Untitled Episode

DJ Stutz  00:14
You're listening to Imperfect Heroes insights into parenting, the perfect podcast for imperfect parents looking to find joy in their experience of raising children in An imperfect world, and I'm your host, DJ Stutz, you Welcome everybody. Merry Christmas is over, but we're still in our Christmas outfits.  I've got Santa and, yeah, Lenora has got her Merry and Bright shirt on. It's so much fun. So we're in that little, I don't know, tunnel, cave, whatever that's between Christmas and New Year's. So we're still celebrating, but we know it's all settling down. So now we're trying to think about, I've got to put everything away after 
Lenora Edwards  01:13
Pretty bad.
DJ Stutz  01:14
New Year's. We keep ours up till after New Year's. But my husband like New Year's Day, man, he's ripping that stuff down.
Lenora Edwards  01:22
It's just that wonky week that it feels like a very long week full of food and delicious treats and a lot of TV.
DJ Stutz  01:29
That's it. So a lot of fun anyway. So welcome to Imperfect Heroes:, Insights into Parenting. And here's one thing that I know, I know Christmas is over, but I'm sure your children are just so sad and crying if you did not get them, a copy of Roman is Bigger the amazing book. Yes, it's phenomenal, and it's just about vocabulary and emotions. He's got bigger emotions, but it's also been nominated now for the 2025, Book of the Year, yay, by the Idaho Library Association. But that was really fun getting that, and we're getting some great reviews on it. And so if you want to or maybe birthdays still come after the holidays, and so if you want to get it for your child, it's just a fun, fun book, and I've got two more that are getting ready to come out. We're just finishing things up. So it's another Roman book. And then, what about a fish that helps his friends realize we're all good just the way we are. You don't have to take my scales to make you pretty.
Lenora Edwards  01:33
Oh, I haven't heard about that one yet. I'm so excited. Yes,
DJ Stutz  01:49
Yes, it's about Oscar the fish, and I just had a lot of fun with it. So we're just finishing up with the illustrators right now, and so probably in the next month or two, those will be out. So keep a look out on those and lots of fun. Anyway, let's get going.  So Lenora Edwards, I love so much that I have determined that in 2025 she's going to be coming back frequently. So we've got a plan. Yay!  For about every six weeks, you're going to see Lenora come back and talk before we get started on our topic, which, of course, we're finishing up on spirituality this week, and then we'll move on to our 2025, themes for next week. Talk to us. I I know that you working with speech and with helping kids. So share. Let everyone know what you do.
Lenora Edwards  03:41
That sounds like a great idea. I would like to add that you have an amazing lineup coming during all of 2025 so I just had a sneak peek for all you listeners. It's so good, so definitely stay tuned. And yes, as the lovely DJ has said, my name is Lenora Edwards, and I am the Chief Knowledge Officer with Better Speech, which is an online speech therapy company, and I have been a board certified speech language pathologist since 2009
DJ Stutz  04:09
Wow, you don't look old enough to have had that since. 
Lenora Edwards  04:12
Well, thank you. Thank you.  You look like you're still in college to me. Thank you kindly. I appreciate that.
DJ Stutz  04:21
Well, I went back to college and I was really old, so yeah, as we talk, even though we're a good generation apart, it's just so fun to see the excitement and the understanding that I'm seeing in a lot of people that are younger and coming back maybe to some of those tried and true traditional values, and helping others kind of get there who see that maybe what I'm trying isn't quite working, but I'm not sure what to do, because we didn't give. Your age, the education about parenting and and just things like, I mean, from child development, I had to take that in high school. I had to take sewing by virtue of my gender in junior high. And nutrition, I had to take a nutrition class. And, you know, all these different things that aren't really some places that it's an elective where, for me, it was required, but other places it's not even offered anymore. You can't even find those classes in high school, and then, you know, you go into college, and unless you're going into teaching or something, that's not part of the curriculum. And so we have a lot of people who are wanting more. This is what I'm finding with my clients, they're wanting more. They're just trying to figure out what's the best way to get where I need to be, because I don't have the road map any the you know, I need help with lately. So today we're talking our topic is our last podcast of the year of 2024 it's gone by so crazy fast, but let's talk for a minute about just spirituality and how that works. And I don't think it needs to be any set religion. I have my faith. I'm very strong in my faith. I love my faith. But I also see other people who are in all kinds of other different faiths, and some that aren't even Christian faith, that are amazing people who do amazing things, but that spirituality, though, is that kind of the key and the importance of it in raising our kids. And so I'm just wondering about how you're feeling about all of that.
Lenora Edwards  06:38
I love that. I love the word spirituality. And for me, I grew up initially in the Catholic Church, and I went to Catholic school. And oddly enough, when I was 12 years old, I actually transitioned to public school, and I did have a home ec class, and I did so two stuffed animals, and learned what Crisco was and how to bake. So I did have that back in the day, and I also took wood shop. But that being said, for me, I love spirituality, and it has really been an ever evolving experience for me. And I noticed early in my 20s that certain aspects of the religion that I was raised in just weren't quite resonating with me, and it didn't feel specifically to me that it was fulfilling and answering the many questions that I was having in my early 20s. And so I started to really explore what other people were talking about. What were they listening to? What were they thinking? Why were they thinking that? And YouTube was one of my go to places, because there's such a massive variety of people wanting to share. And I think spirituality, for me, really goes into what does it look like to you? That's how you can know. How do you feel? Do you feel connected to your religion, or do you feel connected to spirituality? Do you feel connected to the word God, or do you feel more connected to the word love or universe? Which one resonates more? And that's really where, when we can start to notice the labels that we have given things and how we feel about them, that's where it starts to open up into a completely different world.
DJ Stutz  08:23
Yeah.  And I think I was really lucky. So I was actually raised and I'm still involved in the Church of Jesus Christ, of Latter Day Saints. Some people call us Mormons. And so that's me. And so my dad was a generational, way back and but my mom was a convert two weeks before she met my dad.  And that's a fun story. And so she grew up. And if anyone's listened for very long, they know she was literally raised by lumberjacks, which is like one step up from wolves. I joke around, so kind of a wild upbringing. But her parents, because they would go from camp to camp, wherever the work was. And so they moved a lot, and her parents always made sure that they, there were four kids, they went to a church, whatever. Generally, sometimes there was only one in the town or whatever was closest to their house. And so she kind of had this openness of ideas on faith and different churches and different religions. And so when my friends would say, Hey, I'm singing in the children's choir for Christmas, or I'm doing this, they wanted to invite me to a youth activity, you know, at their church that they had going on. And my mom was I was like, yeah, go have fun. She wasn't always, uh, this is not our church. You know? She wasn't like that. And I grew up in Los Angeles, so that's very different than growing up in Utah. But,
Lenora Edwards  09:51
No names mentioned.
DJ Stutz  09:55
Just a little bit.  But I've stayed with it. I I never found anything that spoke to me more distinctly than this church.  It d oesn't mean I think anything about anyone others, amazing people in other faiths. I just think, when we're all together, looking to please God and love one another, oh yeah, we're there, you know. But this faith has always really spoken to me and I grew up with, we had a lot of the traditions of the LDS growing up, family night, and so they don't call Sunday, Junior Sunday School. It's called Primary. And so growing up in that, and having all the little activities, and doing camp in the summer and and which I think is common to many faiths, having that Bible camp, summer camp kind of a thing. But I think because I had the freedom to go and visit other churches and learn more about them, yeah, I was able to feel then, comfortable in, this is, I think this is what I want to be.
Lenora Edwards  10:56
Yeah.  I think I'm good. I love that. That's incredible.
DJ Stutz  11:00
Well, than you. I was very lucky. And so I think we want to give our kids whatever that family faith tradition is and lead them up in the way that they should go, but when they feel like they're not coerced. And yet, it's funny my oldest daughter, because she's not a churchy person, and she said, I never wanted to go to church. I'm like, Well, you never said anything. And she goes, No, I know, because it's just what we did. Yeah, okay, okay, but all the things she she pushed on, a lot of things growing up, but I'm surprised, like, of all the things you didn't push back on that, she goes, I just knew that's just what we did. Yeah, well, then I don't feel bad about that. 
Lenora Edwards  11:45
I could definitely understand where she has come from from. That's just what you did, that I vividly remember either Saturday evening or first thing Sunday morning. That's what you did. And I love that your mom was so open and encouraging of and letting you explore to decide, and maybe that was either a conscious or an unconscious decision, but letting you explore other places and to go with your friends and to see what their connection to God or connection to spirituality. What was that like? And I've just for me and the vocabulary that goes on in my head, I have made a separation between the two, because the first religion is what I knew as religion, versus a deep commitment to something. This is something that I feel very strongly about. First the word spirituality. And the unfortunate thing is, hopefully the definition is starting to change. The word spirituality can come across at least somewhere in the 80s and the 90s. It seemed very Woo, woo, whereas now it's starting to evolve much more as your deep spiritual connection with the universe or with the divine, with God, whatever you want to use the word as whatever resonates with you. It's much more open these days compared to what I remember. That being said, I am much more open to exploring. So it might have just been my own tunnel vision that I didn't know what else was there, or this is now what I'm perceiving the culture to be well.
DJ Stutz  13:16
And I think too, whatever it is, I think it's important to work at it. So not just say, Well, I have my own relationship with God, really. What does that look like? What are you doing to increase that relationship with God? So whether it's praying or to me, reading scripture is really important, because how can you know if you believe this or don't believe this if you haven't read it. I mean, I've read the Bible many times, and then LDS, Mormons, have scripture that is specific to them, and I've gone through those many, many times. And I continue. I start every day somewhere in Scripture, depending on what book I'm studying, but what effort. Because I think I see people who claim a spirituality, or this is me, but I don't see them and I and when I ask them about it, it's really not there that effort in making that connection with God. Or I've had people say, Well, I've read the Bible, but it just doesn't speak to me. And my question is, why? Yeah, so I was just thinking of like Isaiah in the Old Testament can be, oh, hard to understand, right? And so it bothered me, though, that it was so hard for me to understand. And one time I spent five months just in Isaiah, and I had resource books and all of these things trying to figure out Isaiah, yeah, and it was still a challenge to me. But this last time, just this year, I was reading through and I thought, when does it get hard again? I know it's hard and but it this has taken years, decades of going back, even though it didn't really speak to me. Well, why doesn't it speak to me? Because it should. All scripture should. And so I. Really feel like it's not just something that you just say and do nothing about. ,
Lenora Edwards  15:04
Yeah.  I think sometimes, especially depending on how somebody was raised, especially if they're saying, Oh well, it just doesn't resonate. For me a lot of the time, if I'm resisting something, if I'm going, it doesn't resonate. And I can't specifically say there's something else going on, and sometimes it might be shame, as in, I don't want to read that, because it makes me feel bad about myself now, not specifically saying in the Bible, but for some people, they might have a lot of shame connected to that. And very specifically, when I was growing up and I was in Catholic school, we were taught, you're going to go confess your sins. If you sat there and said, I don't have sins. I don't know. Because you're now telling a child that you did something wrong, and now they have to figure out what they did wrong, even though they didn't do anything wrong that day, you're basically telling them figure it out. There was a lot of shame that came with that. And for me, that was one of the things that it did not feel authentic. It did not feel connecting. For me to go and tell somebody that I sinned when at the time, I didn't think I had and now I have to tell a lie about being a you know, it was just weird, but that's just that was just my experience when I was very little. So for me, there was a lot of shame connected to sitting in confession and asking for forgiveness, especially when religion is involved, or if we're taking something from a parent such as religion. And I encourage all parents and all guardians to allow that child to be very curious, let them have their questions. Yes, they're going to inundate you with 1,000,052 questions in an hour. By all means, they're going to and that's a good thing, because they're paying attention. Their mind is working. They're coming up with questions not to bug you, but because they're that curious. And when a parent or a guardian shuts that down, as in, stop asking me or because I said so, when they get that response, even if it's a short response and it might be suitable at the time, it's the shame, it's the energy that gets converted to them, and very specifically, it's the tone that gets delivered. So important them, and it's so important to help people understand it's not what you're saying. Maya Angelou said this beautiful quote that said, people may not remember everything that you said, but they'll remember how you made them feel. This goes very specifically, hand in hand with parenting and being a guardian. Your five year old might not remember what you said, but they certainly will capture that feeling of feeling like they were shamed for their questions, or feeling like they weren't heard. They will take that and so when you're responding to somebody, when you're responding to your child's curiosity, or you're sharing some information, your tone and how you share is so incredibly powerful. It is far more powerful than you could ever imagine, because that nervous system is not getting the words. They're getting some of the words, but more than 80% of what we say is non verbal. They're getting the tone, they're getting the eye contact, they're getting the body language, they're getting the energy that all that your response carries. That's where there can be a bond, and that's also where there can be the complete disconnect.
DJ Stutz  18:43
Well, and to follow along, even with what you're saying, when kids come to us with a question, there's a couple of things that come to my mind. Is, number one, when they come with a question, I think the best answer is, well, what do you think? I love that, right? Instead of giving them the answer, yeah, well, what do you think? Or even, gosh, you know what? I don't even know the answer to that question. None of us have all the answers spiritually. If we did, we'd all be the same faith, and we'd all know what was going on. None of us have that. And so it's okay to say, wow, you know, I don't really have an answer for that one. How can we find an answer? Or is it really because there are some things that we'll never get an answer to in our lives, and so sometimes it's okay. In fact, it's important to move forward. Faith, I think, is much more valuable. Faith and belief is much more valuable than knowledge when it comes to spirituality, yeah. And so even if you look at the Bible, it talks about times where there's a couple of things in the New Testament where it talks about that belief is stronger than knowledge. You know you've known me. He tells the apostles, you've known me, you know me, but blessed are the people who don't know me that will believe on your words. You. Right? There's a difference there, and so it's okay. In fact, it's important to have questions. Oh, sorry if you don't have questions, you're not studying hard enough, you're not putting enough effort into it, because to me, the more. Oh, how did that work?
Lenora Edwards  20:16
Right. Very much so, very much so. And even the idea of questions, I highly encourage all the people that I work with, whether they're parents, guardians children, ask questions, because sometimes that person was taught asking questions means you, means you're that you're questioning authority, and it means also that you don't know something which can translate to you must be stupid, and that is incredibly limiting to that individual, because then they're again capturing that thought, and then they're growing up with the idea of I shouldn't ask questions, because then that means I don't know something. Then that must mean people will think I'm stupid. I carried that one very personally for many years, way too long, and I had so many questions, which ultimately led me to go figure things out and keep asking questions and keep finding, okay, well, now this person's thinking that, and now I'm trying to figure out my own beliefs. How do I know what else is going on for me? And a word that can be extraordinarily helpful, especially for what you were saying earlier about some of the scriptures, this one word can truly change your entire vocabulary. And the word is might when we're thinking something, how can I understand this? What was he saying? How might I be able to better understand this? What might he have been saying when we use the word might it really takes our thinking, which can feel very limiting, depending on the question that we're looking at. I can't figure this out. I can't figure this out. How am I going to figure this out? Very narrow thinking. How might I figure this out? And it becomes much more expansive. And then a variety of ideas, a variety of solutions can come to you by simply adding one word. And it's extraordinary how powerful this very mightily powerful word of five letters is. It's incredible, and it's changed my entire vocabulary and how I think of things.
DJ Stutz  22:18
Yeah, absolutely. And too, Jay Ado. I had him on a while ago, and he'll probably be back again anyway. He has taken biblical stories, right, and then used that power of might, what might have happened if Cain and Abel had been able to work it out, what might have happened? What were the possibilities of if someone had just made one different decision, how would that have changed things? And I think those are valuable and entertaining, honestly, conversations to have with your kiddos. So at the very beginning. So it was like on December 2, I dropped an episode. It's just me solo, introducing our topic, and in there, I talk about a friend of mine who and I've talked to him since then. So did I get this story right? And actually sent me he'd actually written about it in his journal, and sent me a copy of that entry in his journal, and I did get it right, so that made me feel good, but where he was reading a story from children's religious magazine, about a little boy who had a spiritual experience whatever made a good choice. Felt good, whatever. And when he was done, his son said, Daddy, can you read me that story again? And so he did. He read it again, and he said, I like that story. And he said, What did you like about that story? And it was I like the way it makes me feel. Then he took that opportunity to explain to him, I want you to remember this feeling, because that is the Holy Spirit speaking to you, testifying to you. And so I want you to remember this feeling so that when you feel it in the future, you'll know to pay attention to it. Yeah, and I think that when we talk about bringing spirituality to our children, it's taking those opportunities. Instead of saying, You did this wrong, you did that wrong, but to help them notice this is God speaking to you. This is how things feel, and helping them understand those emotions, whether you're reading very much Scripture together as a family. I loved that when kids are little, get them the most inexpensive Bible, or we have the extra scriptures, but the most inexpensive one you can, and get them crayons. And so then, as you're reading a story, maybe together they can, because I mark up my scriptures, I've got them...
Lenora Edwards  24:44
Yeah.
DJ Stutz  24:44
This means something to me. This other color means a warning. This one is attributes of a godly person I saw. This is me and so but to give the kids, them the opportunity to draw in their scriptures. Yeah, what they're thinking, and it's a little guy, even if it's a scribble, it's meaningful to them. And so that's why I say get a cheap one. But you know, and then, even then, I've been able to find new testament, Old Testament, where they have really wide margins on the side, and some even have lines. Now you can write your questions, write your notes, and you should so writing, but giving kids the opportunity to relate to that, or even to write in a journal once they start writing what they thought about David and Goliath, yeah, or whatever the story is, but definitely giving them those opportunities to experience their faith. It's not just something we talk about, it's something we experience. Yeah.
Lenora Edwards  25:48
And I love that you mentioned that you've gone back and reread them. So when so let's say at five years old, six years old, seven years old, whatever your age may be, and they're writing what they think of it, how it makes them feel next year, get them another one. The following year, get them another one, and keep them and even ask, what scenarios have come up in your life? What are your life experiences? How might this apply to you? And then, as they get to look back, what is so important, and I don't think I probably even in this moment, I'm noticing how powerful that is. So for me, I journal. I love journaling, and I don't normally go back and read them, but now, even as I'm sharing this, when they go back and read them, you get to see that growth. You get to see that's what I was thinking at this age, that Oh, I remember when I had that disagreement with my friend. Oh, I remember that I didn't like how I solved it, and I love that I wrote something down and having that conversation, especially when we're talking about spirituality and religion, and we want to keep that conversation open. I love that your question is, well, what do you think about that? And when you're having these conversations in your families, whether they're families that are blood or families that you've created with bonds and time over your life, both are beautiful. Having those conversations that do not come with judgment, that yes, they're open and they're curious and you point out to each other, wow, look how much you've grown. Wow, that was a really good idea. Oh, I like that. You said that. Oh, here's how I apply it. And in that space where you're sharing, where you're having these discussions, when you can keep that tone of warmth and inviting those opportunities, to welcome that sharing and to also keep that very sacred and very, very very safe, because that sharing that's going to transpire in that time is so powerful, and then to also, if you touch on it when you're on the way home from school or you're on the way to practice, keeping that openness and keeping that sincerity and that warmth will continue to build that bond between everybody and to not ever use it as a way to shame somebody or Well, this is what you wrote down in your study book, and you didn't do that. That is not how to communicate that warmth and that safety, opening those opportunities and being very consistent in your tone will teach your children how to carry that forward. And that is a beautiful thing, and that continues to strengthen their connection with God, with the universe, with spirituality, with the divine. 
DJ Stutz  28:31
Yeah.  It's all, I think is just also important to be open to their growth and recognizing that, you know, they're at the beginning of their journey. And look at we've been at it for however long we've been at it, whether we're a convert or raised in it, you know, we've had all of these different experiences. And it's good to ask, Well, why do you think that's a good idea? Why do you think maybe that's a bad idea? And so anyway, just as a funny thing, so my husband is binging, kind of, you know, like when we're just sitting around in the evening, or whatever. He likes the old Reba show. 
Lenora Edwards  29:08
Ah, so good.  
DJ Stutz  29:11
Isn't that funny? So anyway, we just last night, we were watching an episode, and Jake, her youngest son, came up and said, Is it okay for brothers and sisters to marry? And she's like, Where's that coming from? Instead of saying, no, no, no, like, Where's that coming from? Like, Well, okay, if Adam and Eve were the first husband and wife and they have kids, they had to marry their brothers and sisters, didn't they? Like, that's the logic. And you love seeing that kind of a question. Instead of shutting your child down when you come up with that question, it's like, tell me more about that question.
Lenora Edwards  29:50
I love that.
DJ Stutz  29:51
Like, why are you thinking about that. And absolutely I just think that's so important, especially with spiritual things, because there are spiritual things that can be awkward or different, to explain difficult and to see that your child is even asking those kinds of questions is awesome, but you would miss that opportunity if you're like, No, they can't marry. Rorrr. you know, and going, and then, I love that she didn't have the answer, so she went to her pastor and was looking for so she didn't just drop it there. Go ahead and ask, find out. Say, I don't have one for that. But I think she said, maybe you need to ask your Sunday School teacher about that. And he's like, Well, she told me to ask you when I asked her. That's so funny, but I love going ahead and researching it and thinking about it, asking other people and making that kind of a family thing to very much so find out some of those questions. So anyway, I love it, and I love the curiosity of spirituality. I think that's the key, and then acting on it, just looking for, if something doesn't speak to you, why doesn't it speak to me? What's going on with me that I don't understand it, or why am I not seeing this or that? Yeah, yeah. And so, yeah, anyway, okay, well, we've hit our timer. I know I hate it, I hate it, but the good news is, you will be back in six weeks. We'll be talking again and definitely sharing our thoughts. So so much fun. So Lenora, before we go, of course, we're going to have all of your contact information in the show notes. Is there any key thing that they can do to get a hold of you?
Lenora Edwards  31:33
If you'd like to reach us, we are at BetterSpeech.com and that is the best way to get in touch with a board certified speech language pathologist. And if you would like to share your insights and comments, by all means, write them in the show notes. Write them in the comment section. Reach out to us, because we pay attention and we are, we are, we are happy to keep the conversation going.
DJ Stutz  31:55
We love that, in fact. So there's Imperfect Heroes, as you can find us on Facebook and Instagram. I'm even on Truth Social So, yeah, LinkedIn is DJ Stutz. I'm on X, whatever. I love it. Yeah, I love having the conversations. So, whatever. So anyway, thank you so much. So now I'm going to ask you this question one more time. We're gonna have to come up with a new question for you, though, okay, in the future, but we know that there are no perfect parents. How would you describe a successful parent?
Lenora Edwards  32:32
I think. And this would even go back to, you know, our conversation about spirituality, to what does success look like to you? What does a successful parent look like to you? And writing that down and I I'm a huge journaler, and go to Marshalls, I go to Home Goods, I love my journal aisle, and write down in great detail what that looks like to you. My definition is very different than other people's definition. And if you feel like you are on the guidance, you are on that path and doing the best that you can to be that amazing parent and that amazing guardian to those children or to that child, whatever it is, that's what it is,
DJ Stutz  33:15
I love it. I love it. And that's, I think that's probably one of my best answers. So that's really good. So in the show notes, I'm going to put a link to your previous episode too that you've done with us. So if people want to get caught up on all things Lenora, then just click the link and you'll be able to hear her earlier episodes. So that's kind of fun. Laura, I'm so excited that you are part of our imperfect heroes family, and that my listeners, our followers, are going to get more of you and this great spirit and outlook that you have, I am really excited for this coming year.
Lenora Edwards  33:56
Me too. Thank you so much for having me, and thank you to the amazing listeners of Imperfect Heroes,
DJ Stutz  34:01
Absolutely, for sure. So everyone, come back next week, we'll get started on how children develop morally, the moral development of children. So next week, I'll be talking and sharing some of the research that's coming out on just exactly that. It's really cool stuff that's coming out. So until next week, guys, let's find joy in parenting. See ya bye.  
DJ Stutz
Thank you so much for sticking around to the end of today's episode of imperfect heroes. Parenting is truly one of the most rewarding journeys we can take. But let's face it, it can be incredibly challenging, and sometimes we make it harder on ourselves than it needs to be. The good news is that with a little bit of work up front, there are practical steps you can take to bring more peace and joy into your family life. I am passionate to share these strategies and insights with you. If you're ready to step on the paths of joyful, effective parenting, I invite you to schedule a family. Jack up, just click on the calendar link in the show notes below. Schedule a time that works perfectly for you, and let's work together to create a more harmonious and happy environment. And remember, every small step that you take today makes a big difference. So thank you again for joining us, and until next time, let's find joy in parenting.