Episode 84: Is There a Narcissistic Person in Your Life? with Angela Meyer

DJ Stutz  0:13  
We think you should know that Imperfect Hereos Podcast is a production of Little Hearts Academy USA.

You're listening to Episode 84th Imperfect Heroes - Insights Into Parenting, the perfect podcast for imperfect parents looking to find joy in their experience of raising children in an imperfect world. And I'm your host DJ Stutz. Angela Myer is a clinical certified hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner, author, motivational speaker, and wellness coach, and for over 20 years she has worked with people of all ages, all backgrounds and religions and professions. And Angela supports people with various addictions, traumas, mental health issues, fears and phobias and general life situations. She has successfully healed and face the challenges addressed in her book, The undetected narcissist, as well as in her podcast show, the undetected narcissist podcast. And Angela is passionate about teaching people about the polarity of human beings because we all live in a world of polarity. And when people are educated and informed about narcissism, trauma, bonding, and other mental health issues, they are less likely to get victimized and wounded, Angela has been able to connect the dots between childhood trauma and narcissism. Because a narcissist isn't born that way, we as humans create them. Therefore, Angela wants to reduce domestic violence and physical abuse by educating people about narcissism. Without that stigma of guilt and shame. She wants to help everyone better understand themselves, and how people's behaviors and actions impact one another coming from a place of love, compassion, hope and wisdom. Angela's goal is to take you out of confusion and into clarity. There's so much to learn. So let's get started.

You know, an imperfect hero is someone who recognizes the imperfections but is always looking for ways to become better, a better spouse, a better son, a better daughter, brother's sister, and a better parent. And while you are looking for ways to improve your own life experience, and that of your children, you know that having someone to talk to about best practices, and challenges related to how children develop provides you with ideas that you can use today, tomorrow, and next week. And then as your children continue to grow. So what if you could engage with a mother of five, who was an early childhood specialist with more than 20 years of classroom experience, committed to supporting you discover your parenting style, identify behavioral triggers, and learn about your children's emotional development with the focus on enhancing communication? Well, that's me, and I welcome the opportunity to continue this conversation with you. So click on my calendar link in the show notes, to book a free 15 minute call so I can learn more about your concerns. And then I can share recommendations about how to create a home environment where you and your children can strengthen your relationship and celebrate happiness and peace. So the experts say that approximately 5% of the population has something called narcissistic personality disorder. And they'll shorten that into NPS. And that number is actually growing in our society. So we will often just call someone a narcissist. But it's important to remember that this is one of 10 personality disorders, just like OCD and paranoia, others like that. And it seems to me that we are more patient with some of those other personality disorders than we are with NPS. And I wonder why that is. I think that OCD can be difficult, but at least you wind up with a clean house. Paranoia is your fear based and we often emphasize with those fears, but with a narcissistic personality disorder, people get hurt you emotionally, financially, and sometimes physically. And we rarely say that someone is a narcissist with compassion. So here's where Angela Myer comes in. And what attracted me to her message was that it is one of love, compassion, hope, and wisdom. So she understands the underlying causes of narcissism, and has helped many work through it. So whether it's someone who has NPS or someone who is trying to manage life with someone who has it, there are things that we can do as parents and as spouses, as co workers, neighbors, to make life more manageable with them. And then what are the things that we can do as parents to help our children learn how to manage a life that includes a person with narcissistic personality disorder, we all know someone, right? And so they're going to know someone, I was so encouraged by what she had to say. So let's listen. 

Welcome, everyone, and thank you for choosing to spend the next few minutes with us the Imperfect Heroes Podcast. Today, we are talking about a very important topic. We're talking about a parenting and a personality style, that can be difficult and hard to manage through. It's possible. And then we're going to talk about how that can affect your children and how your children relate to things. And so we're talking about the narcissistic parent. And Angela Myer is my guest here today. Angela, would you like to talk to us a little bit about who you are and what you've got going on?

