Meltdowns to Milestones, Celebrate 200 Episodes of Imperfect Heroes

DJ Stutz  00:14

You're listening to Imperfect Heroes: Insights into Parenting, the perfect podcast for imperfect parents looking to find joy in their experience of raising children in An imperfect world, and I'm your host, DJ Stutz. Hey there everyone, and thanks for choosing to spend the next little bit here with us, the Hmperfect Heroes Insights into Parenting, and I'm DJ Stutz, and oh my gosh, we are at episode 200 that's 200 episodes of laughing and learning and diving into the Wild, Wonderful chaos of raising kids. And to all of you listening in in over 70 countries, moms, dads, grandparents, caregivers, teachers, you are the heart of this show, and I am just thrilled to be here with you. I just want to apologize in advance for my voice. I've been fighting this for about four weeks now, and my voice just comes and goes. So hopefully we'll be able to get through it all. You know this podcast is all about early childhood, those precious years from birth to age eight, and we've covered it all. We've covered potty training, thumb sucking, learning disabilities, sports, pets, adoptions, raising strong daughters, and the list goes on. And no matter your challenges or your questions, we've got you covered. So just head over to imperfect heroes podcast.com and then you can click on episodes, and then there's categories, and you will find pretty much whatever you're looking for. And if you've got a question that we haven't tackled, just shoot us an email through the website, and we're going to get right on that. So today is just a massive celebration, and we're looking back at the biggest lessons from these 200 episodes of helping kids handle emotions, tackle challenges, navigate sibling squabbles, managing meltdowns and building true friendships growing tough and independent respect and boundaries, so stay connected to us through it all. I've got some personal stories. I've got some awesome listener messages, and a few plugs for my books and the resources that I have that tie right into these ideas. So plug your earbuds in, or grab maybe a snack and settle in. I know parenting is hungry work, and so let's make this milestone episode a party. And before we dive in, I'm going to talk about my three children's books, because they're like little nuggets of what we do. So here is Roman is Bigger, and then there's Roman is a Bigger Brother, and then there's Oscar's True Friends. And these are stories that just kind of bring our podcast to life. Roman is Bigger. Is about handling those huge feelings when things just go wrong. Roman is a Bigger Brother dives into the messy, awesome world of welcoming a new sibling into the family, and then Oscar's True Friends, teaches kids to find buddies who lift them up. And I wrote these to spark chats with your kids about emotions, family and values. And you can snag them on Amazon, Kindle, Barnes and Noble, Walmart, bunch of others. Trust me, grab one of these books, cuddle up with your kid and read it tonight, and it's going to be pure magic. Okay, I also want to hear from you. You can text me at 720-989-6475, or you can email me with one of those parenting moments that made you laugh or tear up or feeling like you nailed it, and we'll share some of those later on, and I just can't wait to hear them. Oh, and while you're at it, you can go to ImperfectHeroesPodcast.com and sign up for my free newsletter. Here, and this is like a pep talk in your inbox. We've got tips, ideas and updates to keep you going. It's free, it's quick and awesome. So all right, let's get rolling. We're going to kick things off by reflecting on one of the biggest themes that we have tackled, and that is helping kids and parents manage their emotions. So back in episode 136 we dug into emotional regulation, and in this episode, I shared a story that is just so special to me. So it's about my grandson's birth, which was high risk and really scary. My daughter, his mom, was in a tough spot after delivery, and the doctors were so focused on her that she couldn't do that skin to skin contact that we know is just so important, and they really wanted to do that. But my son in law, he didn't miss a beat. He ripped off his shirt and scooped up his newborn son and held him close, skin to skin, right there in the chaos and that moment, those first seconds of connection, laid the foundation for those two and their bond now, nine years later, that father and son are just like two peas in a pod. There's this unique connection between them, and I really believe it's built on that first moment and then so many more after, you know, they've had patient and engaged moments where my son in law showed up, whether it was playing catch, listening to his son's big dreams, or just being there, and it's led to this mutual love and respect that's just something beautiful to see. And isn't that one of the keys mutual respect? And when we help our kids navigate their emotions. We're not calming tantrums. That's not the only thing. We're actually building trust and respect that lasts a lifetime. You know, we've also talked a lot on the show about emotional regulation, which starts with validating feelings. So for little ones, it's saying, I see you're mad about having to share that toy, but for older kids, as they can grow up, it's going to be something more like, I can tell you're frustrated, and I'm here when you want to talk, and then you're going to guide them with tools like deep breath, tapping right and cozy calm down corners or maybe just a big hug. You know, my book Roman is Bigger captures this. Roman learns to handle his big emotions with his family's help, and it's like a road map for kids and parents. And so here's a tip. Try a daily feelings check in at bedtime or at the dinner table and ask, What's one feeling that you have had today? And it gets kids naming their emotions, and it builds that respect. In my coaching, I dive into this with parents understanding where your kids are at developmentally, and then crafting ways to validate their feelings and build bonds like that, father and son moment. Are you curious? Well, head to ImperfectHeroes.net. And you can book a coaching session, and we'll make these emotional roller coasters a strength for your family. Okay? A quick pause just to rave about my free monthly workshop. It's called Parent Perspectives, and this is the awesome virtual hangout where we tackle stuff like emotions, sibling fights, meltdowns and building those tight family bonds. We share stories, we laugh, we leave with real strategies like how to turn a meltdown into a connection moment, or how to help your kid conquer a challenge that they're facing. It's free. It's a blast, and you'll meet other parents who get it. We meet every fourth Thursday, so zip over to ImperfectHeroes.net.  And sign up and you're gonna love it, I promise. Okay, so let's move on to another big theme that we have explored in the past 200 episodes, turning challenges into opportunities to connect with our kids. And I'm thinking of episodes three and then again in 154 where I have the awesome Dr Ted Bennion on, and he was talking about oral care and health, and we're chatting about things like thumb sucking, and he dropped this golden nugget that's really stuck with me ever since. Because he said, I tried to sit down with the parents and then give a little bit of my parenting philosophy, which is that every trial that we come up against with our kids is an opportunity to connect with them, to bring a closer relationship with them, and if that relationship is devolving and getting worse, then we need to reset as a parent. It's not the kid's job to reset. It's their job to be a kid, but we have to reset so a thumb habit is just another opportunity for you to express your love to your child and to conquer a mountain with them together, and also that's them recognizing that it's their mountain to conquer and you're there to help. Oh, man, isn't that just perfect? I love how Dr Bennion framed a challenge like thumb sucking as a chance, an opportunity to build a stronger bond. And it's not about shaming or forcing a kid to stop. It's about saying, Hey, we're in this together, and I'm here to help you climb this mountain. And that's what we've been talking about for 200 episodes, whether it's a habit, a behavior, or just a tough moment, it's a chance to show love, to set boundaries and to teach values like responsibility. I remember this one with I remember this with one of my kids who wouldn't stop sucking on her knuckle like that. Instead of getting frustrated, I sat down and said, I know it's hard to stop, and I'm here to help, and let's try keeping your hands busy, maybe with a fidget toy. And we made it a team effort, and it wasn't just about sucking her knuckle, it was about showing her that I was on her side, and that's what Dr Bennion was talking about resetting as a parent, staying patient and helping kids own their challenges while you cheer them on, and in time, they will overcome their challenge. And this strategy works with all kinds of issues, classroom behavior, frustration with academics, anger management, and the list goes on. But once you let the kiddos know that this is their mountain and you are willing to help them or to be their guide, it really changes the whole perspective. And my book, Roman is a Bigger Brother ties into this. Roman has to navigate new responsibilities with a sibling, and it's like his own little mountain. He will determine what his relationship with his new brother will look like, and his family helps him, but he learns it's his journey. Here's a tip for you, pick one small challenge that your kids are facing. Maybe it's a habit, like for getting to do their homework, and instead of lecturing, say, I know it's tough to remember, let's maybe make a checklist together, and it shows that you're a team. In my coaching, I help parents do exactly this, turn challenges into connection points, set boundaries with kindness and teach kids to take ownership. We'll craft a plan that fits your family from little habits to big hurdles. Check out ImperfectHeroes.net. And we can get started. Okay, let's talk about something every parent with more than one kid knows Hall too well, sibling rivalry. You know, back in episode 120 we dove deep into this, and I shared some ideas that have been game changers for so many families that I've worked with, including my own. Here's the thing, sibling rivalry never truly goes away, and honestly it shouldn't. Those squabbles, they are how kids learn how to