Episode 187: How to Raise Moral Kids in the Digital Age: Expert Tips from Dr. John Chanaca

DJ Stutz  00:14

You're listening to Imperfect Heroes: Insights into Parenting, the perfect podcast for imperfect parents looking to find joy in their experience of raising children in an imperfect world, and I'm your host, DJ Stutz. Welcome everybody, and thank you for choosing to spend the next few minutes here with us at Imperfect Heroes: Insights into Parenting. And as you may or may not know, we are focusing this whole year 2025 on the moral development of kids, but there's so many ways that children develop their own morality, how they look at that, and there's a bunch of research that's coming out now on that topic, and that's kind of what was the genesis of this whole idea for this year. And so today, we are talking to Dr John Chenaka, who is an author, and he has been a teacher and a school counselor, and he's been a regular family therapy counselor, and he's just got such a great background, and he's got some Christian programs for families, and it's an amazing thing. So before we get started, I would love to remind everybody that you can get in on our weekly newsletter. It's free, but you get some added insights. You get some added parent tips. You get to see what's going on with the podcast and with any programs that we have going on at Imperfect Heroes, and so you don't want to miss out on any of that, some great stories and just things to enhance your parenting journey. And so if you would love to do that, you're just going to go to ImperfectHeroes.net. Guess what, the link is in the show notes. And so you don't even have to remember that. Just scroll down and you can click on the link, and you'll be able to register for that newsletter. So let's get started. Dr John, it's so good to see you. 

Dr. John Chanaca  02:29

Thank you. DJ, so nice to be here on this wonderful title podcast. Imp erfect Heroes. Boy, that's the truth,

DJ Stutz  02:37

Isn't it?  Even Mary and Joseph were mortal. I look at the list of Jesus's brothers, and I think, oh, boy, I'm sure they had a day or two. We just want people to embrace the journey and understand that nobody's perfect, and that our goal is to just enhance and enrich our children.

Dr. John Chanaca  02:58

Well, it's so true, and parenting really brings out those imperfections sometimes, but it allows us to grow, and that's the point we're going to be talking about today, that growth. How can we grow? Our children grow, and good things come of it. So we'll be looking at that today.

DJ Stutz  03:15

Absolutely.  So maybe, do you want to take just maybe a few seconds here, and just tell us a little bit about your background and your books. And just real quickly, sure,

 Dr. John Chanaca  03:27

I'm an old guy. My birthday was two days ago, 77 years old. Yeah, and Jane and I have been married for 55 years. So we have a lot of history, lots of things. We have two grown sons that are in their 50s, we have three wonderful grandchildren. The oldest one is 20, Ben is 20, Emma 17, and Audrey's 14. So we have seen our children grow up, our grandchildren. I've been in the public schools for 42 years. I was in the schools for 42 years. Lots of experience as a teacher, counselor, part time administrator at one point. Also, we had a martial arts school for 20 years, so we had 1000s of students being involved in that. So I met a lot of people, and I've seen a lot of children grow up, and have seen their children too. So we've been fortunate and blessed to be able to have those kinds of experiences. And then in our retirement here, odd enough, and we'll get into that, a mother in law, who is a lovely, lovely person, was in her 90s. She was getting so she couldn't take care of herself anymore, so she's come to live with us for the last five years, and also has dementia, little body dementia. So we're taking care of her, and because of that, it shows how God works in unbelievably mysterious ways. That was over the COVID period and so on. We decided to look at some of the funny things that our children were involved in, and the stories they had, and the adventures and so on. And so we decided to write some books about that. And that's how the whole publishing business started. And we just had had a time, a wonderful time, doing that. And of course, then we got involved in parenting things. And so we started a series of parenting books, a survival guide for parents, part one, two and three. And now we've put that all together in one big book called Power parenting. So it all has a Christian, faith based slant to it, and I'm sure we'll get into that this morning. Yes,

 DJ Stutz  05:30

Yes, absolutely. Wow, so much. Such a full life. And so that's amazing. So today we were kind of wanting to talk about as we're building that morality with our kids. And then it's such a technological world, and there are so many blessings that come from the technology that's available to us online, good books, an opportunity to research, you know, at the tips of our fingers and and it's up to date. And so I remember my parents, when I was really young, we had the set of encyclopedias, but information was growing so much, how do you keep that even up to date? And so now that answer is all there, but it also comes with some moral dilemmas that are going on with things like cyberbullying and predators, and there are people in systems that are actually working to separate us emotionally from our family, separate our kids from our the parents emotionally and all of that. And so I've got, I've got our 13th grandchild will be here. Well, yeah, probably by the time this airs, he, he might be here. So it's getting close. So they start very young, and I've seen kids 18 months, two years old. They know exactly how to open an app and to manage things on a phone. How do we help them as they're growing and they work as a therapist and family counselor. I really, really come in on this. How do we help them at that young age to understand what is a good thing and what is a bad thing that we want to avoid? How do we manage that? What are some there?

 Dr. John Chanaca  07:15

Well, it's interesting. You say that because we started a series of books cyber safety. The first one is called cyber warriors, and it's kind of kickoff book. Some of our local industries in this area are interested in trying to pick up on it and maybe use it in the schools and so on. So we're seeing, we're seeing how that goes. But parenting has become more challenging than ever. As you know, DJ, it's just and grandparenting too. Lots of there's a lot of grandparents out there listening to you that are raising their children, and they see their children with cell phones and smartphones, and you know, they're on the laptop. And so they have access to all of this. They have access to all the world and all the cyber bullies, the scammers and the predators, they understand this too, and so for them to slip under the wire, to be able to get into your kid's head, to be able to suggest all kinds of things, or destroy their thoughts and their personality and destroy them. It's all part of the plan, their plan. Okay? So, yeah, you can't be naive about the world. I like the way the Bible puts it. We're to be as wise as a serpent, but to be as gentle as a lamb, you know, to be aware of what's going on and not be naive. So for parents to be able to instill these moral values that you're talking about, to be able to teach your children how to be safe on the internet has all become more important than ever, and more difficult because parents are busy, they're working, they're involved with various activities and so on. So it's a complicated thing. I think one of the biggest things we're going to talk about here, at least I'm going to bring up is in the program that we have for power parenting, this survival guide for parents, I go through it through a little different slant. I try to go through it by how to nurture your child to be a successful student in the modern world. And the way I'm doing that is having their parents look very carefully what they're doing with their time and their life, and how they're presenting these values that you're talking about to their kids. What values are we talking about? Well, we're talking about things like honesty, respect, being hard working, patience, selflessness, sense of humor, sincerity, being loving and kind, being confident, obedient. I think you're talking about those kinds of things that actually protect children. So what we're going to do is look at in our program is, how can you teach those things and at the same time, encouraging? Children to be a super student, sexual student, and that becomes the challenge for parents, because there's certain things that they have to have a desire. They have to have a belief that they can do this, and then they have to have a strategy for doing this, and actually plan how much time to spend with their kids, that how important family is. Family is everything, yeah, and to realize that their children actually are catching and watching your values as a parent or a grandparent, that's how they learn these values. You know, God gives us three chances to grow up if we take advantage of them. The first time is when you're a child, as you're growing up, if you're fortunate enough to be in a good family, you're going to see and hear a lot of good values. Okay, the things I mentioned, if you're not, you're going to have to have some insight, or else, you're going to be going the other way. Okay, because the natural way for you to grow is to be selfish, not selfless. You want to be selfish. That's normal. That's part of your natural, normal nature. You want to please yourself. Man, yes, you know the Bible talks about this all the time. You know the flesh and natural, natural person, research will prove this over and over. Even though there is goodness in a person, there is love in a person. And you see, probably the most selfish thing in the world is a baby. Okay, if you look at a baby, they're all about themselves. You have to learn to be selfless. You have to force yourself to do that so you grow up. And some people never grow up. Some parents never grow up. They're always like a baby. So I'm saying is, if you grow up in a situation where you see these good values and morals and ethics being being shown, you have a better chance of being able to be like that and do those kinds of things. If you don't, then you're going to have to have some insight. You're going to have a mentor. You're going to have to have awakening, a transformational moment in your life that's going to change it and say this is wrong. What I'm doing has been nothing but selfishness. I just thinking about myself all the time. Okay, that's the first time, but the second time is when you are a parent, when you're a parent, you have a chance to improve on these things. Why? Because your kids, your children, are watching you. That's your legacy. Those kids are your legacy. Now, you said you have 13 grandchildren. Did I hear you? 

 DJ Stutz  12:26

Yeah. 

 Dr. John Chanaca  12:27

How many children? Did you have? 

 DJ Stutz  12:29

Five? 

 Dr. John Chanaca  12:30

Five. Okay, so you know, and

 DJ Stutz  12:32

I have seventy nieces and nephews. All right. Well, I'm talking about a I'm talking to a family lady here. Okay, I'm speaking to the choir. So I don't know if you're agreeing with me right now. I see you nodding your head yes, but so as you're a parent, as you well know, then you're telling your child to be honest. You know, something happens in school and kindergarten or something you're saying, honey, I want you to be honest now, okay, if you stole those crayons, you need to tell say, I guess I took them. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. It was selfish. It was wrong. But then they hear you on the phone talking to your friend, okay? And you're lying to your friend, the kid is listening to you. Are you teaching that moral value if you're lying on the phone and your kid just stole something at school. And so you see what I'm trying to say, that it becomes a contradiction. And even when you engage your children in the lie, how many times has a parent said, Don't tell your dad or don't tell your mom, right? Right? And so then you're engaging them, because it's easier for me as the parent or whatever, to say, don't tell your dad. But now what is the message that you're sending to your child? Oh, hey, there's another standard here. So there are times it's okay to lie and it's okay to lie to people you love. You did.  When we were talking, yeah. This is a couple weeks ago, yeah.

 Dr. John Chanaca  13:56

Exactly. So go back to your podcast title here. Imperfect heroes. Yes, we are all imperfect, okay? But God wants us to change. He wants us to become more like Christ. So you need to learn from these things. So that first time was when you were a child, and the second time you grow up is as a parent. Now if you're lucky, if you're fortunate, the third time is when you're a grandparent. Okay, yes. So now you're scary, because now your children are grown, and you know what kind of people they are, okay? And they are trying to grow their children up and grandchildren coming to your house, and you're thinking, oh, golly. Now this is Ben, or this is Emma, or this is Audrey, you know, let's, let's see what kind of a job my children are doing, and that'll reflect on me, but they're still learning from you as they visit with you over the vacation, and they've come to see you whenever. We're fortunate that our grandchildren live close to us, so we see them a lot. You are fortunate even during the. Been during the week at least twice a week. You know, Sunday, we usually eat together something that as a whole family. So we're fortunate that way, but still in that process, those kids have worked with me and Jane. They've spent the night. So we are looking at we're talking with them, we're talking about their school life. They see us talking to other people. So that's the third time for you to learn to grow up, first as a child, second as a parent, third as a grandparent. These morals, these ethics, these principles, are being ingrained. They're being caught. They're being taught by the significant others in a child's life, first, in the family, most important, and then, of course, in school. So you're asking about, how do you teach these values, cyber safety? It's going to come down to those things that you do in the beginning with the young kids first, and as you live out your values in your everyday life, in front of your children, it means a tremendous amount, but you always have to be willing to admit you made a mistake. Yeah, one thing wonderful about parenting that I love and thank the Lord for it, is that God gives you so many chances raising children. What I'll compare it to is, I think we talked about this once before. You've seen ice skating before the ice skating competitions, yeah, in ice skating competitions at the very top level, they get out there and they skate, and if they fall down once, that's it. They're finished, pretty much. I mean, they might have a chance if you fall down twice, forget it. You're completely finished. Okay, yeah, it's not like that in parenting, okay, parenting is more like golf. And I don't know if I asked you, if you play golf, do you play golf? Okay, so I bring this up in the various podcasts and so on. And people relate to it. If you've ever watched golf, or have ever played golf and so on. In golf, it's a wonderful experience. And I love golf. I play once a week at least. You get a lot of chances in golf. You don't have one chance or like in rice skating, but you go to that first hole and you hit the ball and it goes in the woods. That's bad. You can lay a ball out again and try to hit, you know, hit the second shot and put it on the green. And you can do that, and you can finish that first hole. And maybe it's a bad hole, but you're going to go to the next hole. So parenting is like that. You don't have to be a perfect parent every day, and that's why I love the title of your podcast, imperfect heroes, insight into parenting. I'm sure you agree with this DJ, and that is, you get chance after God gives you chance after chance after to say, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, honey, you're right. I lied on the phone. I didn't it was wrong, and I'm sorry. I'm going to do better, and I want you to do better. Let's do better together. So that is very encouraging to a child, to say that instead of reacting like, you know, you don't know what you're talking about, you know, I'm the adult. You're the kid. You know, the people who react that way, you forget it about a relationship, okay, that's going to be terrible, whether it's with your grandchildren or with your children. You can't live life that way. If you've made a mistake, say you're sorry I did it and then, no, don't do it again. Okay. So grow, grow every single day, and only God can help you with that kind of growth. That's for sure.

 DJ Stutz  18:38

Oh!  You bring up such an important point there, and I know that there are families who do not have faith or religiosity or whatever, and they can raise great kids, but it's one, even though they may not have that religiosity or that spirituality, but they're using spiritual concepts though when they're raising kids, like the ability to say, I'm sorry, like the ability to connect with your kids, that's, to me, what really helps. And I think, too, I love that we're talking about making amends in a positive manner with your kids. So silly story with me, I don't curse anymore. I've gotten over it. It's so funny. It took me years to do it. But when my son, who's now and he's a hospital administrator, and doing all these things, but he was four, I think three or four years old, and I gave him a full plate of food to carry to the table. Bad decision on my part. He was too young to manage that, but he spilled it on the way, and he let a word fly, not a horrible, horrible, but a typical word. Sure. I said, Shiloh. That's not a good word. What did he look up at me and say?

 Dr. John Chanaca  19:56

Well, I've heard you, mommy say something exactly.  Exactly! Exactly! That's exactly what he said. And so I'm like, Oh, got me. But then from there, we made an agreement that if he says that word, that I would call him on it, and there would be a consequence. But if he heard me say the word, now he got to be in charge of catching me, you know, saying it. And so it was this team effort. And boy, if that doesn't engage you and motivate you to not use that word anymore, because you don't want your four year old catching you at it when you've made that kind of an agreement. And I think that kind of put me on the path to beginning to deciding I want to just eliminate that for my life. And I know other people that's not their bag, and that's fine for me, I realized when I was using language like that was either when I was surprised that's one, or when I was really upset, or when I was trying to force my ideas, whatever that is on someone else trying to make that point, you better do this or you, and I didn't want any of those things to be a part of it. So for me, and I know it's not the decision for everyone, but for me, it was the right decision, but engaging my kids in that and seeing that mom does need to improve. She recognizes that. And even as a grown up, you're working to become a better person. Throughout your life, there's always things that you can work on. I'll bet, even at 77 there are things that, oh, going on and improve on. Oh, absolutely. And you know, you said a couple of very important things there. DJ, you know, there you are demonstrating and showing ethical and moral behavior, and impacted your son, probably profoundly. He probably will always remember that situation. It certainly will be ingrained in him. And so, you know, you're right when you said about spiritual you know, God has ingrained in every single person, a right and wrong. There's ethical and moral laws that are just instilled on us. We know when we've done something wrong, as a parent or a child knows they know they've done something wrong, they've hurt someone, they've said something, they did something, they stole or they lied, they cheated, or they hurt someone, they bullied someone, they said words that were hurtful. We know that it's instinctive, it's it's part of us, right and wrong. Okay, that's every person, every situation, not just a Christian thing. All this faith based system. All the fates are built on these basic kind of rules, rights and wrong, and pretty much it can agree that murder is wrong, lying is wrong, stealing is wrong, trying to covet other people's things, it's wrong, talking trash and talking dirt and swearing and so on is wrong. So that being said, yeah, you can not be associated with any particular faith or anything else, and have good kids, yeah, like, like you said, and you can have kids who, at least are doing those same kinds of ethical and moral kinds of healthy we'll call it healthy, good activities, and they seem to be prospering. They are prospering. They're healthy. And that's wonderful. That's very good. So to get back to our original kind of thing that we've been talking about is that these values that are so important in parenting are caught by children. Now, if you have a parent that sees their children misbehaving. What's the matter with us? What is happening? Why are my kids doing these kinds of things? I'm sorry to say, but the first thing you need to do is look at what are you doing. Okay? What are you saying? How are you living? Are there areas in your life that you want to improve? We have some questions that we kind of go through. As I said, this power parenting program and the books that we have associated with it, one of the questions we have is, what kind of parent do you want to be? Yeah, you should really ask yourself, write a description. Write it down. What kind of parent do you want to be, and then what's holding you back from achieving this kind of description? What are the things? Is it? Is it your mate? Is it that you don't have the time? Is it that you're spending too much time other places? Why are you being held back from achieving what you want to be? And then, what kind of legacy do you want to leave to your children, raising those little ones? I see the pictures on the background there. They they're a lot of work. Kids are work. They're tiring, make you tired. And many times, if you have another job outside the home, and you come back, you're exhausted. When you get back, you know you got supper to make you have clothing to do, and toilets have to be cleaned, and so on. And you know you've got the little ones staying there, and it's crying. So it's tough, and it's tougher for grant, there's grandparents raising Did you know there's 2.6 million grandparents raising children their grandchildren? They're raising their grandchildren? Yeah. So it's a tiring kind of thing, and yet you need to save energy for those special moments with those little ones to be able to get these ethical and moral values to so what kind of legacy do you want to lead those little ones are going to grow up to be big children? Okay, they're going to be adults. My youngest grandson is 20. He's in college, and he remembers the things we did and said and still enjoy time together. We golf together, and he's going to become a man, and he's dating right now, and he's going to have his own children, so they're going to remember what Grandma and Grandpa are like. In fact, that's one reason why we wrote these books, is that these are the stories of their parents, and sometimes they are in these books. So we wrote these books to be a legacy for our children and our grandchildren, and many times we'll get around and talk about the books that we have. And so what kind of a legacy Do you want to live then another question is, what kind of student do you want your child to be? Think about this school is what children do for a living, right? I'm going to say that one more time, school is what children do for a living. Like, see you go to work, this is your job, and it's special. You're going to make sure everything is right. You want to be successful at this. And that's children do too, when they go to school, kindergarten, when they go to school, I see them come in, they're little backpacks, and they're all excited. They want to learn. So school is extremely important to children. That's what they do for a living. And so as a parent, you need to do everything you can to make sure that's a wonderful and good experience. So you have to know what are the kinds of things that teachers a school, whatever it's a public school, a private school, whatever. What kind of things are they asking a student to do? What do they want them to do to be successful? Can you name some things that they want their kids to do?

 DJ Stutz  27:11

Yeah, I think as a kindergarten teacher for so many years it wasn't so important to me that they knew their ABCs and they could write their name, I can take care of that, but sure what we really needed for them to come in as is a curiosity, a desire to learn new things, the ability to sit next to a friend without poking them, and the ability To look at the other students in their class, and the confidence and the ability to make connections, and 

 Dr. John Chanaca  27:47

Wow. 

 DJ Stutz  27:47

All of that, those were actually more important to me as a kindergarten teacher than them coming in with they can they can know in their ABCs. And so those are the skills. In fact, I have a program where I go through the primary years of education, so that's kindergarten, first and second grade, and we talk about the different expectations of students, and where to find what your state standards are and and how to help support your kids through those first years of education to make sure that they are ready to be learners and to be helpers. And then two, you've got kids that have that neurodiversity. So now, even though I'm retired, two days a week, I go back into an elementary that's not far from here, and I'm helping with some students that have neurodiversities, but can lash out, be violent, totally disrupt and so in my mind, every child has special needs, because every child has needs that are specific to them, typical, atypical, whatever. But it's so important for us to get to know our kids, even when they're three years old, to see what their strategies are in connecting with other people, in being able to make a selfless decision. And a three year old is capable of that, of seeing that someone else is sad or upset and going over and trying to comfort that person.

 Dr. John Chanaca  29:23

Okay, you know, it's so interesting. You hit four of the eight things that teachers look for. Every teacher does this, either consciously or subconsciously. But I wrote a program called Super student. This was maybe 15-20, years ago, and after a visit to Japan. I had a Fulbright scholarship to Japan for six weeks, and it was a full ride, everything, and they took us to elementary and middle and high schools and so on. And I had a chance to really look at the educational system of Japan. That was the whole purpose of the Fulbright scholarship. And I came back and I wrote this program called Super student. How to nurture successful students as a teacher, a program for teachers, for schools, to develop super students. And what I came away with with there's eight things that teachers agree this is, I don't care what country you come from, okay, Japan, the United States, Europe, it doesn't matter. There's eight things that teachers look for. They consider students successful. These are the eight things you name four of them already. Well, listen, obey and trust my teacher. They want kids to be able to listen, obey and trust them. The second thing I raised my hand to speak in a group that shows one at a time, that shows respect for the other students. They're just not yelling out, blurting out, they're trying to hog the thing. It's because teaching is mostly in a group, not always, but mostly it's in a group, even if it's two or three kids. That's a group number three, I will think, along with the speaker. In other words, when you are speaking, I'm listening to you. I heard your just story you just told. If someone in the classroom is is talking, I'm listening to the other children. If another child answers a question, I listen. I'm learning from him also. I will think along with the speaker. So so whoever is speaking, I'm listening to them. I'm taking it in. Number three, four, I'll be prepared for my work. What every single day? Number five, I will give my best for my work. That's all you can do, is give your best. Yeah, that's all your best. That's all, that's all kindergarten teacher is going to ask. I want you to be prepared. I want you to think along with other kids. I want you to raise your hand. I want you to listen, obey and trust me, I will give my best. Number six, I'll finish my work so it's complete. I'll give my best and I'll finish the work. Number seven, I will work out problems with others. That's a toughie, yes, but I will try to work them out. Ask them, What did I do wrong? What's the problem? Did I hurt? You? Did I didn't work with and a teacher guides that many times, you know, on the playground, look at you've been on the playground. 

 DJ Stutz  32:13

I just had it yesterday. 

 Dr. John Chanaca  32:14

He hit me. He hit me. You know this guy, 

 DJ Stutz  32:18

or called me a bad name. 

 Dr. John Chanaca  32:19

Yes, you sit both of them down and you talk about it, and they're learning to work out problems. But you have to have a child who's willing to work out problems with others. And then number eight, I will have a healthy, positive attitude. Teachers love those eight things. That's what a successful student is. It's not a student who gets the answer right all the time. That makes the A's all the time. In fact, this student, if they're doing all of this, I guarantee you they will be successful. So in our program, I say to parents, these are the focus skills your child needs to have to become a super student. How can you at home develop these skills? How can you do these How can you get your child to use these skills? And the answer is, by developing good character traits in them by what you're doing at home. Okay, so you have to have a desire to change a belief that you can change, a strategy for change. And then we go into the different strategies that we talk about, that that bring out healthy family life, that will encourage your child to do those eight skills in school. So those are the things you're talking about when you talk about morals and ethics and so on, and how it does it apply to the smartphone, and how does it apply to cyber? But there are definite things...

 DJ Stutz  33:46

We are actually running low on time. Yeah, I have to have you come back. 

 Dr. John Chanaca  33:50

Well, that would be wonderful. 

 DJ Stutz  33:52

Yes, I think that that's going to have to happen. I love where our conversation is, and now we can connect those moral value teachings that we're starting when they're very young, even those first few weeks of life, they're learning about, I can trust this grown up person that's by me, that smells right, that they're learning about safety and about care, and that first year of life, how important that is in developing so these things that we're talking Yeah, And then how do we help that translate into their educational experience, whatever that is for you and your family. But how does that translate then? So all super, super good stuff. So Dr John tell us how they can find out more about your books and your programs that are just so amazing. Oh,

 Dr. John Chanaca  34:42

Well, we'd love to have them visit our website, which would be wonderful. All our story is there, and how we got started, how we got involved, the books we have and everything we have available. That would be a www, dot, M, J, chanaca. That's C, H, A. N, A, C, A, publishing, P, U, B, L, I, S, H, I, N, G.com, so if they go to that website, and I would love to have them sign up and get our newsletter and our information. Now, one thing we do DJ is that anybody who's involved with our launching or involved with our newsletter and so on. All the books that we have available are free to them. It's free like on December 3, fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh. All our books will be free on Amazon for people who are involved with our launch team and so on. So periodically, at least three or four times a year we do this, but they need to sign up, put their email down, so so we can stay in touch and have them be members of our publishing family. So we do that to our launch members, also many times on giving out free copies, especially the Survival Guide, one, two and three, yeah, because the power parenting will be coming out later, like in February or March, but these three books are the basics for power parenting, plus other things we're adding. But all of these things would be free, and anybody who signs up and so on, I send them a copy of these. Okay, so we'd love to have them sign up and be involved in what we're doing. Thank you for asking. By the way.

 DJ Stutz  36:22

You bet. So before we go, I have my own little tradition here. We ask all my guests the same question at the end of our program. And so we know there are no perfect parents, but some parents do seem to be more successful than others. How would you describe a successful parent?

 Dr. John Chanaca  36:40

Well, it's certainly a successful parent is one who is loving, kind, selfless, who is wise and knowledgeable, because it doesn't mean giving your child everything they want. It's not what a successful parent or a successful child is going to be like you know you're successful when you see your grandchildren and your children grown up. If you see your children that are grown up and they're productive and loving and kind and they're contributing so on, and you see your grandchildren turning out that way, you know that you've done what God wants you to do. And remember, again, parenting is a long job. It's a long it's not a sprint, it's a marathon, yeah, so it's something and all those chances I talked about, you know that you got chance after chance after chance after chance, to get it right. So play the long game and stick in there. Don't quit. You need refreshment from time to time. You need involvement. You need support yourself. But play the long game, and as you see your child developing that's encouraging, you see them being more and more honest and loving and kind and selfless. Then you know you're on the right track. When you see that not happening, you're on the wrong track. So play the long game. 

 DJ Stutz  38:04

Absolutely.  I like that idea. Play the long game. That's that's a great point of view. Joan, thank you so much for being a part of our show. And yeah, we'll have you back in a couple of months and even maybe a little deeper into our topic. But it's been wonderful talking to you.

 Dr. John Chanaca  38:20

Thank you so much. DJ, appreciate it.

 DJ Stutz  38:22

You're very welcome, and so everyone don't miss next Monday. We're gonna have another amazing episode. So until then, let's find joy in parenting.  Thank you so much for sticking around to the end of today's episode of imperfect heroes. Parenting is truly one of the most rewarding journeys we can take. But let's face it, it can be incredibly challenging, and sometimes we make it harder on ourselves than it needs to be. The good news is that with a little bit of work up front, there are practical steps you can take to bring more peace and joy into your family life. I am passionate to share these strategies and insights with you. If you're ready to step on the path to joyful, effective parenting, I invite you to schedule a family checkup. Just click on the calendar link in the show notes below. Schedule a time that works perfectly for you, and let's work together to create a more harmonious and happy environment and remember every small step that you take today makes a big difference. So thank you again for joining us, and until next time, let's find joy in parenting.