Angela Myer  6:53  
Oh, thank you so much. I'm really glad to be here. And I am a clinical certified hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner, wellness coach, author of The undetected narcissist, I got a blog post podcast. And I really like to focus on shining the light on narcissism coming from a place of wisdom, love and compassion. Because a narcissist isn't born that way. We as humans create them. And so I really like to educate and inform people about narcissism coming from a place of wisdom and compassion instead of hate, anger and fear. And my perspective is, we live in a world of polarity. We are taught about good and evil, right and wrong do's and don'ts. But why are we not teaching people the polarity of other human beings, because here's the honest truth, everybody on this planet, sometime in their lifetime is going to run into someone that's narcissistic, right? It'd be a boss, a co worker, a teacher, a family member, or friend, even a scammer. And then everyone on this planet is going to experience either direct or indirect trauma. And then everyone also is going to possibly struggle with a mental health issue like anxiety or depression. And so my philosophy is, is when these young minds leave home and dive into the ocean of the world and explore it, they're going to be swimming with sharks, and wouldn't you like to give them a life vest or a boat? So when they encounter these experiences, or these people, they know what to do, and they don't come from that place of fear or anger, they don't get victimized or wounded. They can make healthy choices that keep them safe, and also protect their sanity.

DJ Stutz  8:59  
Yeah, because you can kind of lose your mind sometimes, when you're dealing with multiple individuals who are managing through their own narcissistic behaviors and

Angela Myer  9:09  
right, well, and there are six different ways that they're created. There's three parenting types, there's the neglectful parent, which is just too preoccupied to spend time with the kid and just kind of ignores them. There's the absent parent, that's like a CEO or president of the company. They'll throw money at the kid and have a nanny, but they don't spend time or bond with the child. And then the other ones in authoritarian parents are really strict parent. And those three parenting styles. They don't teach them empathy. Okay, they really don't. And then the other three ways that a person can become narcissistic is through abuse, trauma, and bullying. So I tell a lot of people when you see A kid bullying another child, it means someone is bullying that child. And it's the way I look at it is, I'm sure you've heard this before, dad gets yelled at at work. So he comes home, and he yells at his wife. And then the wife yells at the kids, and then the kids yell at the dog or whatever, you know, it just goes downhill. And so those are the different ways. And it's really important to look at what is your, your parenting style, because it really does impact a child's personality, their characteristics, and how they're going to interact and engage with other human beings. So really educating yourself about attachment styles is really, really key and important, because we're the ones that are modeling this to our children. Yeah. And if you're taking your child to a caregiver, you really want to make sure Well, what is their style with their children? Is it secure? Or is it anxious? You know, like, are they meeting all the other children's needs? Or are they showing favoritism to other ones?

DJ Stutz  11:20  
Right. And I think there's a natural tendency, I guess, I see it with teachers and in childcare providers and stuff, where you do have the child that is just so sweet and adorable, and they give the teacher hugs and loves and whatever, and the teacher will show a lot of preference to that child. And then you've got the kiddo that comes in and they're disheveled. They're unorganized. They struggle with maybe attention, or following directions, they may even be a little bit violent. And so the teachers have a choice here, you can either work to build that child and to help them or you can be like, Johnny, right. And I've even in all the years of my teaching and supervising, have seen teachers who will actually push buttons on this kid to almost start episode where then the child has to be removed from the room. And most of the time, the teacher doesn't even realize that he or she is doing it. And I would have to point them out this, this is what you did, this is what I observed. What result were you trying to get? Right? You know, and you can even see that within familial environments as well.

Angela Myer  13:09  
So I would say that if you notice the child has an anxious attachment style. That's one to be aware of, and a disorganized attachment style, because that's the two areas you were talking about. And there is a great book out there called attachment 60, trauma informed assessment and treatment interventions across the lifespan. It's by Christina Reese. And there's amazing information in there because that's the thing is, we can start out having a I want to say unhealthy attachment style, but it can be fixed, it can be repaired, you just have to have patience and time. And to really find someone that is trained in attachment, you know, disorders. And what I love about this book is it's for all different age groups. It's for little kiddos. It's for preteens, teenagers, even for people that are adults. And that's why I always say everyone needs to be trauma informed, because there are so many ways people act out when it's trauma related. So like as I was mentioning to you earlier, that when I wrote the book, The undetected narcissists, that my son's father was able to convince everybody, even the judge that if our son with autism lived with him that all those autism behaviors would go away. And that was a lie. And that's really important to realize. And so, when a child is acting out, you got to really look at the signs of PT SD, is it fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. And fawn is one that not many people talk about, but we need to talk about it. It's what they call friends. And so that kid is telling everybody its whole story. And that is a trauma response. And so, if you're a teacher or a parent, and you're noticing these behaviors, it's time to kind of like really dive deep. And it's, it's hard because then it's like, you want to tell the parent, but how can you tell the parent? And sometimes the best way is to you don't want to do blame or anything like that. You just want to put it in a way like, this is what I'm observing. And I kind of question if it's trauma related, and their spawn, the child is doing this. And if you describe all the behaviors that fall, would you say this is what I see is happening? What do you think? And kind of, like, get their feedback and be like, so if this is the trauma bonds, have you ever thought about, because some kids can communicate what's going on, and other kids can't. And that's where I always tell people, if it's anything to do with trauma related, you want to have them speak or talk to someone that is trauma informed, because I'll tell you this, my kiddo saw within, I would say a five year period, probably like six different therapists, and not one of them was trauma informed. Not one, there was even a child psychologist that wasn't trauma informed. And it was so frustrating, you know, for me, because you're investing all this time, this energy, you're taking time away from work, all these things to try to help a kid but you're not taking them to the right person. And so that's why I really, really stress that, if you feel there's any trauma related, or you can put those puzzle pieces together, you know, find the right fit for your, for your for your child, because I didn't find the right fit for my kiddo until maybe like, a year and a half ago. And now my son is 14. And I wish I would have had someone that had all this knowledge and all this information way back then because I'm having to teach this all to myself. Yeah, so I can better support my kiddo. But the beautiful thing is I'm taking now all this wisdom and all this information. And I'm sharing it with the world like I'm sharing it with you. And I'm sharing it with other parents and other people. Because we need to talk about this stuff, and we can't keep ignoring it. So

DJ Stutz  18:09  
you bring up two questions for me. The first one is, how would a parent go about finding a therapist that really is trauma informed?

Angela Myer  18:22  
Well, you want to look at their background and see if they've taken any trauma classes or have any trauma certification. Okay, because every therapist has to have continued education, even my side. I've been doing this for 20 years. And I have to do continued education. And even though they don't require me to do it anymore, because I guess 20 years is the cap or whatever it is, it's like you're fine. To be honest, they're just like, I asked him do you want to know my continued education? Like no, we know you're five. But yeah, but really, really find out if they have that. So let's say you have health insurance. What you do on the back of the card is you call the mental health you know hotline, and you tell them I'm looking for this specifically within my demographics, you know, this person and the beauty of it is what if they're not in your demographics? Well, you still have zoom now. Right, zoom. So like the for example, the perfect fit I found for my kiddo there in Roseburg, I don't live in Roseburg. That's like, almost three and a half hours away. Yeah. She's amazing. And she knows what she's doing. I couldn't get into someone up in Portland, because they were totally full. So that's the real key thing is call on the back of your card and tell them hey, this is what I'm looking for. Because it can be so overwhelming to find the right fit because they're There are like so many counselors and there are so many therapists but they specialize in. And I tell the same thing about me being a Hypnotherapist. Like, I could go to a weekend course. And I could be certified as a Hypnotherapist. But am I specialized in weight loss? Stop smoking, anxiety, PTSD? No, you're not. And so I tell everyone, you really, really want to know where they specialize in. And that's where I'm a proud about my accomplishment because I've been voted the best hypnotherapist for my area for the past 12 consecutive years. Congratulations, thanks, I really take what I do seriously, because I want to be of service and I want to help people.

DJ Stutz  20:50  
So the other question, then, that I had, from listening to talk and stuff, maybe what are the signs that parents should be looking for, to make them kind of, oh, maybe something's going on here.