negotiate, how to compromise and figure out how to get along in the world. It's in our family that our children can learn that we can disagree or even get upset and still love someone, but we can reduce the chaos, and that's the key word reduce. I remember my own kids fighting over who got to sit in the best spot in the car. It was like a throne or something. And instead of jumping in right away, I'd give them a minute to work it out. And sometimes they'd figure it out for themselves, and that was huge for their confidence. And when this did happen, I would be sure to notice it and let them know I really appreciated it when they worked things out on their own. And on those occasions when I did have to step in, I tried to stay calm and curious and not just add to the noise. I'd say something like, Okay, what's going on here? Instead of who started it? Because here's the deal. No matter what you see or what I saw, you haven't seen the whole story that fight over the front seat. It might have been brewing for hours or days. Maybe one kid just felt ignored or but had been teased earlier. So listen to both sides. Ask each kid. Tell me what happened from your point of view. No interruptions, just listening. And then when you're done, ask, What can we do to make this better? Don't just force your solutions on them. Gently remind them of our family rules, things like, we treat each other with kindness and then praise their efforts to work it out, even if it was messy, something like, I love how you're trying to share, and that shows what a good brother or sister you are becoming, and that approach teaches them to solve problems while keeping the love and respect in the family strong. Shooting back my book, Roman is a Bigger Brother is perfect for this. Roman has to figure out how to share his world with a new sibling, and there's some rivalry, but he learns to negotiate and compromise with his family's support. Now here's another tip for you. Next time your kids are bickering, wait a beat before stepping in. Wait maybe 30 seconds or so if you have to intervene, stay calm and say, I'm curious. What is this about? And then guide them to come up with a solution, like taking turns or splitting the toy time. You know, my coaching. I work with parents on this all the time, figuring out how to step back, stay calm, and then help their kids learn from their disagreements instead of just stopping it. Make a plan to reduce the chaos. Said, reduce there and build those negotiation skills. Do you want in? Well, head to ImperfectHeroes.net and book a session. Oh, so it's time for some listener love. I got this email from Jen in Colorado, and she wrote DJ your episode on habits inspired me to tackle my daughter's thumb sucking. We made a team plan with rewards for trying, and she's so proud when she succeeds. And Jen, that is so cool, and I love how you made it a team effort. Okay, here's another one. This one's from Sarah, who lives in Texas, who wrote your sibling rivalry. Tips worked wonders. I stopped jumping in right away, and my kids actually negotiated. Who got to play with the new puppy last night, Sarah, you're rocking it. That's exactly what we're looking for. And then here's a beautiful review from Dina Lynn, and she wrote, parenting is a tough job. Between those beautiful moments lies tough situations that parents are navigating as they figure out what's going on. And this podcast gives ideas to apply on your journey of ups and downs. You don't need to be perfect, be great. Thank you, DJ Stutz, for bringing this work into the world and helping so many. Wow. Dinalynn, that means the world to me, and I love how you nailed what this show is really all about finding great ideas for the messy, beautiful world of parenting. Oh, and there's one more here, Mike from Arizona, who wrote in DJ your episode on meltdowns, inspired me to help my son with his anxiety and his outbursts. We made it a team effort, and he's so proud when he keeps it together. Mike again, that is awesome. Keep those stories and reviews coming. So remember, you can always text me at 720-989-6475, or you can email us at DJStutz@ ImperfectHeroesPodcast.com and you know, those links and all that information are going to be down in the show notes, so you can just go down click and know what to do. All right, here is another little plug though my free newsletter. It's like your parenting sidekick. We've got tips, we've got book recommendations and updates on stuff like Parent Perspectives. So head to ImperfectHeroesPodcast.com and you'll get a pop up there where you can just click on it and sign up, and it's free, and it keeps us all connected. So let's dive into a topic that every parent faces in early childhood. It meltdowns. So back in episode 149 we were exploring how to handle these big moments. And it's a theme I really love. I, in fact, I love it so much that I have a keynote speech called meltdowns are my favorite. And seriously, meltdowns aren't just chaos. They are golden opportunities to strengthen your relationship with your kid. You can validate their feelings and teach them the tools that they need to handle their frustration in better and more productive ways, and it all starts with a mindset shift. So instead of dreading those meltdowns, look at them as chances to connect. I'll never forget when my son, with ADHD, big time, at age four, had a total meltdown in the middle of the mall in Las Vegas. And to this day, I'm still not sure what caused it all. Maybe he was hungry or tired or just plain bored. We were too far from the exit, and he was in such a state that I wasn't able to carry him out. He had lost it, so I found a chair and just sat down with him, holding him tight. And while inside, I was struggling to be calm. I kept my voice at a low, reassuring level, reminding him that I loved him and that I would be able to help him once he was calm enough to explain what the problem was, but I was keenly aware of some of the looks that I was getting, and my son was loud and clearly not in control of himself, and I have to admit, that was embarrassing, but a sweet older lady walked by and put her hand on my shoulder and encouraged me with you. Hang in there, little Mom, you're doing a good job.  And then she just walked away. Something clicked inside when she did that, and instead of pretending to be calm, I could actually feel myself relaxed and focus on my son, and now I was able to think more clearly and say, I see that you're really upset, and that must feel so hard, but you've got this just naming his feelings helped him begin to calm down a bit. And then we work together as we talked about relaxing his legs and then his arms, and before long, we were able to get up and walk out to the car and drive home and get him something to eat, and then both of us took a well deserved nap together. It wasn't just about getting him to be quiet, it was about showing him that I was there, listening and helping him through those big emotions. And that moment built some trust, and it showed him that I was going to be there for him when things got tough. And I wish I could tell you that that was his final meltdown, but it wasn't. And as time moved along, he was able to gradually decrease the frequency and the duration of these difficult moments. But now he is a father of three and a police officer, and he has his own little spicy boy, and I just smile and offer advice when he asks. But jokingly, we all knew that this son would be involved with the law somehow, so we're just glad that he's a police officer and he's on this side of the law. That's our little family joke. So here's how you can make meltdowns work for you. First shift your thinking. Instead of that, here we go again. Try to think this is my chance to bond and next validate their feelings and say things like, I know you're mad because you didn't get that cookie, but don't rush to fix it. Just let them feel heard, let them feel like you're there for them, and then teach them the tools that they need to manage their frustration. So for little ones, it might be deep breaths or counting to five. For older kids, maybe it's something like squeezing a stress ball or tapping or naming their emotion out loud. There's so many more tools that I can't cover all of them there, but I would love to help you out, if you would like to know more. And over time, these tools help them respond to frustration with. Without falling apart. Here's another little tip for you, create a calm down kit with your kid. Think of things like fidget toys, maybe a soft blanket, or a favorite book like oh Roman is bigger. Keep it handy for meltdown moments. And in my coaching, I really love helping parents turn those meltdowns into real moments of connection. So we'll help you pinpoint what triggers your kids meltdown, then craft a plan to validate their feelings, and then how are you going to teach them about those tools that fit their age and their personality, and it's really going to change how you see these tough moments. So head to Oh, you got it.www,ImperfectHeroes.net. To book a session and make meltdowns your favorite too. Now let's talk about a theme that is so important for our kids, building true friendships, and this has been a big part of our podcast, helping kids learn to connect with others in kind and very meaningful ways. It's more than just making a ton of friends, and it's more than being popular. We want our kids to be kind to everyone, but it's also important to help them understand what makes a good friend. Good friends don't get you to do things that will cause problems. Good friends help you make decisions that will keep you safe and out of trouble. A true friend is someone who is kind and who makes you feel good about yourself and helps you to be a better person. And it goes both ways, choosing good friends and choosing to be a good friend. And this can be a very difficult issue for kids to understand. I know some adults who still can't see it right. I've always said that I want my children to be happy, but more importantly, I want them to be good, making the good or the right choice when they are with their friends may not always be the happy choice, at least for that moment, the evidence of that happiness, of that good choice may come later. It could be days, weeks, even years later, before that is developed. So friendships in early childhood are all about learning to share and to listen and to be kind. It's not about having the most friends. It's about having the right ones who lift you up. My my book Oscar's True Friends captures this perfectly. Oscar learns to pick buddies who make him feel great, and it's such a fun way to talk to your kids about choosing friends wisely. Here's another tip for you. Help your kids build confidence by role playing. Act out how to manage the situation when they have a friend who wants them to do something that they shouldn't do. Help them to use words that encourage their friends to make a better choice, but to have the courage to walk away, even if you walk away alone, if their friends can't be persuaded to do the right thing, and in my coaching, I do help parents nurture their kids, build their social skills, from navigating the playground trauma whoop that gets out there to teaching them how to be that good friend and We will together create a plan that fits your kids personality and age so that they can build strong, kind friendships that last want to dive in. Check out. Yep, you guessed it. www.ImperfectHeroes.net. And book a session there. So let's wrap up our reflection with the theme that's the core of all 200 episodes, keeping that parent child connection strong. So whether it's episode 136 on listening or 182 on building communication, we've always come back to building bonds in the little moments we've shared. So many ways to do this, spending one on one time, even if it's just 10 minutes, reading Oscars true friends or playing a game for older kids, ask

Speaker 1  29:34

about their favorite song, I know no judgment, or ask them to show you how to do something that they are good at, model values like honesty and when you snap, and we all do from time to time, be able to say, I'm sorry I was frustrated. Let's try that again, and this teaches them to own their mistakes. I. So in my coaching, I love helping parents create these moments, even when life is crazy, we'll build a plan to keep your we'll build a plan to keep your family close understand your child's development where they are and then becoming and stay in their safe place. So go to, oh, you guessed it, www, dot, imperfect heroes.net. To book a session, and we'll make those bonds rock solid. Okay, I've got to give another shout out to my books, and they're like this podcast in story form. So remember, we've got Roman is bigger. Roman is the bigger brother and Oscar's true friends. And these teach kids about handling emotions, tackling challenges, navigating sibling rivalry, building friendships and managing big feelings. So there are seven to 10 minute read and they're perfect for bedtime or anytime you want to talk about values and resilience, you can find them on Amazon, Kindle, Barnes and Noble, Walmart's website and many other book websites. And if you love them, would you please do me a favor and drop a review, because that helps other parents find them. So two more, just real quick things before we go, remember my free newsletter is a high five in your inbox, parenting tips, book updates and news about parent perspectives. So sign up at www dot imperfect heroes podcast.com, and it's super easy and parent perspectives is my free monthly workshop. Think emotions, sibling rivalry, meltdowns, friendships, connections with practical ideas and awesome parents like you, they are always on the fourth Thursday of every month. So go ahead and register at www. Dot imperfect heroes.net, and you won't regret it. So let's end this party with one more nod to our listeners. You know you all make this show what it is, and I'm so grateful. Looking back on 200 episodes, we've tackled emotions, challenges, sibling rivalry, meltdown, friendships, resilience, boundaries and those precious connection like that, father and son bond that started with skin to skin and grew through love and respect. Remember, my books bring these lessons to your kids. My newsletter and parent perspectives keep you in the loop, and my coaching, it's where we get personal. We dive into your family's challenges with strategies to handle habits, reducing sibling squabbles, managing meltdowns, teaching values and keeping love first. So go ahead book that session at www. Dot imperfect heroes.net. I'm telling you, it's a total game changer. And so thank you for making episode 200 of blast. Here's the 200 more episodes of messing up and learning and being the imperfect heroes that our kids need. And so until next week, let's find joy in parenting. See you guys, thank you so much for sticking around to the end of today's episode of Iimperfect Heroes. Parenting is truly one of the most rewarding journeys we can take. But let's face it, it can be incredibly challenging, and sometimes we make it harder on ourselves than it needs to be. The good news is that with a little bit of work up front, there are practical steps you can take to bring more peace and joy into your family life. I am passionate to share these strategies and insights with you. If you're ready to step on the path to joyful, effective parenting, I invite you to schedule a family checkup. Just click on the calendar link in the show notes below, schedule a time that works perfectly for you, and let's work together to create a more harmonious and happy environment. And remember every small step that you take today makes a big difference. So thank you again for joining us, and until next time, let's find joy in parenting.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai