Tailoring Education: School Choices for Your Child’s Needs with Shiloh Stutz

DJ Stutz  00:14

You're listening to Imperfect Heroes: Insights into Parenting, the perfect podcast for imperfect parents looking to find joy in their experience of raising children in An imperfect world, and I'm your host, DJ Stutz. Welcome everybody, and thank you for spending the next few minutes here with us at Imperfect Heroes:Iinsights into Parenting. And today, you can see there's just a little bit of a different setup. I've only done this maybe three times of having a guest in the room with me in my office that's at my house, and so you're one of the lucky ones. Okay, so before we get started, let's talk about the two new books. So you know, I already have Roman is Bigger, and then I've got Oscar's True Friends, which is about a little fish that is helping his friends understand that is our differences that make us stronger and better, that we don't have to be nor do we want to be all the same. And then Roman got a baby brother. And so this is Roman is the Bigger Brother, and it's, this is a good thing? Is it a bad thing? Is mom and dad still gonna read me stories, and while they still love me, all those questions that little kids have when there's a new edition. And so this is this one. You can get them all my books are on Barnes and Noble, Amazon, Walmart, anywhere that really that you get books online. They're there.  All right. So I'm really excited to introduce you to this guest. So you've met my daughter, Roque.. She's been on. Some of my siblings have been on. This is one of my five kids. This is Shiloh Stutz, yay. He is my second oldest, but my oldest son.

 Shiloh Stutz  02:15

That's right. Should we establish that? 

 DJ Stutz  02:17

Yes, we want to make sure that's established. And he is the father of two. He has an amazing wife, Alyssa, whom we love, and his sons, which is kind of fun with this. His sons are named Roman and Niko, yes. So they are immortalized in literature now, but you and Alyssa went through kind of like a journey. A lot of parents are trying to decide what is the best route for my family and for my kids in education. There's some good out there, there's some bad out there, and then how do I find what's right for my family? And the reality is, it's not the same for everybody. It's not one size fits all. So let's talk a little bit about the journey that you went through with your boys. So you started out Roman, started out in a public school. 

 Shiloh Stutz  03:10

Well, we could even start earlier than that. So we are the product of having two working parents and going through daycare from a very, very, very young age all the way into public school and so forth. So both Alyssa and I have worked full time for forever. I mean, essentially, since we've been married, and, you know, since we've had Roman, and you know that stuff, we've either been working while one's going to school or vice versa, and both working jobs. And so Roman is a product of going through daycare and then preschool, and then public school and then private school and and then back to public school, and then, yeah, it has been a journey.

 DJ Stutz  03:51

It has so let's maybe start at those earliest things. So when you were looking at where to place Roman, because Roman and Nico are kind of a distance apart. They're not...

 Shiloh Stutz  04:02

Six years, 

 DJ Stutz  04:02

Six years between them. So when you were looking for a place for Roman to put him in childcare and he's younger, what were some of the elements that you were looking for to ensure safety and diligence of care, all those things. 

 Shiloh Stutz  04:16

Yeah. So for us, we did not want to do a big box preschool. So we were looking for one of those home preschools, the preschools that are in a home to make it more of a home feeling. But then also a school that focused on education was a big thing for us. But then also it was a Christian based preschool, so we knew that it was simple things, just like praying before meals. It wasn't like they were trying to indoctrinate or anything like that. I mean, when I say Christian preschool, it's not like, you know, they were reading the Bible all the time and it was being forced on them. It was a morally Christian base, I guess, the best way of putting it preschool. And so that was one of the that was the big thing that we were looking for, is a small somewhere where he wouldn't get lost in the group. And. Somewhere where he would get educated and be safe.

 DJ Stutz  05:02

And that seemed to be a good experience for you guys,

 Shiloh Stutz  05:06

Absolutely, because we we have had times where, just later on, where we've had to put both Roman and Niko into a summer kind of like a day camp kind of a thing. And it was fine, but it just doesn't compare to the level of care and the level of education that you can get at a smaller place, but I know sometimes those can be more expensive, it's not as convenient. So we were very lucky to find what we found, right?