Angela Myer  21:11  
So a sign to look for is when it comes to attachment styles, if when the child has a secure attachment style, the child will be kind of you know, like, sad, mom is leaving the room, but the child is able to, to explore its room and stuff and, and interact with other kids. And then it's happy when mom comes back. It's like, yeah, Mom's back, it's smiling. And, and it knows mom is consistent, it knows mom follows her routine, mom cares, hertz needs, and all of that, where you need to be concerned is when you leave the room, the child doesn't care. The child doesn't want to interact with other kids, the child wants to just play by itself. And when you come back, the child doesn't care. The child doesn't want to attach to you or be with you. That is an avoidant attachment style. And the child is learned through the modeling of the parent that they're not consistent with meeting their needs, that they've been, you know, ignored, or the moms preoccupied so they're inconsistent, so the child doesn't really have this competence or trust in you. Now, the other one is the anxious one where the child, the mother leaves, and the child is extremely distressed, and will not come down until mom comes back. That's a big warning sign there, too, that something is you know, going on. And so really, you know, looking at what is your attachment style with that, kiddo. So for example, with me, my son has a secure attachment style with me, but a trauma anxious avoidant attachment style with his dad, because his dad would ignore him, and and neglect him and, and it was just so traumatizing and, and terrible for for him. And we're still working on that, you know, to this day, but at least he knows he trusts me, he feels safe with me. And that he has a safe and loving home. And so that can be really challenging for people when they get divorced, or they get separated and the kiddos have to go from one household to the next. So what I highly recommend is trying to create that sense of stability and routine within both households. So the child feels secure and mom's home as well as Dad's home. You know, everything you know has a consistency routine, like you go to bed at the same time you have dinner at the same time you interact at the same time you meet that child's needs, you don't run off and ignore them and you're having fun with your new girlfriend or boyfriend.

DJ Stutz  24:19  
So one of the things that I think about when I'm listening to you is when there is a split. It's generally for a lot of reasons. But among them is you don't agree on a lot of things. And so I can do what I do at my house, but I cannot control what happens at the other house.

Angela Myer  24:42  
And that's so it is so hard because I'm the I'm the type of person I believe you need to put the child first. Right? You're only spending those two days with that kid. You need to put your child first. That's your quality. time with your child, you want to make the most of it. Because let's be honest here, when that child grows up, that child is going to have a choice if they want to interact with you in the future or not. They're going to know if I trust mom or dad, or I don't. And you're really building a relationship with them. So I love it when parents can co parent, right? Yeah, you've got a co parent. And if that means both parents need to go to family therapy, you know, to make that happen, then do it because your child's worth it. It's your child's future. It's how your child's going to interact with other people, and relate to other people and how they're going to build relationships, how they're going to, you know, interact with people in a work environment. And in college, there's all these things you got to take into consideration.

DJ Stutz  25:59  
I know that when I lived in Las Vegas for 20 years, 16 of those years, I was a parent team facilitator for the Division of Family and Youth Services. And I was certified in a lot of different ages and programs. One of them was a divorce parenting, and this was a court ordered class that I taught. For every parent that was going through a divorce, they would court ordered them to take this class. What was interesting to me is there were sometimes parents who, even though they were divorcing, they would come to the class together. So that they were getting the same information. And, and I was like, yeah, oh, yeah, you guys. And then there were others who they absolutely could not like I had, they had to make sure the other parent was not going to be in that class. Because they couldn't be together. Or, as a teacher, I would have parent teacher conferences, right, or an IEP, which is an individualized education plan. And we'd have these meetings, and we'd have to do two, because the parents couldn't be in the room together. Or even worse, we did one, but the other parent never came. So only this, I would just see the same parent, whether it was mom or dad, sometimes it was Dad, who would come to all of these things to get all the information, and the other parent just wouldn't show up. So there's some interesting dynamics that take place in that. But you're right, the best. Well, the best case scenario is if you can manage to stay together. But if you can't, and I understand that you can't write in different times. But if you can, at least like do that family therapy together and do a true co parenting plan. But if the person that you're dealing with or maybe you're the narcissist a narcissist will never admit it, right? They don't see actually,

Angela Myer  28:15  
some have I've, when I've done public speaking, I've had narcissists come up to me and actually thanked me for talking, because I helped them mentor a better understand themselves, and how they were created and how their brain works.

DJ Stutz  28:30  
Wow, that's really interesting. So

Angela Myer  28:34  
yeah, so I am in that boat where, like, next week, I got my son's IEP, I know, his dad's not going to show up, he never shows up, or anything. And, and it's hard, because there always is this underlying message that is sent to the child, right? It's not spoken, but it's sent to the child. And, and it's so hard because my kiddo has said so many times, I wish you two could get along. I wish you two could just be nice to each other. I wish you two could be friends. And I wish you could co parent. And so I know and understand that struggle.

DJ Stutz  29:17  
And I think that the impact really does continue on. I remember crashing. Years ago, I had a co worker and we got along very, very well. And it was the holidays. And I saw this grown man. We're talking about the holidays and making plans. And he just broke down in tears in front of me saying, Why is it I have to have Christmas dinner my dad's and then I have to go make sure I get Christmas dinner at my mom's because there's no way we can all get together and even as an adult it was just tears arising this poor guy, and he just felt horrible about it. And so the effects of this, don't go away once you're an adult.

Angela Myer  30:14  
No, it doesn't. And that's why I really want people to understand that how we treat each other and how we parent our kids matters. You know, it really does and how the things we say, and, and even just, if you're anyone narcissistic listening to this, I really hope it gets, you know, maybe into a crevice of your heart to realize that this does impact a child's future. It really, really does. And we need to put our anger aside, or hostility aside, or resentment or bitterness aside and do what's best for the child.

DJ Stutz  30:58  
Yeah, I worked with this one family, and they were really split, it was bad. And the dad had main custody of the child. That's the mom, that was the narcissistic. And I think she had some other things going on, quite honestly, as I was working with them. But I do remember that the dad always made a point of whenever the mom either came in, got the little boy or dad dropped him off. The last thing that he said to his son, in front of the mom was, I love you, buddy. Be good for your mom. It didn't happen overnight. But I did see in about three years, she started coming around, and the walls started coming down. And it's not like they were ever best friends. But they did get to a point where it was she remarried. And for a birthday, the for parents who cared deeply about this boy, were able to all go together on a ski day with him for his birthday. And so I don't think everything's gonna ever heal over completely, it's a traumatic thing to go through. But just by him doing that one simple act consistently, right over a span of however long, it did help the, you know, the walls to come down a little bit. So when we see our spouse, let's say, showing signs of that narcissistic behavior, are there some things that we can do to support them remembering that this isn't a choice they made to be narcissistic, this is a result of something tough that happened to them? And how can we help, whether it's the mom or the dad, maybe through that and work toward, you know, keeping the family dynamic, strong.

Angela Myer  33:19  
So what you're really talking about is when you separate or split from someone that's narcissistic, or even someone that's not, you know, like, I've known people that had stable relationships. And then when they split, they were like, I don't know who this person is anymore. And what happens is, when we split from someone that had a huge impact in our life, and we trusted them, it can trigger some of our core wounds, like rejection and abandonment, or I'm not good enough, or I'm unworthy. And so what happens is, as you trigger that, that wound and that person then responds to you coming from that core wound, instead of a place of love and trust and connection. And so what he was doing is, he was mirroring that, hey, I care about you. I care about Mom, I want you to have a good visit. I want you to be good to your mom. And that was really, really positive that he was was doing that. And it's important that when the kiddo comes home that you you don't talk bad about the other parent. You really really Yeah, huge. Yeah, you don't talk bad about the parent. And if the parent meets someone new then be happy for the other parents that hey, I'm glad you know, dad or mom met this other person. But it's really important to realize that when they're they're not narcissistic behaviors are coming out. You've triggered a wound. Okay, and so just be a little bit sensitive about it. it. And when they make snide comments and stuff like that, don't go into it. Because that's a projection of those wounds coming out. And they want to blame. They want to make someone feel bad because they're hurt inside and they're, they feel bad. And so sometimes it's just, you know, ignoring it, ignoring the little belittling comments or, or some of the verbal abuse, and just stay positive and stay optimistic and be, you know, redirect. Really, really redirect the person. And you know, hey, I want you to have a great visit. I'm excited you get to see mom today, I know you're probably going to do something really fun. I'm sure Mom has something planned for you. That might be a surprise. I'm so excited to hear about your weekend when you come back home. Know that I love you. I know you're in safe man's because mom cares about you have a great visit. Just saying things like that. Like if mom's being rude to you or disrespectful. And they just ignore it. Just, you know, ignore it. And like you said, always be consistent about that message you're presenting to that child that shows you know, mutual respect, because that's a big thing I've learned about narcissistic people is they will not show mutual respect. Yeah, you got to be the one to show mutual respect, because that's what you're modeling and teaching your child.

DJ Stutz  36:35  
That's so hard to do. Sometimes.

Angela Myer  36:37  
It is so hard. Oh, trust me, it is so hard to do sometimes. But you got to do it for the sake your kiddo. Yeah, you do. And and it's like that same you got to turn the other cheek is just,

DJ Stutz  36:52  
yeah. So then, are there times then that we need to validate a child's feelings. So if they do come back, we've been picking on mom for a while, let's pick on dad for a little bit. But if they do come back and say, Dad never talks to me, he just watches the TV and has a beer or he just talks to his new girlfriend and all of that. So they're having all of these feelings and emotions inside? So is there a way to validate what your little guy is going through without making the problem bigger?

Angela Myer  37:33  
Yes. So I was in that exact boat with my kiddo. And the way that I presented it to him was, well, you know, like anybody. When you make a new friend, you're really excited. And you want to have playdates, and you want to have sleepovers, and you want to do fun things. And you know, maybe that's what's happening with dad right now. He's really excited. He met someone new. And I'm excited for him. And have you maybe said to dad, that, can we play a game together? Or I'd like to go outside in my bikes together? Or can we throw the frisbee together? Maybe bring suggestions to dad or, Hey, maybe we got a game here in the house that next time you see Dad, you can take this game with you and say, Dad, I'd love to play this game with you or bring your Frisbee or bring a football, you know, bring something that maybe you can engage with? And then And yes, and validate that, yes, you know, that can you know, if the kid expresses that it hurt their feelings and say, you know, yes, I understand that hurt your feelings, it would possibly hurt hurt my feelings as well. But know that dad really loves you. Yeah, you know, he really loves you. And sometimes, like I even presented to my kiddo at one point where I was like, You know what, your dad is doing the best it can with the tools that he has. And he doesn't have the same toolbox as mommy. And Mommy has a big toolbox. And, and and dad might have a smaller one. And it all depends on how maybe how dad was raised or what dad was taught and just know that he's doing the best that he can do with the tools that he has in his box. And has nothing to do with you. He still loves you a whole bunch. It's just maybe when he was growing up, his parents were not very affectionate, and maybe his parents ignored him. And so that's all he knows. And so maybe we can help them out. Maybe we can be like Hey, Dad, I want to play this game. Hey, Dad, I want to do this with you. So then you're actually helping your dad and teaching your dad what you need, because he can't read your mind. Right and he might need your help.

DJ Stutz  40:00  
I like that take on it. I also think if there is a new person in the picture for the other parent, that maybe they engage the other person to. All right, tell Dad Oh, she's pretty or, you know, she has a fun laugh for and then asked, say, Oh, can we go to the movies with Suzy or whatever? Right?

Angela Myer  40:24  
Right? Yeah. Or like, let's play this board game together with her or night and play frisbee together with her. It's just trying to get everyone engaged. And it's hard because you don't want to pry and be like, Well, are you sitting down and eating dinner together as a family? You know, you, it's like, you don't know what this other person is doing? Or is like, but the most important thing is, Does your child feel safe with this person? Just trust this person? Is she kind to your child? Does she listen to your child?

DJ Stutz  41:00  
Yeah, I think that's a good approach. It's not one that's going to work for two or three year old. Right? Don't have the skills that's gonna be a child. That's, yeah, a little older. So even with a two or three year old, I've worked through games of what do you like best about? Well, he didn't do this. No, no, no. We'll talk about that later. What do you like best about or what was the most fun? Or, you know, sometimes they're able to express the fun things that they were able, excuse me that they were able to do. And that can help those really smaller ones?

Angela Myer  41:43  
Because you're redirecting them, and you're taking them off of a negative mindset into a positive mindset.

DJ Stutz  41:51  
Yeah. And I think that's really key.

Angela Myer  41:54  
Oh, yeah, it's it is really, it is really key. And that's why I like to say keynote communication is key.

DJ Stutz  42:02  
Yeah. Yeah, for sure. So if our listeners want to hear us some more, tell me about your podcast.

Angela Myer  42:11  
So my podcast is called the undetected narcissists. And on there, I've got various series from identity erosion, hot anger versus cold anger, can a narcissist change part one, part two, I talked about trauma, indirect trauma, direct trauma, I talk about fear of dating another narcissist. Recovering from psychological abuse. I talk about healthy boundaries. I talk. I'm working on one right now about the different attachment disorders. And I talked about even how to communicate with difficult people. I talk about personality disorders, and I'm doing it all, from a place of, you know, wisdom, love and compassion, because you cannot learn or heal or recover, coming from a place of hate anger and fear, all that negativity, it just doesn't, you know, help you it keeps you more trapped in negativity. And so, I like to really focus on the gray area. Yeah, because, I mean, I do have some friends that are narcissistic, but I don't like the way that they behave. So I don't have them in my inner circle. They're kind of along my outer circle, but I respect them. And I know that they respect me and they know that I can I considered, you know, I consider their feelings and their emotions. And when they do act up, you know, I call him out on it. And I'm like, hey, you know, you know, you might think this gaslighting is gonna work for you right now, but it's not. And I just kind of laugh, just like we're laughing right now. Today, I was someone else.

DJ Stutz  44:03  
I love that. Well, we're gonna have all the information, we'll have a link to your podcast, and for your book, and any other on your socials. And all of that will have those links down in the show notes. And so I hope we'll take the time to go down and investigate that a little bit. You've got a lot of great information. You know, before we go, though, I always ask my guests the same question at the end, kind of throw it at them. How would you define a successful parent?

Angela Myer  44:36  
How I would define a successful parent is one that just is loving, fun and adventurous and knows how to just look at things differently. What especially when it's something negative, and it just shine a positive light on it. A good example is I remember working with this one child that had a fear of he watched a movie with his mom. And when he watched the movie, his mom's reaction created a big fear in him, where he couldn't go to movies anymore. He couldn't go over to friends houses and watch, you know, cartoons are scary. And he was overly sensitive and heightened by her reaction. And so what I told the mom is, when he I want you to sit down and watch something with him, that isn't so scary, but I want you to say like, oh, isn't that monster little interesting. He's trying to be scary, but he's not really scary. He's just pretend. And that's the fun thing about this world is our imagination and make believe is so cool. So I wanted her to de escalate his fears and anxieties. Because really the way that she was reacting, he was responding to it, and then reacting from that, right. And this kid, I mean, his whole life transformed where he got it, he really, really got it. And it just worked perfectly, and she was so happy. And he had no idea that that's what was happening. And so to really be successful parent is, we have to also monitor our selves, like what we say and how we respond and how we react, and how our child responds and reacts to us and talking to your kid and not shaming another parent or belittling another parent, just like that example, with the toolbox. Hey, they just don't have that tool in their box. It doesn't mean they're bad or they're wrong. They're really trying to do the best that they can with what they got.

DJ Stutz  46:49  
Right. So good. Such good advice. Thank you so much.

Angela Myer  46:54  
Welcome. Thank you for having me on here, DJ. Oh,

DJ Stutz  46:57  
absolutely. And I'm sure we'll talk again,

Angela Myer  47:01  
I would love to I really enjoyed this conversation. Oh, thanks.

DJ Stutz  47:05  
If you would like more information on Angela, her podcast, her book, and her services, all of the information is in the show notes. And as my listeners grow, it enables me to reach out and inform more families about how their children develop, and then how they can use that knowledge to strengthen those family relationships. And honestly, it would be a huge help to me to grow my podcast if you would rate review and follow the podcast on whatever platform you listen to. And then please tell a friend about us. These are simple acts of kindness that make all the difference. Now, next week, my guest is Eddie White, we had so much fun talking. He is a speaker, an author, and an educator. And he's devoted to helping parents lead their family by sharing his expertise and leadership and his reflective insights as a father. So check it out and see and until next time, let's find joy in parenting.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai