, you're, you know, there are steps within that I do, and there's steps within the we do. So it's not really...

Diane Dempster  13:40

I'm gonna, I don't know if I'm on a soapbox or just putting in an advertisement for this, so many times I see parents get into this like, not only do I want my kid to make their bed, but I want them to make their bed the way that I think their bed should be made. And it's hard. It's like a funny because I'm in a newish relationship. We've been together for five years, and we've been living together for three years, and he was raised in a military family, and it's like, this is the way you made your bed. And part of my adaptation to my own neuro spiciness was like, I'm not going to stress about how my bed is made. I like to make my bed, but if I don't have time, and I'm a busy single mom for years, I'm not gonna stress out about whether my bed was made. And so there was this sort of navigating that we had to do as adults and as parents. We so often go back to your shoulds,  The bed should look like this.  Like,let's set the expectations realistically and make sure that your kids are proud of what they did, even if it's just pulling the comforter up and not tucking it in and making it all nice and neat kind of thing.
DJ Stutz  14:44
Yeah, and I think too, being aware and paying attention to how your child is responding to us doing the introductions and learning and how they are. So like this summer, we had our six year old grandson with us for seven weeks, where. Out in the farm, yeah, like we're out in the middle of nowhere. And he got to have that fun summer time with Neina and Poppy. So I started talking to him about making his bed, and we we did the whole beginning, and he'd be in there talking and getting dressed, and I would make the bed, and then I would, hey buddy, and we made a joke about the wrinkle monsters and but he was responding to that. If he hadn't, we would do a different approach. And so I think it's really important to be flexible in how you're moving toward that. So if your child is responding to, well, this is how I do it. La, La La. They're like, oh, I want to do it that way. Some kids will do that, yeah, yeah, we've done for the summer. He's eager to please Nina, and so he was all about it. And what was funny was when his dad came to pick him up at the end, he was anxious to show his dad how he made the bed and how it was so cute. But every child has and it's even within the family. I've got five kids. I've got five very different ways of managing them, because they each have their own strengths and weaknesses and outlooks and anxiety.motivation
Diane Dempster  16:08
And space well, and you're talking about like, what you're describing in your grand kiddo is that he was motivated by connecting with you and doing something that he thought would please you And parents of younger kids like that's a motivation for a period of time. And a lot of times when our kids turn 9, 12, 13, doing things because it's what mom or dad or grandma or grandpa think that you should do no longer becomes a motivator. And so it's about helping them find their own motivations in the process, because their ability to develop what do they call it intrinsic motivation, where I'm doing it because it's the right thing that doesn't develop until they're in their 20s. So there's this black hole of I'm not going to be motivated to do it because it's the right thing, and I'm no longer motivated to do it because somebody's saying I should. And so there's this invitation to bring in the role of motivation, and that's one of the things we talk about and teach a lot in our parenting program, because every kid is motivated by different kinds of things. It's not always the same sort of thing.
DJ Stutz  17:14
Right.  And in fact, too, in the end, do we really want the only reason they're doing something is to please me well, is that what we want long term?
Diane Dempster  17:25
No, some of us. Well, and the thing I want to plug in here, because we're talking about motivation, DJ, and I think a lot of parents don't realize this, and they look at their neuro spicy kids and they see, oh, he's he's just not motivated. And I think that it's important to know that just because they look unmotivated does not necessarily mean that that's what's going on, right? And I mean, I have parents of kids all the time, and this happens in the teenage years all the time. It's like, you know, the parent who threatens, well, if you don't get off the computer, I'm going to take away, take it away for the rest of the year, right? Sort of, that's it like that really, inherently, inherently, really motivating, right? Is it sort of who would it want to like get off the computer right now, and if your kid is having a hard time with those extreme sort of threats, I call it a threat because that was really a threat. Yeah, chances are it might be something else that's going on besides the fact that they may not be motivated. It may be harder for them. Goes back to their setting realistic expectations and meeting them where they are. It may not be realistic for them to be able to get off the computer by themselves. It may not be realistic for them to, you know, remember when they go upstairs that they're supposed to be up there to get their shoes and not get distracted by whatever game it is that's sitting on the counter in their bedroom, right? It's that sort of stuff that we want to make sure that we don't hang it all on motivation, because we'll get exhausted thinking that our kids are unmotivated. Yeah, and then those behaviors of threats and punishments and things like that end up backfiring, and we don't end up helping our kids to accomplish what they want to be able to accomplish.
DJ Stutz  17:26
Right.  Exactly, exactly. And so I think when we're talking about those motivations and what's going on, I think really talking to your child and knowing that those motivations are going to change as they grow, as they have experience as they find they like this thing and not that thing or whatever. And so we need to be aware of those changes and motivations. And how do we do that? Well, we do that through our relationship with our kiddo and observing and paying attention and and being okay with oh, this is starting to change now, oh, we're at this point in our relationship, in our growth, in our growing up. You're so right. You're so right. Well, and too, if we put out all these threats or whatever, remember, we're bound to that. And so if I say, you cannot have the computer for a week, there may be a time we're sitting in the doctor's office. And so we want to put them on a screen to. Help them to be quiet for a few minutes.
Diane Dempster  20:01
Of bucha. And it was funny. I like, I had a mom this morning. She was so upset by something that had happened. She's like, we're off screens. I don't know how long, I don't know till when, but we're off screens. And I'm like, Okay, I'm helping her figure out when she wants to change her mind about that. But right now, she's just so upset that it's like, we're off screens, and ultimately, what we need is to help our kids to be able to self manage with screens, because we live in a world that includes screens. We live in a world where our kids have to use their computer to write a paper and, oh, by the way, the game happens to be on the same computer, and they're going to have to figure out how to balance those things or get help to balance those things. I don't know about you. DJ, there's days that I have a hard time managing my relationship with technology because I'm like, overwhelmed or stressed, and I find myself just scrolling or Doom surfing or whatever it is, right? And we're in this for the long game. And yes, solve the problem now. If you feel like, you know what, I can't handle this right now, feel free. But ultimately, what we want is what happens in the long run. These kids are eventually going to be living on their own, and they need to be able to figure out, you know, it's like parents do, like, I turn off the Wi Fi if the kid doesn't get off the computer, well, nobody's going to be turning off the Wi Fi when they're off at college, the Wi Fi is part of what stays on 24/7 in the dorm room. So your kid needs other tools besides someone else turning off the Wi Fi because that's very external.
DJ Stutz  21:33
Yeah, all of those are very external. And so at the beginning, yeah, we're going to have external motivators. You know, when they're two and three and eight or whatever, and it's not a switch where you flip and say, Okay, now you're making your decisions by yourself. We're easing them into it and and maybe they're ready to make this decision. Maybe they're ready to choose what clothes they're going to wear to school. Well, they don't match, and they look terrible. Yeah. Okay. Who cares? Nobody cares.
Diane Dempster  22:01
Now, some of us care, and it's sort of how to navigate the fact that the part of us cares, and it's really we really, ultimately,
DJ Stutz  22:12
I had one of those.  She is in her 20s, but back when she was a teen, like the socks never matched. Yeah, no, I have a grand, she's an adult now, but one of my early grandchildren just had that, and she was add and doing her thing, and just had this quirkiness to her, but she didn't want to wear matching socks. Her socks had to be different her, you know, her... no, no, no. And, and yeah. And mine is doing amazing things with her life right now, and I'm really proud of her. And so, you know, okay, well, and the fun thing is that, because my daughter allowed her to do those things, she became this very independent thinker. And like I said, she's doing some great things. She's actually getting her pilot's license.
Diane Dempster  22:57
Well, and here's the thing. So something that just popped in as you were saying that DJ, and it's like, what gets in the way of letting our kids be as independent as they can be, often, is that it takes extra time. And yeah, what a laugh about you know, how many parents do you know who load the dishwasher themselves because they like the way that the dishwasher gets loaded. And if the kids load the dishwasher, there's only room for three dishes dishwasher, right? And so there's this we've got to figure out how to let go of the part of us that likes it the way that we like it, or what I did secretly after my kids went to bed as I repacked the dish and added more stuff like that, I didn't want them to feel like they were doing it wrong, but I liked it the way I liked it. And fortunately, my kids were neuro spicy enough that they didn't remember what it looked like when they closed it the night before. Right? It's that self management, when our kids are struggling that it yes, it might be harder to not just do it yourself, but ultimately, what we're trying to do is to inspire these kids and not have them feel like I can't do this. Mom's always doing it for me, I must be a loser. Whatever the story is that these kids start to weave in their heads. We want to try to pay attention to that and to like you described about your grandchild, it's like, inspire the brilliance, inspire the creativity, and find the space for that, and not just be like, Oh, you can be creative, but you have to color within the lines sort of thing,
DJ Stutz  24:21
Right, right, right. And I think too, that helping them start to look at the world around them and what they are able to impact within their own world, and bringing that kind of to their attention, and showing them that, yeah, you have control over this, or yeah, you have this going on. And so two days a week, I'm supporting spicy kids, two in particular, but I have some others that I help with academics at an elementary and it's really interesting to see one little guy. He's in second grade. We just started this and you know, and realize that when you. Start things with a child, and it works. It's gonna work for a while, and it may not work too much the day after that, right? And so you have to be open to that. But we just, I got a bunch of these little teeny, like, I don't know, from Oriental Trading kind of things, a bunch of these little teeny things, and they aren't for him to earn, but they're for him to look in his room. And at the end of every day, he can pick one student that he noticed did something nice, or somebody that did a good job on their artwork, or did something right, but he notices something that someone else did that was positive, and then he gets to give that to whichever child. And we're keeping a list, so, you know.  Oh, he already gave that one something
Diane Dempster  25:53
Yeah? No, I get it.
DJ Stutz  25:54
Yeah, yeah. I tried it. And two, I noticed that in school. So teachers tend to, especially in the early grades. Well, table one gets a point because they're already now, or table three gets a point because they're all focused and they're doing a job. Well, when you've got a child that's neuro diverse and sitting at your table, your table isn't getting as many points, right? So then you can start resenting that kiddo. And so when we started, when he did well, he got to give a sticker to everyone at his table. So instead of just him, he gets to give that, you know. And then that also builds up. The other kids are like, Oh, I said it's cool having him at your table, isn't it, you know, yeah. And so you're looking for these different ways to help them see their world outside of just them, but also helping others see them for the goodness. And yeah, they have a fit. And yeah, they'll, you know, we have to go out of the room once in a while and help them calm down or whatever. But they're still amazing, great soccer player. I want them on my team, or I want her to be on my dance thing, or whatever it is. But right? So we're helping other kids manage the spiciness in our children as well. And I have found that when they're young, kindergarten, first, second grade, those primary grades, kids are generally really open to that well, and
Diane Dempster  27:18
I think that that's part of it is like if a you were talking at the beginning about normal behavior, I use the word typical behavior. And if having a hard time sitting still is typical, right? It's a sort of if a teacher or an adult in the room can be like, not everybody can sit still and not move when we're trying to do X, Y and Z. Okay, so maybe we need to have five minutes of movement to get the wiggles out and see how everybody's doing. Or maybe we need to look the other way. If this one's wiggling all the time, it's just sort of teaching our kids not only normalizing it so that we're more accepting and compassionate of our kids behavior, but it teaches kids to be compassionate of each other. I remember so distinctly. You're probably about my age as well. I'm in my 60s, but you know, dyslexic kids when we were growing up, and it's like, I remember so distinctly. There was two guys in my class, and now I know they were dyslexic back then, all I knew is that they had a hard time reading. But the teacher would have them stand up and have them try to read, and it was like, this sort of, I'm sure it was just horrible for them, and it's like people were laughing, and people were like, What's wrong with him? And we're in seventh grade. Why can't you read? I mean, there's all this sort of thing, but if we can help our kids to see that typical is a misnomer, that everybody is right, are right. It's just everybody has their strengths. Everybody has their challenges. Some people are good at sitting still, some people are not. Some people are good at remembering to turn in their homework. Some are not. I mean, and that's not good or bad. It's just part of being an eclectic human society, right? Yeah.
DJ Stutz  28:54
And I think too that in one of my interviews back when I was, you know, interviewing for a school to get a teaching job, which I got, by the way, but they asked me about how what was my approach to special needs students. And I said, I believe every child has special needs. Every child has something that they're going to need that's specific to them, and so then if we can work that and teach our other kids in our class. I I just taught kindergarten, that was my thing. But, and to say, Oh, you're good at this, and you're good at that, and you're good at this, and letting them all know, the whole class knows Joey is a good reader, and Johnny is says, tells the truth all the time, and, you know, Susie is really good at math, or whatever it is, but and then we celebrate everyone's individual successes, so that even if they are neurodiverse or spicy, there's always something to treasure and to look forward to in that person. And if we can celebrate that as a class. Then, man, we're off to a great start, aren't we?
Diane Dempster  30:02
I love that. I love that. Yeah.
DJ Stutz  30:05
So anyway, we're getting kind of close. Oh, I could talk for hours, but we're getting kind of close to our time. But Diane, I'd love for you to, first off, just tell us a little bit on how our followers can get a hold of you learn more about impact parents and... Oh, and do and listen to their podcast too. I suggest the podcast is definitely worth a listen to, especially, you know, while you're rearranging the dishwasher.
Diane Dempster  30:20
Yeah, sure. So if you're listening to this, this is a podcast, right? So if you're on your favorite podcast, already your podcast channel, you can find our podcast. It's called parenting with impact. So check us out there. You're already liking podcasts, go over and listen to our podcast. If you are interested in getting more information, you can go to impactparents.com think you'll have the link in the show notes. Isn't that right? So that we can do that, we have a free gift for folks that are listening, that help with some of our key tips to supporting complex kids. Just to give you a sense of what we do and how we approach parenting, as I mentioned before, we do parent training and coaching for what we call complex kids, which are kids who struggle with life, learning social issues, those sorts of things. So, and we'd love to have you come and check us out. There we go.
DJ Stutz  31:21
Yeah. So Diane, I ask all my guests the same question at the end of our discussion, and I'd love to ask you, you know, we know that there are no perfect parents, hence the title of our podcast. And you know, even Mary and Joseph were mortal, so there's no perfect parents ever. But we do know that some parents do seem to be more successful, I would say, than others. How would you describe a successful parent?
Diane Dempster  31:47
Oh wow. How would I describe a successful parent? I would call for me, a successful parent is a self aware parent, right? It's a sort of we are humans, and we get wobbly and we get frustrated and we get overwhelmed, and we have all the emotions and a successful parent who's one who doesn't like manage that 1,000% of the time, because I personally don't think that that's realistic. I think that we all have our ups and downs, but a self aware parent goes, whoa, wait a second. I'm having a really rough day today. What do I need to do to help myself so that I can be engaged in my parenting in a way that's more calm and confident, and that might mean getting some help for yourself, and that might mean getting some space for yourself, and that may not feel like it's realistic, but that may be an important part of the puzzle. It's like this sort of I'm feeling wobbly right now. I need to not be trying to parent when I'm this upset, or I need to not be trying to parent when I'm mis overwhelmed. How do I really look at what's going on with me so that I can be differently present and supportive of my kids? That's what I think of.
DJ Stutz  32:49
Right. I love that you bring up so many great points there, on being aware of where you are, being present in the moment, and understanding am I adding to the chaos. Kids are screaming at each other, and I come in to start screaming too. Now we've got more people screaming, but being just being that self aware and paying attention to where you are in the whole thing. I'm so glad you brought that up. Thank you so much. So everyone be sure and give Diane's podcast. A Listen, check her out. She's got some great advice. And if you'd like to learn more from me and how we work with younger kids, and how we help you kind of see yourself and your kids for where they are, and then taking that next step forward, I'd love to talk to you too. All of these links and information are going to be in the show notes, so just scroll down and you'll have it all right there. So thank you everyone for listening. Thank you Diane for being a part of us today and until next week, let's find joy in parenting. See you guys. Thanks everybody. Thank you so much for sticking around to the end of today's episode of imperfect heroes. Parenting is truly one of the most rewarding journeys we can take. But let's face it, it can be incredibly challenging, and sometimes we make it harder on ourselves than it needs to be. The good news is that with a little bit of work up front, there are practical steps you can take to bring more peace and joy into your family life. I am passionate to share these strategies and insights with you. If you're ready to step on the path to joyful, effective parenting, I invite you to schedule a family checkup. Just click on the calendar link in the show notes below. Schedule a time that works perfectly for you, and let's work together to create a more harmonious and happy environment, and remember, every small step that you take today makes a big difference. So thank you again for joining us, and until next time, let's find joy in parenting.