 DJ Stutz  05:32

So it's, I think, doing your due diligence, really having an idea, and I love that you brought in, that you had some criteria that you had. And if anyone's been listening to the podcast for very long, by the way, this is episode 199.

 Shiloh Stutz  05:47

Why couldn' I've been 200?

 DJ Stutz  05:49

 You're a week late, bud, but you had things in your mind. And anyone who's been listening to our podcast for any amount of time knows that we are faith based and that we don't promote any specific religion, but that the experience of faith in raising a family I believe and the guests that I have, it's one of the criteria that I look at is that, do you value the faith experience in raising your kids? And so that was an important thing for you while I say classroom size, but you know, the group size of the kids. And one of the things that really kind of bothers me is, you know, if some poor little mommy, and bless her heart, how you know, how exciting, triplets, yay, right? But everyone's like, Oh my gosh, triplets, and everyone's kicking in to help you know, the community or their church or whatever, your neighbors, people who you don't even really know, will come in to try and out triplets. They had triplets is such a big deal. But yet, when you go to child care that takes in infants, depending on what state you're living in, they are three to one, or some states five to one of infants. And so it's like, oh, we'll throw them in here, and it's no big deal, and we'll pay them minimum wage, basically. But yet, if it was a mommy doing that, it's like, oh my gosh. How is it any different than having those kind of ratios that are there, and so I'm really glad that you're looking at the racial piece as well, and the kind of environment that they have to be with.

 Shiloh Stutz  07:32

Yeah, it was a big thing. We just didn't want to have too big of a program, because there were some really, really big preschools. And not to say they were bad. They had really good reviews, really good outcomes. People were really happy with them. It's just not what we wanted for Roman,.

 DJ Stutz  07:45

Right, right. Okay, so let's move on to the next step. So let's go to he's gone to preschool now, and you had that experience. And oh, my baby, we're sending you off to kindergarten. It's so hard.

 Shiloh Stutz  08:00

No, it wasn't very hard for me. Oh, maybe dad, maybe Alyssa. I was like, man, we just gotta. We just got a raise.

 DJ Stutz  08:09

Yeah, yeah, because paying for child care and then going to public school.

 Shiloh Stutz  08:13

Yeah, school, right? And we also, too, we struggle with it, because Roman's birthday is at the end of November.  And I think his was the last year where they had the December 1 cut off. And so we had... 

 DJ Stutz  08:26

This wawas in California. This is, everyone knows. This was in California. 

 Shiloh Stutz  08:30

Good ol' California.

 DJ Stutz  08:32

And so enough said, yeah.

 Shiloh Stutz  08:34

So so we had a choice of we could, you know, hold him back, because he was four when kindergarten started. So we had the choice of whether we should wait and wait till he was five, or put him in early. And we decided to put him in early because he already knew how to read. He already knew how to I mean, at a kindergarten age, he knew how to count and all the basic things that he would really learn in kindergarten anyways, because the preschool did a very good job, right teaching him. So for us, the only reason we were thinking about ever holding him back was so that he would have a better advantage in sports, because then he would be a year older, as opposed to be in the year.

 DJ Stutz  09:12

Which is funny, because he wound up doing just fine in sports.

 Shiloh Stutz  09:15

He did.  And so we ended up putting him into the local public school kindergarten, and he really well. He struggled. Well, I should say his teacher struggled, yeah, because we kept getting notes home that he, you know, was in trouble or had to go in, not like a timeout or a detention or anything, but he had to get, you know, separated away because he was too distracted. And so I remember the first time that we met with his teacher, his teacher was saying that he's super smart and he's just needs to learn how to focus a little bit better. And we're like, okay, so we worked with Roman for a little while, and that didn't work, and he was still con you know, we still were getting these notes saying that he was just being distracted. So we met with the teacher again, and we really tried to narrow it down, like, Okay, what on earth is going on? And what she had said is. That he just finishes through his work and then starts distracting all the other kids. And both Alyssa and I were like, Why are we seeing this in you or not? Right? He right. He already knows all the stuff that's going on. That's why you think he's really smart, because he does very well, and he's getting it done fast, and then he gets bored. And so he's a five, four year old kid who's bored, who just wants to go play and have fun. He's not just going to sit there and wait for everyone else to get done. And so we talked to the teacher about this, and she was not receptive of the idea of giving him extra work, or giving him, like first grade work, or pushing him a little bit. So then we said, Okay, we need to get him out of the school. This is not working for him. This teacher isn't good. Not to say that she's a bad teacher, but for Roman, she was, she was not a good fit for Roman. And in the community that we lived, it's a very unique situation, because I don't think there's very many communities that have this, but they have a Elementary School, which is a dual immersion elementary school, so it's from kindergarten until third grade, it's like 90% taught in Spanish. And so the idea is that the kids are learning Spanish as they are learning school, and then after third grade. So fourth grade, it starts tapering down. What percentage of Spanish they're not to say that it ramps down, but it goes down to, I think, like 75% Spanish and English, and then it has a transition to the junior high, the local junior high, so they automatically flow into that program at the junior high, where they learn math and all these other subjects in Spanish as they work through and same thing with high school. So it's usually a waiting list to get into it. But apparently, if after the year is done, then the waiting list goes away. And so we called them up, not knowing what was going on, and saying, Hey, is there any opportunity for Roman to jump in halfway through? And after talking to them, because they were like, well, we normally don't do that unless there's someone else in the family that speaks Spanish, like, if one of the parents spoke Spanish, then they would be more open to doing something like that, but because the list and I didn't speak Spanish, they were kind of hesitant to it and so, but they did say that there was one kid in kindergarten who was leaving at the halfway mark, and so they would enroll him, and we would just kind of just see how it goes. And so it was such a blessing for us to be able to get him out of that environment that he was in and put him into an environment that challenged him. So not only was he learned having to learn everything that most of the stuff that he mostly knew, but he was having to learn it in Spanish, where the teacher would just talk to him in Spanish. All of his friends were speaking Spanish. And so that was the perfect challenge that he needed. Yeah, and he just blossomed. He fit right in. He picked up really quick with Spanish, and his and his teachers were like, he's the most well behaved. I mean, obviously, I mean, they're gonna have issues here. And I think he got his best friend. He met his best friend through fighting him, like when I say fighting him, you know what it is. But then they ended up being, you know, best friends after that. And you know, they had a little scuffle in the in the playground. Let's go from the playground, but that's all they needed to become best friends. And so he had just had great, great reviews from his teachers, and they were all super happy to have him there. And so that's what he needed, is he just needed to be pushed. He needed someone to give him that extra challenge. And once that challenge was there, he just blossomed and did great.

 DJ Stutz  13:25

Okay, you brought up a few things, though, that I think are really key is that you went in and talked to the teacher a couple of times. You looked at what is exactly the problem, what is going on, and you honed in on some things that maybe needed to be changed or adjusted. I remember this time. I remember you calling me and saying, what do we do with Roman? And I remember one of the things that she did, tell me if I'm remembering it correctly, but he would come home with a little note every day and a check off. But they weren't checks that he did this good. All of them were negative. Yeah, didn't stay in his seat, didn't, you know, do this, didn't do that. Nothing positive was on that checklist. And so it's really important that our kids are having an opportunity to be noticed for what they do well, as well as what they're doing wrong, and I I go out crazy on this. I'm known for this, but every child has the right, and every teacher has an obligation of making sure that every child that walks into his or her class feels welcome and wanted there, and so especially in kindergarten, first grade, second grade, you walk into a class and you think your teacher hates you, you're gonna hate school, yeah. And that doesn't just get over in a year, you had an experience with an unfortunate teacher in third grade.

 Shiloh Stutz  14:55

Nope.  Mrs. Patterson, was awesome.

 DJ Stutz  14:56

No.  So fourth grade. Ms Dolan, sorry. If you're listening, Miss Dolan, sorry, but she just didn't, like all your teachers before had that loved you, thought you were great and you were, you were pistol.

 Shiloh Stutz  15:08

I was gonna say, I need to do a caveat, that I was, I was a struggle,

 DJ Stutz  15:12

Yeah, well, but you had this sense of humor and and for some reason, your teachers loved it, you know, and they knew they had to help you with things, but they enjoyed you, but this other teacher did not, and it took you years to get over the negativity of that teacher. If I'd have known then what I know now, it would have wound up very differently for you educationally. But anyway, neither here nor there, so when you hit this wall and you were not able to make the adjustments for what your child's needs were, then you did the research and found an alternative program, which may or may not folks be available in your area. I know that some areas even have somewhere they are. We call it butts in seats, but they're actually in the classroom two days a week, and then they're home school the other three. So the teachers send home assignments. They send them all the work. You know, there are things where you can go online and you have a one on one, you know, virtual teacher, but you can get all of that online. There's so many different opportunities that if the situation your child is in isn't working for you, find something else. Find something else. And folks, if you're having a problem with that, feel free to email me. Get a hold of me, and I'd be glad to do some research and help you find out some of the other alternatives that are in your area. You know, homeschool groups where maybe one parent is really good at math and the other parent's really good at science or whatever. So you're taking turns teaching different things. Those things exist as well. So there's lots of opportunities that are out there. And so Shiloh and Alyssa went and found the opportunity that was available to them that fit their family's needs.

 Shiloh Stutz  16:57

Yeah, because if this school wasn't like, if we couldn't get him in there, then there were other different styles of schools that we were going to try to look into it. Just this one worked out perfectly, and it was such a godsend.

 DJ Stutz  17:10

Okay, so he's there, yep. And then you moved.

 Shiloh Stutz  17:15

We did.  We did.  Well, so the part of the problem is I worked in another town, and Alyssa also worked in another town. And so we were both 30 minutes, 45 minutes away from Roman. And so it was just always a struggle for us emotionally, because if something happened, like if Roman got sick, it would take us like 45 minutes, because by the time she could get out of work and all that stuff. And same thing with me, it takes like 45 minutes to go get them. And so we finally said, Okay, this isn't good. This isn't what we want. So we're either going to move to the city where she was working, or we're going to move the city where I was working. And I was like, I don't want to move anywhere near where I work. It was in a good area. Well, it's just not that. It's just so I work in healthcare, and I really enjoy not seeing people in the community that I see in the hospital. It's just it's a nice break for me, right? Because I hear, you know, you hear stories of people running into with their family, and you know, they're not, sometimes they're not the greatest people, and they remember you from the hospital, and so they come up and and I just didn't want that, so we ended up moving to where my wife was working, to where Alyssa was working. And so the schools there, it was still closer to where you were working, correct? It was, yeah, it's only like 30 minutes away, right from where I work. And the schools there didn't have very good well, the community itself wasn't, didn't have the greatest of reputations. And not to say that it was bad. There's this, I love the place where we live. It is so beautiful. Every city has challenges, but, you know, so we ended up moving there, and we didn't want our kids to go to public school, because there wasn't something special, like the school that he was the dual immersion program that he was going to, and so we put him into a Christian private school. And at first it was funny, because they were worried it was going to be a challenge, because he'd been learning in Spanish the whole time, and then now they're like, Well, is he going to keep up? Because the education level, I think, is the right way of saying it, of like, so, like, the third graders at this program were not at a third grade level. They think they were, like, fourth or fifth grade levels in all like, math, reading and all that, it had higher academic standards, correct, and so he had to take a test, just so they wanted to see, like, where, where he was at. And they weren't saying, like, we're not going to take your money. They were like, no, no, it's only take your money. But they just wanted to know, is this going to be, are we going to have to do? You know? They even thought, well, maybe, because of how old he is to maybe he just needs to go back grade where he normally, you know, where those kids normally are. But he did very, very well on th e test. And th ey're like, All right, let's just, let's just go with it. And he did great. Yeah. Did really good.

 DJ Stutz  19:51

Yeah.  And then with Roman starting out in a public school, Niko did not. Niko did not because you'd already been established at, this other Christian school, correct? 

 Shiloh Stutz  20:02

Right. 

 DJ Stutz  20:03

Now, one of the things that I really love is that this is a good Christian School. It was not run by the congregation you went to. No, it was a different and I think of like my my brother Ted, you know, your uncle Ted and Christy, and they have five kids, and they're not Catholic, and yet they sent their kids to Catholic school, yeah, for their education. And so maybe it's looking beyond whatever boundaries that you might put in, or whatever you're thinking, that maybe the right fit is in a unexpected place.

 Shiloh Stutz  20:36

Well, and one of the things too, is you don't like you like what you're saying. You don't have to be a part of that congregation that the Christian School is. But for us, it went back to the moral teachings of the school that is this school teaching a moral outlook of life and education that we align with, we did not align with what was being taught in public school, especially in California. So for us, it was worth the sacrifice to pay the tuition. But I also want to say there's a lot of people who get scholarships and can get financial help. It doesn't mean that if you can't afford it, and you're curious and you're wanting go talk to the school, because they may have scholarships, they may have programs where, you know, if you go and you volunteer so many hours at the school, then you can get so much financial credit. So there's other opportunities if you can't fully afford paying for the school. So it doesn't mean that that door is completely shut, right?

 DJ Stutz  21:30

In fact, your younger brother, my other son, his kids, go to private school as well. It's not a Christian based school, although they do teach ethics and patriotism and all those things, but it's not connected to any religion. But his wife was able to teach at that school. She became a teacher at that school, and so then they were able to get like, half tuition. So now, well, the youngest, of course, three months old. We're not worried about school, but the other two, you know, now they can afford to have them go to school, because Christian's a cop, and those aren't great salaries either, and so they were able to balance that. So I'm just saying that, like Shiloh said, and Christian and his family has found out that there are other ways to maybe make it all come together and happen if you just expand being opened to different possibilities that maybe you were unaware of. Yep. Okay, so now we've got Roman, and then eventually Niko in this Christian school, it only goes to eighth grade.

 Shiloh Stutz  22:35

It does right now they, well, you know, now they're going to, I think this year is the first year coming up that they're going to start a high school program. 

 DJ Stutz  22:46

Oh.  Okay.  All right. Well, and Niko's a straight A student. 

 Shiloh Stutz  22:53

He is. 

 DJ Stutz  22:54

Roman. Yes, Roman was a straight A.

 Shiloh Stutz  22:56

 He Yes. He is, yes. I mean, I think he, maybe, he, maybe he got a B plus.

 DJ Stutz  23:01

He might have gotten a B plus

 Shiloh Stutz  23:02

1 B maybe

 DJ Stutz  23:02

1 B plus. So, I mean, you know, he's a smart kid. He's doing well, he's excelling academically. And so was there a concern then, when it came to a point where the only other option for you right now, other than homeschooling or whatever, is going to a public school.

 Shiloh Stutz  23:21

We weren't concerned because we wanted him to have the he's very involved in in sports, like love soccer, and so one, one of the concerns that we had is that if he went to a like, there wasn't, there weren't any private high schools around us, some of the other kids from his class, they went to an Adventist High School in another city, and so he could have gotten a ride with him. They offered like, hey, we will drive him. We'll take him there, pick him up, like the I mean, but we also wanted him to experience life a little bit, not to say that we wanted to protect him too much, just because I was concerned that if we protected him too much from what the world is like, and then all sudden, he goes to college, and we go, go have fun. I wanted to make sure that he understood what was out there. And so high school for us was a good transition point to have him go to public school. And it was interesting because his program, he was already taken pre algebra his eighth grade Actually, no, he was taking algebra his eighth grade year. He took pre algebra. Seventh took Algebra his eighth grade year. And in California, they have standardized testing that they do every year. And for math, he tested in the 99 level math and science. I mean, most of them, but for specific for this example, he tested in the 99th percentile on the test. And so when it came time for him to register for high school, the high school counselor came to a school and looked at all of the tests and was going to put him in algebra as a freshman. And so I called the counselor and said, Hey, can we talk about this? Because he just did. It algebra, and he tested in the 99 percentile. So obviously this makes no sense. Is there, are there any options? Is there any other ways that we can not have to make him do algebra all over again? And so it took a little bit of kind of nudging, nudging, asking some questions, like, so are you trying to say that? You want to hold him back asking some questions that were hard to answer from where they were trying to go, he was able to get into sophomore algebra honors. So they just, they call it math one, math two, math three. So he went, he skipped math one, which is algebra, and went to math two and was in the Honors Program and did great. The downfall is because we don't go to a you know, hindsight is always kind of 2020, so the downfall in this is because we go to a smaller community. His junior year, he took calculus AP, and they had no other math for him, so he didn't do any other math his senior year, but he filled it with other things, and so we were worried about that aspect of it. But he, you know, being having a break in math for so long, but he's in freshman now College, and he's doing second seme ster calculus. And I do yeah, like it wasn't. It's not a problem for him. Taking is, well, subjective.

 DJ Stutz  26:21

Yeah. So here's something too. Is that it? And again, it depends on the community that you live in and what's available. So in some communities, there might be a junior college you took some junior college classes. That is, that is, that is, my crazy boy, but junior colleges will often offer classes to juniors and seniors in high school.

 Shiloh Stutz  26:46

And he, and he had so he had that option to do. They called it dual enrollment. The downfall is, with the program that he was at, it was either you're on the college campus majority of the time or pretty much all of the time. And so for him, he had made some really good friends, and it would be harder for him to do that and with soccer, so he was doing soccer, and so it just he chose not to we'd offered him and said, like, hey, look, there's this option. You can start getting a ton of college credits. And he was just like, you know, I want to enjoy, you know, I want to join my friends. I want to enjoy soccer and all that good stuff. And so we're like, that's fine. Do what you want, and we'll support you. And we didn't care either way. We just wanted to make sure that he was happy, and so he was more happy enjoying the high school life and all the extracurriculars that went with it, and he would lose a lot of that if he went to the doula gold. Now, not all programs are like that. It's just that's how our communities program was.

 DJ Stutz  27:42

I remember in Las Vegas, when we lived in Las Vegas, so some of the Southern Nevada had some extension, and their building was on the campus of some of the high schools. Certain high schools had had that, not all of them. But So again, it's just really getting to see what's available, what's out there. You can take online classes now, since COVID, there's a lot more being offered online for those kind of options as well. So one of the things that you just said, though, that I really appreciated and loved, and it can work with high school, but even with some of the younger kids, is really paying attention and listening to your kid and saying, Okay, here's what we've got, which sounds best for you, but here's the expectations. If you take this choice, here's the expectations for that choice. You know, I'm being clear. It's not just going to be a free for all and you get to do whatever the heck you want, yeah, but that, let's have you take the lead and then understand that this is what this path needs to look like then. And so I really appreciate that you were able to talk to him and listen to him and then move on for that. And he had a very successful high school career.

 Shiloh Stutz  28:58

He did. He was a salutatorian, and then he athletic wise, I always called him an enigma, because he was, like, the the jock nerd. Yeah, he was super, super smart, but he was very, very athletic and did very, very well. So he as a freshman in soccer, he was a starter on the soccer team, and there was 12 seniors on the team, and yeah, he was the captain of the soccer team for junior, sophomore, junior, senior year, he did golf. Did very well in golf. Was captain of the golf team all conference and all of those. And his senior year, he was the league MVP. And now he plays college soccer, and so he's was was good, but like what you said, with the expectations. We did talk to Roman a lot about what he wanted to do, but we told him what his expectations were. So we wanted to know what his end goal was. Like, what do you want to do? Do you want to keep playing soccer? Because, you know, we're like, Look, you don't have to play soccer if you don't want to. You know, I don't want to feel like I'm pushing you into something. But if you choose to not play soccer, then when you turn 16, the expect. Is, then you would go get a job, and you would start doing all these other things. And so he had clear expectations about what he wanted to do now, whether he chose to play soccer because he didn't want to get a job, you know, that's, that's, you know, that's really up to him, you know. I mean, obviously he's continued to play soccer because he plays college soccer, right? So, I mean, I know he loves the sport, but we always made sure that we said, look, if you choose to not do this, then you fill your time with these other options and so, and you know, he ended up, I don't know how he did it, because he still worked at a golf course and still got great grades. And not only did he play high school soccer, but he played on a, you know, travel soccer team, a very competitive travel soccer team where we were that actually went to Spain, yeah, went to Spain for a tournament. Yeah. So I don't know how this kid was able to put it all together, but, but he did. He did. He was a very driven kid.

 DJ Stutz  30:52

Yeah.  And so I think there's a balance that like we talk about how, you know, within the same I've got the five kids and five very different kids, different personalities, different things that they can do well, different challenges that they have. And so it's really important to pay attention to that. And if you have a child, you know, like Roman, who's motivated, who loves the academic piece of it, and excelling there, and he and to I think another piece that was really good is, from early on, he was making good friends, like his sin the, you know, even with the little scuffle on the playground.

 Shiloh Stutz  31:31

I know Damian is an amazing kid.

 DJ Stutz  31:32

Yeah.  And so they were making, and Niko makes good friends, and I think that's so important with how they're moving forward in in their education, like in with some friends. Oh, stupid. You can, you know, if you get A's, they make fun of you. There are kids that are like that, and then there are kids that are really there, encouraging you and helping you, you know? And let's get this done, and let's move forward so the friends that they choose through that is going to make a lot, so even the natural talent can be enhanced. So even if they don't have all the natural talent that another kid has, if they're in a good friend group that values that they're going to excel more than they would have with average friends. And I think sometimes I was talking to some parents, a parent group of kids who they go to, Christians. Our son, his other name, yeah, Christian. We talked about that. But so they go to that school, and they were talking about how it ends at eighth grade. And some of these moms were just very anxious about, what am I going to do? Because they've been in this great academic environment, and then it's almost like we're feeding them to the wolves, you know? But one of the things that I told them is that when you have kids who are used to that kind of environment, they're used to making these kinds of friends, that by the time they're in ninth grade and they go in, they're not going to relate to the problem kids, well, who they're going to relate to are the kids who are doing the same kinds of things that they're used to, and so you can feel some relief in that as well. Now let's talk just a second about our little Niko, because he's doing great, and one of the things I love about Niko is that, and chances are, this plan is going to change, because he's young, but he's already got to focus on, I want to join the National Guard, and I want to learn to fly. 

 Shiloh Stutz  33:30

No.

 DJ Stutz  33:30

It's changed already.

 Shiloh Stutz  33:32

No, no. It never was the National Guard. It was that, well, so...

 DJ Stutz  33:34

Oh no.  Not the Guard. Coast Guard. Coast Guard. I know there was a guard involved.  There was guarding, that was part of it.

 Shiloh Stutz  33:42

Yeah, Coast Guard, he wants to do military. Yeah,

 DJ Stutz  33:44

Yeah, he wants to do military. And he wants to fly.  And he's already got this kind of ethical you've had an opportunity to let him have a chance to go up a couple times with a friend that's a pilot and has his own plane, and so that's enhanced his excitement about that. Yep, so he's still at the private school, yep, um, he's not old enough yet.

 Shiloh Stutz  33:47

He wants to fly.  Yep, and then the plan is to do the same thing as Roman did, is have him go to public high school, you know, get him to learn his wings. Yeah.

 DJ Stutz  34:05

Yeah, all good stuff. So everyone. So, I mean, we're coming to an end of our time, but I just want you to really think about with education in our kids, you know, and this whole year, our episodes are focusing on moral development with our kids. And so when you're really asking yourself those moral questions, is this an environment where my child can grow morally, as well as academically and socially and emotionally and all those other things, but that's part of the conversation, and you're really looking at what your child needs, and you're ready to find ways to make it work. That's so important, and it's possible. Takes work. It takes. Takes work. It's not easy. It's not gonna fall in your lap, right? You would, wouldn't that be fun? I know, but it's but it's possible, and it just depends on what you're ready to do to make it happen. So anyway, all right, well, Shiloh, I'm not going to tell people how to get in touch with you.

 Shiloh Stutz  35:23

Please don't.

 DJ Stutz  35:25

If you want to ask Shiloh a question, leave it in the comments in the podcast, or you can always email me, and it's so easy to get a hold of me at DJ Stutz, at imperfect heroes.net, and that's the easiest way to email me, and I can ask Shiloh any questions that you may have so but I do always ask my guests the same question, and that is, we know that there have never been a perfect parent. Even Joseph and Mary were mortal. Some parents, though, are more successful than others. So as you look around, how do you think of or would you describe a successful parent?

 Shiloh Stutz  36:08

I think a successful parent is someone who can find that balance between being a helicopter parent and not being a helicopter parent. So like so, for example, being involved like so, I love sports, so this is easy for me to do, but being involved in your kids life, but without overwhelming them or so they can still make decisions, but you're around, and sports is an amazing way to do that, because you can help coach, and not even help coach, just being there, as you know, a dad that's just here, can I help out? You know, maybe you don't have time to coach all the time, but you can help out here. You can help out there. One of the things I did for Roman is I stepped up and did film for his travel team. And it was super small, and it was but it I was always there. I was always involved with the team. I'd always joke around with all the other kids. And so Roman was always used to having me around, not overseeing, like, Hey, don't do this, don't do this, don't do this, but just being there. And so if he had any issues, I was there. But I think, to me that finding that balance of not being a parent that just goes, drops your kid off and then says, Okay, I'll see you later. What time do I gotta pick him up? And then you go off and do? I mean, I get it. Life is busy, but if you can be involved in your kid's life without being a helicopter parent. To me, that's a successful parent.

 DJ Stutz  37:25

Thank you. Yeah.  It reminds me of my own dad, seven kids. Y'all know seven kids, five boys. Football was a big, big deal. My dad taught at UCLA, and did not have time to coach or whatever. But one of the things that my dad did was, I don't know how he did it, but he made you he was always on the chain gang at all the games. That's a great way to he was on the chain game, yeah. And so he nearly talked to the boys about plays after their games, and who did this and who did that. And so even though he didn't have time, and it's kind of like that education thing we just talked about, even though you may not have the time to get all of this done. There's always a way to get things done to fit in with your family. And so yeah, that's just what memory of I have, of my dad always being on that chain gang. And I don't know how he did it, but he always did. Shiloh, thanks so much for absolutely yeah, he's here for spring break, and I grabbed him and I said, we're doing this, so I really appreciate it. And so if you liked what you hear in today or any other episode, please be sure to give us a five star rating. Yes, five stars is the appropriate number of stars. Be sure to subscribe. You can leave a review. You can always contact me with questions, and I'm on Facebook and I'm on Instagram and I'm on LinkedIn and whatever else. Just find DJ Stutz and and we're there. So until next week for Episode 200 guys, let's find joy in parenting. See ya. Thank you so much for sticking around to the end of today's episode of imperfect heroes, parenting is truly one of the most rewarding journeys we can take. But let's face it, it can be incredibly challenging, and sometimes we make it harder on ourselves than it needs to be. The good news is that with a little bit of work up front, there are practical steps you can take to bring more peace and joy into your family life. I am passionate to share these strategies and insights with you. If you're ready to step on the path to joyful, effective parenting, I invite you to schedule a family checkup. Just click on the calendar link in the show notes below. Schedule a time that works perfectly for you, and let's work together to create a more harmonious and happy environment, and remember every small step that you take today makes a big difference. So thank you again for joining us, and until next time, let's find joy in parenting.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai